Picture Overload Updates

The pictures of the house FINALLY sent to my computer so here they are! We also have been up to other stuff so might as well tell it all in pictures right? Here go...

The kitchen!

The kitchen again

Dining Room

Part of the living room

My red wall. I love my red wall :)

The family room

My bedroom

Ty and Ry's bedroom...its much bigger than it appears

Nate's ever messy room

The "red room" that is huge (more space than could fit in a picture). The boys have it as their secret club at the moment but will be used for food storage eventually.

Laundry/mud room

And that is our house! The back yard is very pretty too, I will take pictures when I remember to in the daytime. I always seem to forget. I want to pretty it up a little too so maybe when spring comes :)

The boys had a blast at Halloween trick or treating with the neighbor kids. 

Nate and Ty are playing basketball now too. Nate's team was suffering for a bit but had their first win last Saturday. Ty's team has been stomping the competition by 20-30 pts a game usually. Haven't had a loss yet.

My emergency preparedness "stove". You can put whatever your heating on top and light a fire in the can. At least I kinda have a heat source if stuff ever goes down right?

The little specs at the top of the street are the boys. They walked to school all by themselves that day. It was a bittersweet moment for me. Love that they were independent....not loving they are getting so darn big!

And that is about it for now. We are just getting prepared for Christmas (holy geez that came fast) and having as much fun as we can. It's snowed quite a bit here as well which has been fun, except for the slippery ice. I'll post more pictures of our snowy fun later. Its soo nice to have a yard for the boys to run and play in, and build snowmans...and have snowball wars....oh I love it so much. It feels good to have a home. Happy Holidays!

Broken

My heart is broken. Losing a loved one is extremely difficult but losing a child is just....different. It is a different kind of pain and sorrow. Something that is hard to understand unless you have had to go through it. Some loved ones are now going through this and I so badly wish I could take it all away and make things right again but I know I can't. All the feelings I had when I lost Grayson have seeped in tonight and knowing they are going through the same sorrow is gut wrenching. Please say a little prayer for those who are struggling tonight to find strength to make it through their trials. Pray for those close to them to know the best way to love and support them and most importantly please pray for them to know they are loved.

He knows that everyone falls down,

He's reaching His hands to lift up and strengthen us all now.

He helps me stand higher than I ever knew how,

Through things that I couldn't do alone.

He handles the rest when I've given all I've got to give.

My heart's been trying, and in his eye's it's enough.

He know's who I am, and he know's I'll make mistakes.

He's my oldest friend and through it all I know he'll wait.

I learn every day that I've got so much more to give

My trials have a purpose, I know that's why I'm here.

-Mercy River

Busy Busy November

Holy geez this month has been busy. We had the move of course but so much more too.

The boys started basketball a few weeks ago and it's been crazy crazy since. Both Nate and Ty are playing on separate teams and are in different divisions, so practices and games sometimes overlap. They usually practice Tuesdays and Thursdays then the games are on Saturdays. This last Saturday both games were at the same time at different locations. I was only able to see Nate's game and his team did fairly well. They got creamed but for most this is the first time they've played organized sports like this, so all in all they did good for their level. Tyler's team was opposite, they creamed the other team pretty good. I heard the game was awesome and was sad I had to miss it. Luckily, there is only one other Saturday that the games overlap so I should be able to go to both of their games every week now. This weekend, Tyler's game is at 9:00 am at Canyon View High and Nate's is at 11:00 am at Canyon View Middle School in case anyone wanted to come. Basketball is going to last until January for Tyler and February for Nate so the next few months are definitely going to be busy busy.

Nate has been doing great with his Cello. He's still undecided on if he wants to continue to play it after the Orchestra class is up but I am definitely going to suggest he keeps at it. Tyler is also taking piano lessons and doing very well. From what I hear he is really enjoying the lessons and from hearing him play a little he is catching on really well. And of course both the older ones are also doing their scouts. Poor Ry hasn't had anything too huge going on but he's been a trooper riding along to all these other events and it's helping him be a little more motivated to want to participate in activities when he gets old enough.

Work is going well too. I was really struggling with trying to figure out what the underwriters looked for to give good solid approvals on files so I decided to reach out to the underwriting manager the other day and she gave me some great tips. I've put her tips into play and my last three files have come out very clean (which means the underwriter was able to issue approvals without having to request a ton of extra info called conditions). One was even a quick clear which means that I had provided all but two items she had needed to give me a clear to close. That's pretty major. I am also done with my required educational courses for my Utah Licensing Test and about half way through the required courses for the National Licensing Test. The goal is to complete these courses and take my tests to be a licensed Loan Officer by January. Things are headed in a great direction and I really feel we are becoming closer and more tight knit as a team. It's very exciting to be a part of it all.

So we're busy busy but absolutely loving every second. It's been an adjustment for sure with all the changes going on but so far all of it is definitely moving us upwards and I look forward to where this little path we've jumped on will lead. Here is to a good ride :)

Getting Settled

I have been attempting to post pictures of the new house for the last week but they won't transfer from my phone to my computer. Highly irritating. So eventually I will get some posted I promise.

The move went well. We had a few bumps along the way though. The house was not ready when we moved in. I don't know what happened there, but when I came to do my move-in inspection that Friday before there was maintenance stuff EVERYWHERE. A toilet was completely ripped out of the hallway bathroom and was chilling out in Nate's room, the stove has some issues and there were pages of things that they didn't quite get finished. Tools were everywhere and patches on the wall hadn't been fixed yet. So the plan to move stuff in on Friday was out. I was a little stressed out I couldn't move as much as I was planning on but come Saturday morning most of the stuff was cleaned up thank goodness and we were good to move stuff in.

I was extremely blessed with all the help that showed up. We had our last load in the new house by noon which is a record for me for sure. When not as many people as I had expected to come showed up, some prayers were answered and the troops came in. I am soo grateful for all the help, thank you to everyone who took time out to help. I know we couldn't have done things so quickly without them all...I am soo grateful that things worked out the way they did.

So not everything is fixed yet unfortunately but they are slowly working on it. The toilet got moved back into the bathroom but wasn't installed until yesterday. The stove is now fixed too but I cannot get the gas fireplace in the family room to work to save my life, there are still toothpaste looking patches on some of the walls that didn't get covered and I can't dry any clothes here since my dryer is electric and the hookups are gas. The maintenance guy said he had connections and could hook me up with a very inexpensive dryer, but I've yet to see that come to fruition. So...the hunt for a dryer continues and we become friends with the laundromat for a minute.

Having a house is a lot of work too...as I mentioned I can't get the gas fireplace to work in the basement and even with the heat on it gets cold down here. I have no idea how to use the wood fireplace in the living room either, so we are slightly cold. Good thing heat rises though because the bedrooms are nice and toasty, and I guess that is really what counts right? And the spiders. Oh the spiders. I hate spiders. And there are TONS of them. There was one in the boys room who's body was easily as big as my thumb. It was nasty. But we are handling it bit by bit.

But there are soooo many upsides that all the other stuff is minor. We feel at home every time we walk in the door. The boys are loving the space and the ability to run and play without me having to tell them to be quiet. And being so close to the school means that we have not been late once since we moved in which I'm sure the school appreciates too. My favorite part is the fact that the dining room and family room are far apart so we haven't had any temptation to eat in front of the TV. It's been soo very nice to eat as a family at the table and to have the kids excited to help cook, set the table and do clean up. I'm sure that won't last forever but I'll take it while I can. The boys are super excited for the prospects of fun activities in the house too. Nate is going to have a friend party at our house this year for his birthday which is something we really didn't have room to do previously. The other boys all want to do the same and I'm excited to be able to give them that option finally. And the holidays! They are soo excited to spend the holidays here. We can decorate and feel all festive here which we are ALL excited about. Yay!

So that is that. I look forward to the fun memories we are going to be able to make here and the opportunities we will have with being in our own home. And with that, have a lovely night :)

Gettin' Antsy!

The time to move is coming up and I have been trying hard not to be too excited because otherwise time will pass by slower than it has been already. But I couldn't help it tonight. So of course....I turn to my Auto Homestyler and have at it. The living room in it's raw is below....

Yay fireplace!

And below is how I'd love to someday have my living room look. It will be awhile before I get to spiffy it up since getting the kids new beds is my priority (they are in pretty rough shape). And of course I couldn't structure the room exactly like above, but it's close. Forgive the loooong outside view...camera placement was off.




And of course I can't help to play around with my bedroom. Also low on my priority list but it's still fun to dream :) Bedroom picture below....

It's workable...

I think it's workable. Someday. Maybe. :) Until then it's fun to just design. And side note...I fell asleep creating these and writing this post last night. It was kind of funny. Anywho...bedroom below.





Ok that is it. Moving day is coming in one week and hopefully we will be ready by then! I'll be sure to share pictures when I get all set up. Have a good night ya'll. Happy dreams :)

Remembrance Day

 Source

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness/Remembrance Day. And of course I am remembering my Grayson, who has blessed me and keeps blessing me to this day from his little perch in Heaven. He makes me realize how precious life is and how I need to never ever take my living sons for granted. I forget that on those awesome days where they don't listen or if they do, they just don't care to do as I ask or when they are endlessly antagonizing each other or fighting relentlessly. But they are wise and give me gentle reminders. Sometimes it's a hug. Sometimes it's filling up my water bottle when I don't even realize I need more water. Or offering to exercise with me to keep me motivated (although this isn't completely selfless, since most the time they are trying to get out of going to bed but it's sweet all the same). I love the mornings when one (or all three) end up in my bed super early in the morning just because they wanted to cuddle for a little bit. Or when they steal Eskimo kisses just because. I especially love the breakfast in bed on random days because they want to do something nice for me, or when they actually help each other out. I love my boys and can't think of life without them. Sure it would be easier but it most definitely wouldn't be as fun. And I am thankful for the influence Grayson has had on them. They never met him in person or even saw him other than in pictures, but they all feel a connection to him. In fact, Grayson is Ryder's friend right now and he talks about him often. Don't get me wrong, today has been a bit difficult as well. I've been reading over stories of the men and women who are apart of a Facebook support group and it is just heartbreaking to know they've had to go through this type of pain. I have definitely shed a tear or two.

So I offer a challenge to you. If you know someone who had lost a pregnancy, stillborn, infant, child, etc. please give them a hug today. Or even a quick text or call to say you were thinking about them. It helps soooo much to know others care, believe me. So do you accept the challenge?? Do it! I dare you! Alrighty until next time...have a happy week!

What I've learned

This last week(ish) has been interesting. I've learned a few things.

1. When something exciting happens (moving!!!) the remainder of the time you have to wait goes by sloooooooooow. The last year has whizzed by quicker than you can say quick. And October was proving to do the same...until I want it to go quick. Then of course time goes at snail pace.

2. Moving sucks. Nix that. Packing sucks. I hate packing. I've been procrastinating. Nate's room is ready to roll. Ty/Ry's room is getting there. The rest of the house is untouched. Except for the mountain of boxes in my living room.

3. When I get ready to move, every flipping time, my housework goes to pot. I don't know what it is but every single time, the last month before I move equals a serious lack of keeping up with chores. So irritating.

4. Tonight I found out I beat another dude to the punch on the home. I know he's needing to find a place pronto and would like to stay in that area, so now I feel kinda bad that I got in with my app just a tad bit quicker than him. I'm grateful for the opportunity, super excited of course, and I think it all worked together for a reason. However I'm definitely keeping an eye out for rentals in that area in hopes of helping his cause.

5. Procrastinating on homework (a.k.a. building volcanos) until the night before they are due is not a great idea. Thankfully, he teamed up with a friend who had also forgotten and they got it done quickly. But we didn't get home until 9:45 pm.

6. On that note....I hate the new "core" math they have going on at school. Nate used to absolutely LOVE math. Now he despises it, and I got a call from his teacher that he's been unprepared for math all week. Meaning he hasn't been doing his homework. The homework he says he never has because he finishes at school. If he doesn't start being more prepared, she's sending him to Skills which is not good. That is where the naughty kids go. Oh heaven help us all, lets send some good mojo his way to help him to remember his homework. And actually do it. Ugh.

7. Moving sucks. Again. I've been thinking of all the stuff I will need in a home and prioritizing. Priority 1....new beds. The younger boys broke their bunk beds (but in reality not all their fault, they were not put together well when we moved in to this place) and I truly don't think those beds will make it to the new home. It has some Kimmy handyman redneck tactics holding the beds together right now. It's time for new beds. Do you know how much new beds are? Yeah I almost had a heart attack.

And there you have it, the lessons I've learned this week. Here's to hoping all works out well. Cross fingers and send good mojo if you have any to spare. Until we meet again,,,,,

Patience is a Virtue

I've been hunting for a place to live for over a year, as you all know. Nothing ever worked out or felt right and it's been quite frustrating. The last few weeks I have really felt the like it is time to move on. To the point that it felt weird to be driving home....it felt like I was going to the wrong place. Which sounds absolutely insane, I'm aware. I've felt like I was losing my mind a little quite frankly. So I've been looking for places to live and I figured since my feelings were soo strong about moving now, something would just magically appear and work out. But it didn't. The houses that fit my picky criteria have either already been rented or were over my budget. Last night I was to the point of giving up and my mom kindly reminded me that when the time is right, the right place will come along. So last night I pretty much poured my heart out to the big guy upstairs and kind of laid it all out to him. I let him know I was frustrated and that if it really was time for me to move, why wasn't anything working out? 

Well today a friend of mine who works with a property management company here called me today. I had asked her about a house a couple months ago that would've been the perfect place to rent. It wasn't super fancy or anything, but it was in good condition and in an area I really wanted to live in. The downfall, it was way out of my price range. So...I stalked her website from time to time daydreaming of the day I could afford it. A month after talking to her, she posted that the rent had been reduced. Sadly, still not to a level I could afford though. Imagine my surprise when she called to let me know it still hadn't rented and the owner had decided to lower the rent again. This time to an amount that I can afford. I am pretty sure I jumped up and did a happy dance. 

I went on my lunch to take a look. The inside is soo cool. It's an older split level home with three different levels. It is a little outdated, but I love the paint colors (it feels homey!) and the layout. It has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 2 family rooms, a huge laundry room and a massively huge storage room on the bottom level. There are fireplaces on two of the levels as well. There is a big deck in the backyard and room for the kids to play. It even has a garden plot all set up. As soon as I walked in the door I was at peace, I knew this that was where we were meant to live. Without a shadow of a doubt, that was the place I had been feeling like I needed to come home to for the last two weeks. I turned in my application, got a call a few hours later letting me know I was approved and I sign the contract tomorrow and move in at the end of the month!

I got a good dose of humility today and a reminder that in my life, things happen when they are meant to happen. Not necessarily when I want them to happen. 

So let the packing ensue. I hate packing. But it will totally be worth it. Yay! :)

A Small Change

I have no idea how to put my thoughts into words right now but I am going to try anyway, so bear with me. This one is going to be more of a journal entry type I can go back and read later on, so probably pretty boring to anyone else but it will help me later on. :) 

The last two weeks have been interesting for me. The new job has been awesome. I've had the opportunity to work with and meet some truly amazing people that I know I'm going to enjoy working with and the goal there is to be the best, and not to settle for anything less. I feel truly honored that they sought me out for their team but it's made me realize I really need to step up my game a bit too.

On to a random tangent for a minute....we went to a Women in Business luncheon last week that was great. The keynote speaker was the PR girl from the hospital here and she really made an impression to me. Just looking at her you could tell she was confident in herself (or at least REALLY good at faking it). She was a very eloquent speaker and all around very classy. She didn't have on a million dollar suit, but she had put her look together in a way that drew you in. I walked away wishing I was more like her.

Both of these experiences have really made me think. I guess it is just the next ah-ha moment for my life so to speak. I've always wanted to be the type of person that I have now surrounded myself with. I want people to be around me and walk away thinking "Wow she is really put together." These experiences have made me really want to step it up and start being that person I wished I could be. I want to be more put together, more classy and eloquent, more confident.....and I think I am in a place where I can actually start doing that a little better now. Or at least make a good solid attempt. 

So I have made a few goals for myself that I want to be able to revisit and remember why I made them when I'm struggling.

1. Step up the image. Dress for success so to speak 

2. Be more grateful and thankful for the things I have

3. Be more willing to serve others and give of myself (actually look for the opportunities to serve)

4. Be a more involved mother 

5. Find a house (which sounds petty, but I think we'd be happier in a place we felt comfortable going out to play in without running into crazies, or not having to see the cops drive by twice a night with spotlights on)

6. Work hard and don't put off things that I really don't want to do

I hope that this is a good bump in the right direction for me....I really feel like this was the boost I needed for this next phase of my life. I am more at peace and feel less on the fence now and it's been nice. I think it's helped me get into this spot where I can finally work on some of the other things that I've wanted to do but have just been too focused on just making it through to the next day. I'm excited to see how things turn out over the next little bit and am excited for a fresh start so to speak. 

Ok that's all for now I think. As a quick note, it was Ryder's birthday on Friday and we had a great time. I love that kid and although he pushes me to the limits pretty much every day, I can't imagine my life without him. We are learning and growing together, and I look forward to many more years of learning and growing with him. I love you buddy and hope you had a great birthday!

Quick Update On Life

I suppose it's time for a quick update yeah? I am on week number 2 of my new job and I really love it. I miss my old job/people I worked with but that is definitely offset by my awesomely fantastic new co-workers. I love them to pieces and love that their goal is to create a friendly environment that we all enjoy working in. We are still working out some kinks that come with new EVERYTHING (quite literally, everything is different than what we are all used to) but it's going to be good. I also love the fact my gas tank is at the half way mark and I'm going into week two since I filled up. I think I'm going to get a good two weeks out of one tank and based on the fact that I was filling up two or three times a week while I was commuting....I'm LOVING the money I'm saving. I'm also on the hunt for a new house. We really need to move from here, it's just not working any longer and it's time to move on now that I have the steady and predictable income. So wish us luck on that front.

The boys are doing well in school. Nate likes his teacher and loves that she doesn't believe in homework. He is still having issues turning in work though which is beyond me, considering he does it in class. But he's still doing a little better than last year. We had the big maturation program today too that made him a little awkward for the rest of the day. I'm happy I went with him, I learned a lot too and I think it opened a door for us to talk about some of that harder stuff later down the road.

Tyler is doing well also, he really likes his teacher. He's doing good turning in work, our only pitfall at this point is being able to remember to write down our reading every week. We are struggling with that one but doing better. He's a smart kid, he never ceases to amaze me.

Ryder is doing okay with full day school as well, although his adjustment period is about to kill me. Thankfully his teachers say he's well behaved in school but man he lets it all out after school and is a little pill. It's hard to know what to do to help him adjust and be okay. If I make it through this alive, I will be amazed. He's trying my last nerve. But...he is liking the learning and fun he has there, and really feels like a big kid because he gets to go all day. So that makes all the crazy mood swings worth it I suppose.

All three have had quite the adjustment in all reality....it's been interesting. I don't know if I just didn't see it before or what but all three have had some issues with their manners, listening, and doing as I ask. Maybe Ry is just rubbing off on them, I dunno. Either way, it's kind of frustrating. I need to start getting them more involved in some extra activities, I'm hoping that helps. Or at least gets them too tired to fight all the time. Either way it's a win win.

So that's us right now. We are all doing well for the most part and will hopefully all get adjusted soon. And now I am off to bed, I've made a goal to get more sleep this week. We'll see how that goes :)
Good night all.

Tyler Got Baptized!

Tyler and Grandpa

Tyler got baptized today! I am soo proud of him for making this choice. Grandpa Carlile both baptized and confirmed him. He did great too! I know he was nervous, but it all went off without a hitch, for the most part. Tyler only had to get dunked once. Me being the super organized (read that with a LOT of sarcasm) person that I am wasn't super prepared, but I think everything turned out okay. They had also asked me to give a talk and it was a little scary. I am pretty sure I botched it up and I also started crying a little near the end which was embarrassing. It was a short little talk and I still managed to cry. Argh. 

When I was preparing my talk, I pretty much just wrote down pointers that I wanted to mention and went from there on my own (sorry Steph, I'd email you that but it would be a bunch of chicken scratch randomness). Except for one quote. Have any of you heard of Al Fox? If not, you need to. She is an absolutely amazing person. I ended the talk with a quote from her blog (click here to check her out) that I wanted to share because it touched me the first time I read it, and it is what triggered the tears in my talk.

"I am blessed with daily guidance, help, support, warning and comfort. Blessed because I know that I am never alone, that there is ALWAYS someone who is listening and ALWAYS knows how to help, and ALWAYS knows what I need. I will ALWAYS be loved - and that I will ALWAYS have a best friend....a Father in Heaven, and Savior. The blessings are endless and eternal."

I am an awkward public speaker so I don't know that anyone got much out of my talk, but if they did I sure hope it was the message in this quote. You are never alone. Even when your making choices you know you shouldn't, you still have someone looking out for you and I can attest to that personally. I've made my fair share of mistakes but have always been blessed, even when I didn't deserve the blessings I got. I'm so excited for Tyler and hope that he will come to understand the significance of the choice he made today, and that he knows no matter what he will never be alone.

A New Path

Well after much debate, I have opted to take the other job opportunity and start a new adventure. I think it will be a good move, I will be here in town (woot woot! no more commuting!) and will be working with a fantastic group. The pay is comparable but most importantly it has full benefits. I am looking forward to this, considering the hospital bills for Tyler's surgery are starting to roll in and so far I'm up to right around $25,000 in medical bills. I don't know how much Tyler's CHIP is going to cover yet, but so far I'm looking at around $9,000 for my portion. That is a much better number than $25,000 but still pretty scary, I'm going to be paying on that bill for a very long time. My child support has been approved too...now I just need to start receiving it. I don't know when that will start but hopefully soon, I'm hoping I will be able to make a small dent in those hospital bills with it after I get the boys a few more things they need for school that I haven't been able to afford yet.

Most of all I am looking forward to not having to wonder if I'm getting a paycheck or not. The stress that brings is not my friend, and I've really hated having to wonder if I'd have enough money to pay bills not to mention buy our food and put gas in the car. It has definitely been an adventure trying to make $20-$30 worth of food last through to the next paycheck....thank goodness I stocked up on our food storage a bit before hard times hit otherwise I'm pretty positive we would've been toast. 

I am going to miss my Patriot family though. I absolutely love the people I work with and the family that has been created there. I've never met a more kind, caring and generous group of people in a workplace before and really will miss them terribly. It has been a pretty hard week as my co-workers slowly find out I gave my two weeks notice. There have been a whole lot of hugs and well wishes to me and my family. The big wig CEO of the company even came and gave me a hug the other day to let me know he's sure going to miss me but supported my decision. I really love those guys. 

I am looking forward to starting next week but of course am nervous to have to go through another learning curve. I think overall it will be a little easier than my current company, just because if I understand right we will only have one or two banks we work with and one underwriting group so I won't have to learn a million different guidelines, overlays, compliance procedures, etc. But I will be working with different data systems and have to get to know the underwriters so I can get a sense of what they look for on the loans, and that will be the tough part. But I am up for the challenge and look forward to learning and getting to know them better. Everyone I have talked to says that this new company is fantastic so that helps me feel better about the move as well.

So here is to a new path in life. I hope it leads to much learning and growing, and helps me to be a better person in the end. I know this current job has changed me for the better and I hope to keep the changes coming.

Happy Birthday Tyler!

My sweet little child Tyler has turned 8! Last Thursday.....yeah I'm a day or ten behind. We ended up going to a movie, him and I. We went to see Planes which is possibly the cutest movie I've seen in a long time. I highly suggest it. Then he went to his Dad's for the weekend and came back to a joint party with a few of the awesome in-law family members on Sunday. He was ecstatic to get his very first BB gun as you can see in the picture above. He also got a cool Lego set that is displayed on our dining room table currently, since we can't put them away for fear of breaking/Ryder destroying/Nate playing with them/etc/etc/etc. My present to him is a tad delayed as we couldn't find it...but a Doctor Dreadful Snot Shooter thing should be coming shortly from Amazon. It looks as gross as it sounds and plus side...the snot is edible! Ohhhhhh yeah. I love that kid. We have many conflicts, but many many more happy times and I can't even remotely imagine my life without him. So if you are reading this some day down the road, just know Ty that I love you very much and hope you know that every single second of every single day.

The boys also had their first day of school on Tyler's birthday and did awesome. Ryder is having a hard time understanding why he isn't starting yet, since kindergarten starts later than the others. But we did have our assessment with his teacher and that got him very excited to go, so much that he has had a come apart every day in daycare so far. We also learned he will be in extended day kindergarten which I'm hoping will help him catch up. Tyler is loving his teacher so far this year too. They all sang and wrote birthday letters to him on his birthday, which I thought was awesome since some teachers wouldn't take the time on the first day to do so. Nate seems to be doing okay as well and really likes his teacher. I really hope that this year will go a little smoother than the last year. I'm really going to be working on being more connected to their happenings at school and trying to step in as needed. I haven't been so good at that in the past, but apparently I'm growing up a little?

Anywho.....this has been a fun few weeks and I am grateful I have the ability to share it with those I love and adore. Thank you all for being in my life and loving my little family to pieces.

Hopeless Place... Music is Powerful

For the last little bit things have been difficult for our family. Financially....which snowballs to emotionally..... which snowballs to physically (I gained 2 lbs this last week...sigh)....its a big giant downhill snowball. I've gotten an opportunity to switch jobs to a fantastic place with great people, stable pay and it's local (no more commuting!). But I would be giving up the people who have grown to be my second family, in a place that has been by far the best workplace I have ever gotten to experience. I would be giving up the flexibility that I have cherished over the last year. I feel soo blessed to be where I am. The decision is pulling me in every single direction. Do I stay where I am with my second family, or switch jobs for financial security? I really admire and respect the person offering me the job and think it would also be a fantastic place to work, but it's really hard to move. Especially where things are really starting to pick up again at my current job. I just don't know what to do.

But that isn't the only thing weighing on me. I feel like there is a piece of me missing. I have felt this in the past but it hasn't weighed on me as much as it is now. I feel like there is something bigger in this world for me but it is just out of my reach. I don't even know what it is, funny enough. But it's there, and it's calling to me, and I can't reach it. I'm holding myself back and don't know how to change it. Or rather I don't have the faith that if I make the changes I think I need to make, it will pay off and I will thrive instead of falling flat on my face. I was thinking about this today during church and there was a lesson given on living up to our full potential (isn't that how it always works? when we struggle with something, it comes a blaring). We talked about a parable of a man who lived wealthy, had a high social standing, was morally sound, did everything he felt he needed to do to live a good life. But something was missing. When he asked God what he needed to do to find that missing piece, God instructed him to sell all of his belongings and serve the poor. Give up his wealth to follow a path he was meant to lead. This wasn't because his wealth was bad, it was because his focus on obtaining wealth and possessions were keeping him from fulfilling his purpose, selflessly serving others.

I believe with all of my heart that we all have a calling in life, something that we are meant to do while we are here. It's not always apparent but I think it sits in our soul until we are ready to embrace it. I think the talents we are given help us to come closer to understanding our part in this world and what we can do to be an influence for the better. I just wish I could see the bigger picture. I wish I could just have a little glimpse of what I am supposed to be doing, because right now I feel like I'm just trying to make it through the day without breaking down.

And then out of the blue tonight a friend of mine starting talking to me on Facebook and we got to discussing how sometimes it feels like no matter what you do, for every step forward you get thrown two steps back. And sometimes you just have to keep working at it until you finally catch your big break. And then he sends me a song. A beautiful, amazing, and powerful song. I don't know why he decided to share this song with me as we have never shared music before but I strike it up to something in him knowing I needed to be uplifted. And uplifted I am. I still don't know what's missing in my life or how to meet my full potential, but I am feeling a little less hopeless now. And I wanted to share, I hope this touches you as much as it did me.

We Found Love - Lindsey Stirling

July in Pictures

I have slacked on sharing our fun times this month. If your friends with me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram, then you will see repeats of pictures. But....I'm sharing anyway. July is coming to a close, so I want to recap our month. We have actually had quite a fun time. Lots of memories made and awesomeness unleashed. So without further ado....our July.


The boys got the opportunity to ride on the firetruck with their uncle during the 4th of July parade. Tyler got to ride up on the ladder with his cousin, and Ry got to ride inside (Nate opted to spend the holiday with his dad). His uncle made his day and let him be in charge of the siren and horn honking as we moved down the parade route.

Ry and his cousin Addi hanging out in the firetruck while we waited for our turn. He loved that flag.

Ty and his cousin Melissa chilling on the top of the firetruck while we waited.

Couldn't help it, had to get a selfie with Ry. He was soooo much in heaven riding in that firetruck, I had to capture it.

We also had a fun time hanging out with the in-law families at the park and later going to the movies with Grandma and Grandpa. It was a fantastic day all around.

The parents have finally (after much time, trial and tribulation) gotten their new driveway and patio poured. We got invited to have cousin handprints set in the wet concrete.

We wished the Alaska kids could've been there to help, then the sidewalk could've been complete but just know you were in our thoughts. I was touched that my SIL thought to add Grayson in the mix, and since he doesn't have a hand to cement in, we opted for a butterfly.

The SIL's and I started a little family tradition last year of taking the kids camping. With play practices and other appointments, we couldn't find a time that was easy for all of us so the best solution was taking over the parents yard for our camp out. It was sooo much fun!

Our little tent village in the backyard.

I can't remember who thought of it but someone thought it would be fun to watch a movie on the side of the house and it was absolutely perfect! We roasted some s'mores on a firepit in the backyard and watched Here Comes The Boom. It was a fantastic ending to a great night.

The next morning we decided to go on a hike. There is a trail from the painted C up the mountain from our house down to the bottom of the mountain. I did this trail back in my younger days and it was really nice, I enjoyed it a ton. So of course, I was all in and thinking it would be a piece of cake. Ohhhhhh boy. My mind obviously hasn't caught up with my very out of shape body. I am still sore from that blasted hike but it was a great experience, I learned I can push myself to the absolute limits and succeed.

The boys giving a thumbs up on a water break.

At the top of the C trail looking down onto Cedar City. Its beautiful views up there.

We also celebrated Pioneer Day, a Utah holiday commemorating when the pioneers settled into Utah. It was a nice quiet day that really was very enjoyable....except that a cold very quickly settled in that evening. I hate getting colds, especially in the summertime.

The boys got to walk in the parade for the play they are in, Beauty and the Beast.

We were slightly bored and decided to go to Cal Ranch and wander. They trapped themselves in the cage, I promise. However it may be a great timeout spot...... :)

The boys absolutely loved the chicks. There were a few that would follow our fingers around and it made for a hilarious game we played. Tyler wanted to get one soooooo bad but I have no clue where we would put one. He thought the bathtub would be great....I think hygiene is a little more important.

We also went to the Iron Mission State Park (although I think they have changed their name to something in regards to Frontier something or other) and had a ton of fun looking at Cedar's history. The boys loved this giant tractor. They got to go explore inside it and everything. And of course used allowances to get stuff from the gift shop. Ty and Ry chose some cute cast iron pencil sharpeners in the shapes of trains and cannons, and Nate bought a whip. I didn't realize it was a full blown whip until we got home though. Pretty sure I'm going to regret that one at some point.

We ended the day with sparklers at the grandparents house. The boys had fun playing with them and trying to light random things on fire like popits and leaves. Strange little kids, but I guess boys will be boys.

 I can't believe July is already over. It seems like this month went by soooooo fast, I don't know where the time went to. But it was a very fun month for us and I really enjoyed making lots of new memories with the boys. I still have the dang cold I picked up over the holiday, but it's slowly going away thank goodness. I can't believe August is almost here, which means school is starting soon. The boys are very excited for school to start (especially Ry who gets to go to big boy school with brothers). I love the fact my boys enjoy learning and going to school.

Welp, I think that is all for now. I will check in again soon. Hope ya'll had a great July and have an even better August!

A new battle

So as work has slowed down, so have my paychecks. And we all know what that means.....smaller to no paychecks. It's a little scary. I had a savings built up, but it's gone now after Tyler's surgery stuff and my lack of paycheck last pay period. I know the projection for the next two paychecks and it's not looking good. So, as much as I'm not looking forward to the drama it will cause, I am trying again for child support. I am not looking forward to it at all. But, I am struggling to meet the boys' needs on my own right now so it's time to try again. I really hate this whole process, it invokes too much stress and grief. But I have learned I've grown up in the last little bit and am not as weak as I used to be so I won't let people push me around any longer. So, unfortunately, ya'll might hear a little about the process if it doesn't go as smoothly as I am hoping. Who knows, I may even get a small part time job or something to help if I can find one. The only bad thing about that is that processing loans isn't a 9-5 job, I need to be available for the most part when work comes up. So if something happened during hours of a part time job, I'd be in trouble. I don't know. I'm just hoping that riding the rates wave will pay off and things will pick up again soon. Cross fingers.

Anywho, time to go to bed. Have a good night ya'll, sleep well.

Tyler Update

Well its been about two weeks since Tyler's surgery and he is doing awesome. His hip has all but healed at this point, the skin is still kind of dark and the stitch area is pretty puffy, but otherwise it's looking good. It is kind of interesting to compare the two hips as well. You can see where they took the bone from on the hip, there is a little lip where the incision is at. It's pretty crazy.
We are slowly introducing more solid food as well. I am still being crazy paranoid but we've moved into very soft noodles and sucking on graham crackers. I still won't let him have anything too tough but he's sure getting tired of the same old stuff, so I'm trying to mix it up a little and give him more variety. The activity levels are also kind of a bummer for him too. I am having him hold off from things that are too rambunctious right now and that is just straight up horrible for him. We went swimming the other night and I told him I didn't want to go because he still couldn't get in for fear of causing infections in his surgery sites, but he claimed he could just sit on the side and dangle his feet. So we both sat on the side and the poor kid wanted to jump in sooooo bad. I felt horrible. I think we will not be going swimming again until the doctor clears the activity. Poor kid. On the plus side, his pain is improving incredibly. He only has pain meds on days when his hip is really painful, which isn't often. Otherwise, he just runs and jumps like normal (well, maybe no jumps. I get after him for that). He is such a strong kid, I really admire him.
So that is where we are at right now. Things are going well, and all of us are doing fantastic. I hope ya'll have a fantastic week and we shall chat soon.

An emotionally exhausting day

Wooooooow what a day it has been. I mentioned in a previous post that the interest rates have risen, which means work has been slow. There have been murmurs at work about what is going to happen and whether people should stay on or look for other jobs. At the beginning of the week we got an email from the President/CEO/Owner guy of our company saying to keep our Wednesday open and be in office at 9:00 am for meetings. Obviously, this kind of made us all wonder what was going on. Well on got there this morning and a good chunk of the processing crew got emails asking them to go to the conference room at 9:30. Those of us who didn't figured we'd missed an email so started going over, but was told we needed to just watch our email for a different meeting time.

Of course, this got us all speculating about what was going on. Around 15 minutes later, we found out. A very large chunk of people have been laid off. People I never in my life would've guessed they would've chosen got laid off. People that in all honesty should've been kept as they were all-star processors. People who are better processors than myself, hands down. I have tried to figure out how the choices were made. Nothing makes sense really when you compare apples to apples on who they kept and who they let go. I am sure they had their reasons and I know it was tough for them all to try and decide, it just makes no sense.

It was one of the most surreal moments I have ever experienced. I was feeling extremely blessed that I had made the cut and was kept on, but was hurting for those that were let go. And what do you do in that moment? You don't want to just sit there and stare, but you don't want them to think your ignoring them. Do you help them clean out their desks? Or do you just leave them be? People were whispering, crying, hugging.....some where laughing and trying to keep a good attitude. For some it was a blessing, for others it was a very sad day. At our afternoon meeting, we went over how the company would proceed. I think what they did was extremely dramatic, but it makes sense with the rate of growth we had. I think it was just too much, too fast. I don't know.

I have no idea why I was kept, other than I (thankfully!!) have an amazing bossman/loan officer who has my back. But it has been an eye opener. I have gotten too comfortable and quite honestly a little lazy. This experience has shown me my faults and helped me to realize that I need to make some changes in order to exceed the standards I have set for myself, and the standards that will be expected from here on out company-wide. This experience has given me a renewed sense of purpose and a desire to be better than the day before, even if it means sucking up my insecurities and faking it 'til I make it with the things I struggle with.

So with that, it is time to relax and rejuvenate. It's time to enjoy my long holiday weekend and start fresh with a renewed sense of purpose on Monday. So enjoy the weekend....have a fantastic Independence Day and we will chat again soon.

Tylers Surgery

On Monday Tyler had his surgery, as you all know from my last posts. He did really well. We ended up taking Grandpa along with us and I was grateful he went. I find that I try hard to be independent and do everything myself, but it was nice to have him there to sit with Tyler so I could eat. I always feel bad eating in front of him after surgeries because he can't eat like normal, and this time was no exception. It was nice to have someone to ride with as well to and from so I could look after Tyler a little better. Anywho, we drove up on Sunday after family dinner and stayed at the Plaza Hotel in Salt Lake City. It was a pretty nice hotel, and our room was nice. Tyler's surgery was scheduled for 11:45 am but the doc was delayed so they didn't take Ty back until around 1:00 pm. He was also only supposed to be in surgery for about 1 1/2 hours, but I didn't end up getting to see him in post-op until around 4:00 pm and even then we had to wait for a room, and didn't get into the room until around 5:30-6:00 pm. Tyler was pretty groggy and not feeling great when he got out, but re-couped pretty quickly. He ended up being a rock star and crossing the big milestones (walking, peeing on his own, eating/drinking) really quickly, enough that we were able to get discharged much earlier than planned.
He also had a blast during his stay. Our nurses/techs were all fantastic and made him feel extra special. Our night nurses were the favorites I think though. The tech we had (Mike) was Tyler's favorite. He would come in and watch us play video games, tease Ty about walking too much and just all around having a good time with Tyler.
We got home Tuesday afternoon and have been hanging around home ever since. It's been a blessing to be able to work from home and help Tyler rest. The kids at his summer camp made him a sweet card that they all signed and everyone has given him extra attention which he's absolutely loved. Wednesday he was pretty swollen and miserable, same with yesterday. But today he has been doing awesome. He hasn't had to have the normal doses of Lortab or Motrin that he had to have the previous days and has taken his antibiotic much better. I'm happy to see him recovering soo quickly. He still has a way to go though and that's proving to be rough. He won't be able to eat normal food for about a month, we've got to stick to soft stuff which he isn't fond of since there isn't much he likes. And after that we can't do anything crunchy or tough that requires a lot of biting or tearing, just softer things like noodles and bread. We also have to limit his movements so he can't wrestle and play like normal. But all in all, he is doing pretty good and being a trooper through it all. I'm proud of him for everything he's accomplished and how willing he is to go through the motions of meds, swishing (he can't brush his teeth, so we have to swish with medicated mouthwash) and getting his walking in. His brothers are also being good troopers for the most part, making sure he doesn't get bumped too much and keeping him safe. I'm proud of them all.
So to end....some pictures of our adventures :)

The view from our hotel room, very pretty. We were right next to temple square and the capitol building.

Our pretty hotel room

Tyler was showing his guns in his awesome hospital jammies before his surgery. Mr tough guy. :)

When we finally got to the hospital room after surgery, waving for a picture

He spent the vast majority of our time in the hospital playing video games. While we were waiting to be discharged he challenged Grandpa to a Motocross race. 

His hip dressings after surgery. I'm curious to see what it looks like under the strips. The doc says those should fall off any day now and he has dissolving stitches in which is pretty awesome. 

The poor kid's face was sooooooo swollen. This picture doesn't do justice to just how swollen he was. Luckily, the swelling has gone down. And it is fascinating how the swollen parts get all shiny. Sooo weird.

This is how he's spent the majority of his home time, playing Lego Star Wars. At least he's resting, even though I'm getting pretty tired of the "BOOMP BOOMP BOOMP" of the little guns and light sabers.

Pictures!

What better way to update a blog than with pictures right? Ohhhh yeah. Here's what we've been doing....

We played a rousing game of Tootsie Roll Black Jack at Family dinner. I got 21.  Ohhhhh yeah.

We made it to the beach for the first time of the summer. And all got scorched. I no longer trust spray on sunscreen.

Ry graduated preschool. This is with his teacher Ms Jill. I love that place, they treat us very well.

Ry and I went to Discovery Park on a weekend the boys were gone. He loved taking a ride on the turtle and petting his head.

For Grandma Day, Ry got new shoes. This pic cracks me up because of his cute little chicken legs that look so tiny compared to his clothes and shoes :)

Grandma took the boys to St George to play in the Splash Pad at Town Square. I was lucky enough to leave work early and join them. Sooo much fun!

Tyler set up shop and was servicing the vehicles in the house. I love it :)

The older boys are absolutely loving summer camp and we are all sad it's going to be over in a week. This has been an awesome experience for all of us and we will definitely be doing summer camp again next year. We are also getting ready for Tyler's surgery on Monday. I keep stressing that I will make all these plans to be off of work and scheduling a hotel for the night before only to have the date changed, but I figure it is a good sign that the registration desk called me today and got him pre-registered. Now I just have to wait for the nurse to give me a call with surgery instructions and I can stop stressing.

Is it bad to say I am excited this is finally happening? Not because Ty will have to go through a surgery, but because this moment has been on hold for six months now and I've been worried we are going to miss our window to get this surgery done. So I am super thankful the time has come and Ty will get the surgery he needs.

On the Weight Watchers front, I have lost 8 lbs total so far. I've had good weeks and a few bad ones, but I'm feeling better and a little more healthy. I still have negative inner talk that it won't work or that no matter how much I lose I will still look the same and be unhappy. But I'm pushing through it and working my way towards a happier me. It's worth it in the long run to be healthy for my kiddos and myself. I didn't make it to my 10% goal last time around, so that is going to be my first huge milestone. Just got to keep telling myself it will all work out and be okay. I always say that positive self talk is the key to feeling better, so I guess I need to practice what I preach huh! Hopefully next time I update I can say I've reached my 5% goal. And after that my 10% maybe even hit 15%, 20% and 25% this go around!

Work is slow right now. I still have a few loans I'm working on but rates jumped up which means I slow down and that is frustrating. I have goals that I want to accomplish and the slowness is not helping. I'm still good money-wise, just not making as much as I'd hoped I would. Crossing fingers rates drop again so that we can get more loans going and I can accomplish more goals. The plus side is that this is the perfect time for Tyler's surgery. Being slow means it's easier to work from his hospital room as I won't be swamped, so maybe it's happening for a reason. For me anyway.

Well I think that's all for now. Have a good rest of the week ya'll!