The GreenShow!!

We decided last night that we needed to get out of the house, and since the boys have been really wanting to go to the Greenshow, I hesitantly agreed and off we went. I thought it started at 6:30 for some reason, so we were there a bit early so we could get a good seat. Yeah...it starts at 7 just an fyi. The reason I was hesitant to go is because I have three little energy balls for kids, so I figured they would be all over the place and driving me crazy. It was actually quite the opposite. Even though we had to wait what felt like forever, they were really well behaved and just kind of played with each other. They chose to sit right in front of the sidewalk so we had a great seat, and they had room to play and roam too.
When the guys and gals came out to start selling the treats and such, the boys of course wanted some so I told them they could choose one thing. Nate and Ryder chose suckers, but Tyler INSISTED on horehound candy. Now if you haven't tried horehound candy before, it is NASTY. Big time nasty. I don't even know that I could describe the taste of it but its definitely a very uhhh.... strange taste. Anyway...he insisted, and both me and the guy selling them tried to talk him out of it, but he refused. So I bought them for him and we all watched (including the sales guy) as he popped one in his mouth. Being Tyler, the first words were "MMMMMMM these are good!" but that quickly changed to "EWWWWW mom I wante something else!" We all had a good laugh.
It was scottish night (which I LOVED) and the performance was great! I think the boys favorite part was the part about the Loch Ness Monster because they had one that they were walking around in (kinda like those Chinese Dragons) and dancing through the audience with, and at the end of the song, Nessy spit out a swimsuit. They thought that was the funniest thing ever. Ryders favorite part I think was dancing on the sidewalk with the girls from the performance. He was soo cute and everyone around us thought he was the funniest little kid. We ended the night with some yummy snowcones from Tiki Shak (my favorite snow cone place in town mmmmm) and lots of good memories we talked about.
We had such a great night. I'm kicking myself for not taking pictures at the show though so sorry there aren't visuals either. But we had a blast and the boys want to go back again real soon....and so do I.
On another note, things with work have been super great. As many know, I had been having some issues here with people and jobs I was given, but all that has been worked out. In my quarterly evaluation, there wasn't hardly a bad thing said, only thing really I needed to work on was reading our grants to familiarize myself and work on getting the workshops prepped and ready to roll. I was extremely happy with this and it makes me feel much better about my job. Also we have decided I'm going to start going down to St George and meeting with clients once a week. I went on Monday to have a meeting and see the office down there. Its at the 5 Co AOG building. The people there were super nice and I'm really going to look forward to spending time down there.
I feel like things are starting to really look up again and its been nice not to have to stress about the job because it was really starting to affect my home life and ability to be a good mother. So I am grateful always for that. I'm still trying to conquer the ditching of some chub. I haven't had the money to really go see anyone like I want or get started on a program. But my money should be equaling out this month so I'm hoping to get in soon and get this under control as well.
Well...thats it...I hope everyone has a great day!

Fun weekend with the boys...kinda.

With Saturday being the 24th, Heidi decided to give us Friday off as well at work. I was of course super excited because that meant pretty much a whole day to spend with the boys! We loved our beach journey so much the first time that we went again. This time we lathered up in sunscreen though to avoid the heartache of sunburn we got last time. Well...the boys did. I didn't...and I'm feelin the heartache once again blah! But we had a blast. Nate and Tyler started playing with some kids that were there from daycare and were having fun, but when Tylers friend went home, he decided to go solo. Nate played with the older kids for awhile and Tyler actually found a new friend. He was soooo excited and kept telling me "Momma I got a new friend! And I like him!" It was cute. Ryder stayed with me for the most part but decided he kinda liked Tylers new friend too, so they all ended up playing together until it was time to go. Of course, it was like pulling teeth to get them to go home, but Dan was going to be there soon to pick up the older two so we had to split. The rest of the weekend was lazy re-coup. Me and Ry slept through the 24th breakfast at the 2nd ward AND slept through the parade. So...we just took a drive and cleaned the house. Church was really good Sunday too. I decided to try my old ward again and I don't know if it was just my change of heart or something different there, but I finally felt more welcome and it ended up being a great experience. And more people talked to me, which was even better! So all in all a great weekend!

Latest News

We have been having some fun lately...summer fever is getting to us. There is a new "Lake on the Hill" that is quickly becoming a favorite spot. The kids absolutely LOVE it there. We did suffer some major sunburns from it, except for Nate whos got the awesome skin of an indian I think but we still had a good time.

Nate has also been going to the dentist to get his teeth fixed. He is a trooper, with the amount of damage that was there he was really a tough kid and didn't cry at all. And everyone at that office LOVES him! They think he's the greatest kid in the world, and I have to agree. The last appointment they filled some cavities then had to do a pulpectomy (?) and he was there for about 3 hours. This next visit he is only getting two more cavities filled and spacers for his top teeth. He's pretty excited to go back, he likes it there too. So pics below were the last visit :)

Other than that we have been working and trudging along. Dad helped me build some bookcases that I LOVE for our living room, finally getting all the crap off the floor and contained. Its a dream come true I tell you! I'll post pics of that later.

I really appreciate my family and friends who have been here for us and stuck by us in tough times and fun times...we really appreciate the love and kindness thats been shown. I've been thinking bout that alot lately too (I know I've been thinking probably too much about EVERYTHING lately) and just wanted everyone to know we love you! Thanks it for now, I'll post more pics of our summer adventures later on.....hope everyone is having a good summer!

Phew What a Week!

This last week or so has been very busy. Fun...but busy. It kicked off on Saturday with hiking. Matthew and his "family" (the family he is staying with at the moment) invited me to breakfast and hiking. I normally don't do a whole lot on weekends, just because they are my designated clean/laundry days since I only have one monster around instead of three. But we gave in and went. We had a super yummy breakfast of french toast on homemade wheat bread and creme brulee. Then we all pitched in and made sandwiches for the hike. We went up to Kolob Canyon to check out a trail there, and when we got there I noticed the sign said it was a 5 mile round trip hike. Now this trail was the farthest thing from a stroller friendly trail, so we went as far as we could and had to turn around about a mile into it. Ry was getting tired. But...we did stop and play in the stream. There were skeets and tadpoles hanging out and Ry decided he LOVES tadpoles. Or apples as he likes to call them. And of course the rest of the family went ahead and hiked on...with the sandwiches, so we ended up going to Zions and eating there at the pizza place in Springville. It was good...except that previous to going iin Ry had puked all over. So we didn't stay long. Matthew had never been to Zions but it was busy, so we opted just to drive through the tunnel and head home. I could have sworn that tunnel came out near Kolob Canyon but boy was I wrong. I added like, 2 hours to our drive cause I thought I was a big smarty pants ha! And the whole ride home Ryder was sleeping, then puking, then sleeping again. Poor kid, we'd worked him too hard then rode in a toasty car. It was alot of fun though.
Sunday was a rest day. We didn't do a whole lot of anything because me and Ry were sooo worn out from the previous day but Monday was a blast. We woke up early and got ready for the parade. Betsy had worked it out with the officers to let us in on the street next to the police station right after they closed it off. And of course the parade was great. I found out Ryder LOVES firetrucks and we are going to have to take a visit to his uncle at the fire station soon. Then we headed to the park for lunch. This was also fun...we had Scott and Betsy and her family/friends, Valena and her family, and our family. The kids played in the water and had a big water fight. Ry didn't quite know what to do but ended up squirting himself several times instead of anyone else! It was great! :)
After the park, we went home and rested for awhile until Nate and Ty got home then went to our friends Tyler and Mandes house for dinner. That was a fun time...although I apologize again to them for being witchy...the boys always act up after coming home from their dads unfortunately and I wasn't handling it well. When our tummys were full we went out to the airport and met mom and dad there. My dad is the best. Those boys look up to him soo much and he goes right along with it. They stood up by the fence and chatted, looked at the airplanes, and finally watched the fireworks when they started. Watching the sillouettes of them was a very sweet thing for me. I don't know why...but it really touches my heart. My kids wouldn't be who they are without the help of my parents, they are amazing people. Anyway...So then went home and went to bed.
I was sooo behind on my work from missing a day so I tried to catch up on Tuesday but ended up having to go to St George for a workshop. That was actually a good thing, because I realized I do know what I'm talking about and had to correct alot of things the presenters said hehe. But I did it after so it wasn't disrespectful. :) Wednesday I had meetings up in SLC so woke up at 4 am to go to the airport and fly out. The cab driver when I got to the airport got lost and made me late to my meeting, which ended up being in a homeless shelter anyway and that was a bit scary ha! Then flew home and was so tired we all went to bed, but not before the kids showed off all their cool stuff that grandma had gotten them while at the Ren Faire. They had earned a trip since they cleaned their rooms while I was gone. And my parents tidied up my house...which I got to say I was sooo grateful for since I hadn't been able to give it a good clean the weekend before. I love my parents and that was just one more thing that edified those feelings. Not to mention the funny stories of my mom using my disposable toilet scrubbers to clean my stove, george foreman, sink and counters I believe... she didn't realize what they were until she had my dad go buy some...and they were in the toilet cleaner aisle hehe!
So this week has been very eventful. I'm happy for the weekend to be here so I can rest. And I get to keep my boys this weekend so thats even better! We are going to check out the July Jamboree and figure out something fun (and free since I'm poor haha!) to do.
So have a good weekend everyone and I wish you all the best!

Some Random...But Not So Random Thoughts

This is going to be a long and boring post...but I've found that this blog is a good place for me to really think things through, and maybe my thought train might help someone else. I dunno. But I've been having a bit of an issue with some things lately, and I haven't quite known how to deal with them. One thing seems to affect the next thing going on and it has created a bit of a never-ending circle of Grrrr frustration. I have no idea where the circle starts, but I will start it at work.
I love my job, I love what I do. I feel like I can really make a difference in someones life. But I can also really screw up someones life. I feel like I'm holding a major part in my hands and I better not let them down. Which isn't good in this line of work because the final decision is not mine, and it can cause a lot of pressure. So mix that with being frustrated in my work surroundings because of my lack of confidence and communication skills and its a time bomb.
That in turn affects my ability to be a good parent. I come home frustrated and don't give my kids the attention they want. I'm not able to truly enjoy them, and I'm not patient with them.
This adds to my exhaustion which affects my home. If I'm tired, I don't want to clean, or prepare a big meal, or do laundry. So my home suffers.
Then I get feeling kind of sorry about myself and start into a pity party. Why does this happen to me, why do I have to have these trials? That leads to pent up feelings about losing Grayson. Again, why me? But more importantly, why him? Why did he have to suffer?
This leads to the final piece of the circle, which is my religion and beliefs. I start questioning what its all about. Why am I here? I know the answer deep down. I know what I need to be doing...so why aren't I doing it? Why aren't I living my life in a way that I can be with my family for eternity...to have the chance to be Graysons mother, to gain the unimaginable gifts and blessings that have been promised to me and my family if I do what I know I need to do? I'm lonely, and I know that I'm going to stay that way (companion-wise) until I change what I'm doing and live a more worthy life. I can feel this...I know that the person I'm meant to be with is waiting for me to come back. To embrace the gospel again. So why aren't I??
I know with all my heart that He wouldn't give me trials that I couldn't handle. And I know I'll get past all this someday. Hopefully sooner than later. But why is it that I know the steps to take, I know the path I want to go down, but for some reason something is holding me back? I know if I took even that one step...I would be able to do it. But that one little step is a HUGE leap of faith for me, and I honestly don't know if I know how to have faith anymore. Or if I ever did know how. There has been a fear instilled in me that I can't get past. I don't know why...and I know every day I'm getting closer to breaking that fear down, and just when I think I can do it...something comes along that tears me down and I'm back at square one. Why am I getting worked on so bad? I feel like Satan has picked me for his sole target and is throwing everything possible at me to get me to stay down. And its working. How do you get out of that cycle? I don't know. I think I have a lot of thinking and praying to do I think. Hopefully I can figure it out soon.