Momma and the Misters

Well hello there

2012-02-14T17:44:00.000-08:00

I am finally back to blogging. What have I been up to you may ask? Well life has been a little trying. The wonderful job opportunity I wrote about awhile back ended up falling through. Stress has gotten a hold of me a little, but things are going better. I have personally seen the miracles of divine intervention the last couple weeks and truly am grateful that I have been able to be blessed.
So updates on whats going on....
-I recently watched the move Courageous and it inspired me quite a bit. For those that haven't seen it, a quick preview of the movie is that a group of friends who are also police officers take on a resolution. After losing a daughter, one of them decided he had wasted too much time not doing things that supported his kids and his family and he searched and prayed to try to find a way to be a better parent. Out of his search, he came up with this resolution. In essence, he decided to make his family a priority, to always choose the right and to make sure his family made the Lord a priority in their lives. He asked his friends to help him be accountable, but instead they all decided to sign the resolution. There were many obstacles that each faced, and when they made the right decisions they were doubly blessed. One line that has particularly stood out to me was "Now that you understand your responsibility, you will be doubly accountable for your choices made in this life." What I have taken away from this movie was that I am not being the best parent I can be. I hear a lot that I am "doing just fine" but I don't want to do just fine, I want to be the best I can be. So I have taken on the resolution myself. I am still a work in progress, but I want to know that when I stand before God, I can say with complete faith and honesty that I truly tried to be the best I could be. It takes work, very hard work, but it's worth it. And I hope to make my kids' lives better for it. So on with it.
-On to the kids. They have been doing fabulously. We have really tried to have more family focused evenings together and I have come to enjoy our time together. I have made the decision to strive for a more peaceful home (mostly by not yelling at them when they do things that aggravate me) and it has worked. They do more to help each other and we don't have near as many meltdowns. They are doing wonderfully in school, getting above average marks on their grades and are such smart kiddos. I love that they love school so much.
-With school, things are going well. I'm keeping my grades up and really enjoying what I am learning. There are many things that I have learned about myself and truly love all my classes, even math (of which I am above a 95% for the first time ever in a math class). I look forward to continuing my education.
-On the job front. This has been very stressful as things haven't worked out as I had wanted. I am currently working part time and it's proving to be kind of difficult. However....just when I was thinking that things were going to be rough, a miracle happened. A couple weeks ago I was asked how I felt about moving on to a different company. We had a meeting today about what that all entailed, and I truly feel blessed. The gentleman made my day in many ways. He first told me my reputation exceeds me which was truly a moment of pride and humility. I have really tried hard to serve people to the best of my ability, and I find it an honor to know that those in my industry feel that I have done a good job. As I told him my situation, he let me know they supported finishing my education (which has been an issue in finding other jobs) and wanted to help me be successful in that. He also told me that he is supportive of family, and is willing to offer flexible hours so that I am not taking away precious time from my family. And then he offered me my choice of jobs. Not just one job...my choice. I truly feel like I have been insanely blessed by all of this. It almost seems like it's too good to be true. I can't even explain how excited I am about this opportunity as I was really starting to feel hopeless and wasn't sure what I was going to do to support my kids. When things are a bit more finalized, I will go into it a bit more but this really feels like the right thing for me. I am still in a state of shock from it all, but I really do have a great feeling about this one and can't wait to begin my new journey.

Okay....that was a novel but I think that about covers it. I have missed writing and look forward to being able to do it more now that I have internet at home woohoo! :)

Happy Valentine's Day ya'll!

Need some prayers

2012-02-01T11:03:00.000-08:00

So the awesome job opportunity that was a shoe in....didn't end up working out. And now...with my hours cut and the instability of how long I'm going to be able to continue with my current employment....(and I'm the last person who would ask this but I'm kinda not sure what I'm going to do now) prayers would be gratefully accepted. Divine intervention would be greatly appreciated right now. Crossing fingers it all works out. All I can say is thank goodness its tax time and I'm getting a good refund so that I will have a cushion. But still....any prayers directed my way would be fantastic.
Thanks all-

Derby Recap

2012-02-01T07:28:00.000-08:00

This post will mostly be pictures and videos...but Nate did awesome. He had two 1st places, three 2nd places and two 3rd places. He placed 8th overall. His car did AMAZING and was a definite improvement over the last years car. So here goes.

Ty and Ry helping at the end of the race track

Nate with his awards and car

Nate watching the races

This is one of the videos...I'm not entirely sure if its a winning video or not as I can't tell which car is his....and posting all 7 videos would take a million years. So....here go. :) If you do want to see the winning video, look it up on my facebook :)

Nate's Pinewood Derby

2012-01-30T07:27:00.000-08:00

Nate's Pinewood Derby is tomorrow night at 6:00 pm for any and all who want to go. All are invited....Nate would love to see you there as would we! So Cedarites, Parowanites, Anyone-elseites....your all welcome to come!

Hiatus

2012-01-26T15:37:00.000-08:00

So...I will most likely be on a bit of a hiatus for the next week or two. I will try to get on and post a little somethin somethin when I can, but there are some big changes going on right now so...
To all my ~~millions~~ two readers....I'll be back.
Eventually.
:)

FHE!

2012-01-24T07:30:00.000-08:00

It's dark....but it's battleship :)

Last night we decided to have us a little FHE. It was good times. I've decided to start by going back to the basics because, well, we all need a refresher. So we are going through the For The Strength Of The Youth book topic by topic. We started with a lesson on Agency and Accountability. We talked about how we have free agency and want to make good choices. I really like that the boys were attentive (for the most part) and Nate even looked up the scripture associated with the topic and read it.
We then decided on a game of U-Build Battleship (you get to build your own ship out of lego things...kinda neat). Nate and I were on a team and Tyler and Ryder were on a team. Then Nate, Ry and I were on a team. Then Nate and Ry were on a team and I was on the team with Tyler. Even with the switch around it was pretty fun. I really liked it.
We all did homework together afterwards and then did our bedtime thing. It was a great night. I rounded off the night with some Zumba! I have once again decided I love Zumba!
I however did not read the chapter I needed to for scripture reading, but we read almost an entire chapter for the lesson so I think that counts for last night. I count that as a win for the night! :)

My birthday!

2012-01-23T07:24:00.000-08:00

My fav pic of the boys and Jackers from Grandmas Friday pick-up....love :)

Saturday was a happy day....it was my birthday :) As I get older it starts to just seem like another day passing by but my family made sure to help me feel special. Friday night we went to Applebee's for an early birthday dinner. It was fun and I went way over my calories. We then Redboxed some movies for a movie night. Dolphin Tale was my favorite. The other two, Midnight in Paris and...I honestly can't remember the title but it had Anne Hathaway in it....were not as good. They were okay, but not ones I would ever watch again.
Saturday my boys surprised me with breakfast in bed (I may or may not have hinted at it the night before....). It was a very flat egg that Tyler had not put butter or salt on because I'm on a diet. At least I have conscientious kids! Then they sang Happy Birthday to me. We got the house clean in record time and got laundry done. It's really easy when you actually keep up on it. We were through by noon, so Grandma decided to take the boys shopping for presents for me.
I had an hour of bliss reading a book (Pumpkin Roll by Josi Kilpack) and when they came back they had soo many surprises for me! Nate had chosen out a beautiful gold locket necklace and even put it on me. Tyler chose a beautiful ring that, even though it's rather large, looks really pretty on. And Ryder picked out a cute stretchy bracelet that I've yet to wear because he commandeered it shortly after I opened it. They and my mom got me wonderful cards that made me laugh and tear up a little.
I decided on enchiladas for my yummy birthday dinner and they ended up a little crunchy but good. We were all planning on going to the basketball game but no one ended up wanting to go but Tyler, so I called Grandma and she came to get him. Well when she pulled up, Nate and Ry decided they wanted to go to. I decided it would be nice to have some alone time, so I sent them along and it was the best birthday present I think I got all night. A couple of my good friends brought over some yummy cookies as well, so I had perfect munching treats while I read. I had soo many well wishes for my birthday and decided I have the best family and friends ever. Soo much love.

So goal time. This week I did pretty good, I exercised 5 out of the 7 days.

This week's goal is to finish my Book of Mormon reading for the week. Now that I'm getting into the chapters, it can be kind of monotonous but I'm still going to get it done. I'm not going to die out on reading like I have in the past. And of course keep up with my exercise.

Here's so a good week!

You know its going to be a long night....

2012-01-20T07:29:00.000-08:00

Village of the Damned scary kids

Last night was not a fantastic night. I think I must've not gotten enough sleep or something because I was awfully cranky and really just wanted to sit on the couch and lounge for the rest of the night. So my patience was wearing thin and the boys were just being themselves...and needless to say got in trouble a time or two. So my lazy butt was lounging and watching something (I can't even remember what we were watching on TV) when I realized I hadn't seen Ryder for a minute. That usually means he's going potty. But where it had been at least 10 or 15 minutes I really wasn't sure what was going on. I called for him and got no response, but (momma fail) gave it another 5 minutes before I actually went to see what was up. I looked in the bathroom....no Ryder. I looked in the bedroom....no Ryder (that I could see). I looked in my room and bathroom....no Ryder. I was kinda starting to worry a minute so I went throughout the house again and found him on his bed, whimpering a bit, hiding under a blanket...completely naked. This is generally happens (without the nakedness though) when he goes potty and didn't quite make it to the bathroom, but even then he will usually tell me. But...there were no poopy clothes, the bathroom was clean, the only trace was a little smear on his leg. So...I have no idea what all happened but he as soon as he saw me he started bawling and I couldn't get him to stop. I got him showered and in PJs and wrapped up in his soft blankey and it only took all of 5 minutes for him to go to sleep snuggling. So maybe it was sleepiness? I don't know.
So fast forward about 4 hours. I'm trying to finish up my homework in the living room and here he comes dragging his giant train blanket out. He kinda acted like a Zombie Ry since he wasn't really all that coherent but was still there walking around with his eyes open. He didn't want to snuggle so I laid him on the little couch. That lasted all of 5 minutes and he rolled himself off then sprawled on the floor at my feet. I asked if he wanted me to go tuck him in his bed but he was all "Arfghhhh noooooo mmfffghhh" So... I assumed that was a no and let him lay down there while I finished homework. He rolled around a bit but it seemed like he was sleeping so I just let him be. I needed to relax my brain a little for a bit after homework so I turned on some Family Guy and ended up dozing off. When I woke up about an hour later my dearest darling was wide awake and sitting up watching Family Guy. He resisted going to bed but got put there anyway and was all sorts of mad. He woke Ty up (which was good since he needed to make a potty run to avoid the wierd bedwetting that has started) and both had a hard time going back to sleep. It was probably 1:30 or 2:00 am before I finally got to bed. Needless to say, today I am SLEEPY. And will probably be cranky again. But its Friday! So I can have movie night and sleep in tomorrow woohoo!
And cross fingers my darlings don't provide another wierd wierd night like last night. I swear....they all do their things. I've carried full on conversations with Nate while he's been sleeping, I've witnessed Tyler sleepwalking as he tried to pee in our pantry one time, and now Ry is the zombie kid of the night. Oh I love my kids. They make me smile, even on my bad days.
Oh...I did a 20 minute blast of Zumba last night. That mixed with my 15 minute school walk counted as my 30 minutes a day. I'm proud of myself...I hope my hard work shows on the scale this weekend. Have a good one everyone!

A running post

2012-01-18T07:55:00.000-08:00

DNF and the success of "failure"

DNF.
For those of you who are newer to running...DNF = Did not finish. As in I tried to run this marathon but broke a leg at mile 16 and got a DNF.
The fear of DNF is what motivates us to train, get out there in sub zero weather and plug away at the miles but DNF has an evil side as well. The fear of DNF prevents many of us from even trying.
And DNF isn't just for runners or running. How many things in our lives do we limit ourselves in because of some sort of looming and scary threat of DNF.
For the New Year it struck me that many people are so fearful of "DNF" that they don't even bother to set goals or resolutions at all. More than once I heard, "I don't set goals because then I don't set myself up for disappointment."
There was something profoundly bothersome to me about that type of statement.
I'm not trying to judge, here. Believe me I was once that person as well.
What I've learned is, we have to get over our fear of DNF. DNF fear holds us back. When we aren't willing to fail we limit ourselves and we wind up living lives less of what we are capable of.
Stop being afraid to fail. If you never fail, you're not aiming high enough.

Along the same theme - I saw this amazing video yesterday:

These are bits and pieces of a story shared from http://seejenroerun.blogspot.com/. I highly suggest checking it out!

I absolutely love this post. And agree fullheartedly. I have many, many DNF moments in my life and it sucks. I really have to try to get past them and push on. The video is a must see as well. It made me tear up. I think I'm getting too emotional in my old age when a runner tears me up but its true.

Last night I was able to do the Zumba tone series and I LOVE it. Once again the DVD sped by and 45 minutes was under my belt before I knew it. And according to a new handy dandy calories burned calculator app I found, I burned 707 calories. I was also able to finish some math homework early and read out of my legal book and communications book. I'm hoping to get myself in a habit of reading out of each every night so I can keep up on the courses.

Here's hoping today is even better! :)

The Weekend and Goal Check In

2012-01-17T07:26:00.000-08:00

We had a pretty good weekend all in all. I can't say it was a disappointment. Friday we decided to have a good ol' movie night. We rented Mr Poppers Penguins and The Help. I LOVED both movies. Mr Poppers Penguin was adorable and the boys thought it was hilarious. It had a great story to it too. The Help made me cry. It was fabulous and makes me want to read the book, which I plan on doing very soon.
Saturday we decided to treat ourselves to breakfast and went to IHOP. Can I just tell you that there is a reason I don't go there, I just forget sometimes. It is completely overpriced and the service is not great. Our meal was upwards of $30 which is crazy....we can usually eat under $20. We then got a surprise visit from one of my friends and his son. The kids played forever and ever at our little playground in the complex. It was decided they would stay for dinner, and grilling sounded like a good idea at the time. I say at the time because I'm surprised that the fire department wasn't called on us.

smokin!

This was just the beginning. By the time the burgers were all grilled, smoke had filled not only the balcony but the house as well. It took a good two days to get the smell out. But....

soo cute :)

We finally were able to eat some delish burgers (with dry onion soup mixed in...soo tasty!) and the boys thought it was soo good, they all had seconds. That never happens. We watched Mr Poppers Penguins again (so that friend and his son could experience it of course) and just had an all around fantastic night.
Sunday church was a thinker. Our lesson was Love Thy Neighbor and I realized I need to do better at teaching my kids the principles they need to be wonderful, service oriented men. I won't go into it, however I have a plan. Well not really a plan, but I have lots of ideas. We shall see how it goes.
Monday was our day to clean and do laundry. I'm happy to report my house is shiney and clean. My laundry is done. And my snacks and lunches for this week are pre-prepared. It feels soo nice to have a clean house. I also started (and finished!) week 1 of the Book of Mormon challenge my ward put out. Those introductionary verses they had us read were inspirational and I couldn't put the book down. I finished all of the reading for week one. And I'm excited to move on to week 2.

Goal wise.... I failed miserably at exercising everyday. So this week...I make the same goal again. I'm going to exercise every night this week. Yesterday my exercise was the entire day of house cleaning/shopping (and I do count that...I burned 920 calories according my MyFitnessPal and that was low balling on the time). But tonight is feeling like a Zumba night. I will report back tomorrow on how that went.
Have a good week all!

It's Friday!

2012-01-13T07:15:00.000-08:00

I love Friday. This week is no different, but its even better because we have a three day weekend! I need the break (as usual) to clean my house, do my laundry and all that jazz. It's been a minute since I have been 100% completely caught up on laundry, however this weekend that is my goal. Get laundry 100% done. Including bedding. I should have plenty of time to do so.
I don't think we are doing anything fun and exciting at all, but I still love the break and am looking forward to being able to lounge in my (new super comfy SUU) sweats and be comfortable too. Awwww the joy.

I think its awesome that today is Friday the 13th. And what makes the day super special is that TWO of my wonderful family members birthdays are today. And with the new year I am planning on celebrating birthdays on here. I did slack a little with Addie (sorry!) as I only told about her fun party, but I'm going to get better. I may miss some but I'm going to REALLY try not to. So here goes.

via google images

Dad- Happy birthday! You are fantastic Dad. I'm not entirely sure what I would do without you. You keep my cars running, even though I can be a bit rough on them. Your always there to save me when I run out of gas. You would give the shirt off your back to anyone who needs it and you have been a wonderful example of someone who goes out of their way to serve others. I remember nights of going on walks where you made sure to walk on the outside of the road where the cars were driving, you picked up every piece of trash we saw on the ground and always helped when we saw someone in need. I love that you have always been a prankster too. For instance, calling "Yaba Daba Doooo!" from your truck when you saw us walking home in an attempt to embarass us and going in with my brothers to get me to believe that you guys were building an actual UFO in the big hole that was in our backyard for awhile (I really did believe that for a super long time). I love when you whoop along to songs you like and bust out awesome dance moves when you hear a catchy tune. You help my boys do the fun "boy stuff" that just wouldn't be the same if I were helping, like building derby cars and rubber band guns. They look up to you and I can't thank you enough for being such a great example to them. It means the world to me that they want to be just like you when they grow up, I can't think of anyone better for them to strive to be like. I love you dad, and I hope you have a fantastic birthday!

Katie- Happy birthday to you too! You are such a sweet girl. I love when I get to see updates about all of your neat accomplishments. You are such a smart girl and I love to see that you do soo well with your piano and reading goals. I especially love that you had the chance to play soccer, since that is my favorite sport. I remember when I first met you. It was at my wedding and you were the most adorable little girl. Now, you have grown up soo much and are such an amazing, beautiful young lady. I am soo happy to have you as part of our family. I wish we were closer to be able to spend time with you, but we are there in spirit as are you with us. I love you lots and I hope you have a super fun birthday!

Updates

2012-01-12T07:02:00.000-08:00

So my classes started this week and I think I'm really going to enjoy my math class. My instructor is taking a different approach of teaching math than any other instructor has in the past, so I'm really hoping that she will help me understand it. I'm horrible at math. Its my worst subject by far. But maybe she can help. What I don't like is that it's taking almost 6 hours of my week away for just one class. But...I guess its worth it in the end. The online classes are having hiccups and only one is even up and running. The other two are not. But thats good because it gives me time to get my books and stuff that I ordered online. I think this will be a great semester.

I am SOOO super excited about something that I will disclose here at a later date. Like I want to burst with excitement and woohoo! But I'm trying to tone it down to cautiously optimistic. Hopefully I can report good news soon :)

I think my legal battle with the ex is winding down as well. That makes me happy. After re-wording some things that I had proposed, I think we are on common grounds. His attorney didn't have spell check apparently however because there were a lot of spelling and grammar errors so my attorney is fixing that up and he wanted to question just one thing on the custody, but thats it. I just might be done with this mess soon. Makes me super duper excited at the prospect! But also kinda nervous maybe? It will be an odd feeling to be free of this mess after dealing with it for the past 5 years. I know it will feel great though, so thats what I'm holding on to.

I got to tell a funny happening from yesterday. We were on our way home and Tyler was extremely passionate about showing me where he went on his field trip. I was tired and really just wanted to go home (which normally I would've just said no but I'm trying to be a more supportive mom) but we decided to go see since I thought we would drive right by it on our way home. We started at Grandpa and Grandmas house and as we were passing the university he said "Mom I really want to show you where we walked to today! Its right by the church over there!" So in my mind I was thinking one of the theatres at the university so we headed that direction but I was wrong. So we had to go towards main street and I realized it was at the Heritage Theatre that was in the middle of town. But of course when I asked him, he said he wasn't going to tell me. So I try to go straight (the quickest route there) and got told that I was going the wrong way so we had to do a quick turn onto Main Street. About 1/2 block later he said "Man I guess we should've went straight back there, but you can turn right there!" (a little driveway used mostly by cops, of which we were just passing as he said it). Then "Dang you missed it Mom. Your going to have to turn on the next one." So we turn on the next one and are going through a little shopping/dining strip mall type place and I know if we just go straight in front of them we could see the heritage center but nooooo that wasn't good enough. "Mom you HAVE to go through the parking garage. Otherwise your going to miss it." This involved flipping around in the uber tight parking lot packed with cars and going through the parking garage. Nate is insistent on going up to the top floor of the parking garage so I have him in one ear saying "Mom we have to go to the top! Its how you get there!" And Tyler in the other ear saying " Nuh uh! You have to go straight! Don't listen to him Mom just go straight through!" And Ryder back there saying "I'm ready to go home, I'm hungry. Lets go." Finally...we pass the Heritage Center doors and I got to hear about how they went to the stage and how awesome the concert thing was and such. It was really kind of fun to hear all about it and I know it made me happy that we took the time out to help him know he's special.

School!

2012-01-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

This semester is going to be interesting I think. Classes started yesterday and all I can say is I'm happy that my other classes are online, because if I would've scheduled them one after another and that whole schedule would've been jacked up. I found out yesterday that my math class is MWF from 1:00-1:50 pm but on TTH is 1:00-2:50 pm. Plus an extra meeting every week on Friday at 12:30. Really? I appreciate them wanting to make sure we understand but that is just insane. Luckily, if I keep my grade above a 95% I can skip the weekly meeting and some of the TTH "SI sessions" from 2:00-2:50 pm. That just might be incentive enough to get it done. And none of my online classes have hit the online "canvas" program yet. Kind of irritating. The plus side is that this semester should help bump up my GPA. That would be great.

On another note, we went to a birthday party for my adorable little niece that was a blast. We had soo much fun and the boys fell asleep with their party favors. The food was delish and the games were super fun! It was nice to have the family all together. And on the food note....there was a pasta salad that was TO DIE FOR. I'm looking forward to having some extra for lunch today. Mmmmm. Thanks for sharing :)

Weekly Goal & some other stuff of course

2012-01-09T07:49:00.000-08:00

So yesterday our lesson in Relief Society was about living the gospel. Not just being LDS, but living it. This is something that I need to do better. I truly struggle with this, because I have a hard time choosing to read my scriptures over watching my favorite show. Just like I have a hard time getting my butt up to clean or exercise instead of reading a book or something like that. I think I'm having a growing up moment. It has given me a lot to think about and a lot to ponder on what direction I want my life to go in.

In other news, this week is a busy week. School starts today and I'm excited! I love school. I never thought I would hear myself say that but truly I do. Plus it gives me built in exercise which is even better. I also have a dentist appointment today which will hopefully take care of everything but the crown. Then I'll have the crown and be done. I'm kinda excited to be done. I also hope to find out about this other job opportunity this week. Crossing fingers!

And finally....

My goal this week is to exercise every day, no matter what. Regardless of if its a 45 minute Zumba session or a 10 minute walk...I need to get in the habit.

The benefit of Pedi's

2012-01-06T07:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, us girls at work all closed up early to go get a pedicure. I haven't had a pedicure since I was pregnant with Ryder (its been a looong while) and my feet were disgusting. They had to use the cheese grater thing on it to get all the rough, dead skin off. But oh my goodness it was fantastic. Seriously, it was 100% worth the $25 it cost. And the little chinese guy was super nice, which was plus compared to the last time I had went there and had a bad experience. I am definitely going to make that more of a priority from now on, at least getting one every couple months. I couldn't believe how much it made me feel better. The color was supposed to be dark red but it turned out more black. I still like them though. So I say definitely take time out to get one, you will feel soo good after your done. It will make you happy :) And if you go to the schools instead of a salon, you can generally get them done between $10-$15. You just probably won't get the jetted foot soak and massage chair experience.

On a random tangent....last night I was laying on the couch while the boys were playing with their legos and all of a sudden Tyler yells "Mom! Look at Ryder!" I dunno what I was expecting but when I looked over Ryder was SOAKED in blood. Literally, when I took off his shirt I could've wrung it out. His face was covered in it, pants were covered....it was crazy. I have no clue what he did because he wasn't crying or anything, just sitting there with blood dripping off his face. It definitely scared the crap out of me. I'm thinking that he must've been picking his nose or something since that was the source of the blood. All I can say is I never want to see any of my kids soaked like that ever again.

I think thats all folks...I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and see you Monday! :)

Random stuff!

2012-01-04T07:10:00.000-08:00

I don't know really how to get this all in user friendly paragraphs so I'm just gonna spout it all out. And add pictures for awesomeness!

-I have decided that along with my quarterly goals, I am going to also do one goal a week. Whatever I want to work on that week will be my goal. It can be related to my quarterly goals, or just something random. I will start on Monday.

-I finally buckled down and did an entire workout of Zumba last night. Of all the places to be sore its my butt that's feeling it. My butt! But I LOVE it. I did 45 minutes and seriously had the best time ever. I was almost sad when the cool down showed up. I'm gonna love this I think. I do look kind of ridiculous doing it at the moment as my feet are definitely NOT as quick as the dancers on TV. But I'm getting there. And thats a dollar that goes in my workout jar!

-I am soo very excited for a new job opportunity that could be coming up for me. It would be a perfect transition from what I'm doing (I would be staying in the housing industry) but also would allow me to use the knowledge (as I gain more of it) from my Advertising/PR emphasis. Not to mention the folks there are awesome and I truly think it would be a place where I would look forward to going to work every morning. This company is on my top 5 list of places I would love to work, so when I was asked if I was interested in possibly joining their team, I was ECSTATIC ya'll! And extremely honored that they thought of me. I am soo excited about it and hoping everything ends up working out. I should know if a week or so if that is going to happen. Yay!

Goals Check!

2012-01-03T07:00:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2012 is officially here and that means the time has come to look into my goals and see if I accomplished them or not. Here goes.

Health and Wellness Goals

Goal 1: Plan and execute menus every week: Success!
Goal 2: Track all food every day on my calorie count app: Success!
Goal 3: Run 3 times a week and do weights the other 3 (1 rest day): Umm not so successful.
School Goals
Goal 4: Read out of one of my textbooks every night: not so successful.
Goal 5: Study: Ended up getting the hang of this at the end of the semester. Half success.
Goal 6: Attend class every day unless there is sickness or death in the family: Success!
Family Goals
Goal 7: Do homework as a family every night: Semi-success
Goal 8: Eat dinner at the table as a family: Semi-success
Goal 9: Work on sticking to bedtime routine: Semi-success. Just depends on the night.
Religious Goals
Goal 10: Have FHE every Monday night: Success!
Goal 11: Read the Book of Mormon every night: Not as good as I had hoped. Needs Improvement.
Goal 12: Have family prayer every day: Success!
Financial Goals
Goal 13: No using the overdraft account: Semi-success
Goal 14: Put money aside in savings: Fail. Big fail.
Goal 15: Get Christmas bought ahead of time while I still have money: Big success and I will definitely be doing it again next year, totally worth it!
I feel good about 2011 goals. There were ALOT to work on and I had mostly successes. The fails I can just keep working on. For 2012 I am going to have a new approach however. I am going to set quarterly goals (and not so many at a time) so that they are a little more obtainable. So here are my first 2012 quarterly goals.

Health and Wellness Goal: Lose 15 pounds by March 31
School Goal: Give 100% effort to assignments/tests and turn in ALL assignments required (most my classes are online and sometimes I slack on those)
Family Goal: Be consistent. I'm having an issue being consistent in how I'm parenting. So...be consistent.
Religious Goal: Keep up with the Book of Mormon reading schedule that was given to me on Sunday
Financial Goal: Secure a job! No really...keep my cushion of money saved away just in case none of these job offers come through. Its sooo tempting to spend it.
One of the girls at work found a superb idea on Pinterest for accomplishing health/wellness goals that we are going to do. For every workout, put a dollar in a jar. Once you reach $100, you are free to spend that money. I know my discipline is lacking, so I might have to store my jar at the parents house to keep me accountable, but I think its a great idea and will keep me motivated. Plus that gives me reward money to spend for accomplishing weight loss goals.

As a blanket goal...since this year is supposed to be the last of existence (thank you Mayans)....I plan on living every day as if it is the last day of my life. I need to appreciate every moment more instead of just letting precious time slide by. Regardless of if some weird apocolypse happens or whatever...this is something I've needed to do for a long time.

I send best wishes to everyone for a happy and successful 2012!

Disgusting boys

2011-12-29T08:51:00.000-08:00

Nate and Tyler are off to see their Grandparents and we are missing them horribly. Ryder was soo sad not to have his brothers home, he spent the night snuggling with me on the couch until he fell asleep. I was going stir crazy and missing them, so I did what every sane person does who needs to kill time (hehehehe yeah I'm not sane most days) I cleaned. I started at around 9:00 pm. The boys bedrooms were crazy messy but the worst room by far? Their bathroom. Oh. My. Gosh. I couldn't figure out why it stunk so bad in there so I got my cleaning stuff and my old toothbrush and Q tips and went at it. The boys clean in there for the most part with some oversight from me, so things generally get wiped down and such. But. It always stinks! So on further inspection, I found pee in the oddest places. There was some on the side of the garbage can, behind the toilet, on the side of the tub (what the...), on that bottom part of the toilet....everywhere. But by far the stinkiest stench was coming from the little tight crevices that a rag just doesn't get to. I spent a good 45 minutes in there cleaning with Q tips in hopes to get the smell gone. And it worked! I am now the proud owner of a toilet so clean you could eat off it. The rest of my house is squeaky clean as well. I may not have finished until 1:00 am, but its worth it. I LOVE having a clean home. Tonight's task is going to be putting Christmas decorations away and finishing up laundry. Should be easy peasy...and hopefully I can sleep a little better tonight. I will be SOOO happy when I get to see my loveys again tomorrow. So will Ryder. He's one sad little guy without them around. But until then, I will enjoy my clean house. Heaven knows as soon as they get home it will be a disaster again.

Its a touchy subject

2011-12-28T09:48:00.000-08:00

I hope I don't cause anyone to be offended by this post, that is definitely not my intention. But I feel that what I'm about to write about, albeit a touchy subject, needs to be talked about on occasion. Last night a friend of mine was having a tough night. Yesterday would've been their angel's 5th birthday and no one remembered, no family, no friends (later on I found out that one family member had indeed called later that night, thank goodness). I am soo very grateful that my friend felt comfortable enough to get in contact with me, as it is such a hard experience to go through. The prompting for this post however, is to just put out there a friendly bug in everyone's ear. I know that talking to someone about a loved one who has died is always tough, but for some reason it's almost taboo to talk about miscarriages, stillbirths, or anything that fits that category. I understand, its awkward. But that doesn't change the fact that a life was lost. And it hurts.
I have been sooo very blessed to have a family and friends that I feel have tried to understand what happened and how I feel. It truly has been a blessing and has helped me to get past some very tough days. But not everyone has that kind of support. Or they do, but it just kind of withers away as time passes. This was the case with my dear friend. And it's hard, because even if that child is not around still they are very much apart of the family. There will be moments when the kids and I are playing that there is a feeling of someone missing. Or as I see children that would've been Grayson's age, I wonder what he would've looked like. What his little personality would've been like. I am grateful for the knowledge that I will see him again someday and we will be reunited as a family, but until then it doesn't make those few hard days any easier.
So my whole reasoning for this post? As hard as it is to talk to someone about their loss, its even harder for those that have been through it to bring the topic up even if they really need someone to talk to. I know personally there have been days I just simply needed to vent but it's soo hard to call someone up and be like "Hey! How are you? So I need to talk about my dead baby. You game?" That just isn't a possibility alot of the time. So if you know someone who has lost a child, be patient with them. Never tell them it's time to get over it or move on. A person will never "get over" losing a child (or any loved one for that matter). It's always going to be a pain that sits deep in the heart, and it will surface from time to time. That doesn't mean they haven't moved on with their life, it just means they are missing that little soul that was taken away far too soon. And if your not comfortable talking about it but know they are struggling, just give them a hug. Take them a treat or a flower and just let them know you care. Actions speak MUCH louder than words and most the time, its just nice to have someone remember that sweet little life. Not for matters of sympathy or grief, but simply to honor the life of their loved one.

Christmas!

2011-12-27T08:17:00.000-08:00

We had such a nice Christmas. And I took quite a bit of pictures, so I will let them do (most of) the talking.

Friday afternoon we closed down early and the kids and I went to Krave. Super tasty :)

We were rather bored, so we ended up at Krave and chilled out. I love that place. Seriously delightful. Afterwards, we went with Grandma to IFA and then to Payless for slippers (which they didn't have any for little boys. Seriously? Your a shoe store. You had them for adults and little girls...but not little boys?) and then home for a movie night. Saturday morning I was met with little boys jumping in my bed. We all sang a round of Happy Birthday for Nate and spent the day cleaning up for Santa to come, visiting Grandma and Grandpa, and shopping/making food/playing until the annual Carlile Christmas Eve festivities at Scott and Betsy's house. Nate was SOOO excited because he got to go shopping for his birthday present with Uncle Scott. He seriously had been talking about it for at least two weeks, thats his favorite part of his birthday I think. He got a shot gun with rubber bullets that he loved. And then got an awesome hat from the Tony and Valena clan, that he has barely taken off since he got it. He loves it. Grandpa and Grandma got him a super spiffy Sharper Image pocket knife with a light that he was also very excited about. Then we headed out. Dinner was delightful, delicious prime rib and crab. Also had a variety of sides that were super tasty. Then it was time for the birthday celebration. He got a Diary of a Wimpy Kid book from the Carlile clan and Hugo Cabret from me, both of which he has taken turns reading every night.

We celebrated Nate's birthday...he chose his cake and such. Loved it.

And this is him blowing out the candles. I missed the first part of the song dang it.

After the Christmas Brownie brought jammies, we wanted to get a photo op. I LOVE this picture because everyone is just being silly.

The boys wanted to make sure their bases were covered. Carrots and water (in the special rudolph cup) for the reindeer, pretzels and milk (again in special cup) for Santa. They ate them all gone :)

Ty and Ry opening their presents on Christmas morning.

Nate opening his present (and a blurry Ty in the background)

Breakfast at the Parents house. always delightful.

Ry LOVES his big wheel. I'll have to get a picture of the other boys, I just realized I didn't get them.

I slacked on pictures after about 11:00 a.m. Just way too sleepy I think. The boys and I made a good haul though. Nate got an awesome new bike that I will have to get a picture of. He loves it, and it is rather awesome. Ryder got his big wheel that he's in love with (as are his brothers, they won't stay off it) And Tyler got tons AND TONS of Legos and some new shoes. They also got spiderbots, some games and experiment kits and so much more.

We then went to church for the Sunday Christmas Program. It was a fantastic program, truly brought the meaning of Christmas to my heart. I had been asked to sing with a girl in my ward who I had never met, and we practiced once. But it turned out okay I think. We sang Silent Night a cappella because a pianist wasn't available. I think it went okay. I loved having my whole family (except for one that we missed dearly) in attendance as well. It truly was a great afternoon.

Nate and Tyler's Parowan family came by as well after church and brought some gifts and visited as well. It was nice to see them again and the boys look forward to spending some time with them this week. I'm going to miss them like crazy, but they have assured me they will take their cell phone and call me every time they miss me. If they can find the phone. Oy.

This Christmas was overall a great one. It taught me a lot about myself. On Christmas Eve, I ended up having a lot of anxiety over presents. We just didn't have a whole lot. I guess it seemed like a lot when we were buying stuff, but the boys had asked for specific things that were all expensive. Before bed, Tyler told me that he was really excited because Santa had told him he would try to bring a DS. My heart kind of broke a little as I had to explain that Santa wanted him to earn the money for one so he could appreciate it more, when in reality its because Santa is broke. Nate also had the same desires for some expensive gifts. Santa and I ended up getting them each 4 presents plus LOADS of candy and goodies. Which initially seemed like lots, but when I saw them all wrapped under the tree, didn't seem like much. Made me mad that I'm not making more money, that I'm not getting child support to help bear the financial load, that I'm just generally feeling like an epic fail of a parent for not being able to get them the stuff they really wanted. Luckily I have an amazing mom who helped me to come back down to earth (at midnight Christmas Eve) and realize that the holiday isn't all about the presents, and that I did my very best and do my very best to make sure my boys have what they need. I still couldn't sleep for fear my boys would wake up extremely disappointed. But I was wrong. They woke up and were soo very excited, thankfully. They were more excited about the notes that Santa and the reindeer left for them than the toys. I love my boys, they make me stop and pause....they help me remember whats important and what is not. And hopefully this time next year, I will have the ability to get them some things they truly want for Christmas. Hopefully I will have an awesome paying secure job, child support to help cushion things, or even better this divorce mess resolved and a new love to share the holiday with.

We Shall See.

Wierd Dreams

2011-12-23T07:31:00.000-08:00

Has nothing to do with dreams...but I thought it was hilarous :) via google pics

I rarely ever remember my dreams. And if I do, its rarely for longer than like 2 minutes. But the last two nights have brought on some seriously wierd and memorable dreams. Two nights ago I dreamed that I was about to be lynched up (as in rope around the neck) by a tow truck. The owner of the tow truck was a friend of mine and his soon to be wife. They were both there, and both were crying. It was obvious they didn't want to, but some unknown force was making them. For some reason I had kept the lynching a secret from my family so I kept asking if they could hold off until I got my matters settled. I needed to tell someone I was being hung and get matters settled so my boys would be taken care of. I remember in my head I was begging them to let me go but I knew deep down they couldn't so I didn't say anything out loud. I woke up before I actually got hung thank goodness, but still wierd all the same. Just for fun, I looked up the meaning of dreams. So here goes...

Hanging

To watch a hanging in your dream represents feelings of insecurity. The hanging may symbolize aspects of yourself that you want to eliminate.

To dream that you are hanging yourself suggests that you are trying to escape from some guilt or fear. Consider also the image as a pun for something in your life which you have left hanging or unfinished.

So I guess I may have unfinished business?

Next dream was last night. I don't remember much about the dream except that I lived in a beautiful house with a beautiful backyard. A client of mine from work was either visiting or lived with me, I'm not sure which. But we were out chatting on the back porch when all of a sudden out from the ground came ducks. They had darkened heads and beaks. And there were lots of them. And then pigs emerged. Same characteristics...dark heads and snouts. I dunno if they were zombie animals but I would assume so since they came up from the ground and all. They weren't dangerous though apparently, we weren't scared of them just a bit surprised to see a bunch of wierd looking animals popped outta the ground. So what does this mean?

Animals
To see animals in your dream, represent your own physical characteristic, primitive desires, and sexual nature, depending on the qualities of the particular animal. Animals symbolize the untamed and uncivilized aspects of yourself. Thus, to dream that you are fighting with an animal signifies a hidden part of yourself that you are trying to reject and push back into your subconscious. Refer to the specific animal in your dream.

They didn't have ducks listed. Dang it. Soo.....better add in the zombie part to it.

Zombie

To see or dream that you are a zombie suggests that you are physically and/or emotionally detached from people and situations that are currently surrounding you. You are feeling out of touch. Alternatively, a zombie means that you are feeling dead inside. You are just going through the motions of daily living.

To dream that you are attacked by zombies indicate that you are feeling overwhelmed by forces beyond your control. You are under tremendous stress in your waking life. Alternatively, the dream represents your fears of being helpless and overpowered

Well....I don't know how helpful any of that was....I wasn't dreaming that I was a zombie and I also wasn't being attacked by zombies. Interesting. I guess we shall see what I dream of tonight huh? On a fun note....scrolling through different things on the dream dictionary was kinda entertaining. Do you ever dream about.....

Barcodes? If so...here is what it means...

To see a barcode in your dream symbolizes automation, simplification and ease. Alternatively, the dream represents an impersonal relationship in your waking life. You are feeling alienated.

How about....Yaks?

To see a yak in your dream represents your uniqueness and dependability. The yak may also be a pun on "yakking" too much. Maybe you should stop talking and listen more.

I know I would be depressed if I was dreaming and looked in the mirror to find a....Unibrow.

To dream that you have a unibrow indicates that you are feeling insecure about your physical appearance. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are not expressing your feelings enough. Perhaps you are keeping too much of your emotions inside. There is something you are trying to hide.

And Urinals? Oh man....

To see a urinal in your dream signifies disorder in your personal relationships.

I know I dream about ARMPITS often hehe! Armpits? Wow...
To see/notice your or someone else's armpit in your dream, represents your social connections and your relationships to others. It is the characteristics and personality that you chose to display to the public. Alternatively, the dream may refer to something or some place that is smelly.

To smell your armpit in your dream, indicates that you are making some character adjustments in order to smooth over a situation or relationship. Alternatively, it suggests that you are looking for acceptance.

Ok thats about enough fun for today....but if you want to know more about your dreams or just get a good laugh, go to http://www.dreammoods.com/ . That is where I found all of this fantastic information.

And since this is my last post for a minute......

A {REAL} Man

2011-12-22T15:13:00.000-08:00

via http://www.snapknot.com/

If a Man Wants You

By: Salma Rumman

This advice was passed along to me from a counselor; it was great to hear so I wanted to share it.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve...

then heck no, you can’t "be friends." A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don’t stay because you think "it will get better." You’ll be mad at yourself

a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant,

Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER feel he is more important than you are...even if he has

more education or in a better job.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man.

If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you!

A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.

*Saw this and had to share. This...my friends and family....is why I am still single I've decided. As lonely as I am, I refuse to settle again. Absolutely refuse. I hope it doesn't kick me in the teeth....I'd hate to end up being the crazy old cat lady sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair throwing cats at people!

Zumba...again!

2011-12-22T07:52:00.000-08:00

So....I got my Zumba last night as I predicted....and I tried to wait. And tried and tried for about a minute and then I couldn't wait any longer. The boys were excited to open it and it made me excited...so we opened it. And watched one of the bonus DVDs that had the live sessions. It's actually doable I think. And the boys loved it! They were dancing right along. It was great. I can't wait to get our Zumba on :)

Zumba!

2011-12-21T07:15:00.000-08:00

So every Christmas I generally just get myself something small that I need, like new makeup or some lotion or something. This year, since I bought early, I had a little bit of extra money. And I decided to spoil myself. So....I got myself ZUMBA! I have wanted to go to a class for quite some time but I just can't justify doing so since I have such limited time with the kids. I don't want to take away from that for a class. So...I prefer to do my exercising after they are in bed at night. So I was excited when I saw a killer deal for a Zumba set on Amazon with free shipping. It is expected to be here today or tomorrow. Its going to be hard to wait until Christmas to open it, but I'm going to do my best! I hoping that this will help kick my butt in gear. I've been bored with my normal exercise routines and I know someone who lost 112 lbs doing Zumba and is now an instructor. So....crossing fingers it helps. In case you aren't familiar with Zumba....here is an example. This is a class setting, and instructors use basic steps but personalize them to make it just a little different. This is my favorite routine that I've seen thus far. Enjoy :)

Doesn't it look like sooo much fun?!

The Dentist

2011-12-19T10:10:00.000-08:00

So it has been close to 10 years since I've been to the dentist. It was before I was married....And my teeth are ridiculous. So I went to the dentist. Lesson number one why I will no longer slack at brushing and flossing....it took 1 1/2 hrs just to chip down the tarter buildup goin on with my teeth. It hurts. I hurt. And its progressively getting more sore.
Lesson number two of why I will no longer slack at brush and flossing.....a root canal, a crown, and like 8 little cavities. UGH!
So folks....brush. And floss. Every day. Better yet, twice or three times a day. Trust me....you'll be grateful you did 10 years down the road.
Lesson number three of why I will no longer slack at brushing and flossing...its going to cost around $850 after all the deductibles to get me all fixed up. Ouch.

So kids....remember to brush after every meal and before bed....and floss every day. Your teeth will thank you later.

The Christmas Shoes

2011-12-16T08:17:00.000-08:00

As we were shopping for some final presents for family last night, we decided to get a movie. I found The Christmas Shoes. I LOVE that movie. But I forgot how much it makes me cry. I was reminded that it's not good to miss the good things in life by focusing too much on making money. And to remember charity. Nate couldn't sleep, so I agreed to let him watch it with me and as he was bawling his eyes out when the mom was about to die, he told me "Mom I don't want to lose you, please don't die." That made me cry even more and made me realize how petty I am being about my health and wellness (and really...life in general). I'm being selfish when I do things that lessen my chance for watching my kids grow up. Its pretty pathetic.
So I love the movie, I will watch it many MANY more times this Christmas season I'm sure and will most likely make my boys watch it to remember that Christmas isn't all about presents and Santa. And if you haven't seen it, I highly suggest Redboxing/Netflixing/Whatever you do it. :)

Mr Krugar's Christmas

2011-12-13T07:35:00.000-08:00

For FHE last night I decided we needed a little Krugar. Mr Krugars Christmas to be exact. As a preface, it has really started to bother me how much society is focused on who gives the best gift, what kind of deal you got on the best gift, and what you get thats totally amazing. I have never noticed it until this season. More and more I see/read/hear about people just not being able to get in the spirit of Christmas this year. Several have noted the same feelings as me, there is way too much emphasis on the gifts and not enough on our Christ.

This is why we decided on Krugar Christmas. I haven't seen it in YEARS and my boys have never seen it. It was a good reminder of what this season is all about. I wanted to cry at how lonely poor Mr Krugar was and I did cry during the scene above. It touches me every time. You got it right Mr Krugar.....you got it right. I plan on doing the little things I can to serve others in need.

At the Relief Society Christmas thing we had there was a woman who talked about one Christmas only being able to give one gift to her children. That gift was a watch, and the purpose of the watch was that they would be giving their kids the gift of time. And that turned out to be one of the Christmas's her family remembered and cherished the most. So....that leads us to the next point.

We aren't having a huge Christmas this year. Not because we are financially strapped (well we kinda are....but not more than a normal single parent household....or anyone else in this horrible economy really) but because I am sick of the focus being on gifts. And no, my kids aren't being shafted....but every gift they recieve will have thought put behind it instead of just trying to keep up with what all the other kids around are getting. As will every gift that is given by us to others.

So after reading this, I kinda feel like I'm being a scrooge. Or a "grunch" as Ryder says. But I'm really not. I'm super excited for the holiday season and I love this time of year! I'm just going to focus on having a more Christ centered Christmas, which I think will make the season all the happier!

*If you haven't seen Mr Krugars Christmas, I highly suggest you do. You can Youtube the whole thing or I'm sure you could find the DVD on http://www.lds.org/.

Shhh Its A Secret

2011-12-12T07:50:00.000-08:00

What I'm about to tell you is a secret. You ready? I hate exercise. Hate it. If I could go through life without having to exercise, I would be the happiest person ever. And know what else? I also realize thats the out of shape, lazy butt me talking. And I also realize thats probably not much of a secret. But moving on. I came across something I needed to hear.

"Set your alarm for 6am.
Don’t groan when it goes off and pull the covers over your head, get up and start your day.
Put on a baggy top and running shorts.
Go downstairs and pour yourself a nice big glass of ice water.
Cut up some fruit and mix it in with yogurt.
Add some granola.
Now go outside.
Stretch for 10 minutes.
Skip for 5 minutes.
Jog for 10 minutes.
Run for 10 minutes.
Walk back.
Lay out a towel on the ground and lie down on it.
Do 50 crunches.
Yes, they hurt, but they are 100% worth it.
When you’re done, get in the shower.
Use a nice smelling shampoo and matching conditioner.
Shave your legs and wash your body.
Exfoliate your face.
Get out of the shower and let your hair air dry.
Look in the mirror.
Do you like what you see?
If you do, good for you.

Do this every day and you will continue to love yourself.
If you don’t like what you see, do this every day and pretty soon you will.
Being lazy might feel good at the time, but being active feels better in the long run.
How badly do you want it?"

Ok. Will do. Starting today (except I obviously have passed the 6 am mark...gonna have to go for the night time run tonight).
No more excuses.

*On another note....this is a SUPER busy week but it also has FANTASTIC stuff going on that could possibly be life changing. Or just fun. After the week is done....I'll do a re-cap and share :)

Blogger...whats up huh?

2011-12-07T08:01:00.001-08:00

So I am slightly irritated as I want a picture to go across my entire Header section, not just half of it. No matter what size or layout of picture I'm using, it's not workin out for me too well. I've even tried not clicking on the shrink to fit. So...if any of ya'll have any advice I'd be completely open to hearing it.

Moving on. I had an interesting experience yesterday. I had the opportunity to help someone last night and honestly I was a lot less sympathetic than I probably should've been. In my mind I was thinking "this person got themselves into this situation by making stupid decisions. Something like this was going to happen eventually." But...as the night went on....I ate a big dose of humble pie. How many times have I made a stupid decision that resulted in me being kicked down a little? Or a lot? Sure people were judgemental of me and some probably had the a similiar mindset as I did, but there were a select few that offered a hand, helped me up and dusted me off. So how was that any different? I just kept thinking "Ye who have sinned, cast the first stone." I was casting stones, so to speak, when I had no right to. That changed my mindset and made me realize I'm starting to become too quick at my judgements. So maybe its the Christmas season or maybe its just a change of heart, but I'm going to work on serving others more. And I'm going to work on teaching my boys the blessings of serving people. I really like the idea of RAK (random acts of kindness) and I think we will start implementing that into our daily lives. I urge you to as well, especially in this holiday season as many people are having to go without. The littlest things make a monumental difference to those in need. I'm gonna get on it....are you?

FHE

2011-12-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

We had a fantastic day yesterday. After work, we went to dinner spur of the moment with Grandma, Betsy and Jack. The choice was Del Taco, and so far no sickness. I'm thinking the last time I ate there it must have been a coincidence that I was feeling yucky afterwards previously. Maybe. It was fun all the same. Afterwards I was really debating what to do for FHE. I'd had this lesson planned and we also wanted to go deliver treats. However, as we drove past the movie theatre the boys commented that we hadn't been out to a move in FOREVER! And they were right....the last movie we went to was Kung Fu Panda 2. So...we looked up times and after much debate (or rather Nate trying to convince everyone to go see Hugo) we decided on Arthur Christmas. But only after a pinky promise that we would see Hugo soon. It was such an adorable movie! I really liked it. The boys also really liked it and were surprisingly good in the theatre. It also helped we had the entire theatre to ourselves except for one man who sat down at the very front. I can't tell you how nice that was! No stressing over the kids jabbering during the movie and disturbing others. It really was a nice time. I was reminded why I usually wait for Redbox however....$26 just for our tickets. Ughh. But it was worth it to spend some time with my boys.

In other news...I have some other things in the works for this week that I'm semi-looking forward to. We shall see how they go. Which is good, as I have been wondering if this struggling stuff is worth it in the end. It is. I also want to share a personality test we took in my AP class. I just need to figure a way to do it....anywho. Have a good day :)

This weekend

2011-12-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

We had a pretty good weekend if I do say so myself. On Friday we decided that a movie night was in order, so we went and got The Smurfs, Super 8 and Water for Elephants (my "after kids are sleeping" movie). We all absolutely loved The Smurfs. Super 8 wasn't all that great, honestly. I wasn't impressed anyway. Water for Elephants was good, not one I would ever watch again.
Saturday we had a full day planned. We were going to clean the house and shop in the morning, then go see Santa, attend the Storybook Cavalcade and see the Tuba players in the afternoon. Then off to our ward Christmas party. Well, we heard that the parade was cancelled so we took a bit longer to clean and get ready to shop. Next thing I know...Ry is passed out on the couch. It is RARE that he actually naps on a weekend, so I wasn't about to wake him up. Finally I had to do it because we had to go shopping before our ward party (I was assigned mashed potatoes and needed to go buy some). We eventually made it to our party with potatoes in hand a half hour late. But there was still plenty of food and our tummies got full. After some grubbing and a few Christmas carols/stories....Santa showed up! Oh how Ryder was loving that. I was wondering how he was going to react....if it was going to be a screaming thing or a happy thing. It ended up being a very VERY happy thing as Santa gave an early Christmas present of goodies. And he officially put in a request for a shooting gun. Cause there are guns that don't shoot apparently.

Not sure whats going on with Nate's face...but they were all happy :)

Speaking of Santa....you would think at a church function people would be civil in the line for Santa right? Well, we got cut in front of like 3 times. Seriously folks...was it really that important for you to see Santa that you had to push the rest of the line back.... by a lot? Since you all had 3+ kids. Anyway moving on.
Sunday we had a fantastic lesson about keeping Christ in Christmas. We have a fun activity planned for FHE which I will share tomorrow that came from that lesson. As a random tangent....I am also going to be working on being more grateful for what I have this week. I think I've been in a slump the last month and it needs to stop. I know if I change my attitude, things will be much better. So....I'm working on the attitude change. Back to Sunday....we made some goodies for our neighbors as well that we are delivering as part of our FHE tonight and then headed to family dinner.
After a yummy Chinese dinner, the family whipped out the Christmas tree and got to decorating. It brought up memories of being a teenager and refusing to use the homemade ornaments becuase I thought they were ugly. My mom so kindly let me go choose all new decorations. Our tree was very classic and fancy for quite a few years. I saw those ornaments in the box and funny enough, I leaned towards the homemade ornaments. Funny how as you get older, the importance of those little trinkets are realized. I think this year we did a pretty good mix of fancy and homemade. I think the tree looks great.

I shoulda done a close-up...but I like it anyway

This is my last week of school before finals. Finals are next week. I am lucking out BIG TIME as I only have two and they are not going to be cumulative. And I get to use notes on one of them! Awesome. Funny enough I am actually sad to see the semester go. As stressful as this semester has been, I have loved having the opportunity to go to school. I am very much looking forward to next semester. So...thats all. Hope ya'll have a good week!

Pray for them this Christmas Season...

2011-12-02T07:55:00.001-08:00

I really loved this forward and need to pass it on. The pictures aren't the same as the forward because they wouldn't transfer over, but you get the point.

Regrets? I can't think of any.

THE FINAL INSPECTION

The Soldier stood and faced God, which must always come to pass.
He hoped his shoes were shining, just as brightly as his brass..
'Step forward now, Soldier, how shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek? To My Church have you been true?'
The soldier squared his shoulders and said, 'No, Lord, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry guns, can't always be a saint.
I've had to work most Sundays, and at times my talk was tough.
And sometimes I've been violent, because the world is awfully rough.
But, I never took a penny, that wasn't mine to keep...
Though I worked a lot of overtime, when the bills got just too steep.
And I never passed a cry for help, though at times I shook with fear..
And sometimes, God, forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears.
I know I don't deserve a place among the people here.
They never wanted me around except to calm their fears.
If you've a place for me here, Lord, it needn't be so grand.
I never expected or had too much, but if you don't, I'll understand.
There was a silence all around the throne, where the saints had often trod.
As the Soldier waited quietly for the judgment of his God.
'Step forward now, you Soldier, you've borne your burdens well.
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets, you've done your time in Hell.'

Author Unknown~

It's the Soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press.
It's the Soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech.
It's the Soldier, not the politicians, that ensures our right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness..
It's the Soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag.

Pray for those who have given the ultimate sacrifice for freedom....

Happy December 1!

2011-12-01T07:33:00.001-08:00

The song above is what I sang at the Christmas party. It is an amazing song. I, however, was too nervous to sound very good, but I hope I did it justice. My mom played for me and she did fabulous. I wasn't planning on getting to that until later on, but all of my text is getting screwed up when I try to move the video to the bottom. So there it is.

Wow December started out with a bang! We woke up to a couple inches of snow and of course, in Cedar City's fine glory, roads that were either not plowed at all or just plowed enough to make it slippery and scary. Yay for winter! (thats being completely sarcastic...mind you.) Don't get me wrong, I love the snow. But not when I have to try to battle traffic in the stuff. On unplowed roads. With a bunch of people who think they can drive in the snow but then slide off and attempt to cause accidents for those behind them. Moving on. Being December 1, however, I am excited that the Christmas season has officially started for me and my family. Yay!! I'm looking forward to parades, Christmas lights and Santa. In fact, we went up to the famous house on the hill that always goes WAAAY above and beyond on Christmas Decorations. And...they aren't up. It almost makes me wonder if they decided that it was too much of an undertaking, or they didn't like having $1,000 power bills for December. I pray they were not an older couple and killed over. That would be sad since going up to see their house has become a bit of a family tradition for us. So if your out there and reading this....we love your house with lots of decorations and hope you are okay so that you can grace us with your awesomeness. I am also looking forward to our Ward Christmas Party on Saturday...its an UGLY SWEATER party!! I don't have any ugly sweaters, but we may have to make a DI run to get some.

Ok now on to my dearest Nate. I failed to post pictures yesterday because my phone was being retarded. However....here they are. They are awesome quality thanks to my phone...but they will do.

Recieving 2 belt loops and 7 arrows

Showing off his wolf stuff and his derby car

Happy December 1 everybody!

Goal Checking

2011-11-30T07:49:00.001-08:00

As November comes to an end...its time to check in with myself and my goals for the end of this year. Here goes....

Health and Wellness Goals

Goal 1: Plan and execute menus every week: So far...I've not been doing great. I will plan them but then at the end of the night if it doesn't sound good....I make something else. At least I have the stuff on hand to make healthy alternates.
Goal 2: Track all food every day on my calorie count app: Success! Done and done...even on the horrid days where I went WAY over my cals.
Goal 3: Run 3 times a week and do weights the other 3 (1 rest day): Once again....slacking. I dunno why I can't get motivated. So I've made this a mini-week goal. So far I did some WiiFit stuff on Monday (I will count that as my weights day......) and yesterday I ran 2 miles (approx 40 min with warm up and cool down included)

School Goals
Goal 4: Read out of one of my textbooks every night (this has been especially hard with my accounting book): Yeah....next topic.
Goal 5: Study (having issues figuring out how I study best): Ummm doing slightly better but not much. Still needs improvement.
Goal 6: Attend class every day unless there is sickness or death in the family: I missed one class due to needing to turn in a paper for a different class....but otherwise I'd say success!
Family Goals
Goal 7: Do homework as a family every night: Meh. Moving on.
Goal 8: Eat dinner at the table as a family: This is a hit or miss, however we have been eating together every night. Just depends on if its at the table or on the couch...
Goal 9: Work on sticking to bedtime routine: We are doing better....its hit or miss but so far doing pretty good.
Religious Goals
Goal 10: Have FHE every Monday night: I am loving that we are now officially in the habit of doing this. Nate is still iffy on whether or not he likes to participate...but eventually he climbs on board and we all have a fun time. We've been making our own treats as well which is the favorite part of the whole night for them. Success!
Goal 11: Read the Book of Mormon every night (long term goal is to have it read before the end of the year): Again...just depends on the night. I would say our average is like 4 out of 7 nights.
Goal 12: Have family prayer every day: We do pretty good...some days we miss but mostly we can get this done.
Financial Goals
Goal 13: No using the overdraft account: Still doing better, but not quite good enough to call it a success.
Goal 14: Put money aside in savings: Haha thats a joke....although once my financial situation stabilizes I have a big plan. I'll share that when the time comes.
Goal 15: Get Christmas bought ahead of time while I still have money: Kids are done...check. Jack is done...check. Parents are done...check. Ok Alaska crew......I need a christmas list....
Time for some Happy Moments!

*People are finally starting to say I look like I'm trimming down again. Yay!

*Nate got his Wolf Scout last night....and also got 1 golden arrow and 6 silver arrow. I am soo very proud of him!

*Tonight is the Relief Society Christmas party. I am singing....pray for me not to mess up!

*There are only 2 weeks left of school then I'm on Christmas break with my kiddos. Soo very excited!

Thankful Heart

2011-11-29T07:02:00.000-08:00

via google images

I had 5 glorious days off from work and school that I used to their full potential. I started out the wonderful holiday being sick. I don't know if I got the flu or food poisoning, but it wasn't fun. However come Thursday I felt good enough to go to dinner so away we went. My brother had gotten a Smoked Turkey from Sonny Boys that is amazing. Seriously, I'm hooked on the stuff now. Too bad the place is soo pricey. We did NOT participate in the craziness of Black Friday though. Besides being broke, I also really don't like crowds enough to go camp out all night to throw elbows for stuff. Plus did you here about all of the the havoc that ensued around the country? I don't understand how people can get soo violent over material things. Is it really sooo important to you to have a new TV for $200 that you are willing to hurt your fellow man in order to get it? To me, it's not worth it. But to those who may read this that are die hard Black Friday shoppers....I have no intentions of offending and I think its great if you are able to get some things you would like at a deal. It is just not something I will be participating in anytime soon. Cyber Monday however? I love that idea. No crazy crowds and you still get good deals if you are needing to buy Christmas stuff. Anyway...on from Black Friday. The rest of the weekend went off without a hitch and we just pretty much spent the time hanging out as a family and bonding. It was soo very nice. Now the purpose of this whole post....as I was thinking about my life last night and the direction I want it to go in with this new year....I realized that I do a whole lot of complaining (and probably won't stop anytime soon hehe) and not enough being grateful. Sooooo its time again for grateful moments.

*I am grateful that I have my little apartment that I love. I feel more at home here than I have in a very long time. Granted, its on the brim of the Ghetto area and I really am not impressed with how they are managed now....and also think they need to get a new maintainance guy. However, for some reason I really do feel at home there and it helps me know I made a good decision in moving.

*A new ward that is fantastic. I had my doubts at first, but as I've tried to be more sociable and outgoing I have been rewarded. I feel a part of things there and also feel like it is where I need to be right now. Yet another proof to me that I made a good decision in moving.

*Coming to the realization that I need to live each day in the present. By doing this, I have been able to focus on my losing chub goal as I have been tracking daily on My Fitness Pal. Thus far, I have lost 19 lbs (about 10 of it was WW help...the other 9 was what I had gained back after quitting WW). The key for me is not focusing so much on "dieting" as just simply eating healthier and getting in my exercise. I have my goals set up on there to lose 1.5 lbs a week and it gives me the tools to do such. And best of all...it's EASY! I am blessed to have a phone app for MFP that helps immensely.

*Soo very grateful for my friend Erin who has decided to be my weight loss buddy. We check in with each other every Sunday and it definitely helps to have someone to be accountable to. And if anyone is looking to lose a little and want to report in on Sunday morning weigh ins...let me know! We check in via Facebook.

*I am grateful as well for the future. It looks soo very promising for me if I can keep my nose clean and stay on the slow and steady path. Truly...I think I have great things in store for my little family. I cannot wait for this new year to come....I'm ready for 2011 to be done.

As a side note....I hope the end of the world is not on December 21, 2011 or on January 1, 2012. I still have a ways to go before I'm ready to meet my maker. And there are a lot of things I would like to experience for that time comes. Which also makes me realize that this life is short and I need to live each day like it's my last. Which I'm sure I'll forget in an hour, however I'm going to try really hard to keep to that...and I encourage you all to do that too. :)

Niko's Song (San Diego State University 2011)

2011-11-28T08:13:00.000-08:00

This video was posted by a friend who has a friend (who has a friend of a friend haha! Thats alot of friendly stuff) that is deployed...and his wife wrote this song. It's soo very heartfelt, made me cry. She's been entered in a contest and it would be fantastic if ya'll could go "like" the video on Youtube. That would be great! Thank you! Another post coming soon.....

Funny funny kids

2011-11-23T07:37:00.001-08:00

As Bill Cosby would say...."Kids say the darndest things!" and my kids are no exception.
Nate has had a recent dramatic flair going on and Grandma had to talk about him not being so dramatic when people hit him in the "junk". So last night on the car ride home we were discussing how bringing attention to private areas of our body can draw in people in who want to hurt us and that no one should touch private areas except for yourself and doctors if it is medically necessary. That led to a rousing conversation between the boys about not aiming their "junk" while peeing and how it would fly everywhere and it would just be the funniest thing ever. There were hand gestures and sound effects and everything. They were laughing soo hard it was hard not to smile, but it makes me wonder how on earth I got blessed with 3 boys as that is not something I would discuss on a regular basis. Got to love them :)

Since it is the day before Thanksgiving, I just want to express my gratitude for a minute. I am soo very grateful for my family. They are supportive, helpful and push me to succeed. They keep me on track and make sure my boys know they are loved. I'm also grateful for my boys of course. We have many moments of laughing and many moments of being in trouble, but I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I am grateful to my wonderful friends who have been there for me. They love and support me in all things and I absolutely love each and every one of them. I am grateful for the knowledge I have in my Heavenly Father and knowing that if I do my part, I can return to him someday. Knowing he loves and cares for me is about the only thing that gets me through some days and I am eternally grateful for the fact that I was raised in a home that was filled with the spirit.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Hmmmmm

2011-11-21T08:05:00.001-08:00

This has been a thought provoking weekend. Saturday we went for the free swim put on by South Elementary for their healthy living week. I got a massive leg workout (they are still sore today) from "racing" the boys around the lazy river with Ryder latched on my back or riding up front. After 45 minutes of that...I think I can honestly say I burnt off the calories I had for dinner. It really was soo much fun. Nate is quite the popular kid, as is Tyler. I didn't see either of them much as they were off playing with friends. It was kind of fun to see them interact with their classmates.
Sunday was a really good day as well. Our stake presidency taught in Sunday School and it helped me to know that we aren't perfect and we aren't going to be perfect. We can just do the best we can and rely on the big guy upstairs for the rest, as he is our key to our salvation. Keeping close to him will help us stay headed in the right direction. On Sunday we also got in some great family time and yummy supper...but also got the sad but fantastic news that my brother and sis in law are moving. I truly think this is going to be a wonderful move for them. It help them grow as individuals and as a family, but I can't help being a little selfish in saying that I'm going to miss the beejeezies out of them. I truly wish them the best and plan on visiting as often as we can. And quite honestly, I didn't think I would be effected as much as I am by their moving. I didn't realize how close I feel I've grown to them. I really am going to miss them like crazy but I am soo happy that they are moving upward and onward with their lives and couldn't be more supportive. So I love you guys like crazy and I really wasn't planning on dedicating almost an entire post to you, but just know you guys have made a footprint in my life.
Anywho...this week has some good things in it. Thanksgiving of course, but also some possible new opportunities that I hope and pray are meant to be. Its going to be a good week. I hope ya'll have a good week as well.

Some funnies

2011-11-18T07:47:00.001-08:00

With life kind of being on the downward slope at the moment I think its a good day to focus on the funny moments we've had. One in particular has to do with Nate. A month or so ago while I was in Salt Lake, Mom had mentioned something to the boys about the draft and how at 18 the boys had to sign a form saying they would go to war if needed or something like that. Well when I got back and we were eating dinner, he kept worrying about having to go to war. He did not want to have to go to war. The military life was not one he was wanting to go into right now. It was kind of humorous because he was really worried about this and couldn't stop talking about it. Well I talked him down enough that I was pretty sure he realized that he didn't HAVE to join the military, signing a draft just meant that if we went to war and there weren't enough soldiers, he would be called up but that the chances of that happening weren't very high.
Well he will mention stuff now and then about the military and how he thinks maybe he'd like to be a mechanic in the military or maybe a barber. I didn't think anything more about it until this morning when he told me that as soon as he is 13 he will be going to Evans Hairstyling School to become a barber and he sure hoped he wasn't the only boy. I told him that he couldn't go to college, even Evans, until he was at least in high school or finished high school depending on what classes he took. I wish I could've taken a picture of his face....it was priceless. He was all sorts of forelorn and just said "Well shoot, that means I'm only going to get one good year of college in before I have to go to war....." I couldn't help but smile for a couple reasons. Based on his logic, he assumed it would take roughly 5 years to complete cosmotology school, and also that he was still thinking about the draft thing. I know, I know....I'm not very nice for thinking it's funny because he was dead serious but still. I explained that unless he was planning on enlisting in the military he wasn't going to be going to war any time soon, and even if he did enlist that they encouraged going to school at the same time. His whole body relaxed and he seemed okay after I told him it was okay to go to school still. So he decided that joining the military might not be soo bad and he might like it. I still don't think he comprehends that its his choice whether or not he enlists. Who knew that this subject would be so thought provoking in an 8 year old! I'm hoping that I eased some of the stress, but its going to be interesting to see what future plans of his are kiboshed by that pesky draft haha!

Random highlights

2011-11-15T07:34:00.001-08:00

This weekend was a relatively calm one. Friday I didn't have work (a BIG woohoo for that one....) so I spent the day doing homework and completely finished my online class. I also made an appointment to see my advisor to talk about switching majors. I will see her tomorrow. It seriously was a fantastic day. Saturday the boys REALLY wanted to put up the Christmas tree so I told them we had to move furniture around so it would fit. After we got that all done, the Wii mysteriously started working. I think it was a bad surge protector myself...but the Wii was enough to distract the boys from Christmas trees for one more week. They played TMNT until dinner time. Speaking of dinner time, preface this by saying there are a few foods in this world I love. Those include potatoes of any variety and cheese. I made my all time favorite soup, Mom's cheese soup. A big pot of cheesy deliciousness with veggies, lots of cheese and potatoes (yes I know they are a veggie but they need a seperate category). And the boys wouldn't touch it. I had to threaten early bedtime for them to even take one bite. This said....I think they are not of my DNA. I know I carried them in my tummy, I know they came from me, but I really think they have some alien DNA or something. How can my boys not like 2 of my most favorite foods of all time? Its a mystery to me.
Anywho...back to the weekend. Sunday we slept in past conference (I know....) so we had a family day of just hanging out together and watching movies and such. It was a good day. The only reason I'm including the next little bit is because Mom and Dad thought it was hilarous. I got back from a meeting I was at and it was already 5, so I needed to start grilling the chicken. The VT were there so I didn't feel like I wanted to interupt dad to start the grill. So Ry and I headed out with some matches in hand to turn on the grill. We turned the gas to high (mistake number one), lit the match and threw it in the grill. It didn't start up so I leaned in (mistake number 2) to see why, as if leaning in would provide the answers to all of life's mysteries or something, and then POOF! Seriously...the grill looked a little something like this...

but insert a picture of my head right in the middle of it. Seriously...not my brightest moment. We didn't get hurt, I didn't even get singed eyebrows or anything it just scared the bejeezies out of me. And Ry...oh so funny. He jumped about 20 ft in the air and wasn't quite sure what to think of it. It was kinda funny....
Yesterday brought me awesome news of doing FANTASTIC on my Microeconomics test and having it bring my grade up from an F to a C. I attribute it to Moms little notebooks. The night before I went and wrote down the billions of equations and how to solve them step by step in this little notebook she gave me. That is the only thing I did differently from the last test that I completely bombed...so I say that made the difference this time. Then when I got off work, we decided to go to Brad's Food Hut for dinner which was absolutely delish and we had great company to dine with too. For FHE we ended up forgoing a lesson and such since we didn't get home until around 7, so we went straight to making cookie pops. They actually turned out pretty good.

I had many more pictures, but for some reason they didn't email over and I already deleted them from my phone. Dangit. Oh well. Well thats all folks...hope ya'll have a great day!

Veterans Day

2011-11-11T08:39:00.001-08:00

via google images

Today I just want to say thank you to all of the Veterans out there. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a huge fan of the military because they sacrifice time away from their families and friends, risk their lives daily and do it all willingly to keep my family and I safe. I truly can't express how much I respect those who have served, still serve and those that have given their lives to keep us free. I also have a lot of appreciation and respect for the families of those that serve. They sacrifice having their spouses, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, dads, moms, grandparents, etc home safe with them so that they can be out in less than desirable circumstances fighting for our freedom. So thank you, veterans, you always have and will always have a special place in my heart. Oh...and you look really good doing it too :)

Time to Check In

2011-11-09T07:40:00.000-08:00

Today is a check in for me. The goals I listed in October I'm still working on, so lets see how its going.

Health and Wellness Goals

Goal 1: Plan and execute menus every week: With the exception of one week that was extremely crazy, I have successfully completed this goal every week since posting.

Goal 2: Track all food every day on my calorie count app: In the last 30 days, I have missed 5 days. Still a work in progress but pretty dang good. My goal is to HONESTLY log every single day in November.

Goal 3: Run 3 times a week and do weights the other 3 (1 rest day): I have honestly been slacking at this one. But this is a new week. On Monday I did 40 minutes of weights from my 6 week body makeover plan and yesterday I started over with the C25K. And the best part....I shaved a full minute off of my mile. The quickest I've been able to walk/job a mile has been 20 minutes. Last night I did it in 19 minutes. I was seriously doing a happy dance while trying not to fall off the treadmill! Soo happy. Small things like that make me realize that I am making progess, even if I can't see it yet.

School Goals

Goal 4: Read out of one of my textbooks every night (this has been especially hard with my accounting book): Honestly, I haven't been doing great at this. It needs serious improvement.

Goal 5: Study (having issues figuring out how I study best): Again, struggling. However I figured out yesterday that after jogging I retain more information for some reason. I have a test today and I feel pretty prepared for it after studying last night.

Goal 6: Attend class every day unless there is sickness or death in the family: I have done well with this. I missed one day on Monday due to some serious stress...so I think thats great overall. Its crazy to think there are only 4 weeks until Finals. I luckily won't have any major finals (I think) but its crazy how fast this semester has gone by.

Family Goals

Goal 7: Do homework as a family every night: We have been doing good at this. Nate does his homework at school, but Ty does his and reads to me just about every night. We aren't doing perfectly, but its getting there.

Goal 8: Eat dinner at the table as a family: Depending on the day, we do okay. Some are better than others...but this is still a work in progress.

Goal 9: Work on sticking to bedtime routine: So far so good, for the most part. There were a couple late nights that we had to skip story time but all in all doing good.

Religious Goals

Goal 10: Have FHE every Monday night: We have been doing great with this...check!

Goal 11: Read the Book of Mormon every night (long term goal is to have it read before the end of the year): I found a section in my gospel library app that has the kids stories for all of the scriptures, so we are currently working on the Book of Mormon and are to Chapter 8.

Goal 12: Have family prayer every day: This area for the most part is going well, we've had some days that we've skipped but its definitely an improvement from before.

Financial Goals

Goal 13: No using the overdraft account: Doing better but still not great yet....work in progress.

Goal 14: Put money aside in savings: Haha thats a joke....

Goal 15: Get Christmas bought ahead of time while I still have money: This is actually going great. The kids are pretty much done so whats left is family and friends.

On looking back, its nice to know that improvements are being made in most areas. Obviously there are some areas I need to work on more than others, but its comforting to know that things are improving somewhat.
Have a great day!

Really Hard Days

2011-11-08T07:52:00.000-08:00

Its been a minute...I'm sorry. The weekend was good, we just chilled out and I totally needed the relaxing. It snowed and I absolutely loved it. I've been ready for snow and for the winter season to start. On Sunday we had a good time at church and I ended up having to play the piano in Relief Society. One song I knew and the other I didn't, so I asked the director if she could play the last song and it ended up going well. This is leading somewhere I promise. That will come later.
Yesterday was an extremely hard day for me. I really wanted to just go home and throw in the towel. But ironically, in my probation class we had presenter come in from CAPS (Counseling and Psychological Services) to discuss the signs of stress and unbalance in our lives. It was rather ironic because everything he was discussing was relevant to my life. It made me realize that maybe I'm not as in balance as I thought....and alot of my disconnect could be tied to some stress/emotional/depression related issues. I'm planning on heading into their office this week to see if I can get this figured out. I keep trying to talk myself out of it by justifying why I don't need the help, but deep down I know I do. I think I'll be much happier when I can get in balance.
After all was said and done it was sure nice to be home. Grandma had taken the boys to get new shoes and haircuts. Tyler is soo funny, he is so very proud of his new boots. They are "grown up" boots he says so he feels much more grown up with them on. As I was making dinner I got a call from one of the Relief Society counselors (the girl who was directing music Sunday) and she was calling to see if I would sing for the Christmas Party coming up. She had been listening to me sing on Sunday and thought I had pretty voice, and they were looking for someone to sing during a slideshow of Christ's life. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, but I'm really happy to be able to serve. I think thats just what I needed.
We also had a good FHE last night. Ryder surprised me by answering questions with "we go into the water and we get baptized." It made my heart melt and just made me all around happy. Afterwards, we made some homemade moon pies. The kids enjoyed them and loved helping me make them.

Our moon pies

I'm really hoping that today and the rest of the week is better. Friday I will have a free day to get some things done and I am looking forward to it like crazy. I have my appointment for career counseling that day and also plan on sucking it up and going into CAPS. It will be a good day for me to get ahead on my homework too.
Heres to hoping that you all and myself have a fantastic rest of the week!

Slacker!

2011-11-04T07:43:00.000-07:00

Yes...I have been kind of a slacker at this blog thing lately. I may post something little, but nothing monumental for the most part. I think I'm in a blogging slump. So heres to some random stuff and gratitude to kick off the weekend.

*I successfully completed Day 1 of my C25K program yesterday and came in under my calorie goal as well (tracking with MyFitnessPal.com. Awesome site). I feel amazing when I eat right and exercise...I always wonder how I get off track. I have found a nice little group of friends on the MyFitnessPal community, and they are super supportive. Anytime anyone has a landmark, no matter how big or small...there are high fives (so to speak) all around. Its really great to know that there are people that are like you who are working towards the same goal...and that it can be done!

*I have a silly confession....I enter the PCH drawing every day in hopes I will become an instant millionare and get $5k a week for the rest of my life. Chances are like, 1 in 70 billion that I will win, but its still a guilty pleasure. And if I were to ever win, I have it all planned out. I would pay off my debts, buy a house and buy a new car. Then I would give my parents and siblings (and their families of course) whatever money they needed to pay off any debts they had. I would then take the family on a vacation somewhere fun. After that, I would donate to my church, my school and a couple other foundations. I would set some aside to finish school of course, and possibly open my own business when that was complete. I would set aside enough to live on while I went through school and the rest I would stock away in interest bearing accounts and invest.
I know....I have way too much time on my hands. But it mostly happens at night when everything else is done and I can't sleep...in my defense.

*I have been getting increasingly more irritable to be around when the boys are around. I feel bad for this but have realized its because they are really slow at doing EVERYTHING I ask them do to and for once I'd really enjoy having them just do what I ask without playing around. Working on ways to get that to happen short of capital punishment. Any ideas anyone? Seriously....if you got anything please share. I'd like to be back to enjoying my kiddos every minute or at least most the time.

*I'm still in Limbo about school/work....but we shall see what happens. Got some feelers out there. If you work somewhere thats hiring and makes a decent wage (something more than minimum wage) and has a flexible schedule...hit me up.

*And finally...I am eternally grateful for the women in my life. I love them all dearly. I know they got my back and I hope they know I got theirs too. {Sorry Betsy, I had to steal the picture. It did turn out good. :)}

The girls except for a sister....who we miss terribly. Just FYI.

Gratitude and Sadness all mushed together

2011-11-02T09:30:00.000-07:00

So there are a couple things I have been thinking about lately. I'm not so good at organizing my thoughts as anyone who's read this probably already knows, so expect some scattered thoughts. Last night as we were eating...I realized how grateful I am to have such a great and loving family. Without them, I know I would be struggling immensely. I know I have a safe haven there and it has given me alot of reassurance.

Between two qoutes, celeb gossip and recently obtaining my patriarchical (sp?) blessing (PB) after not having it for nearly 10 years...I have a different outlook on marriage. On one side, I truly ache for when I have someone to love. I see happy families all around and at times I do wonder who on earth would be crazy enough to be able to put up with me and my crazy boys. But then I see the two qoutes....

Both of these pretty much sum up what I want in a man...and make me realize that I deserve nothing less than that. And I am willing to wait to have those blessings come to me. How does celeb gossip come into to play? I'm sure anyone who keeps up with the news knows the big marriage of Kim K lasted a whole 72 days. It took longer to plan the wedding than the actual marriage actually lasted. This isn't new...there are several celebs out there who have marriages that end as quickly as that one, and sometimes even more quickly. The sacred institute of marriage has been completely bashed apart and destroyed by society. People pretty much assume that they will have 2 or 3 marriages and hopefully it all works out eventually. What happened to sticking it out in hard times and in good times? What happened to working out problems together instead of just getting divorced? It didn't hit me until all of the buzz about that divorce has been flying around. Its sad. Seriously.
The PB made me tells me that in time a boy will take me to the temple. When I am looking, I need to look for someone who has a strong testimony, a love of the church and wants the same end result as me (eternal family). If I am faithful, this will happen. But I need to be prepared for him as well....and thats the part I need to work on. I don't think I'm quite prepared yet. And...I'm willing to wait until I find that person. No matter how envious I get when I see happy couples....I will be remembering that I have a wonderful man waiting for me, I just need to get prepared so that when the time is right, I'll be ready.

Enough of marriage and love. The housing industry is killing me right now. More than ever I see politicans coming out with things that are completely ridiculous, just to boost their ratings. For instance, I posted yesterday about the foreclosure reviews. Fantastic idea and I encourage people to look into it. However after listening to a conference call on the subject...they said the benefit was "having someone take a second look." No compensation has been determined, they aren't prepared for the overload of people who will most likely want to have their accounts looked at, and they are expecting to pay third party sources for the review but want the housing agencies who are starting to shut down for lack of funding take time out to find these people, help with the paperwork, and follow through....yet they won't give us any compensation. At all. So to me, this is just another political program that will not work but is put out so that someone in DC can look good. I really hope I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. This is a program that has good intentions but is being rolled out before its ready. The OCC figured we'd have their backs and be all excited...which we are to a point...but not when it means additional work for us and no outcome or extra pay. That not only makes their program ridiculous, but it makes us seem uneducated. Bad news on all fronts.

My last thought is about the school/work dynamic. I feel like I'm in limbo and I don't like it. I want to know whats going on so that I can plan. Its coming time to register for classes, and if I have to find a full time job and leave school, I don't want to register. However if I delay much longer then I will miss the classes I need if I do end up staying. I feel strongly I need to stay, so thats the route I'm taking for now. But I can't survive on my good looks....so somethings got to give. Maybe I'll win the lotto. Or the PCH. I have been entering daily in hopes. :)

Work related...

2011-11-01T12:57:00.000-07:00

Today is a short but sweet post in relation to foreclosure.
If anyone is/has been in the foreclosure process or KNOWS anyone who is/has been in the foreclosure process and "who may have been financially injured due to errors, misrepresentations, or other deficiencies in their foreclosure process between January 1, 2009 and December 31, 2010"....please check out Independent Foreclosure Review. Here you will give the specifications of how to submit the application, who qualifies, and what Lenders are participating. Things are still rather vague....however its worth looking into. Please please pass this information along so people who were wronged can get a second look into their case.

Thank you!

Holy Smokes!

2011-10-31T07:32:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a very, very busy one....also very fun albeit but very busy! Friday we went to a Halloween party that my friend was putting on for the kids. The boys had soo much fun and they ended up with some prizes and Ry won best costume! They had ball. But we didn't get home until 10ish pm and desperately needed showers....so the heads didn't hit the bed until around 11 pm. Very late night indeed.

The next morning, Ty and Ryder were all sorts of excited to go to the Sheep Parade and get our day started. Nate...not so much. He decided he wanted to sleep instead so...we left him home. We were about 15 minutes late but we still got to see some fantastic tractors and sheep of course!

Awesome steam tractor thing

After the parade, we picked up Nate and went to the tailgating party that was going on at the university. The boys got their faces painted and were all set for the game. The boys ended up only lasting until about 10 minutes before half time before they were bored and tired and hungry, so we ended up leaving. But SUU was up by 14 when we left...so I'm hoping they ended up winning. Go SUU!

Not sure what Nate was thinking...but ok

Sunday was our fun family Halloween party. We ate some yummy philly cheesesteak sandwiches and then it was time for some games. We played a tossing game, pin the nose on the pumpkin, ring toss and got to break a pinata! I have tons of pictures...but for some reason they aren't wanting to get off my phone and on to my email....so I will have to post them later if I remember. However the few that did transfer over were great (and coincidentally...my favorite pics of the night).

*Not sure if the movie will work...so if not I'll youtube it then add it again*

All the kids dressed up

Grandpa and Grandma enjoying the festivities

Tonight....we have alot of options. The office girls and I are meeting up to take the kids to our elderly/disabled tenants after work, sometime tonight we are going to go trick or treating with our friends Tyler, Mande and Emma, and the possibility of seeing Paranormal Activity 4 (thats not going to include the kids...for obvious reasons....).

via google images

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Big decisions

2011-10-26T13:20:00.000-07:00

So I really wish that before you start your schooling career, you would be required to take the Academic Probation course. Why? Because I had some insight yesterday that I thought I'd share. As many may know (since I talk about it on here a lot) the only two classes I find I'm struggling in are the only two classes I'm taking this semester that go towards my major. At first I figured I was just out of touch with going to school...which I still believe to an extent....but the thought of taking more accounting classes and econ classes makes me kind of want to puke. Mostly because I know I will struggle with them. Well in the Academic Probation class I have, we had a counselor from the Career Cafe give a guest presentation yesterday on why it's important you find your purpose. The counselor was in Corporate America for like 26 years. He got paid bank, got to travel to 21 different countries, lived the life of luxury....all that great stuff. But he hated it. To the point it made him physically ill. So that made me think about why I decided to choose what I did. I think the reason I chose Business Management is because I like the status that gives and the wages. Not because I'd enjoy the work. The more I think about a career in Business, the less and less I think I'm in the right major. However...registration for classes starts soon, and I've been stressing because another semester of business classes that I know I will struggle in and possibly not pass means that I could possibly be on academic probation AGAIN and could possibly be kicked out of school and forced to take a year break before coming back. I REALLY don't want that to happen. So, I've made an appointment with the career counselor for a session that I'm sure will be enlightening. It will be 1 1/2 hrs of I'm assuming self assessments, looks into careers that could happen with different majors and where I would fit in best. I do have to say I'm rather excited for this, as I'm hoping I can find a major that will fit me and what I want to accomplish in my life. And the plus side... some of the majors don't require any classes over 1030 which is Quantitative Reasoning. I'd be happy for that, since math isn't my strongest trait.

I also am having big time stress over what to do about jobs. The way it looks, I will not have a job after Dec 31. Funding just isn't there and that's that. Its life. In my experience, most jobs don't provide much flexibility for school, so this has made me wonder what I should do. Should I find a full time job and quit school...or keep going to school and pray something comes up that will work with schedules and live off of my grants/tax returns until I do find something? If I was single and had no kids, it would be an obvious choice. But my number one concern is being able to support my kids. However in the long run, getting my degree will give me a career...which just hopping from job to job won't do. So I don't know. I'm hoping some divine inspiration will come to me and tell me what to do. As of right now... I plan on staying in school and praying like no other that I'm able to make it. Cross your fingers for me and send good mojo....now is definitely a time when I will need it.

FHE

2011-10-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a good goal day. I ate awesome the entire day and only went over by 100ish calories....but even that didn't matter at the end of the day. We had fish and rice for dinner at the boys gobbled it up. Then I decided we would get a jump start on FHE. I didn't realize (yes I'm a slacker) that Nate is old enough to work on his Faith in God. So last night was the first installment of getting the basics down. We all have charts we get to check off every time we accomplish one of the basics. Ty was being a stinker so I got distracted and wasn't able to go over the charts as well as I wanted, but I'm thinking we will do that tonight. And get a prize for whomever does the best on their charts. Afterwards, we made some witches hats (thanks for the inspiration Mom!) and the boys loved it.

Group shot...sorry Nate I thought you were in it more...

Nates finished product

Ryder working on it

Ty eating more frosting than decorating...

And I didn't eat any at that time. I was super proud of myself. It was very messy, so after everyone was done eating their hats they jumped in the shower and got jammies on. We have started a new bedtime routine where we shower, get jammies on, choose two books to read then read a chapter out of the scriptures. We are making a goal to finish the Book of Mormon. I have no idea if this will be beneficial to them or not, and they seem bored most the time, but we are going to finish it anyway.

After everyone was in bed, I busted out 2 miles on the treadmill (woot woot!) and ended up with a surplus of 77 cals for the day.... so what do I do? Grab a couple Hersheys Kisses. Mmmm. But even then I still ended up with 17 extra cals. I would call that a great day.

I even got some studying done. I read Part A of my accounting chapter. Tonight, I need to dedicate myself to a whole chapter. Because my next test opens up this Friday....so I better get on it. I feel better about this one though because I'm actually understanding the concepts better.

So I say the day was a WIN! Amazing what happens when you stop worrying about what you don't have and focus on the awesomeness that you do have....

Some {Worthy} Insight

2011-10-24T07:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend was filled with good things. On Saturday I got determined and decided I was going to find a way to get my treadmill in my apartment and put somewhere where I could use it. I'm sure Dad was probably thinking "Oh boy here we go again..." but I promise that is the last time I move that treadmill until I buy a house or get married. I fully intend on staying where I am at until that time. Moving that thing is quite the feat, it is not "light weight and easy to move!" as the sales rep pitched me. Anyway...we got it torn apart and moved up into my apartment. It has a new home in my dining room right by the windows. And I will be using it. Every day.
Sunday I had a hard day in church. Sacrament meeting was full of constant fights and bickering between the boys, Ryder disobeying me and then LAUGHING when I'd scowl at him or tell him to be quiet. It was horrid. Then the sweet relief of Sunday School and kids going to Primary relieved me. In Relief Society the lesson was on the April 2011 Priesthood Power talk given by President Monson in the Priesthood session. I dunno if it was just the day, or the fact that the teacher is this amazing girl...but it struck a cord. She told a story of a girl who, despite her best efforts, was having a really hard time finding a good man. She dated a string of return missionaries who she thought would be spiritually sound, however that couldn't have been farther from the truth. She was at her darkest point and figured there were no worthy priesthood holders left. They were kinda like the Easter Bunny, you've heard of him but he's non-existent.
So the teacher left the story there for a moment and got into the talk.
Some points that really stood out for me were some quotes that were given. The first being:

"Choose a companion carefully and prayerfully; and when you are married, be fiercely loyal one to another. Priceless advice comes from a small framed plaque I once saw in the home of an uncle and aunt. It read, “Choose your love; love your choice.” There is great wisdom in those few words. Commitment in marriage is absolutely essential."

How true is that? Choose your love; love your choice. Even in the hard times, realize you chose to marry that person for a reason. And another:
President Howard W. Hunter said this about marriage: “Being happily and successfully married is generally not so much a matter of marrying the right person as it is being the right person.” I like that. “The conscious effort to do one’s part fully is the greatest element contributing to success.”

Another wise saying. Instead of focusing on the other persons faults and whats making you mad...focus on changing something in yourself to make the other person feel a little more special.
At the end of the talk she let us know that she was the girl from the story. She was the one who thought it was a hopeless cause. But, she didn't waiver in her beliefs and she got rewarded with a fantastic husband who loves and cares for her. I guess that's a sure fire sign. It also makes me realize that I need to make sure I am worthy to support the man I ~~hopefully~~ eventually end up marrying. And I'm not quite there yet. But I'm getting closer.
The talk is a fantastic one for both men and women, so I highly advise reading it if you have the chance. You can find it here. It gives sound advice on ways to improve your marriage as well if you find things are getting a little volatile.
So....here is to a good week ya'll. And happy marriages to those of you who have one. :)

Good times....

2011-10-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

After a bit of a whiney butt day.....it was brightened up a bit when we were able to go swimming after work yesterday. Ryder for some reason had anxiety which is odd, because he's been there about a billion times so I dunno why the big bucket of water dumping caused him soo much grief. But it did...whatever. And it was all fun and games until someone pooped in the pool. So we really only got like 30-45 minutes swim time, but that was plenty for me. Then Grandma invited us to go to McDonalds for dinner and it was a welcome invitation as I really wasn't feeling up to cooking...even if I looked like a hot mess.

I have missed my friend D terribly the last while and haven't gotten to see her since going to her house in July (totally my fault since I've been hermiting myself a bit) so when I got her text asking if we could come visit for a minute since they had something for me...I was all over it. We had a good talk and the boys got to play with the kids there. I got to see her very adorable prego daughter and sis in law, both of whom I love to death and also haven't seen in ages....and we got our invites to their Halloween party and Baby Shower. The thing I like about D...and my other two lovies I got to see tonight....is that we are those special kinds of friends who can go for months without talking then pick right up again when we see each other. I always know they've got my back and I hope they know I've got theirs too.

So we were a bit tired and got home a bit later than I'd hoped....but it was totally worth it for the fun evening we had of spending
time with family and friends.

I've been coming across some blogs of friends from high school and it's been neat to see how their lives are going. Its also given me a bit of the green eyed monster of jealousy for those that have escaped Utah and are having all sorts of adventures in places like New York City. But...I am thankful for what I have and for having my family close by. So I will just live vicariously through them for awhile.

And its almost the weekend. I'm looking forward to being able to lounge around and get some laundry done. Weird...I think I'm getting old. I'm also planning on hitting the books so that I can possibly not fail this semester. Accounting is starting to make a bit more sense, but my Econ math is completely throwing me off. Practice practice practice I suppose....

Have a good weekend ya'll!

Randomness

2011-10-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

I'm not entirely sure what to write today. I'm being a bit bi-polar at the moment. Obviously...cause its not noticable or anything...anyway. I want change, I'm just unsure about how to go about getting it to happen. Silly huh? I'm having a hard time implementing because I am a person who doesn't like to wait to see results. I want to know for sure SOMETHING needs to change though because I'm stuck in a rut. I'm thinking this weekend is going to be used as a planning weekend.

In other news....I wrote up a guest column for my friend Derek Morton who runs the Cedar City Real Estate 411 site. You can read it here. I think it turned out okay....we shall see how the community responds.

One more tangent.....
Have you guys heard of the series The Second City Network? I recently found them on Youtube and the videos crack me up. They ring true sadly....but still funny. The series I watched was about what Disney Princess characters are teaching young girls. Some of the videos leaned towards the more vulgar side....so just know that going into it. They have other stuff too, but I've yet to watch them.

Ok I guess thats all for today. Check out my post...let me know what you think. Thanks :)

Countdowns....

2011-10-19T11:50:00.000-07:00

COUNTDOWN TO HALLOWEEN.........12 DAYS

COUNTDOWN TO THANKSGIVING..........36 DAYS

COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS........61 DAYS

COUNTDOWN TO NEW YEARS.............68 DAYS

Just sayin........ :)

Halloweeny

2011-10-18T07:47:00.000-07:00

So its time for a little positive. I'm still feeling weighed down and bummed with my life, but I also need to focus on the fun happy times. This weekend...it was getting ready for Halloween time! The boys and I went shopping for costumes and we found some great ones if I do say so myself. But they are a secret. I'll take lots of pictures I promise :)
We then decided it was pumpkin carving time. We have been growing pumpkins and Grandpa and Grandmas house, and they were ready to go so the boys picked out the ones they wanted and off we went. This year I splurged and got a pumpkin carving kit and it was the best thing I could've done. The boys were super crafty and of course chose some of the hardest designs. But I think they turned out cute.

Nate jabbing his punkin

Ty cutting the top off

Ry just kinda staring.....he "helped" me

The boys all working on their pumpkins

The finished product...my Ryder's cat, Nate's spider and Tyler's ghost.

They are already starting to shrivel, so we might have to get bigger pumkins that we can space the designs out on so they don't get all wrinkley so fast.

Tonight we are going to go participate in the ward service project. My boys need to learn to serve I think. And there are donuts and hot chocolate being served afterwards. Thats always a bonus I think. We will see how much the boys gripe...but hopefully they enjoy it more so than think its a pain.

I know I know...I'm being all EMO

2011-10-17T07:24:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry...this is more blah blah I'm having issues and such that you've already heard about a million times so bear with me, but writing is very theraputic so you get to hear all about it.

I've been having a struggle as to whether or not my life is headed down the right path or not. Previously, life was easy. I obviously had some of the worries that every person has...money, screwing kids up for life, etc. But beyond the normal stuff I was fine. I felt hope that I'd find someone nice to be with because my choices weren't super limited, I just needed to sift through the losers to find a good one. However I was a crappy mom, daughter, sister, family member, friend, etc. I know this...and thats what prompted me to make changes. I was tired of constantly feeling like I was a let down.

Now...I have made the changes that I feel needed to be made in order for me to feel like I'm becoming a better person, but I guess I'm starting to feel the consequences maybe? I feel better as a person, but I realize that I have given a HUGE disservce to my kids and I've been a crappy mom. I want my kids to be respectful, honest little gentlemen. But I don't know what to do to teach them those principles. I can lecture and lecture....but how do you teach them? Don't get me wrong, I love my boys with all my heart and I do feel like they are good kids. However they are all exhibiting signs of naughty deeds that I know are directly related to the fact that I've been a crappy mom in some areas. The most recent....Tyler sending a not nice text to his cousin then lying straight to my face (and everyone elses) about it up until the time when his cousin let me know it was him. Seriously? How do I teach him that lying is not okay? I've told him numerous times...and ironically they had learned about it in primary that day too. Yet he still did it. What do I do?

The other area I'm struggling in is the man thing. I know I know....ya'll are tired of hearing about it. But seriously....things like the kids being naughty makes me realize even more that they need a man in their lives. They need someone to show them how they need to treat women. They need a strong hand. Beyond that, I'm lonely. And seriously? I feel hopeless that there is anyone out there for me. I'm having to be more selective. If I want to get married in the temple, then the person has to be LDS. 90% of LDS guys get married directly off their mission, and the divorce rate within the religion is pretty low. So the guys left who are my age or older are generally either very odd and quirky, two faced, complete jerks, or get swiped up as soon as they hit the market again. But...there are several very good guys out there who are of different religions who are awesome awesome people. I've met loads of them that I would love to date. However...they are not LDS. And really? Who is really gonna want to take on this emo mess girl and her 3 emo mess boys who are wanting a loving, kind dad soo much that they can barely contain themselves?

So...is this particular religious path I'm on worth it? I'm not sure anymore. My life is a daily struggle now. There isn't a day goes by that I'm not fighting off something...whether it be a craving, a desire to go hang out with my old friends who I miss like crazy, taking up offers of a date with guys not LDS, struggling with my kids and how to raise them since I'm not doing a great job and truly don't know how to improve....the daily bouts of loneliness and feelings of inadequecy in every aspect of my life right now just add to that battle. Is this really how I'm going to choose to live the rest of my life, struggling EVERY DAY to find some sort of peace or happiness...or something? Anything? Sigh....lets hope now that its all off my chest I can have a good week yeah?

*And as I'm finishing this post....Come Thou Fount starts playing on my Pandora and makes me want to cry (filled with spirit cry)....that helps me know that I think I'm headed the right direction maybe I just need to pray for some reassurance....

Yay for the weekend!

2011-10-14T08:13:00.000-07:00

Its been a minute....hello! The last couple days have been a whirlwind of fun and excitement. Ok not really....but still. The trip to Salt Lake really jumped my creative juices into overdrive. I'm thinking when I finish school...I'm going to start my own business. I have a lot of ideas. I would kind of like to do a non-profit for financial literacy or maybe credit counseling. Or I could totally go on the opposite direction and go after my passion of photography. My dream job would be to have a successful photography business. I LOVE taking pictures and playing with their colors and such. Its my favorite. I've been highly considering minoring in photography. We shall see where life takes me.

This weekend there are soooo many options of fun and entertainment. There is a pumpkin festival at the university sponsored by Women in Business (woot woot and high five for the women in business) and Fall Fest which is at a nursery close by. They are having some closeout sales and a pumpkin patch. Sometime this month I'd like to go to the corn maze (soo much fun last year!) and also hit up one of the haunted houses. Did I mention I absolutely LOVE this time of year? I love it. We also get to tend a sweetheart of a little girl while her parents sneak away to the temple.

The boys and I are going to shop for Halloween costumes this weekend. I hope we find stuff thats cheap and likable. I also have a couple gifts I need to make for some soon to be arriving little darlings. I'm hoping to get that done this weekend as well. I've started buying Christmas early which is a big deal to me, seeing as how I usually wait until the last paycheck before Christmas. But this year, I really wanted to get the boys the best gifts I could and to do that, I have to budget everything out. I'm starting to feel a little proud of myself for being a grown up.

My mom texted me a conversation between Nate and one of his friends yesterday that I have to share. Some probably already saw it on facebook, but its made me smile.

Friend: Do you have a dad?
Nate: Yeah. My mom's divorced.
Friend: Why?
Nate: {thinking....} My mom wanted to go bowling & my dad wanted to go fishing so they had an argument and got divorced.
Friend: Is she going to find a man and get married?
Nate: {thinking...} Yeah. She wants to find a husband who will play with us and be nice to us.

I'm happy that my kids don't have negative thoughts about their dad. I also think its a pretty accurate analogy of bowling and fishing. I wanted to have a romantic, loving relationship (bowling) and he wanted to go spend his time with other women (fishing). I am very happy that he knows I'm waiting for the right person who can also be a good dad to them. I think of the whole conversation, that is the most important part to me. And the part that makes me smile the biggest. Now I hope that the man of my dreams is out there. I've about given up on ice cream boy. So the search continues.

Anyway...its Friday and I'm happy for it. Hope ya'll have a great weekend!

Goals....check!

2011-10-11T08:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a pretty good day for completely goals. I REALLY wanted to go out to a new Chinese place here in town even though I didn't have the money. I resisted and instead had some delish Shepards Pie that was totally worth making. I'm looking forward to leftovers for lunch.
Healthy (or healthier than fast food) meal....check!
After dinner, we went for a walk with some good friends. I'm looking forward to starting this new habit of walking every night with them...it helps the boys and I get out of the house and gives us exercise. We ended up walking 1.71 miles but didn't even seem like that long.
So exercise every night....check!
After some play time, the boys got jammies on and we read stories. I've been really wanting to get into a good bedtime routine. I give that half a check since we didn't get our nightly shower in....
but still...half check!
And when they went to bed....I read the accounting chapter that I knew I needed to read. I really didn't want to....but I did. And I get it now. And the chapter was insanely long...but I get it now.
Homework every night....check!
I've also made a goal to read two different books. The first is Daughters In My Kingdom which was given to me at church and we were encouraged to incorporate it with our normal study. The second is When Times Are Tough by John Bytheway. I have the goal of reading a chapter of each every night. Last night I did it.
Reading nightly....check!
The only thing I faltered on last night was FHE. By the time dinner was made and eaten, it was getting dark so we needed to go walking before it was too dark to go very far. Next week though.
I'm looking forward to tonight and seeing how far I get on my goals. Tomorrow I will be in Salt Lake for a meeting, so tonight and tomorrow will be a bit skewed....but we will try our best as always.

OH! In other news....
Have ya'll heard that your bank could most likely be charging you a fee every time you use a debit card? Yep. I've seen them as low as $2 and as high as $5 FOR EVERY TRANSACTION you making using a debit card! Call me crazy...but I'm going to start using cash for absolutely everything if this is what its going to be like. I take that back...I'll strictly use bill pay for my bills (since no fees are being charged for that service......yet) and cash for everything else. I refuse to have my bank take my hard earned money because they feel I owe them for the honor of using their institution for my banking needs. Ludicrous ya'll....ludicrous. I know that so far, Bank of America, Wells Fargo, Chase, and Regions Financial are on board and some have already started charging. Is your bank next?

Flat tires and ball fights

2011-10-10T08:06:00.000-07:00

I have decided that cars are no bueno. I am soo irritated at my car. It was definitely not my smartest investment ever. I'm almost wishing I would've kept the gas guzzling monster 'burb, it at least ran well. Argh. Anyway...this weekend the horrible demon car had two flat tires. Same tire, albeit, but still. twice. So I'm rollin with a donut right now. And the donut is actually in better shape than the tires. However it is a bigger than the rest. Really...this car is horrible. So anyway. Nate learned how to change a tire. Grandpa was very patient and let him learn how which was great...I think its important to know how. And he loved it.
And I was in a dress so its good he did it and got dirty instead of me....cause I'm girly like that.

Something that I think will go down in Carlile memorial history was the ball fight that took part after family dinner on Sunday. It was hilarious. The kids loved it and the adults had even more fun I think!

The whizzing blurs are balls flying. I'm sure that the neighbors were thinking we were crazy...but it was soo much fun! And funny enough a great workout. We had a great time.

And...those were the highlights of the weekend. Hooray.

Failing

2011-10-07T15:42:00.000-07:00

You FAIL!

There are moments in my life when I wonder if I've made the right decision. And this is one of those days. It is mid-term and time to check in with grades. In my easy 1 credit classes I'm passing no problem. In the two classes that are required for my Advanced Standing to the Business Program, I am getting Fs. Well, I know in the one class I absolutely love to pieces (Microeconomics) I am getting an F. Why? The test went bad. I think I need to appeal some of the wrong answers though, because I'm positive I got them right. The math though? I know I failed miserably. The class I despise (Accounting) I haven't checked my grade in but I can tell you without a doubt its an F since I bombed the test. Why do classes focus so much of the grade on tests? Don't they realize a lot of people are not very good test takers? Blasted. Its my own fault. I could've studied harder.
But it still makes me wonder if I'm really supposed to go to school. Is this a road block that I need to conquer and overcome? Or am I not ready for such a time intensive responsibility? School has proven difficult for me in ways I never imagined. Finding time to study has been difficult, finding time to do homework (since I don't have internet at home and the majority of the homework has to be submitted online) has been difficult, with the possibility of losing my job soon and finding new employment has proven difficult because anyone paying high enough wages for me to support my family don't want to work with school schedules. All I can do is hope and pray that this will all work out. I felt like I needed to go back to school for a reason, I just need to figure out why, because this is the most frustrating thing I've encountered (besides the divorce) in a VERY long time.

Hair-tastic

2011-10-07T09:44:00.000-07:00

I really want long hair if/when I get married again, so I am determined to grow it out. Anyone who knows well me knows I get really tired of my hair really fast. I cut it or color it more than anyone I know. I've been trying to give it a break though. So I've been searching for cute and inventive ways to do my hair. I found a blog of a girl I went to high school with, Reagan, who is now a pretty successful hairdresser in New York City. She has also had an incredible (and sad but very inspirational) life after high school. I highly suggest you read her story. Seriously...you will cry but want to give her a high five. Anyway. She does tutorials and I've been trying to follow them so I can put up with my hair. The weather here has been windy and cold so up-dos have been my friend. Today...is this.

the back-ish

One side

Since the pictures are absolutely fantastic (hinting sarcasm...just in case you didn't get that) I parted my hair on the side where my natural part is and french braided each side until they met in the back. Then I pulled them together with any loose hair and created a messy bun. I also realized in taking these pictures that I have a short neck. Hmmm. Thats not very pretty.
Have a good weekend ya'll!

Where Did Fall Go?

2011-10-06T08:10:00.000-07:00

The one thing I really hate about the weather here is that we never cycle through normal seasons. On Monday it was like 90 degrees and we had our A/C on. Last night it was raining so hard it kept the boys up. This morning it has snowed. Not a ton...and it's not sticking. But its still there and its still cold. I don't think we've broke 40 degrees yet. Ugh. The plus side...its perfect soup weather! I love a crockpot corn chowder recipe that I found in one of my many books, so that was on the docket. I got all the ingredients in there and we were out othe door yesterday morning. I came home to cold soup. The stupid crockpot hadn't been plugged in. Argh. But I just ended up cooking a batch by stove top and it was absolutely delish. I'm looking forward to leftovers for lunch today.

So I'm happy its starting to cool down, but I'm not so happy that fall got passed over. The snow can wait at least one more month and I'll be happy.
In other news, I had the kids' SEP meetings this week. Tyler is doing fantastic. On his Dibels tests (some great academic test) he scored 20-30 points over the average in all categories. I'm pretty positive she said he was the highest in the class on one of the tests if not all of them. He is also a very good student and listens well. He has lots of friends and everyone likes him. Makes me happy he is doing soo well.
Nate is also doing great. They test the Dibels alittle differently for him and its clumped in one score instead of 4 like Tylers, but he was about 20 points over the average as well. He was struggling with getting his homework turned in...he would do it but not turn it in. So he has started working with his teacher in the homework club at school and has improved significantly. He was also having a hard time remembering to write down his reading, but that is also getting better. So the two places he was struggling have been improved since his teacher and I talked about it.
I'm sure proud of those kiddos...as much as they hate when I push them to do homework and reading, they are smarty pants and doing well. I completely attribute that to daycare though...they should be taking credit for always doing a great job at making sure my kids are on track. I'm guessing that Ry will be the same way. I hope.

Random

2011-10-05T08:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a good day. Work was good, and I learned some good stuff. After work I jog/walked a mile and felt amazing for it. Then we went home and I made some healthy HG Alfredo with some additions of my own...namely a steamable package of broccoli and cheese.

The boys weren't too fond of it, but I thought it was absolutely delightful. It made 5 servings and each serving is 220 cal. Not too shabby I say. After eating and getting the boys' homework done (see? good on my goals today!) I got a text from friend (we shall refer to my ice cream guy as this from now on) wondering if he could stop by and say hello. And he did. I got kiddos put to bed and we had a good talk about school, politics, religion...all the stuff you probably shouldn't talk about but we actually share the same views on for the most part. He also asked alittle about my history and ended up learning probably more than he would've liked, but he kept asking questions. So he officially knows my past and is okay with it. Thats probably a good sign, since my past has been a rough one with lots of ups and downs. He also asked about Grayson. And was understanding. That meant alot. So it was an all around good night I think. And it felt soo good to run again...that is something I'm going to definitely keep up. Hopefully I can get my butt back in shape soon enough. This is good...Life is good....

And now some random kids pics I found :)

Ty and Ry like to sit out on the balcony...and I thought it was soo cute they squeezed into the same camp chair :)

Yes thats called child labor...wierdly they love cleaning their bathroom.

I love this pic...they were bored while we were waiting for Grandpa to come save us from a flat tire. And of course Ry refused to pose. Thats my boys!

Yesterday...

2011-10-04T08:33:00.000-07:00

...was a good day. For the most part. When I woke up I found a monster spider, seriously...like the size of a baby kangaroo. It was huge. And it was up in the corner of my vaulted ceiling in my kitchen, obviously not easily reached. I hate spiders. Hate them with a passion and have a bit of a phobia about them. I prayed it would still be in that spot when I got home so I could try to catch it or smoosh it or something. I didn't want to have to wonder if I would wake up to it crawling on my face.

seriously...look at this bad boy!

So we got home and it was indeed still there. As a tangent....we did good on our goals yesterday. The boys got out their homework and finished it up, cleaned out backpacks, and got everything organized for today while I made dinner. Then we ate as a family at the table. My planned dinner (Shepards Pie) didn't happen because I realized I was out of hamburger so we just had a wierd assortment of leftovers. But it was relatively healthy all the same. After dinner, we cleaned up and had FHE. We are learning about the 6 bees from President Gordon B Hinckley. The 3 we focused on last night were Be Grateful, Be Smart, and Be Clean. I have told the boys that if they really try to work on these this week, they can get a prize.
Then came one of the most shocking experiences I've had in awhile. We needed to return some Redbox movies, so Nate when to go turn them in and I parked in the parking lot. The lady parked next to me door dinged me not once...not twice...4 TIMES. She almost knocked my mirror off with her door and left 3 visible dings on my door. And I was sitting RIGHT THERE. She didn't apologize, didn't acknowledge I was even there...just went on her merry way. Wow. I was shocked.
Ok back to the spider. We get done with all this side stuff and the spider is gone. And then scared the crap outta me because he'd hauled butt to the opposite wall and when I turned around I swear I could see his eyeballs. So I tried to get one of the boys to smash him, but they wouldn't. They told me to quit being a scaredy momma. So I got the vacuum and tried to suck it up but he resisted. That thing was strong. It finally got sucked up, but I made Tyler look in the vacuum attachment to make sure it went down and we both swear it was climbing up so I left the vacuum running and took it outside. Needless to say...the vacuum slept outside last night. And my neighbors probably think I'm a tard from all the dancing around and squeeling that was going on. Oy. Anyway. Let's hope the spider doesn't crawl in again. Too much trauma.

October Goals....I know.....

2011-10-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe it is already October. This year seems to have sped by right before my eyes. As I have looked back at some of my long term goals...I'm making progress. Very slight progress, but progress all the same. This month I want to challenge myself. I mean really challenge myself. I need to get kickstarted. So here goes. What made this kickstart happen you may ask? Struggling on 2 of the 3 tests I had last week, and blow drying my hair this morning. What does blow drying have to do with anything? When I lifted my arms up...I saw how fat they've gotten. Like beyond the normal relief society flap...ugh. So come on October....show me the money.

Health and Wellness Goals

Goal 1: Plan and execute menus every week
Goal 2: Track all food every day on my calorie count app
Goal 3: Run 3 times a week and do weights the other 3 (1 rest day)

School Goals

Goal 4: Read out of one of my textbooks every night (this has been especially hard with my accounting book)
Goal 5: Study (having issues figuring out how I study best)
Goal 6: Attend class every day unless there is sickness or death in the family

Family Goals

Goal 7: Do homework as a family every night
Goal 8: Eat dinner at the table as a family
Goal 9: Work on sticking to bedtime routine

Religious Goals

Goal 10: Have FHE every Monday night
Goal 11: Read the Book of Mormon every night (long term goal is to have it read before the end of the year)
Goal 12: Have family prayer every day

Financial Goals

Goal 13: No using the overdraft account
Goal 14: Put money aside in savings
Goal 15: Get Christmas bought ahead of time while I still have money

This seems like alot....but these are all aspects that I'm aware I need to improve on. I'm also fully aware that I probably will not accomplish every single one of these goals in entirety by the end of the month. However I want to improve on them. I can't remember if it was a talk or a lesson that I got this from...but some words of wisdom I haven't forgotten are this.

No one expects you to change your life all in one day. You make improvements one step at a time. Make yourself aware of the things you would like to improve and then take one of them and work on it. Conquer it...then move on to the next.

Alot of these are things I've just gotten lazy with and simply need to get in the habit of doing again, so it won't be hard to adjust. Others...I have true struggles with and they will need to be conquered one at a time. But that is what this life is about, right? Live, Love and Learn.

Giving me hope!

2011-09-28T11:46:00.000-07:00

its blurry but too cute to pass up :)

So I mentioned yesterday that I was going to have ice cream last night with a friend. This friend and I happened upon each other and I think it was a blessing. Regardless of what happens with this relationship, if it stays friendly or turns into more, I truly think I was meant to meet him at this time in my life. I'm about to get all churchy...so just be warned :)

An interesting thing happened. I have been doing really good with keeping my nose clean so to speak and not giving in to temptations (bad habits) that I have really been trying to steer away from. I really do want to be able to live a clean and pure life in every way I can. So it was really interesting to me that when the ice cream mini date got closer and closer...my temptations grew stronger and stronger. Like holy cow scary stronger than ever strong and it only got worse as the date went on. When we said goodbye for the night, they decreased significantly. For some reason I was able to step outside of the situation so to speak and look at what was going on from what I can only describe as a third party point of view. I could completely see that for some reason this mini date was triggering those temptations very strongly, yet I wasn't anxious or nervous about going which is usually the triggers I fight. Quite the opposite actually, I was very much at peace. And I had a very pleasant time.

So here comes the churchy stuff. We got to know each other pretty well and he made it apparent that he doesn't like to be around the stuff that I have been trying to keep my distance from and it is a complete deal breaker for him in a relationship. Which is great for me because sometimes I need a more concrete reason to stay on the path I've chosen, and this could be a good reason. So when I was able to step away from the situation, I was able to see that if I were to give in to those temptations, I would lose any chance of having any sort of relationship beyond friends with this person. I can't help but wonder if that is exactly what Satan was trying to accomplish. I feel like he used every force possible to try to break me down. Seriously ya'll...the feelings were so strong that I felt like someone was physically pushing me. It was crazy. I think though, that I was given the chance to see the whole picture because I needed to realize that my actions could cause me to lose something very good. It also makes me pretty aware that I am going to be having daily internal battles between right and wrong. Like WW3 for the Kimmy. But I know that good can win, mostly because it really irritates me that Satan is trying to push me to do things I don't want to do. And the stubborn side of me is kicking in saying "I'll show you! I'm not going to listen to you because I know its going to down right ruin your day and thats what you get for trying to ruin my life. Jerk." Not that I'm normally a vengeful person, but it irritates me.

Now I'm not jumping to conclusions and saying that this is the man I'm destined to marry or anything, because I don't know that. But this is the first person I have dated who has the same wants and desires for their life as I do. I'm a very old fashioned girl and my values are not the same as society values these days. Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging anyone or think everyone should feel the same way I do by any means, its just hard in the dating scene for me since not many feel the same as I do on things. Yet he is also the first person who has the same views as I do on relationships and how to act in them. I don't think I've ever shared my laundry list with anyone but here goes. I'm bolding (is that a word? haha) the ones that I can already tell he possesses not by his words, but by his actions in just the short couple hours we spent together. And making notes. Cause I'm a dork.

Trustworthy *I think he is, however I'm stubborn and it takes me time to really know for sure
Respectful *his eyes were in direct contact with my eyes. Not once did he look down which is super rare these days in my experience
Loyal *I also think he would be loyal in a relationship...but its too soon to tell
Honest *wasn't afraid to share his opinions on anything
Good communicator *he talked alot but also asked alot of questions and listened
Good sense of humor *he makes me laugh, like a lot. Its kinda embarassing
Likes kids *told me several stories of playing with his nieces and nephews
Wants to go to the temple *and won't settle for any less (which is why he's not married yet from what I can tell)
Is endowed *made it clear he will never break those promises he made
Doesn't cheat *he did say he would never do that, and I believe him, but it takes me time to really trust that.
Isn't addicted to porn *made it very clear that he thinks it ruins relationships and is very degrading to women
No smoking, drinking or drugs *made it very clear that he will not put up with anything of the sort
Cares about the soul, not the outward appearance *obviously...since he went on a date with me AND said he wants to do it again
Makes me feel special *seriously...I felt like we were the only people in DQ and no one else mattered. It was nice. And he didn't text once, even though I knew he was getting texted. That goes under respectful category as well.
Gentleman *opened every door for me and paid for ice cream
Supportive *I get the feeling he would be from what he says...but again too soon to tell
Kind *so very kind. dished out sincere complements that I knew without a doubt he was saying because he meant it
Playful *I think he could be...but I also think he might have been a tad nervous. But he has a good sense of humor
Can put up with me and my annoying/quirky characteristics *he made it through a mini date and expressed that he would like to get to know me better....so thats a plus. We'll see if he feels the same when he gets to know me better.

The ones that aren't bold, it takes me time to really trust that they are true. But from what he says and the way he acts (and the response I got from family/friends who know him) I have a feeling that the rest could be good as well. He is the first person EVER to have soo many of the attributes I figured I'd have to compromise on because no one possesses them anymore it seems.

Funny story....I am a nervous wreck about this dating thing. I really haven't ever done the dating thing LDS style. In previous experience, if the guy didn't try to come on to you or something comparable, he didn't like you. Thats not how it works LDS style and I'm finding I'm very insecure about that. We had a great time, he expressed that he wanted to get to know me better and go out again sometime soon, even gave me a big hug when he left. But today, I find myself wondering if he changed his mind and realized I'm a complete whack job. Do I text him? Should I wait for him to text me? Do I have to wait that standard 3 days before contact? I don't want to be stalkerish and creepy or overbearing and scare him away. But what if he is waiting for me to contact him and when I don't he thinks I am no longer interested? Am I really a complete whack job for real? I'm starting to think so. This is why I hate dating. I guess it will pay off in the end and I just need to chill out. But its REALLY hard not to have that anxiety. Bah. I cannot wait until this part of my life is done and over with.

And....as I just wrote that sentence he texted me. Hehe. I really need to chill. When I get this way...someone please slap me and bring me back to reality.

So wish me luck in this scary but kinda fun dating realm. I'm kind of looking forward to the ride, even with all the hard times that are going to come along.

Braaaainnnn Dump

2011-09-27T06:59:00.000-07:00

I got invited to join Pinterest yesterday. I learned about it at the family reunion and was kinda curious...but after looking on it for a minute I think it could end up being very addicting. Like very...VERY addicting. That's one site I just may have to be careful with. I've only been on it for like 5 minutes to look around and am still trying to get the concept, however I'm thinking I'll like it. I'm most looking forward to being able to pin the recipes I find online to one spot so I don't have to re-search for them every time I want to make that recipe. That alone is fantastic.

I am really working hard this week to track my eating. I need to get my butt moving on the exercise and eating healthy train...so that is my goal this week. Get my butt moving eat a bit healthier. Which will not work so well tonight, since I'm having an ice cream date with a friend. But maybe that will include a walk afterwards? We shall see how that goes....

I have two tests this week. I am not a good test taker. In fact, I'm a horrid test taker and it doesn't matter how well I know the information I freeze and it all goes poof out the window as soon as I get that test in front of me. So we shall see how it goes. I don't have much hope of doing well, especially since one of the tests is in the testing center at the university and that place just seems like a dungeon of unhappiness and doom.

I'm about fed up with trying to get certain little boys to do their homework. Luckily Nate joined the homework club at school, so his mostly gets done at school. Tyler, however, has issues with homework. I can see that we will have a constant battle every day of his school career with this. And if he is struggling with writing his letters 5 times, I can only imagine what its going to be like when he has to write a 10 page essay on something boring. Heaven help us all, I hope he gets in the habit soon. Else wise, I just might go crazy.

I am also trying to give myself positive affirmations every day. I'm hoping this will help my mood and my attitude towards myself. Its hard, and I don't know that I always believe my affirmations. However I know that I need to find a way to raise my self esteem and confidence so I know how to give my kids that same gift. Right now theirs is waning a little bit, and I don't know how to bolster them up. I'm hoping if I can be a guinea pig and practice what I preach, maybe they will catch on too. Any advice in this area would be much welcomed!

Vegas Baby!

2011-09-26T10:05:00.000-07:00

This weekend we headed out to the wonderful sin city...Las Vegas! Could we have made the guys in The Hangover I and II jealous of our good time? Not so much. However It was actually a very pleasant trip. My cousin Taylor is leaving on his mission for the LDS church so we went down for his farewell. Saturday we got there in time to stop and eat lunch. My dad chose Wendy's, and its one that will stay on my list of where not to eat (at that establishment anyway) ever again. The kids meals didn't come with Frosty's (seriously?!) but a coupon booklet was bought for a $1 that gave us 5 free Frosty's. Only problem, you can only use the coupon in Las Vegas or Texas. Kinda irritating. But what made me ban that establishment from the books forever? Weird creepy guy who was being "helpful" as my mom says. It was more like telling all the kids what to do and not to do and touching them. Was it in a pervy way? Not outwardly, however when a complete stranger who is already creeping me out touches my kids at all...I kind of want to knock him out. I refrained but it was hard. So if your in Vegas, avoid the Wendys that's on Nellis.

Speaking of Nellis...as we were driving past Nellis AFB we got to witness a jet landing RIGHT NEXT TO OUR CAR. Yes that was awesome. It obviously was going faster than us, but it was right there on a landing strip right next to the road. The boys were in heaven. And I kinda was too.

Anyway. after that we drove around to find a park for me and the kids to play in while everyone else went to the temple with Taylor. After some playing, we headed to the mall with Betsy and Jack then back to the temple to wait for the family.
The littlest ones were sleeping in my car, so I sat in the parking lot while the older ones and Betsy went in the atrium and such. I had a moment...one of those "why are you being soo stupid with your life when you know what you want?" moments. Not that I haven't improved significantly, I can admit to that. But I still have some work to do before I can enjoy the blessings of the temple. Oh...and that husband factor. It was a somber moment to say the least, but a hopeful one too.

We then had a family caravan to the hotel. It was really a nice place. We did some shopping for forgotten stuff at a Target that was close and then went to Olive Garden for dinner. Can I just say....I was absolutely appalled. It must have been prom night, or something of that sort as there were a whole ton of youngesters there in suits and dresses. If you could call them dresses.

a less skimpy version

Seriously, if I were to try to google a picture of some of the dresses, I'd have to search stripper dresses. It was horrible. Literally...when I searched prom dressese this was as close as it came to finding similiar styles. And the above is modest compared to what they were wearing. One of the parties of girls were sitting outside and all of a sudden the girl in the worst dress says "My mom is here! Let's go!" I was astonished. Her MOM let her out like that? And given the fact her MOM was picking the group up, they were definitely younger than 16...Eesh. Thats teen pregnancy waiting to happen. I've always wanted a girl but this experience made me REALLY happy to have all boys.

Anyway. Dinner was delightful as always, I love Olive Garden. We then went back and I let the boys swim for the remaining hour the pool was open. They loved it, especially spending time with their cousins who also were swimming.

In the morning we went swimming again as promised and headed off to church. I love going to church outside of Utah. The wards are soo much more tight knit. And they sing! My ward probably doubles that ward in size, and you could almost hear a pin drop during the hymns. However...this ward (and I noticed this in CA as well) sang their hearts out and it was absolutely beautiful. It makes me wish that I didn't live in a state where the religion is so predominant, because there truly are gazillions of "Utah Mormons" that two faced, back stabbing people who think they are better than everyone else. Drives me nuts. Anyway. Taylor gave a great talk and the other talks of the day were fantastic as well.

Lunch was at an absolutely AMAZING house. Would've taken pictures, but that might be seen as a bit creepy. But believe me it was. I loved that house. The food was great as well, and we had a great time being able to catch up with family and just spend time together.

So the weekend in Vegas may not compare to The Hangover...but I think it was even better. Lots of great memories with a fantastic family is always a good time. I had pictures, but my phone is being retarded and I've having issues getting them to my email. So maybe later I'll post them. If I remember. Have a good day ya'll!

Fall!

2011-09-23T06:38:00.000-07:00

Our pumpkins!

I'm soo excited that the fall season is coming upon us, I love the fall. The trees are beautiful and we are quickly approaching my favorite holidays of the year. Albeit the most expensive ones too, but still my favorite. They are all centered around family and I absolutely love it. We grew pumpkins (I should say...we planted them but Grandpa and Grandma get credit for watering them) and they look fantastic! I have little faith in things I plant growing, because I do not have a green thumb. I have a black thumb of death. However, these are growing fantastic. The boys can't wait to carve them come Halloween time and I got to say I'm kind of excited to as well. I think things are finally starting to feel less stressful and its great. And the weekend is here! Tomorrow we are headed to Vegas to my cousin's farewell weekend. I am thrilled to be able to go and support him while he goes out on his mission. I also can't wait to go spend some time at the temple down there. I love the feeling that the temple brings and it reminds me of how much I need to get my butt moving so I can go there someday as well.
Ryder is definitely starting to feel better and I think he's looking forward to being able to go back to daycare on Monday. He was quite the whiney boy this morning when he couldn't go with his brothers to school and while we were waiting for Grandpa to come home. However, he loves his Grandpa and loves spending time with him, so I hope the day goes well.
So I hope ya'll have a great weekend!

Hand, Foot and Mouth

2011-09-21T21:57:00.000-07:00

The nastiness

So not 15 minutes after I dropped off Ryder at daycare, I got a call from daycare asking me to come get him. He has gotten the Hand, Foot and Mouth Disesase that has been going through daycare. He has a couple little bumps on his fingers, his bum got it pretty bad, and his face. The worst place has been on his tongue. Poor kid looks like he has ginormous canker sores all along the edges. Needless to say, it has been a long day. He isn't cleared to go back to daycare until Monday either, so its also going to be a long rest of the week with lots of creative babysitting that makes me feel horrible for inconvienencing people (namely mom and dad) and I feel like I should just take the rest of the week off from work, but know I can't. Its frustrating. Nows another example of when having a spouse would be great. But....onward and upward we go. I just hope he stops the whining soon...its getting really tiring. I know...bad mom moment.

Happy Birthday Bud

2011-09-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

Today is Ryders birthday. It is really wierd to think that in one more year, he will be going to kindergarten. My boys are growing up way too fast for my liking. I have no clue what we are doing today, but I know it includes pizza, cake and ice cream. We will see what happens from there.
Updates about him...
No idea what he weighs, prob around 30 lbs
No idea what his height is
(yes I'm a bad mom)
He is doing MUCH better at potty training, still has accidents here and there but pullups are only reserved for night time use now. And church use, since he doesn't like to go at church. Baby steps.
He is doing fantastic at throwing tantrums. He has this down to an art.
He is loveable, huggable, kissable....everything a kid should be
He loves sausage pizza and slurpees, but donuts are his favorite treat ever
He LOVES reading more than any other activity. I love that he enjoys this so much
He can't wait to go to school like his brothers.
He has a good sense of humor and a laugh that is definitely contagious

*Sad but funny story about my little lovey....

For the last couple months, anytime when we go into stores, he will point to guys and announce VERY loudly "You are my daddy!" I'm not sure how he chooses these guys, because its not every guy that this happens with, he's selective. And watching the faces of these guys is kind of funny. The faces of their girlfriends/wives is even better most times. It is kind of sad and makes me feel bad, but it sure is funny sometimes too.

So buddy...happy birthday. Your no longer my baby, age wise, but your always going to be my baby. Love you bud.

Thoughts

2011-09-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

source: La Belle Dame

This weekend was a bit of a thinker for me....I had alot of emotion pass through me. Alot of it rather personal, more so than I want to share on here...but will probably go into on Grayson's blog. Either way, I have a whole lot to think about and a lot of things I'm planning on re-vamping in my parenting style to give my kids the best chance possible. I feel like I've failed them alot, but am working on that and we are going to make some big changes, some of which we have already started. Some of which I need to work on personally, so that I can be a better mother and person.
On a side note, I also made a decision on the big secretive stuff going on...which was a career change for me and a mighty big one at that. One that would've affected my ability to finish schooling on one hand, and one that had potential but would've hurt my family financially had I taken it. I can only hope and pray my decision is the right one for me and my family, but its the one that feels the best so I have to listen to those promptings and have faith I made the right decision.
Have a good Monday all...and a great week.

Studying Abroad

2011-09-16T07:43:00.000-07:00

Ahhh the lovely Ireland

One of my required courses in college is an Experimental Education course where you look into different "engagements" and explore the options that are open to you. As part of the overall points (....this course has 3 parts that run your entire schooling career) you have to plan, propose, and follow through with an idea. It could be something local or you could get really brave and go elsewhere.But, you have no direction. No rules. You have to decide. So to get started, the instructors what you to become familiar with whats available to you. So they have these "engagements" that you study one at a time. The first one unlocked today and it is the Global Engagement Module. In this module, you have to study the options that are available....you guessed it....globally. As I was researching, I couldn't help but feel a little sting of pain that I will most likely never get to experience going international.
I had the opportunity to do European tour as part of the Ambassadors of Music that I got nominated into in high school. That would've been my dream. The summer before my senior year, I attended the big announcement of that tour and I was determined to come up with the $1200(ish...can't remember exactly) to be able to go. However...that is also the summer I stupidly got pregnant and missed my senior year, graduating early at the adult education school. Obviously, international travel is frowned upon when pregnant, so that was a dream that flew away.
Do I resent having kids? Not in the least. I love my kids more than anything and I wouldn't trade them for the world. However, there are times that I wonder how my life would've been different had I followed the more "normal" path of life that one generally leads. What would've happened had I gone to Europe? How would my life be different had I gotten to attend my senior year? I missed out on prom, and pretty much every other formal dance during school. I missed the senior trip, painting the C, and loads of other fun stuff that happens when your a senior. I missed being a giddy little freshman at a new school experiencing "grown up" time and responsibilities. I also missed a missionary who I had written while he was on his mission...and who had come to see me when he returned home. Of course by then, I was married and had a baby. What would my life be like now had all of that worked differently than it did?
This brings me to studying abroad. As I mentioned before, a big part of this course is planning and actually accomplishing a goal. Which means that the resources for students who choose to plan their project under the Global Engagement Center are opened up and they will have the opportunities to complete their project. Some have gone to China to teach english, some to Africa for humanitarian services. Some just simply study a semester in another country for the learning and growth that it would bring to them personally. As I looked at the list of countries and universities that were partnered with SUU, that sinking feeling of what if came rolling back. What if I had waited on marriage and kids? What if I was just single little me with not a care in the world? I would totally be able to fulfill my dream of going abroad. One of the major universities that is partnered up is in Ireland. Can I just say that Ireland is one of my top 5 places to visit before I die? Another is in France. Yet another of my top 5 places to visit. And another? Italy. One of my top 3 places to visit before I die. I am feeling the ache of accepting the consequences of my actions.
Are those consequences for the most part wonderful and amazing? Of course...my kids are the highlight of my day every single day. I miss them like crazy while I'm working and can't wait to see them afterwards...even if they do drive me crazy alot of the time. However...being responsible for their care and well-being prevents me from being able to just pick up and leave....so when opportunities like this are dangled in front of me I can't help but feel a little twinge of ache for what may have been.

A debacle

2011-09-15T16:00:00.000-07:00

I now have 3 choices to choose from. Still keeping this on the down low for a minute, but I'm really getting kinda stressed about what to do and need a venting session. Email me if you are curious and I will explain in more detail.
Anywho....I'm learning that with change will come sacrifices. Whether that be time, emotion, money, etc....I'm finding out that no matter what I'm going to have to sacrifice something. What exactly that is I will have to decide. And its a scary decision.
What to do, what to do..............

Another Economics Lesson

2011-09-14T16:03:00.000-07:00

This economics business is rather interesting to me, I must say. The thought has crossed my mind a time or two if I should switch majors (again) and pursue that route. Then I realize the hassle and think better of it. But who knows. Anyway. The lesson for today....
Supply and Demand. It is rather interesting to me how supply and demand works. On the basic Marshallian Theory with which the country runs, the price and output of a product is based on both supply and demand. So when a company launches a product and set the price, that price will either go up or down based on the demand. A good example is sports events. When a team is doing great, more people are willing to pay money to see the team play so prices of tickets will go up. If the team sucks it up consistantly, then the price of tickets will go down.
There is also the case of complementing companies like Pepsi and Coke. They are pretty even kill, so if Pepsi raises their price, the demand for Coke will raise. Because of this, the prices are generally the same or pretty comparable because neither company wants to lose their market to the competitor.
What got me thinking about this was the big Target launching Missoni debacle. My guess would be that Target was wanting to increase its profit, so they partnered up with Missoni to offer this generally VERY expensive designer line at a much lower price which in turn increases profit. However...they weren't prepared for the demand of the product. There was such a demand that their website got shut down within 3 hours and was out of service for much of the day. And the stock was completely sold out. Could they have prepared for that? Probably not...at least I can't think of a way. And maybe thats what they were going for but wow. Talk about VERY unhappy people.

Anyway...very interesting how that works. So when you see something go on sale or lower prices, you can almost always bet that the company assumed the demand would be higher than it was. How marketing comes into play is very interesting too...but thats for another.

Ok class is out folks...hope you learned something good!

I've become smart!

2011-09-13T07:55:00.000-07:00

So I gave in yesterday after dropping my phone for the bajillionth time and breaking almost everything on it (its a cheap phone), and got a smart phone. Its nothing name brand, just a cheapy LG Optimus. But I love it. I felt not so smart when I got it and couldn't even find the ringers....but after playing with it for awhile I've figured it out! I still can't find the alarm though....
Anyway. The apps it has are awesome. One I downloaded was the CalorieCount.com tracker. I'm excited to use it as my mom has been and says great things about it. And I got my first experience with Angry Birds. Its kind of addicting. And hilarious. Its going to take awhile to get used to the touch screen, but I think it will be good. I'm rather excited for it. The plus side as well is that to add the data was only $10/mo which is pretty cheap compared to other companies from what I've heard. So I can officially say now...I'm smart! :)

Remembering

2011-09-11T23:00:00.000-07:00

source: google images

As soo many people do, I remember where I was when the tragic events of 9/11 happened. I was in science class and remember being really irritated that my teacher wouldn't turn on the news and let us watch. In fact, not many of my teachers let us at all throughout the day. I don't know if it was because they were trying to protect us, or just didn't want their plans interrupted. So that day, I didn't get the gravity of the situation. I saw all the pictures, read the papers, watched the news, saw the horrific images and such for weeks afterwards...but really just didn't get the gravity of the situation. I knew it was sad and I knew it was horrible, but it didn't have a profound effect on me. Maybe because I was soo young to truly understand? I don't know.

Yesterday I realized the gravity. My heart ached for those people who lost husbands and wives, daddies and mommas, sons and daughters, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins....their loved ones. It made my heart ache for the heroes who had to witness the death and destruction that was caused that day and risked their own lives to try and save others, or find those lost among the rubble. Many now have scars both on the outside and deep within from that day which will never go away. I'm not a highly emotional person by any means, but I definitely couldn't stop myself from tearing up a little remembering the pain and suffering that one event caused for our entire nation.

My only gripe for the day is certain pictures. They are all painful to see, however the images I have the hardest time with are those of people falling out of the buildings. I cannot look at those. I wish that whomever was the editors of those papers, magazines, etc would've taken into account that those are PEOPLE, not just some object to make money. Those people were in their final moments of life and were shown no reverence whatsoever. I know they defended themselves by saying they felt America needed to see them to really understand, however it wasn't their daddy or husband or son that was now plastered everywhere falling to his death. As one said last night, he felt showing one picture in particular of a single man falling really "encompassed how America was feeling after the tragic events." I'm pretty sure that ALL of the pictures and videos taken at that time encompassed how America was feeling. Makes me sad for the families that had to see their loved ones' last moments of life like that.

However, life does go on. We are rebuilding as a nation, and the tragic events of 9/11 briefly brought this country together and made us all remember what is most important to us. It made me want to forget my stupid, petty issues and realize just how lucky I have it. I am very blessed and tend to forget that alot. So my heart goes out to those who were lost that day, the families and friends of those who were lost and the heroes that risked everything that day. It truly was a day that changed history that I know I will never forget.

Duurrrrr

2011-09-09T14:35:00.000-07:00

OK so Its Friday and I don't really have much to say other than....Hi. So lets get a snapshot of a Kimmeh head shall we? Here we go. In no particular order.....

-I am hungry. Like... tummy grumbling hungry and I'm looking forward to dinner, whatever that may be. I didn't plan menus this week, so I think I have sloppy joes and hamburger helper to choose from. Or mac and cheese. Or...smores....hehe. What I am not looking forward to? At least one child saying "I don't like that! I'm not going to eat!" which is a daily occurrence at our house whether it's chicken or burgers or pizza or whatever.

-I will be happy if I manage to pass my Accounting class. No high expectations here...I'll be content with C. The concepts aren't hard, the way the teacher teaches them is hard. The chapters are a million (ok 60 but still!) pages long and really hard to focus on. And is it just me or is EVERYTHING backwards? Debit means you add to something? Credit means you take something away? I'm thinking I need to read that chapter again.....

-Debates on what the best route for my financial future are going to be are happening constantly. Do I stay? Do I go? Pros and Cons....will I regret my decision later? Will I be able to handle my decision once it's made? Bahhhhhhhh

-Self confidence is dropping...fat thoughts emerging....thinking I'm not okay or people won't like me because of the chub factor....I need to get back to that losing weight thing. More specifically...the exercise thing. I've prepared myself and have a plan, I just need to start doing it. Come oooonnnnnnnn motivation. Time to kick it in gear.

*Ok these next ones were in particular order...funny how my thoughts evolve from one subject to something completely different...

-Starting to come to the realization that I may not find the love of my life in my first semester of school as I would've hoped. Dang. Guess I've got to be a little more patient and faithful in the master plan of my love life, whatever that may be.

-Speaking of master plans...holy moly I watched The Adjustment Bureau a couple weeks ago and WOW! I love it. Love love love it. I would recommend it to anyone who is thinkin they want to watch a fairly intense but very interesting movie that will make you think and make you want to punch some people. But don't really punch anyone.

-And speaking of other movies...I'm finding that I'm having a hard time convincing myself to watch some of my favorites like P.S. I Love You and Dear John (I know that movie got alot of grief, but I truly do love it). Like, no desire at all. Either I'm becoming uber depressed at the thought of watching lovey dovey people or its possible I'm getting over my fantasies of finding a prince charming who is sweet and caring and kind and and and.... Either way...the desire is there no longer. Which is sad...because I love those movies.

-Its the weekend....Yay!

-I'm still hungry....

And finally a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my sister...I rarely remember birthdays but facebook saved me today. I apologize to all those I forgot...but I do have to give a shout out to my sister because she's one of the main reasons that I keep up this blog. It keeps them in the loop of whats going on here and helps me feel closer to her as well.

Fatness

2011-09-08T06:58:00.000-07:00

So last night I was watching Dateline's Extraordinary Families and this episode was about people with eating issues. Compulsive eating, bulemia, you name it...on both ends of the spectrum. As I sat there watching it (with my bag of chips being munched on beside me) It was rather insightful and made me really think about the way I eat and WHY I eat. One of the researchers on there made a good point that people with issues aren't loading up on broccoli or apples, they are loading up on the highly processed foods that are really unhealthy but sooo addictive. They also were researching whether or not you can have a food addiction. My opinion is yes. After some research and medical tests, their opinion was yes as well. Something literally goes on in the brain when these addictive foods are being eaten. But how do you kick it? No addiction is easy to kick. But it's easier (to a point) to say "Ok I'm going to stop drinking alcohol now. I will stop buying it, going out, being around it, etc" and do what you can to stick with it. However you can't say "I'm going to stop eating food." Ya kinda need the stuff to survive. Shocking, I know. But its true. So you have to have the discipline to force yourself not to eat that junk, and its hard. However...it can be done. It happens every day. But.....the above poster is true as well. I can come up with some good excuses.....believe me. Which is exactly why I was eating some chips while watching TV last night instead of exercising. Yup.
So the point to my rant? I wish I was a naturally skinny girly with the metabolism of a....hummingbird maybe? Its the best thing I could think of shhhhh. However....I'm not. I'm one of the lucky (sense the sarcasm......) girls who has the metabolism of an elephant. Or whale. Or something with a slow metabolism. However....I can't keep using that excuse. I need to get my butt moving and just get it done. Force myself into better habits so I can be around to play with grandkids. And I can do it. Just got to find that one thing that works for me. We shall see.

*In other news....I have an exciting event happening today in relation to the super secret possibly good stuff going on. Give me good karma....and hopefully I can tell ya'll about it soon!

A Brain Dump and the Gurgles

2011-09-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

*It's kinda funny to me how I can tell the most subtle changes that are occuring within myself. Its more of that growing up stuff I think. I don't know what it was about moving into the new house, but I've never had more of a desire to make sure my house is clean and dishes are done. Add in laundry to that. Instead of having the mindset of "Ah I'll do it later" I actually do stuff as it comes up. Maybe its because this house isn't as overwhelming as the other place was (size wise) but I like to chalk it up to me growing up a little.
*Along with the adult growing up....I've been having AHA moments left and right with my money. I tend to be an impulse buyer. I'll tell my kids that we don't have enough money to spend on a pizza one night, however a couple nights later I will be lazy and get take out, even though I really don't have the money. I didn't realize until recently that I'm a walking contradiction. And being a bad example to my kids. What am I teaching them? I am slowly changing my ways which will also bring on a fiscal fast pretty soon just to be able to get myself back in check.
*I am wondering what my body is up to. The plus side...I've lost probably 5 lbs in the last 2 days. The downside, that is because I haven't been able to eat much and what I do eat doesn't stay in my body long. I thought it was getting better last night, however I woke up this morning to gurgly tummy that I'm hoping goes away soon...but its sure making me not want to eat. Or do much of anything else sadly. I can't help but wonder if it is something I caught from my kids who were all sick last week, or a side affect of dehydration, or some funky bacteria that may or may not have been in the pool/hot tub at the hotel. For some reason I've been thinking about that the last day or two....hmmmmmm.
*Nate has been struggling AGAIN with school. His report card showed mostly N's which are the 3rd grade equivilant to an F. The plus side, he is doing well on his bell work. But that is the only thing. We do homework at home, and try to read every night, however he doesn't get his homework to his teacher. I need to come up with something that will show him the importance of turning in his work, especially when the majority of the time its done. If anyone has suggestions....please send them my way!
*Tyler has been struggling with just about everything. I don't remember Nate ever going through such a defiant stage. I ask him to do ANYTHING and he is too tired, or doesn't feel like it. No matter what I say or do he isn't changing his attitude. Again...some help here would be nice if anyone has experienced this before! I've tried everything and most nights end up tearful for both him and I. I just don't know whats going on with him, but I need to figure it out soon.
*I've been considering counseling for the older kids. I always thought they were adjusting well, however I'm starting to see a decline in both and wonder if they might benefit from having someone to talk to. Maybe their lack of will to do anything is related to such? I dunno. Either way, I'm worried about both of them and hope we can find something that will help them out soon.

Okie Dokie I think thats all for today. Have a good one ya'll :)

Labor Day Adventures

2011-09-06T07:33:00.000-07:00

This weekend we had our annual Cowley Family Reunion and it was fantastic. The boys and I debated what to make for our portion of the menu and decided on Chinese Chicken Salad from the Hungry Girl site. I kept feeling like it was missing something, but all in all it was pretty tasty. We also made some Better Than Rice Krispy Treats-Peanut Butter Style that I found on my friend Michelle's blog Loving Every Second (she does a whole ton of fun and easy crafts and recipes there). I think they turned out pretty tasty if I do say so, and they were completely got at the end of the day so thats a good sign too.

The deliciousness

We ended up staying at the Day's Inn in Richfield and it was different. Our room kind of smelled like an old person house but otherwise, it wasn't too bad. However, when we went swimming I decided that they must put something in the water to make it look blue, because when we dived down with goggles on you couldn't see your hand in front of you. That was kind of disgusting. And then the hot tub. Ohhhhh the hot tub. Ry has this big fear of anything on the sides of a pool/hot tub (filters, jets, you name it) and I learned this weekend its for good reason. We were chilling in the hot tub and he was fearful so I scooted over to be in front of some intake thing....and got sucked in. I figured it was just a fluke so I didn't really mention it to anyone, however I also didn't let my kids near it just in case. Well the next day we found out that the son of some friends that had come along had also got sucked into the intake. Except that he ended up with a HUGE hickey looking thing that had swollen up and such. I felt horrible for him, as it looked like it had to hurt. So Day's Inn in Richfield...throw some air freshners in your rooms and please put a cover on your intake thing in the hot tub. Thats a lawsuit waiting to happen. We did have great dinner of sloppy joes and tasty sides as well. Then afterwards we had a very insightful talk in relation to redundancy. The sister in laws and myself were in charge of games (although they did all the work I think) and they were sure fun...at least to watch. I think everyone else had fun too though. Then we got a fire going and the kids roasted marshmellows.

Saturday we woke up to some very tasty biscuits and gravy and then headed out to the hills. My brother successfully scared the bejeezies out of myself and his wife by going up and down the steepest slopes he could. It was good fun. Then we got to the place where we ended up going repelling. It was a good spot, however climbing up that mountain was not so good. The bottom part was great, but there was a part that was steep and straight up. Like you were literally climbing the side of the mountain to get up to the top as if you were a mountain climber (this was before some brilliant soul discovered an easier path...just my luck). I would've taken a picture, however I had an immense fear that I would fall to my death if I took my hands off the wall. I've decided getting older makes you more aware of these things, because in my younger years I would've just hopped, skipped and jumped up that rock. Doesn't help I'm WAY more out of shape now as well. I'll get to that later though.

I did finally get to the top after some reassurance from one of my cousins who was headed up behind me and got set to go down. Tyler and Ryder had both already been at the top for quite some time (I'm really curious how they got up, but I'm happy I wasn't with them or I would've been freaking out a little I'm sure) and I was going to try to go down tandem with one of them, but our friend Jason requested I try going down alone first, since it had been since my teenager years that I had done this last. And that was for good reason. I did good at first, however then I lost control of the rope and just kinda swung around until I finally reached the bottom.

Everyone had quite the unique styles of coming down from little twinkle toe jumps to hanging upside down...to the one brave soul who went commando (front first) and I think that girl is a superstar just FYI. The boys all chickened out except for Ryder...I'm still laughing that the youngest of the 3 is the only one who would take the plunge. And he absolutely LOVED it. He is going to be my daredevil kid I think. After everyone was done, we went down to the Rotary Park and ate lunch together then departed for home.
There were a couple family members missing from the group and we sure missed everyone that couldn't make it, hopefully next year we will be able to get together again and include some of those that were missing this time.

It really was such a fun time, however I'm pretty sure that I got some sort of heat exhaustion since I ended up with a pounding headache and just kind of wanted to puke all afternoon. But after a quick dinner and some showers for all around, the kids and I all headed to bed at like 8:00 pm which is fairly standard for them, but not so standard for me. The sleep did me good though. I'm still not feeling fantastic, but the headache is gone and I'm good for the day.

I learned alot about myself this weekend. Some good, some bad. I'm sure I'll go into it during another post, some other time.

So without further ado, a couple pictures from the repelling adventure! I hope everyone had a great weekend!

This is the bottom of hte mountain...looking up to where we were going to repel from.

This is the view from the top...kinda scary for sure.

I really need a better camera than my phone. But this is Ryder and my cousins husband Brandon coming down the mountain.

This is me swinging down with my brother Scott belaying for me and Nate "assisting"

More economics relating to life

2011-09-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

I am finding with this economics class I'm taking it forces me to open my eyes and take a good look at how I behave. A common trait among most people in society is that we fall into patterns. In general, people are over-confident. Not in the way you would think, but in decision making. If something is failing, most people have a hard time looking objectively at the situation and trying to figure out why they failed because "it wasn't my fault! it was his fault!" (as my professor says). So instead of breaking down the situation and figuring out how things went wrong so that in the future it doesn't happen again, people tend to repeat over and over that failed mistake or something like unto it so that they don't have to take responsibility. No one likes being wrong, its just human nature. And thats true. How many times have I been irritated at something and I'm soo mad at someone else but really, I need to be looking at my share of the responsibility as well and what I can do to change it in the future.
So in looking at my own life, I need to make some changes. With school, work and trying to be a mom all happening in one shot PLUS all the outside stuff going on (a.k.a the divorce stress, losing weight, relationships or lack there of in my case, etc) how am I going to not fail? I'm really good at getting organized and structured, but not so good at following through on what I set up. So last night I really sat down and wrote out my thoughts and a plan because if I don't get something going, being overwhelmed is going to make me shut down in all areas and fail.
Now, I have a plan. My focus for the next 4 months is going to be very guided. At work, I will not focus on school matters. At school, I will not focus on work matters. At home, I will give my boys the time they need and reserve the time after they go to bed to do my homework. But its got to be planned. I have set up a To Do list every day (at least for the next week or so to start) and I will work on accomplishing these tasks every day. I'm going to be more involved in what my kids are doing in school by sitting down with them each night and going through their backpack and doing homework/reading. We are going to sit down each night at the table for dinner and talk about our day. Bedtime routines will not be crowded out by me trying to do 20 things at once. I've laid it all out so I know what I need to get done each day and I think that it will truly help me not repeat the mistakes I made last time I attempted school, and will make it so that I don't fall back into bad habits to deal with stress and anxiety. I've worked too hard to turn my life around, I can't afford to fall back into old tendancies. And I'm going to quit focusing on the dang relationship aspect. Its weighing me down and I know I just need to have faith that when the time is right, things will fall into place.
Heres to hoping that this will all work!

And the drama continues.....

2011-08-31T08:11:00.000-07:00

It was sooooo close to being done. I figured it would be too easy, but I was hoping I was being blessed with a relatively easy legal process with the ex. However...its not happening like that now. He decided to get a lawyer at the last minute and try to start the process back over at square one. He is now disputing things in the decree that are ridiculous. Some I figured he would like the custody rules (follow LDS standards in essence) and having to pay child support. He also disputed paying my mom back for a pretty hefty dental bill that my mom paid on for him. The ridiculous thing? He is disputing letting me change back to my maiden name. Really? Why would you dispute that?

So....we shall see what happens. I am just soooo ready to have this done and over with. We still don't know the details of what exactly he is disputing, but I'll be interested on his reasoning why. We shall see.

Blessings...time to count them

2011-08-29T07:07:00.000-07:00

This weekend was not a great one for me....I was pretty whiney for the majority of it. I'm lonely and bored most the weekend and my poor boys keep asking me when I'm going to get married. I did, however, make some very tasty grub. Friday we had the Nacho-rific Stuffed Chicken which I loved but the kids didn't. And Saturday we had Exploding Chicken Taquitos that were a huge hit all around. They were pretty delightful. I took pictures, sent them to my email then deleted them off my phone, only to find that when I got the ability to check my email, my phone sent blank messages to my email. Greeaaattttt. So no pictures of the food. But just trust it was delightful. Anyway... today I'm counting my blessings.....

Great kids who love me
A family who is supportive
A nice place I can afford (with a pool!)
The ability to go to school and finish my education
A job that allows me to go to school and still pays enough to provide for my family
Food on my table and a roof over my head
A (mostly) good running car

I think that's all for now. I hope everyone has a good week!

Anticipation!!

2011-08-26T15:53:00.000-07:00

There are some good things in the works.....very good things.....I just found out the news today! If it works out, I will tell you all about it. If it doesn't....I will (sadly) tell you all about it! I had to post cause I'm too excited not to! Have a good weekend!

p.s. looking up a pic on google images for anticipation comes up with wierd things

A revision...and my AHA moment!

2011-08-26T07:56:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was talking about welfare and as I thought about it last night, I was grouping everyone into two categories (the lazy folks and the people using it to better themselves) when in all actuality there is another group that benefits from state help. That is the elderly/disabled/etc folks that are in the best situation they can be in and just need a little extra help. And it makes me sad when I see someone in this category who applies and gets denied because they aren't a family or they do get approved but only for $20 a month in food stamps or something like that. So as an edit, there are things I would change about the system for NOT approving people who are just using, but also things I would change to give those people who ARE in need a chance to get approved.
Anywho. Enough about welfare.

I had an AHA moment at school on Wednesday and wanted to share. I didn't quite understand what Microeconomics was when I started the class, and for those of you who don't know it is the study of how/why an individual or a small group of people make their decisions. My AHA moment came when we were talking about cost. More specifically, sunken cost.

In economics and business decision-making, sunk costs are retrospective (past) costs that have already been incurred and cannot be recovered. -Wikipedia

So as an example, if you were to buy stock at $100 and 2 years later it's value had dropped to $80, should you buy it? Sell it? Cry cause it lost value? My train of thought was well geez I invested $100 and now I've lost $20. I'd be mad that I lost that money. So then my professor says you CANNOT focus on that $100. It is a sunken cost. My initial reaction was "I can too....I paid that money and I will focus on that $100." But then he made me realize something. That $100 is never truly coming back. Yes that particular stock could increase in value or decrease in value, but that $100 check/cash/card I gave will not be returned to me. So why was I trying to focus on it so much? Instead...the focus needs to be on prospective cost or opportunity cost.

The prospective cost is what is going on, or what will eventually happen.
The opportunity cost is the best alternative foregone, or the sacrifice related to the second best choice.

So what does this all have to do with my AHA moment? I wasn't even thinking about money or stock or finance...I was thinking about my life. Instead of focusing on my sunken costs (past decisions, etc that I cannot take back) I need to start from where I am at and look at the prospective cost and opportunity cost. No more letting those sunken costs get in the way...its time to look at my decisions from right now. Now sometimes its good to look at the sunken costs to keep yourself rational, but it shouldn't have a huge weight on your decision. Your decision should be made based what you want for your future and the risks or sacrifices that will be made in order to get that result.

Reading back, I don't know that this will make any sense to anyone else but it made quite the impression on me. Its just hard to articulate my thoughts sometimes but hopefully you get the point.

Anyway....its FRIDAY! I hope ya'll have a great weekend!

Welfare...

2011-08-25T07:38:00.000-07:00

oh i soooooooo agree!

Working where I work, I see several people come in who use the system. They purposely don't work so that they can qualify for cheaper/no rent, insane amounts of food stamps, cash assistance, etc. They literally keep themselves in a less than perfect situation so that they can, in essence, be lazy. They feel entitled to the help for some reason. On the flip side, I also know people who use the assistance effectively and are only on it until they can better themselves and move to being self sufficient. All programs have ups and downs. So what am I leading to?

I am a single momma. I do make a good wage for around here, but its still far below what is considered poverty level. And...I use the welfare system. We receive food stamps, medicaid for the younger two and child care assistance. Without these resources, I don't think I would make it. For instance, we get $265/mo in foodstamps and I rarely use more than that out of my wages, mostly because I can't afford to. So we eat cheap. I pay for Nate's medical out of my check ($140/mo) and the other two are on medicaid, only because if I were to add them to my insurance it would take $420/mo to cover all three. Which, when you make about $1600/mo net it takes a BIG chunk out of your bill money. The program I am most grateful for is child care. During the summer when all three kids are there, the daycare bill is usually about $1300/mo. For just Ryder during the school year it is $663/mo. See what I'm saying? Now if I were married and had a dual income household, obviously things would be different. I wouldn't need these resources thankfully. But alas...I'm not. So...I use them in order to make sure my kids can have a decent upbringing (not in a cardboard box). Do I feel like I'm using the system? On occasion yes, but I just have to keep in mind that I am doing what I'm doing so that I can better myself and get off welfare.

Now what prompted this post? When your on welfare, you have to report any change in your household immediately. So when I started up school, I turned in my schedule and my new pay stuff since I will be making less money, etc etc etc. And then I got a call. Tyler (the one who needs the medical the most for his surgeries and such) is no longer eligible for medicaid because I make too much money. Which, okay I get that, but my wages went down not up. And then...our food stamps got closed. I still haven't gotten a reason why on that. Could I survive without that stuff? Yeah...its going to be extremely tough and Ty will have to go without insurance until the next open enrollment for benefits here, but we could make it work somehow. The biggest kicker to me?? The state will only cover child care expenses for schooling if your obtaining an Associates Degree. If you decide to further your education, they will not cover the expenses. If you are going to school and not planning on obtaining an Associates Degree (like me) then they will not cover expenses at all.

Now I have a better understanding as to how our social system is set up. Its looking like the gov makes these programs accessable, however if your trying to better yourself so that you can eventually get off the programs, they will just give you a head start and boot you off when you need it the most. I now see (but still don't agree) why people lie to get benefits or don't try to improve their situation so that they can keep recieving them. Will I just bite the bullet and do what I have to in order to survive? Of course. Thats what we always do. But I no longer have faith in the system. I no longer feel like these are programs that are intended to help people better themselves. And more than anything I wish that they would revamp how they run. I am all for getting drug tested before recieving benefits. I also wish they would do something like make the person earn their cash assistance. For instance, to get their check every day they have to either further their education somehow or go volunteer at the food bank. Even better, set up partnerships with local companies who need help doing minor work to get that check. Same goes for unemployment. If you want your unemployment check, you best be either improving your skills and applying for jobs, and if your not then you don't get your check. I've heard all too often people say that they don't bother looking for a job because their unemployment pays more than a regular waged job would.

My point: I'm very frustrated with the fact that going to school and trying to gain an education has thrown my assistance all out of whack. However, I am trying to be grateful for the help I do get. Doesn't make it any less frustrating though.

An inside look on de kimmeh brain....

2011-08-24T07:05:00.000-07:00

I've been following a blog called Fighting Off Frumpy and she has inspired me. She is hilarious, I totally suggest you go check her out. Anyway...she has inspired this post. So we are gonna get down and gritty....hold on tight for the ride.

I've never felt like I was skinny. Ever. I've always had some sort of a body issue from as far back as 2nd grade. I remember feeling fat because I was bigger than the other girls. In reality, I really wasn't fat. Thicker that others...yes. But considering I got boobs and started that "girly thing" in 4th grade...I was a bit further along in "blossoming" than other girls. If ya'll know what I mean. When I was looking at some old pictures my mom had dug up of me back in the younger years, I realized that I was retarded. I was not fat. Yes I was alittle bit heavier, but seriously...I played soccer, tennis, softball, basketball...I danced...I wasn't fat.

NOW...

I'm fat. My body looks like a 80 year old lady who has a big ball of dough stuck to her tummy. (And arms. And thighs. And butt.....) It's not a pretty sight. It was hard going from 17 year old body to pregnant body to BOOM old lady body in a matter of 8 months. What caused this? Well the stupid notion that you could eat whatever you wanted and not exercise while prego. And then getting married too young, being a kid having a kid, knowing your new husband didn't really love you but trying to make it work anyway....it threw me into a major depression. I lived far away enough from my family and my friends that I felt like a secluded little girl stuck in a trailer with a newborn and a husband who was never home. I cooked when I was bored. Or ate junk food. My favorite choice of junk food was double stuffed mint oreos. More than once I ate an entire package by myself in one sitting. So that extra 40 lbs that I gained during my pregnancy inched up and up and up until...(sigh this is hard to admit but I need to....) I was over 100 lbs overweight. Seriously. I was perfectly content to stay at home in shorts and a stained T with no makeup on and my hair a hot mess. I loathed going out because I would have to get ready and NOTHING I owned fit. I'd wear my husbands pants and shirts, but even they were tight. And I hated even more having to buy fat clothes. So it was easier to wallow in my own self loathing at home looking horrendous.

As time went on, I would pull myself out of this depression a little and get (at least) dressed for the day. I'd drop 10-15 lbs here and there but I always gained it back. Getting pregnant again luckily only had me gain 20 lbs and some of it slipped off rather easily, but I attribute that to the stress of having a child with issues at birth. And then surgeries, doc appointments, etc. You kinda HAVE to not look like a hot mess for that stuff. But...I was still depressed. This is the time frame that I finally came to terms and realized I was being cheated on. To what extent, I did not know. But I'd found enough evidence that I knew I couldn't ignore it anymore. I felt horrible. I was scared. I went back into an even deeper depression because I knew that leaving this marriage would be difficult and who would want to be with this whale-ish girl I had turned into anyway? Finally...I'd had enough. I found a way out with an opportunity I had been presented with in Oregon and I was done. I went there, lost 30 lbs in the short time I was there and felt fantastic. Until I had to return to real life and deal with the mess I had created at home.

Fast forward past the downward spiral I threw myself into of making not so smart choices and such...and stop at getting pregnant with Ryder. I was scared, embarassed, even more depressed, but he pulled me out of the bad choices I was making and I begin my upward descent. I only gained like 15 lbs with him and lost it rather quickly. but then it shot back up and I was hitting that 100 lbs overly obese high again. And I felt like crap. I was depressed, my life wasn't going how I had hoped....and then I got pregnant with Grayson. My little angel Grayson. That was a huge turning point for me. In his little time with me he made me take a real good look at myself and figure out what I was doing and why I was continually screwing myself over time and time again. He also opened my eyes to the blessings of God. Truly, he was a blessing. A very heartbreaking and sad blessing, but he changed me. I was still depressed but I knew I could pull out of it and I knew that I needed to if I wanted to be able to see him again one day. It took time...but I gained confidence and hope that things could be better. Slowly I realized that I'm a good person. I really am. I started going back to church, making better choices, joined Weight Watchers, and lost 22 lbs.

That brings me to today. I have been going through a slump of wondering why its really worth the hard work and dedication it takes to give back to myself. I felt AMAZING when I was eating healthy and working out, making smart choices and taking time for me instead of focusing 100% on my kids 100% of the time. I deserved a little me time. Everyone does. So why was I having such issues?
Well....reading Rita's story struck a cord. She had hit her low. She knew she was miserable and had absolutely no desire to get her butt off the couch. However she was trying to fight off being that frumpy woman she felt she was turning into. And guess what? She did it. She lost the weight she had packed on...she gave back to herself. She managed it with 3 kids as well and did so with a good sense of humor along the way. It was soooo nice to know that I wasn't the only one who has been going through these feelings of inadequacy and it was also VERY inspiring knowing that she had trudged through and made it! Which means that I just might have a chance of doing that as well!

So here I stand (or sit) to make a commitment. I am going to give to myself. I'm going to do what I can to make my body strong and healthy. It will take little baby steps, but I've already done some of those with Weight Watchers and need to get back on it. I know it works, I just need to have a little faith. And I need to know that I am ok. Because I am. I'm awesome. I just haven't realized that yet. But its time to yank the boot straps and get on it. And when I do mess up...I'm not going to criticize myself any longer. Cause ya know...this is not just a temporary thing. There will be ups and downs....and thats just part of life. But I will forgive myself and move on. So....there ya go. You now know WAY more than you probably ever wanted to about this girl....but I'm hoping that in a year I will be able to revisit this post and say...

"Ya know? I did it. I got past it. And hopefully I inspired someone else along the way to take their life back."

So ya'll I hope you have a great day today...and remember that your awesome. Truly amazing. And don't forget that. :)

P.S. look forward to a riveting future post on my thoughts of the state welfare system....should be a good one!

New recipes

2011-08-23T07:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an all around great day. Work went well, school went well, and our evening activities were a blast! On the docket for dinner was tortilla pizzas. We just got a tortilla and added pizza sauce, mozerella cheese and whatever toppings the boys wanted then threw them under the broiler until the cheese melted. It seriously was super delish. I folded mine and made a sort of pizza pocket type of deal but the boys ate theirs like actual pizza.

Mine had mozerella, feta cheese and sausage

After dinner and homework, the boys REALLY wanted to try out the new swim gear we got (yay for Wal-Mart clearance!) so we went down to the pool for awhile until it got chilly. They had a blast and Ry was soo excited his floaties allowed him to go anywhere in the pool instead of just staying on the stairs or holding my hands. The other two LOVED their new goggles/snorkling gear.
We headed back in and I decided to try the Mississippi Mug Pie that we were going to do on Saturday but I forgot about. It is absolutely perfect for those of you with little ones who love to help cook and SOOO quick and easy! The boys made theirs almost all the way by themselves and it was the perfect serving size. Seriously, if you love chocolate, go check out the recipe. And bonus...it was only 7 pts on WW. Well, mine was probably more cause I heaped on the whipped cream but still, not too shabby! In the future though, I am going to use shorter coffee mugs since it really didn't fill up like the picture showed it would. That or I just didn't do it right so the cake didn't set up haha! Either way, it was the perfect amount and very satisfying.

The pic at Hungrygirl.com looks alot more appetizing, but believe me it was to die for!

Tonight is going to be the Nacho-rific Stuffed Chicken. I'm kinda looking forward to it. I also get my new (to me) washer and dryer delivered today. Yay! I can do laundry again! And it was only $376 for both plus delivery and installation. Bonus!
Hope ya'll have a great day!

Weekend Highlights

2011-08-22T15:24:00.000-07:00

I was sooo excited for this weekend to come. Probably because I needed a little break to just breath after the hectic week. Saturday I had a disappointing weigh in and made the commitment to get back on track this month. In fact, a friend of mine and I have made a wager to see who can lose 20 lbs the quickest. He is currently deployed however, and a guy....so I think I might lose this challenge. But it is making me want to work harder. (And no....he is not a love interest. He is happily married with 2 kids. We are just friends...I know someone would ask lol) So I'm looking forward to that. So far, so good.
After weigh in we did our shopping and then decided to go swimming. We were only in the water about 20 minutes when Nate started trying REALLY hard not to cry. I swam over and asked what was up, and then saw the wasp in the water and the little prick on his finger. Poor kid had been bit (according to him. I still say stung). So we went home and were bored. I decided to check and see where my bank accounts were standing and to my surprise, my grant money from school had been deposited! That made this girl very happy because now we could go school shopping for the boys. We ended up getting them a couple new outfits plus some church clothes. And then I gave in and got me a cheapo charcoal BBQ and a couple $10 camp chairs for the deck. I brilliantly set up the BBQ all by myself and we commenced with grilling burgers instead of having the chicken that I originially planned on. And after much distress about lighting the friggin coals (for an hour at least)...we got it going and settled down to eat our burgers at 7:30 pm. And they were amazing.

Mmm burgers...yes that is cheese AND pineapple.

Sunday started out rough with me being woke up at like 1:30 - 2:00 by a crowd of people beating the crap out of some kid right outside my bedroom window. After I woke up enough to realize that it wasn't the neighbors or someone's TV, and that it wasn't stopping, I guessed on the dispatch number and called it in. That got me all hyped up so I took a shower and finally fell asleep again at like 3:00. Sunday was also our very first week at our new ward. It was in a new building so we drove up there and I decided to throw my keys and phone in my church bag and just lock my purse in the car. Nate offered to carry the church bag (so I thought) and as I was walking around the car...all doors now locked....I saw Nate empty handed....yeah. He said he decided not to take it and thought I was. UGH. So as anyone who has EVER taken kids to a place where they were supposed to be quiet for any length of time, you can imagine my disdain for wanting to try to tackle church without snacks, books, little toys, and drinks that were all inconvienently locked in my car. But we did it. And it wasn't THAT bad (if by not THAT bad I mean that they kicked and poked and proded each other the ENTIRE meeting and if my car wouldn't have been completely useless, we would've gone home for naps....)
Anyway. The locksmith we use at work came out and saved me after church and only charged me his normal rate instead of the normal weekend emergency rate. It was good.
The rest of the day went peaceful and we just enjoyed each others company. I finished the last book in the series I was reading by Traci Hunter Abramson which is rather depressing. I've really enjoyed all the books and hope she comes out with another one soon.

As an edit: I started this post in the AM but got super busy...so finishing it right now!
I just got out of my first day of classes and I think it will be great! However, I am thinking that I will have to buckle down and get internet since I have one online class and my accounting class is set up so that EVERYTHING is done online. So....sigh. Looks like I'm adding an expense to the budget. I hate that. But its for the greater good I suppose. Now does anyone know of a cheap but efficient internet provider in the Southern Utah region?!

Two posts in one day...I know!!

2011-08-19T18:46:00.000-07:00

Hungry Girl Mississippi Mug Pie Yummmmmy!

So in a movement to start getting back on track with my WW, I've decided that I will pre-plan my dinners....for the entire month. Yep. The whole month. The remainder of August is done and now I'm moving into September. My goal is to see how it goes through September and if I like the whole shabang and it helps things be less chaotic at my house, then I will keep doing it. So expect some always fantastic (hehe) pictures of my food and the recipes that actually turn out good. Most of my recipes are going to be from the Hungry Girl website or the Food Network website since I love both. I love Hungry Girl most though because she figures the WW points out for her recipes so I don't have to. Awesomeness. I've also decided that Saturdays will be my splurge night where the boys and I will make (healthy-ish) treats. Up this weekend is Nacho-rific Stuffed Chicken and a SUPER EASY and LOW POINT Mississippi Mug Pie that only takes like, 5 minutes to make. I think its going to feel good to eat healthy again. I've been slacking big time. So....here goes!

Nerves man...they get to you

2011-08-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

I've been a little scatter brained this week, probably from moving then the vaca and now school starting. Its been a blur. A very fun and exciting blur...but there are a whole lot of changes all happening one after another. I always thought I was one who could handle change. I've gone through several changes in my little lifetime and have taken them in stride. But for some reason, the recent changes are getting to me.

Moving was great. We are in a smaller place, yes, but it is much more managable than our monsterous old place and has more amenities. I'm happy with that decision. The job front is still a tad scary since funding is up in the air (which is probably where most of my anxiety lies to be honest) but I'm praying like crazy it will work out. The boys LOVED their first day of school. I was a horrible parent and forgot to take pictures...yeah I know. But I will take them once we do our official school shopping on Monday. Then you can be privvy to their 3rd day...or probably more likely their 4th day of school. Its the thought that counts...right? Right?! Anyway.

The biggest change for me personally is going back to school. I'm ecstatic to be finishing my education, but for some reason the nerves have set in. Maybe it's cause I'm old and going back to school. Or knowing its going to be ALOT of work in addition to raising my kids and work responsibilities. But I keep reminding myself that I am doing this for my kids. I'm doing this so that I can gain the education I need to be able to provide a better life for them. That is what counts.

Another thing that is positive about school is that I will have more socializing opportunities. On pretty much a daily basis my kids let me know that "we wish you would hurry up and get married so that we could have a good dad." They don't quite understand that you can't just walk up to some dude and be like "Hey! My name is Kim and I have three boys who really want a dad who will play with them, read with them, spend time with them, and all that jazz. You up for all that? Cause if so, lets get hitched..." Believe me.....I wish it was that easy. So maybe getting out and meeting people and all that jazz will put a little boost in that side of my life? Maybe.

I've also realized that I need to get back on the WW bandwagon. Even though I haven't gained back more than a pound of my weight lost, the muscle is leaving and fat is replacing it. I can physically see the change. And it sucks. So I need some way to boost my enthusiasm and get back into it. I think going to school will help, and I might use the hour break I get between two of my classes to jog on the track at the University. Since I don't have room for my treadmill and I always worry about jumping around in my apartment since I'm on the 2nd floor, I am having to be more creative. I think I will start up on my WiiFit again though. I did love that and I don't think it causes too much ruckus. Now I just need to get my butt moving.....

On the ex front, the legal paperwork is with the judge at the moment and all he needs to do is sign it. How long does it take to sign exactly? Well...we've been waiting for about 3 or 4 weeks now. But sooner or later it will all be done. Crossing fingers that its the sooner part instead of the later part. I've been kind of shocked about things that have happened during this whole process. From being lied to by the ex, to his fiance's family cornering my family to ask why I'm so horrible and such, to his dad yelling and degrading me, to a great family member coming forward to let me know they saw past his lies (thank you...you have no idea what that meant to me) to another family member who has now called my phone a total of 8 times in the past 3 days. And I'm not going to answer because quite frankly my emotions cannot handle anymore of their bashing on me. The boys are starting to see past it too and when I told them that things were finally cleared for them to go back to seeing their dad on the weekends they both started crying and begged me not to make them go. Then started the compromise thing again of "just make us go one day and then come get us" or "how about we only go for one weekend a month instead of all of them?" It breaks my heart. I guess its a good thing he hasn't tried to take them yet, but it still makes me feel bad. I know that their dad has a good heart, he is just making some bad choices right now that are affecting them and I feel like all of my efforts to make sure they WEREN'T affected by this has gone down the drain. Oh well...the only thing to do now is to just keep praying that everything will work as it is supposed to.

Well....thats all folks. Thanks for listening to my rants and raves and have a good weekend!

Holy Smack!

2011-08-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll! FINALLY we are back....but the whirlwind of life is still rollin' on! Disneyland was amazing. We had such a great time. The house we stayed in was absolutely beautiful. The boys LOVED Disneyland with the favorite rides being Toy Story, Thunder Mountain and Soaring California. And Nemo for Ryder. Church and the beach on Sunday was fun...except for a minor incident of a certain Grandpa losing his way while trying to pick us up....but all was not lost and we got home safely. Albeit 3-4 hours later than we had planned. Tyler had a fantastic birthday...even though he didn't want to wear his Disneyland birthday button. But he did think it was awesome that he got to see fireworks on his birthday.
The trip was memorable and I got to know my family better. I'm happy we went and everything went relatively smoothly all weekend long.
Today Nate and Ty started school. They didn't want me to go with them, so Grandma drove them. And they were too big for her to walk them into class. Of course. Tomorrow they said they will let me walk them in. We shall see.
Monday I start school. I'm anxious. I don't quite know why but I am really nervous to go back. Maybe all the changes that are going on and such all at one time? Probably. I do look forward to it though.
My mind is a little fried still so I will go into detail more about all of the above when things have calmed down alittle. Until then, here are some pics from our big trip. These are just the ones from my phone...I will post the ones from my camera when I can get to a USB cord to upload.
Now....for PIC OVERLOAD! In no particular order, here we go. :)

Nate and I at our first gas stop

San Clemente beach on Friday

On the Jungle Cruise in Disneyland!

The boys waiting for Autotopia in Disneyland

Tyler burying himself at Huntington Beach on Sunday

Ty and Ry (and Addy in the background) at Huntington Beach

Nate refused to have his pic taken...so heres the other two in Toon Town

Our stop on the way home at the Las Vegas Town Square...this place is seriously awesome. Loved it!

DISNEYLAND!

2011-08-11T07:45:00.000-07:00

Today is the day we leave! So I am checking out ya'll. I will be back on Wednesday with lots of pictures and big stories to tell I'm sure! Have a good weekend!

Soooo excited....

2011-08-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

Lots of randomness today......

The time is coming closer! It's almost time to leave for Disneyland! The boys and I are almost beside ourselves in excitement. One thing I'm not so excited about is that none of the financial things that I had thought would be working out....have happened. So the extra cushion of money I thought I had is not there. But. Life goes on and we will just have to be kind of cheap on this trip. Which I'm good with. Tonight we are going to go shopping for the trip and pack our bags so that we can leave directly after work TOMORROW! We plan on stopping at the state line for a break and finishing the trip out on Friday. It will be nice to have the break and to spend time with my family.

Its been good to have a swimming pool at our complex. The boys and I have gone twice now and it really is a load of fun. However, I also think its a cesspool of germs. We went swimming last night and voila...this morning two out of the three kids had a runny nose and scratchy throat. I'm hoping that dosing them up with meds helps them recoup in time for Disneyland.

Our new place is working out well. It's smaller, but that means less area for me to clean which I'm good with. I've been trying to find ways to make it more homey....I haven't figured out how yet but hopefully soon. The boys are getting used to it, although they do not like the fact that every time they run and jump, I have to yell at them to stop or they will disturb the neighbors. Thats one thing I'm not fond of when living in an apartment. Elsewise...we all good.

My fiscal fast is going good. No money spent yet. Tonight will be food money, so it doesn't technically count since it was pre-planned. Everything else we have and should be good with. I don't anticipate spending any more money until we get to Cali.

The series I've been reading is great. I thought all the books would be tied around this one girl, but after the initial three books, the rest focus on specific members of the SEALs group. Its pretty good. I'm on book 6 right now and it's pretty intense. However I haven't been able to finish them in a day like I was previously. I fall asleep while reading them at night. Anyway.
So...ya'll...I hope you have a great day and I will leave you with a picture of the boys in ~~heaven~~ the swimming pool.

Edit: I almost forgot....the poop chronicles continue. I have no idea what goes on in Ryders head when he decides if he is going to want to potty for the day or not....but wow. So last night we waiting for dinner. I was reading my book and the boys were watching TV. Ry was naked cause he was getting ready to change into his swim trunks. I don't know what made me look up, but I could tell he was just about to pee. You can see the little drips right before it happens. So I tell him to run fast to the bathroom...and as he is turning around...a little poop ball falls to the ground. Oy!! Had I not caught him, he would've totally pooped all over my floor! Frustrating. Very frustrating. Does anyone want to potty train my child?!

Momma and the Misters

Well hello there

Need some prayers

Derby Recap

Nate's Pinewood Derby

Hiatus

FHE!

My birthday!

You know its going to be a long night....

A running post

The Weekend and Goal Check In

It's Friday!

Updates

More of a vent post than anything

School!

Weekly Goal & some other stuff of course

The benefit of Pedi's

Random stuff!

Goals Check!

Disgusting boys

Its a touchy subject

Christmas!

Wierd Dreams

A {REAL} Man

Zumba...again!

Zumba!

The Dentist

The Christmas Shoes

Mr Krugar's Christmas

Shhh Its A Secret

Blogger...whats up huh?

FHE

This weekend

Pray for them this Christmas Season...

Happy December 1!

Goal Checking

Thankful Heart

Niko's Song (San Diego State University 2011)

Funny funny kids

Hmmmmm

Some funnies

Random highlights

Veterans Day

Time to Check In

Really Hard Days

Slacker!

Gratitude and Sadness all mushed together

Work related...

Holy Smokes!

Big decisions

FHE

Some {Worthy} Insight

Good times....

Randomness

Countdowns....

Halloweeny

I know I know...I'm being all EMO

Yay for the weekend!

Goals....check!

Flat tires and ball fights

Failing

Hair-tastic

Where Did Fall Go?

Random

Yesterday...

October Goals....I know.....

Giving me hope!

Braaaainnnn Dump

Vegas Baby!

Fall!

Hand, Foot and Mouth

Happy Birthday Bud

Thoughts

Studying Abroad

A debacle

Another Economics Lesson

I've become smart!

Remembering

Duurrrrr

Fatness