Soooo EXCITED!!!!

I was super nervous today because my in-house inspection was set at noon as the final phase for the home application that I put in for. Everything went well and at the end they broke the news....

I GOT ONE OF THE HOUSES!!

YAY!!

Hmmm

I don't really know what to post today. Not a whole lot has gone on since yesterday....but here we go.
-There is a couple fires apparently that are close to town. Well close enough that it smells like smoke and its all hazy. I've never really had an issue with fire smoke before but my eyes are burning like crazy. We left the windows open at work last night...bad idea. Now the whole office smells like smoke. Sentsy here I come. I hope they get those fires taken care of soon, they are kind of a pain and a bit scary.
-We also hired our new girl yesterday. I really think she is going to do a good job and the more I thought about it the more I was happy we chose her and I think she will do a good job. So today I'm getting her set up on all our systems and signed up for trainings and such. I'll probably be headed to Dallas, TX with her in November and then to my DC trip in December. I've done lots of traveling this year I realized...its kind of cool really. I haven't been to anywhere super exciting, but Denver was fun. Phoenix was interesting. All the SLC trips have been good. This DC trip is my creme de la creme though. I'm soooo excited. Anywho.
-Next week is the ribbon cutting for the Enoch houses. Tomorrow is my housekeeping inspection for the qualifications. There are 6 people left. And 5 houses. And I am not in a safe spot....me and one other person are tied at the moment so it could go either way. I feel like I'm on a game show and waiting to see if I win a million dollars or something. Its very nerveracking and its killin me smalls!

Adding on...

As an add-in to my last post (I should've mentioned it there) if anyone would like to send a care package or simply write a letter or send a thank you card to someone or a unit overseas, they really do appreciate the effort. As I've been reading today on the site, there are several who are out there for the first time and really struggling. Any boost in morale is welcomed and needed. I got my addresses from www.anysoldier.com and I would encourage you to even send just a letter or a card and to encourage others to do the same.
Thank you!

My Truly Touching Night

As mentioned in a previous post, me and the boys decided we wanted to thank some of the soldiers overseas awhile back, so we sent some letters and pictures and such as a thanks. We were not in any way expecting a reply because we know its busy over there and there isn't alot of extra time to do that kind of thing sometimes. But last night we recieved a letter of thank you from a very kind Marine. His letter was 2 1/2 pages in response and he spoke directly to the boys for alot of it. He told Nate about his sword that he wears for ceremonies and talked to him about pirates and such. He told Tyler that it does get kind of scary over there sometimes but he is there because he wants to protect him and our family and keep the bad guys away from us. He even wrote to Ryder, telling him he thought he was a cool kid and to make sure hes good for his momma. He made sure to say that our writing was not insignificant and that these letters are what keeps him and his guys going, making horrible days alot better. He also invited us to write back if we would like. I was soo appreciative of the response because it shows the boys that even small things can make such a difference in someones life.

My touching moment came at bedtime though. The letter was moving to read, but the simplicity and innocence of a childs prayer is what got me. It made me tear up actually. It was Tylers turn to say bedtime prayers and after his normal ranting he added in "oh and Heavenly Father, please watch over our new friend and the soldiers who are protecting us. They don't have anyone to protect them and I want you to put a big protective shield around them all to keep the bad guys away. I want them to be able to come home again."

Todays Randomness

So here are some random shtuff that has been going on lately....

-At work, we are FINALLY hiring for a helper for me. Woot Woot! I've needed one as my case load has grown huge! We had 80 applications, only 20 applied right, and we narrowed it down to 6 people to interview. We did those interviews on Friday between the Care and Share ground breaking and our tenant party and immediately disqualified 2 people. The remaining 4 are coming in today to present a portion of our class and do a final interview with H. I'm rather excited. We have a couple that I really like, so I think it will be good.

-With the houses....I still have NO CLUE whats going on. K from UHC is reviewing applications right now and we will find out soon who is going to get those houses and who won't. This has been the most nerve wracking thing ever and my backup plan of getting an RD loan at the end of the year may not work either, since they are changing the boundaries of where you can get a home and also are starting a new fiscal year....which means delays up to wazoooo! So....I'm praying for the houses.

-Ryder bit me for the first time. Yes. Bit me. I don't think he meant to cause he immediately said sorry and was sad, but still! I haven't had a biter. I hope it doesn't continue. Eesh.

-This week Tyler is the Star of the Week at school and he is very excited. We made a poster and he gets to bring a favorite book, a treat, and a sharing item. We took the poster today and will do the rest tomorrow. I'm excited to see how it goes when he gets home :)

X Y and Z!

I'm finishing out my ABCs today....with all three XYZ. I've enjoyed the ABCs because they have gotten me back in the habit of writing on the blog which is good! So with no further ado...here we go.
X is for Xenogenisis! What is Xenogenisis you may ask? Xenogenisis is a generation of offspring entirely unlike the parents. (yeah...I couldn't think of anything I was grateful for that started with X so I looked up unusual words that start with X. Betcha didn't know there are a TON of words that start with X and have something to do with yellow! hehe) The reason I use this one...is because when you look at my boys you wouldn't guess they all came from me. Nate is tall and skinny with brown hair, brown eyes and very olive dark skin. Tyler is short and still skinny-ish but not like nate, and my blondie with blue eyes and very fair skin. Ryder looks the most like me and is tall but stalky, has reddish brown hair, hazelish eyes (like mine) and skin thats not super fair, but also not super dark. But thats where the differences end sadly. I'd hope I wasn't as stubborn and thick headed as my kids can be...but I know I am. But they are also sooo funny and total goofballs...which I hope I am sometimes. :)
Y is for yards. Yup...like yards in the house. I LOVE that we have grass...and a spot that is just ours like our back patio. When we were living in the apartment it was horrid because we kind of felt trapped inside the house. There was a lil bit of grass outside but it wasn't kid friendly. And the only kids in the complex were the managers kids...who we didn't really like to play with. Here at this new place...there are billions of kids all over the place plus the park that is like a 1 minute walk from our place. I don't know that I could ever go back to another apartment. Hopefully I won't have to :)
and Z!! Z is for Zumba! Which I shouldn't say I'm grateful for since I haven't actually done it yet. But I've heard its sooo fun and its on my to do list when I get a minute. I know soo many people who totally LOVE the class. So if any of you have tried Zumba and wanna share if you love it or not...please do! But I'm rather excited to try it one of these days.
Anyway...thats it for today! I hope you all have a great day and an even better weekend!!

So....

My excitment has dropped slightly about the houses. After actually scoring the applications I had moved down to 4th place by the time I had left last night. Which is still good, but they still had 3 applications to score. So I'm right on the line of getting or not getting a house. But I for sure won't be getting first pick :( Thats ok though, all the houses are pretty. I just had one my heart was set on. I'll know more tenatively today if I am still in the running. H and J are finishing the scoring and then they send it on up to UHC for the final review. Its nerve racking! Gahhhhh! But if its meant to be...it will be. Thats my mantra. If I'm meant to have one of the houses...I'll get one. If not...then its just not the right time and I need to be patient.

And....Another

*Thats one of the houses...and my first choice if I get to choose! :)

So I can't help myself...I gotta share my ecstatic-ness with the world. I am getting sooo excited about two particular events coming up in my life. First and foremost...the houses! Mom and Dad and I went out to see them over the weekend...and the back door was open so we were able to go inside. 2 of them are totally done and landscaped...the other 3 are pretty much done and just need cleanup inside and landscaping. H has been trying to keep me up to date on my progess in the running...and so far I'm doing good! They are beautiful houses and I really do hope I get one!

Secondly, I'm excited for this Washington DC trip I'm going on in December. I have never been back east and I am soo super excited to have the opportunity! Especially in DC! The classes I'm taking in my training are amazing, and I know I'm going to enjoy them. Plus I'm going to be by soo many national monuments and the hotel I'm staying in is AMAZING! I can't wait.

So there are my two bursts of happy excitement for the day....it's making me wierdly giddy today to think about it so woohoo!

V and W

I need to catch up on my ABCs! So here we go....

V is veggies! Shocker for me I know! But I am grateful for my veggies. I don't love veggies but I'm grateful that I have the ability to eat them as I wish. And hide them in my food to trick the boys and I into eating them. Retarded I know...but when I'm a picky eater and I got picky eaters for kids...we have to adapt. Ha!

W is for Wards. I have been so grateful to a couple of my wards that I have been a part of in the past. The first ward, of course, is my home ward. I have almost always felt welcome and at home there. Every time I go I get bombarded with love and kindness from the people I've known so long and I truly do feel the warmth and love there. The other ward that I have to give props to was my ward on Leigh Hill. That was the ward that I went through my first total repentance process in, I had my first ever calling in that ward as well. Relief Society Music Director I believe. I was in charge of finding and conducting the music for Relief Society as well as Enrichment Meetings and such. I loved that ward. They took me in and loved me. They all came together after Tyler was born and had his first surgery. I miss that ward sooo very much. I'm not so appreciative of the ward I'm in now. There is no warm fuzzies there. I feel stared and and not welcome. I'm really looking forward to (hopefully) getting one of the Enoch homes so that I can move to a new ward where I can further my spiritual side. I've heard that ward is awesome...so crossing fingers.

Ryders Birthday

Yesterday was Ryders birthday and we had a blast! I hadn't planned anything because mostly, I spaced that it was the 20th. Yeah...negligent mom moment. I feel crappy about it. But still. It turned out to be a super fun night for Ryder and all of us I think. I had a good time anyway! After work me and the boys went to Lins to pick out a cake. And bought some skittles to decorate. I think I'm going to make that a new tradition for the family because the boys all had so much fun! Addy even got in on the fun and added her own personal touch on the cake...by way of scooping a fistful of frosting off! :) Then we went to Grandma and Grandpas house to wait for everyone to come. I tried to get Ryder to tell me what he wanted to eat and his response was "Food" which was obviously not helpful. So I asked him what kind of food and he said "Chicken Nuggets". Progress! So I asked him where...and he said "An airplane". Digression (is that a word? it is now). So he wanted chicken nuggets on an airplane. We decided on Wingers. Close enough right?! Dinner was great. All the family was there except Tony and the Alaskan crew (sadly...we missed you!). Then we went back to Grandma and Grandpas for cake and presents. Ryder LOVED being able to sing and was singing to himself while we sang! He wasn't so interested in eating the cake so we opened presents. His favorite present ever is the firetruck that Tony, Valena, Mel and Addy gave! He slept with it all night and it was very hard to pry it from his fingers at daycare this morning. So thank you all soooo very much for coming to the spur of the moment party, we appreciate your love and kindness and really had a good time!
*The pictures are a bit out of order...sorry!

U and Ryder!

Todays letter is U for Understanding. I am sooo grateful that I have very understanding loved ones. I've done some incredibly stupid things in my short lifetime...and I've been grateful that I have such understanding family and friends. I have some wierd quirks and sometimes like to hermit myself away and its nice to know that my loved ones understand thats just how I am. My mom calls and ensures I'm okay and I appreciate that. Sometimes I need that little push to be able to talk about it, and I am grateful my mom understands that about me. I'm also grateful that I have been blessed with the ability to (semi) understand other people and their situations. I jump to judgements too quickly sometimes and need to be put in check more often then not...but I'm happy I have the sense to really try to understand in the end.

The other topic of the day....its Ryders birthday today. This is the big number 3 for him. I'll tell a secret...I almost forgot. I know it was on the 20th, I just didn't realize it was soo close to the 20th! So...I have no idea what we are going to do today. We'll try to do something fun and exciting. I think he's just excited to have a day of attention actually. So Happy Birthday to my big guy Ryder...we love you and wish you a happy day!

T and other stuff

T is for Tyler! Ty is my little buddy. I love him to death and the family wouldn't be complete without him. Hes such a sweet kid and always (almost) willing to help out with his brothers or chores around the house. Unless its been a long day for me and I really need the help and he "doesn't feel like it" but thats a different story. He is also a very stubborn kid, and likes to drive me crazy. When he gets in trouble, he laughs. I hate it. Most kids say sorry or cry, which I could handle. But he LAUGHS! I even got so far as to swat his bum one time, and he LAUGHED! It defeated the purpose. So that can be a titch frustrating but I still love him all the same. So thats my letter for the day. On to other things.

I have been extremely busy the last two days. Wednesday was a workshop in Salt Lake with Bank of America. Anyone who has talked to me about my job knows that I HATE working with Bank of America right now so going to this training was a good thing to get contacts and escalation numbers. We shall see if they actually work. Another thing that was good was that it opened my eyes to the way other agencies are running their program. This program is my baby. Its all mine. And I learned there are alot of things I personally need to be doing to make the program better and help clients in a better fashion. It was extremely helpful. We also closed the job posting and are going to be going over applications and setting up interviews. I'm VERY excited about this because I need the help.
The last bit of good news...H let me know yesterday that my application for those houses I talked about it a previous post is looking good and I'm one of the top runners soo far! This makes me very excited! So we shall see how that goes.
Anyway....best wishes to everyone on a good Friday and a great weekend!

S is for School

S is for School! Even though I'm not in school (I would like to go back some day and finish my degree but that will be later) I am very appreciative of the great school system we have here. Nate and Tyler both LOVE going to school and their teachers are fantastic! Every single one of Nates teachers has been soo kind to him and soo aware of his needs. They have really helped him feel at home and look forward to going to school. Even though Tyler was a little antsy at first to go to school, his teacher has really warmed him up and he is enjoying school much more now as well. She is a very sweet person and I'm grateful to her as well.

The other plus side is that they really do look at the needs of every child and help them learn their way. Nate is leaps and bounds ahead of "average" and I owe it all to do a great preschool...then great teachers at school. He is reading, writing, and doing math all at a level higher than expected. Tyler I don't know about yet, but I do know at his orientation the teachers said he was very much ahead of the game and they were impressed by his capabilities.

That brings to me to my next "school" thanks. That would be to my daycare. They are amazing. As I said before, I owe them for teaching the boys such good skills and ensuring they are ready for school. I can't believe its been two years since I've been taking the boys there and they are excelling wonderfully. I know Ryder will be the same when he goes back to school.

Anyway...thats it for the day. I have a SUPA busy day catching up from meetings in SLC yesterday so I wish everyone a splendid day and I am signing out :)

Random Happenings

Its time to play catch up with my life a slight bit...woohoo!
-I was sicker than a dog and am FINALLY feeling better...took long enough geez! But I do greatly appreciate my parents for helping me with the boys and letting me be a lazy whiner butt on their couch all week. I also appreciate my awesome co-workers and H for working around me and letting me have the time off I needed to recoup. Also to my awesome friends, especially my buddy Don who has made me dinner more than once when I wasn't feeling good and helped me watch Ryder when I was home...and checked up on me to make sure I wasn't dead or something. :)
-I am actually excited for my job. I love coming to work every day and have soo many ideas about how to revamp my program. We have posted for a new person (FINALLY!) to help me out and I have a TON of ideas on how I want my program to be shaped and run. I think being sick gave me that little bit of a break I needed to recharge and get back in the groove.
-I forgot to mention a couple weeks ago that when we went to the Greenshow, Nate was called up on stage and got his picture taken with the cast! They were supposed to email it to me but haven't yet.....
-Last night was Nate and Tylers back to school bash. It was fun...kinda. For them I hope it was fun. It was exhausting for me holy cow! I never thought going to one of those things would be so tiring but it really was! But the kids had a blast so thats what counts. They got lots of prizes and their faces painted and such so it was worth going.
-Upcoming excitedness....I know I've blogged about it previously but I am SOOOO excited to be going to Washington DC in December! It is going to be soo much fun and even though it will be snowy as heck I'm looking forward to strolling around seeing the sights of the East Coast. Not to mention the place we are staying as AMAZING! Its called the Gaylord National hotel...and it really is a high end classy place. Plus I will be there during the Christmas On The Potomac events and I am soo excited for that! The only thing that will be missing is my kiddos and my family. I'd love to have someone to go with but its okay.
-I am getting excited about these houses at work. I'm trying not to, since its not a guarantee that I will be getting one, but I'm looking forward being in my own space, being able to paint and decorate how I want, being in a good neighborhood, everything. Granted I'm not looking forward to moving again but this will be my last move. Unless something wierd comes up...but I plan on buying one of these houses.
Anyway...there are my musings for the day...I hope everyone is having a fantastic day!

R

R is for Ryder of course! Ryder is my lil man. He is cute, and adorable, and funny....and a pain in the tushy, and stubborn, and a lil whiney... :) He is a special lil guy and he has taught me alot about patience seeing as how he's forced me to use it more so than the other two boys lately. The terrible twos definitely hit him. Its kind of interesting though....He will be happy and laughing and dancing, then split second later hes pouting and whining. I don't understand his mood swings and I kinda hope they go away soon...but its still rather entertaining. My favorite is when he gets in trouble. He has two reactions and I'm not sure how he decides which one to use. The first is he gets mad, screams, won't move, hits, does anything imaginable to be irritating. OR he will look up at you with those cute little puppy dog eyes, get a lil teary (with the whole bottom lip quivering) and say "sowwy" and either pat your arm or pet you. Its kinda cute. At daycare lately, he will semi mix the two and say "No Ms. ____ (whoever is telling him no)!" Then do the quiver lip pouty pet the teacher sorry thing hah! He's not my child at all...nope :)
So...today is a tribute to him. He keeps me on my toes and I love him to death...and its his birthday next monday! So here's to you lil dude...I love ya!

Q

Q is for Quiet. I love the peace and quiet of night time. When all the kids are in bed sleeping, there isn't any toys banging around or yelling or smacking or dishwashers running....you get the point. I love the quiet. But I only love the quiet when I know my boys are safely sleeping and everything in the world is right. Isn't it funny how that works? I look forward to my mommy time at night...that hour or two after the kids go to sleep, before I hit the sack. Its my unwinding time from the day. I don't like to admit that being a full time working single parent is tough, but it can be. Thats my time to let it all go.
Its kind of funny though because this makes me think of the times when the boys are sleeping at my parents house because I have to wake up early to fly to a training, and I HATE the quiet then. I can never sleep at all and every bump and squeek makes me jump. I was creep myself out big time. So the quiet definitely has its time or place, but I love my noisy and rambunctious (sp?) kids that keep it all in line as well :)

I almost forgot today! O and P

I can't believe I forgot my ABCs today. Anyway...
O is for Opening! Or more like job opening. We finally posted for the job opening here to help me out! I'm rather excited. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed with my case load so having assistance will help tons and I'll be able to give better quality service to ALL my clients.
P is for Planes! I am an impatient traveller...I hate driving places because it takes forever and a day. This is why I am grateful for...planes! They are quick! And kinda scary. But its worth it to be quick! And I will REALLY appreciate them in December when I go to Washington DC. I am soooo very excited about that! I have never been back East before and even though it will be snowy...I am SOO looking forward to it! I can't wait! This is yet another reason I love this job...I've travelled more in the last year than I have my entire life. It's been great! :)
Anyway...hope ya'll have a good day!

I Swear...

I am a big baby when it comes to being sick. I HATE it. And I want it gone NOW. This isn't happening for me at the moment. The running count is now 5 days of this stupid ear infection. It throbs on and off...but it seems to be getting better. Until 3 AM when pain rears its ugly head and I can't sleep any longer cause I just wanna sit there and cry. But I don't....I get my meds and my warm pack and pray for some relief. I just wish it would go away. I haven't been productive at work (when I've been there anyway) and I'm miserable at home. My house looks like trash. Gaawwww! Any day now! I'm happy to feel better! It was sad cause when I went to the hospital on Tuesday with Mom, they gave me IV fluids and pain meds and some antibiotics and I walked out of there feeling like a new person. I figured I was free from my pain! Until Wednesday morning. But then I took my percocets and was free from the pain again! Until I ran out. Now here I am. A whiney butt who is miserable and wants to be done being sick. But what do ya do right? Anyway...hopefully by next week I will have improved. Until then..sorry to all who have to put up with whiney butt. I promise I'll try not to whine too much :)

M, N, and a Happy Birthday!

I need to catch up! So to start with...Happy Birthday to my fantastic sister Steph. You have always been there for me and always have great advice for me when I need it. You also have 4 amazing kids that you are raising so well and its obvious you are a wonderful parent. I appreciate you soo much and although I wish you were closer, I feel soo lucky to have you as my sister. I love you and Happy Birthday!
Next up...M is for Medicine! Very appropriate for today. Due to this ear infection, I am LOVING modern medicine. I'm usually a huge medicine-o-phob or whatever you'd call it. I'd rather endure the pain or cold or whatever to avoid taking medicine. But this got to be too much for me to handle. So I am very grateful that there is medicine out there that I can take to help me cope. I had to go through about 3 different kinds until I found a combination that worked but still. Sooooo very grateful. I'm also very grateful on the flipside to my parents. They have been helping with the kids and helping me with my meds and I couldn't do all this without them.
Now time for N...is for Nate. Nate is my lil hero. I love him so much. Me and him have been through a lot of stuff together. He was my first, and my learning kid. I had no clue what I was doing and I made alot of mistakes with him. But I think he's turning out okay. Besides a few emotional spurts from time to time, he is a strong kid. He's always very willing to help me out when I need it and is always trying to be a good big brother. Although he's not always the best example in the world, he sure does try and I really appreciate him for that. I don't know what I'd do without him. I love him with all my heart!

Ughhhhhhh

I'm taking a break from the ABCs today cause I'm really not feeling well. Last week on Thursday I woke up with what I thought was allergies. Friday rolled around and it kind of turned into a cold and a lil ear ache. When Saturday hit, it was a full blown cold and still lil ear ache. I woke up Sunday and had a hard time moving. My ear was killing me but I decided to go to the Cowley Family Reunion anyway....only to leave at around 9 pm to come home. I was miserable. Monday I woke up and the pain was unbareable. As soon as Ryder woke up we went to the doctor. And of course, no doctors offices were open, nor was the Instacare. So I opted for the ER. I was in and out in literally a half an hour. Doc said I had an ear infection and gave me pain pills and some antibiotic. I was hopeful that as the day went on things would start feeling better. They didn't. My pain got worse. By the time Tuesday rolled around I had to call into work cause I could barely move. My entire left side of my face and neck were swollen and I couldn't open my eye all the way or close my mouth all the way. I was also puking my guts out and couldn't even keep water down. When mom brought the boys home she could tell I was a mess and decided I needed to go back in, so to the ER we went. This time they took better care of me. I got an IV drip to rehydrate me (I guess I was super dehyrdated) and some pain meds that actually worked. That was nice since I hadn't been out of pain for 4 days. So here I am today, feeling a tad better but still kind of feeling out of it. Percocets rock since they are keeping my pain manageable. I hope I can kick this thing soon. I hate being sick. And who knew a simple ear infection can cause soo much pain! Anyway hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!

L is for Love

Of course once L came around I'd use the word Love. I'm a hopeless romantic! And I do appreciate love. Although I get to my thinking sometimes (I might need to have more of a night life so I don't have so much time to think) and have really thought alot about love lately. I don't know that I have ever felt that true deep down feeling of love with another person not family. I thought I had it with Danny, but that was short lived. I know he didn't love me or he wouldn't have treated me the way he did. I've thought I've loved others since him, but I really don't think it was love. So this comes to my next train of thought. I wonder what love does feel like?

I do love my boys very much, but its a different kind of love obviously. They drive me crazy, tempt me to use duct tape and bailing wire often, and totally trash my house. Yet I love spending time with them and am soo happy I get to be their momma. They have the cutest little intricacies (sp?) that make me smile every day and I am soo proud of them. (Although Nate just tried to buck me from my chair and it took me about 5 minutes to figure out how to fix what he did to my chair....bailing wire?)

So anyway....I'm sure grateful for those that I do love and love me in return. And that kind of love is unconditional I believe. And I hope I can find a guy to give me unconditional love someday that is meant to be between a husband and a wife. Till then I will prepare and wait :)

K is for Kisses! (hehe)

Today, K is for Kisses! I love kisses. Especially kisses from my lil boys. They make my day. I don't ever get them from Nate anymore too often. And he usually runs from mine. But Ty will give me a few good smackers sometimes. Ryder, still hasn't gotten the concept down. But he makes me laugh. When I give him kisses, he ALWAYS wipes them off. So I give him more. And he wipes them off again. So I give him even more! And he wipes them off again and tells me "Stop it Momma kisses!" It makes me smile a tad. He is such a sweetheart.

I also, of course, like big people kisses too...but I haven't gotten one of those in awhile. So I can't say too much about them. And...it would probaby be bad to anyway. The whole TMI thing.

Another one of my favorite kisses is...of course...chocolate kisses! They don't like me very much though. Its a love-hate relationship I think. It doesn't change things though. I still love them and try to keep a stock pile in my candy dish at work. Which is to the demise of me and my co-workers since we eat them all day. But its ok. We still like them and won't banish them just yet.

J is for Jesus Christ

*my favorite picture

Today is J for Jesus. And I know this is more religious than I normally go, but thats okay. And the whole post won't be about just him, but rather my testimony. I am really thankful to have been raised in a home where the church was so important. I know that no matter what I do or what choices I make, my family will be there to cheer me on or lift me up when I'm down. Even though I didn't always follow what I was taught, I know that Jesus Christ is real and that he died for us so that we could return to him some day. It really makes me feel bad that he had to take upon himself my sins, and I regret alot of what I have done for that fact alone. I know I caused part of his pain and suffering. But I also know that he knew before I was even born what I would go through and gladly took that upon himself because he loves me. I have a testimony that he does love me and my boys and is watching out for us every day. I also know without a doubt that he is watching over Grayson for me until I can return to be his mother. I just need to get my butt moving so I can have that blessing some day. I know that he and Heavenly Father hear my prayers and even though it may not always be the answer I want, I know there will always be an answer. I also know that there is a greater plan for me than I see, and that this life is being lived and my trials are specifically for me so that I can be tested and strengthened to fulfill that plan and gain all the eternal blessings that have been promised to me. I have felt his arms around me more than once and know of his eternal love. As part of my testimony, I want to thank my family for being such good examples to me of the best ways to live your life. Each one of you has shown me what it is like to live a clean and pure life and help me strive to want the same for myself and my family. It really does strengthen me and give me courage to do what I need to do more and more every day. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.