Happy Birthday Tyler!

My sweet little child Tyler has turned 8! Last Thursday.....yeah I'm a day or ten behind. We ended up going to a movie, him and I. We went to see Planes which is possibly the cutest movie I've seen in a long time. I highly suggest it. Then he went to his Dad's for the weekend and came back to a joint party with a few of the awesome in-law family members on Sunday. He was ecstatic to get his very first BB gun as you can see in the picture above. He also got a cool Lego set that is displayed on our dining room table currently, since we can't put them away for fear of breaking/Ryder destroying/Nate playing with them/etc/etc/etc. My present to him is a tad delayed as we couldn't find it...but a Doctor Dreadful Snot Shooter thing should be coming shortly from Amazon. It looks as gross as it sounds and plus side...the snot is edible! Ohhhhhh yeah. I love that kid. We have many conflicts, but many many more happy times and I can't even remotely imagine my life without him. So if you are reading this some day down the road, just know Ty that I love you very much and hope you know that every single second of every single day.

The boys also had their first day of school on Tyler's birthday and did awesome. Ryder is having a hard time understanding why he isn't starting yet, since kindergarten starts later than the others. But we did have our assessment with his teacher and that got him very excited to go, so much that he has had a come apart every day in daycare so far. We also learned he will be in extended day kindergarten which I'm hoping will help him catch up. Tyler is loving his teacher so far this year too. They all sang and wrote birthday letters to him on his birthday, which I thought was awesome since some teachers wouldn't take the time on the first day to do so. Nate seems to be doing okay as well and really likes his teacher. I really hope that this year will go a little smoother than the last year. I'm really going to be working on being more connected to their happenings at school and trying to step in as needed. I haven't been so good at that in the past, but apparently I'm growing up a little?

Anywho.....this has been a fun few weeks and I am grateful I have the ability to share it with those I love and adore. Thank you all for being in my life and loving my little family to pieces.

Hopeless Place... Music is Powerful

For the last little bit things have been difficult for our family. Financially....which snowballs to emotionally..... which snowballs to physically (I gained 2 lbs this last week...sigh)....its a big giant downhill snowball. I've gotten an opportunity to switch jobs to a fantastic place with great people, stable pay and it's local (no more commuting!). But I would be giving up the people who have grown to be my second family, in a place that has been by far the best workplace I have ever gotten to experience. I would be giving up the flexibility that I have cherished over the last year. I feel soo blessed to be where I am. The decision is pulling me in every single direction. Do I stay where I am with my second family, or switch jobs for financial security? I really admire and respect the person offering me the job and think it would also be a fantastic place to work, but it's really hard to move. Especially where things are really starting to pick up again at my current job. I just don't know what to do.

But that isn't the only thing weighing on me. I feel like there is a piece of me missing. I have felt this in the past but it hasn't weighed on me as much as it is now. I feel like there is something bigger in this world for me but it is just out of my reach. I don't even know what it is, funny enough. But it's there, and it's calling to me, and I can't reach it. I'm holding myself back and don't know how to change it. Or rather I don't have the faith that if I make the changes I think I need to make, it will pay off and I will thrive instead of falling flat on my face. I was thinking about this today during church and there was a lesson given on living up to our full potential (isn't that how it always works? when we struggle with something, it comes a blaring). We talked about a parable of a man who lived wealthy, had a high social standing, was morally sound, did everything he felt he needed to do to live a good life. But something was missing. When he asked God what he needed to do to find that missing piece, God instructed him to sell all of his belongings and serve the poor. Give up his wealth to follow a path he was meant to lead. This wasn't because his wealth was bad, it was because his focus on obtaining wealth and possessions were keeping him from fulfilling his purpose, selflessly serving others.

I believe with all of my heart that we all have a calling in life, something that we are meant to do while we are here. It's not always apparent but I think it sits in our soul until we are ready to embrace it. I think the talents we are given help us to come closer to understanding our part in this world and what we can do to be an influence for the better. I just wish I could see the bigger picture. I wish I could just have a little glimpse of what I am supposed to be doing, because right now I feel like I'm just trying to make it through the day without breaking down.

And then out of the blue tonight a friend of mine starting talking to me on Facebook and we got to discussing how sometimes it feels like no matter what you do, for every step forward you get thrown two steps back. And sometimes you just have to keep working at it until you finally catch your big break. And then he sends me a song. A beautiful, amazing, and powerful song. I don't know why he decided to share this song with me as we have never shared music before but I strike it up to something in him knowing I needed to be uplifted. And uplifted I am. I still don't know what's missing in my life or how to meet my full potential, but I am feeling a little less hopeless now. And I wanted to share, I hope this touches you as much as it did me.

We Found Love - Lindsey Stirling

July in Pictures

I have slacked on sharing our fun times this month. If your friends with me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram, then you will see repeats of pictures. But....I'm sharing anyway. July is coming to a close, so I want to recap our month. We have actually had quite a fun time. Lots of memories made and awesomeness unleashed. So without further ado....our July.


The boys got the opportunity to ride on the firetruck with their uncle during the 4th of July parade. Tyler got to ride up on the ladder with his cousin, and Ry got to ride inside (Nate opted to spend the holiday with his dad). His uncle made his day and let him be in charge of the siren and horn honking as we moved down the parade route.

Ry and his cousin Addi hanging out in the firetruck while we waited for our turn. He loved that flag.

Ty and his cousin Melissa chilling on the top of the firetruck while we waited.

Couldn't help it, had to get a selfie with Ry. He was soooo much in heaven riding in that firetruck, I had to capture it.

We also had a fun time hanging out with the in-law families at the park and later going to the movies with Grandma and Grandpa. It was a fantastic day all around.

The parents have finally (after much time, trial and tribulation) gotten their new driveway and patio poured. We got invited to have cousin handprints set in the wet concrete.

We wished the Alaska kids could've been there to help, then the sidewalk could've been complete but just know you were in our thoughts. I was touched that my SIL thought to add Grayson in the mix, and since he doesn't have a hand to cement in, we opted for a butterfly.

The SIL's and I started a little family tradition last year of taking the kids camping. With play practices and other appointments, we couldn't find a time that was easy for all of us so the best solution was taking over the parents yard for our camp out. It was sooo much fun!

Our little tent village in the backyard.

I can't remember who thought of it but someone thought it would be fun to watch a movie on the side of the house and it was absolutely perfect! We roasted some s'mores on a firepit in the backyard and watched Here Comes The Boom. It was a fantastic ending to a great night.

The next morning we decided to go on a hike. There is a trail from the painted C up the mountain from our house down to the bottom of the mountain. I did this trail back in my younger days and it was really nice, I enjoyed it a ton. So of course, I was all in and thinking it would be a piece of cake. Ohhhhhh boy. My mind obviously hasn't caught up with my very out of shape body. I am still sore from that blasted hike but it was a great experience, I learned I can push myself to the absolute limits and succeed.

The boys giving a thumbs up on a water break.

At the top of the C trail looking down onto Cedar City. Its beautiful views up there.

We also celebrated Pioneer Day, a Utah holiday commemorating when the pioneers settled into Utah. It was a nice quiet day that really was very enjoyable....except that a cold very quickly settled in that evening. I hate getting colds, especially in the summertime.

The boys got to walk in the parade for the play they are in, Beauty and the Beast.

We were slightly bored and decided to go to Cal Ranch and wander. They trapped themselves in the cage, I promise. However it may be a great timeout spot...... :)

The boys absolutely loved the chicks. There were a few that would follow our fingers around and it made for a hilarious game we played. Tyler wanted to get one soooooo bad but I have no clue where we would put one. He thought the bathtub would be great....I think hygiene is a little more important.

We also went to the Iron Mission State Park (although I think they have changed their name to something in regards to Frontier something or other) and had a ton of fun looking at Cedar's history. The boys loved this giant tractor. They got to go explore inside it and everything. And of course used allowances to get stuff from the gift shop. Ty and Ry chose some cute cast iron pencil sharpeners in the shapes of trains and cannons, and Nate bought a whip. I didn't realize it was a full blown whip until we got home though. Pretty sure I'm going to regret that one at some point.

We ended the day with sparklers at the grandparents house. The boys had fun playing with them and trying to light random things on fire like popits and leaves. Strange little kids, but I guess boys will be boys.

 I can't believe July is already over. It seems like this month went by soooooo fast, I don't know where the time went to. But it was a very fun month for us and I really enjoyed making lots of new memories with the boys. I still have the dang cold I picked up over the holiday, but it's slowly going away thank goodness. I can't believe August is almost here, which means school is starting soon. The boys are very excited for school to start (especially Ry who gets to go to big boy school with brothers). I love the fact my boys enjoy learning and going to school.

Welp, I think that is all for now. I will check in again soon. Hope ya'll had a great July and have an even better August!

A new battle

So as work has slowed down, so have my paychecks. And we all know what that means.....smaller to no paychecks. It's a little scary. I had a savings built up, but it's gone now after Tyler's surgery stuff and my lack of paycheck last pay period. I know the projection for the next two paychecks and it's not looking good. So, as much as I'm not looking forward to the drama it will cause, I am trying again for child support. I am not looking forward to it at all. But, I am struggling to meet the boys' needs on my own right now so it's time to try again. I really hate this whole process, it invokes too much stress and grief. But I have learned I've grown up in the last little bit and am not as weak as I used to be so I won't let people push me around any longer. So, unfortunately, ya'll might hear a little about the process if it doesn't go as smoothly as I am hoping. Who knows, I may even get a small part time job or something to help if I can find one. The only bad thing about that is that processing loans isn't a 9-5 job, I need to be available for the most part when work comes up. So if something happened during hours of a part time job, I'd be in trouble. I don't know. I'm just hoping that riding the rates wave will pay off and things will pick up again soon. Cross fingers.

Anywho, time to go to bed. Have a good night ya'll, sleep well.

Tyler Update

Well its been about two weeks since Tyler's surgery and he is doing awesome. His hip has all but healed at this point, the skin is still kind of dark and the stitch area is pretty puffy, but otherwise it's looking good. It is kind of interesting to compare the two hips as well. You can see where they took the bone from on the hip, there is a little lip where the incision is at. It's pretty crazy.
We are slowly introducing more solid food as well. I am still being crazy paranoid but we've moved into very soft noodles and sucking on graham crackers. I still won't let him have anything too tough but he's sure getting tired of the same old stuff, so I'm trying to mix it up a little and give him more variety. The activity levels are also kind of a bummer for him too. I am having him hold off from things that are too rambunctious right now and that is just straight up horrible for him. We went swimming the other night and I told him I didn't want to go because he still couldn't get in for fear of causing infections in his surgery sites, but he claimed he could just sit on the side and dangle his feet. So we both sat on the side and the poor kid wanted to jump in sooooo bad. I felt horrible. I think we will not be going swimming again until the doctor clears the activity. Poor kid. On the plus side, his pain is improving incredibly. He only has pain meds on days when his hip is really painful, which isn't often. Otherwise, he just runs and jumps like normal (well, maybe no jumps. I get after him for that). He is such a strong kid, I really admire him.
So that is where we are at right now. Things are going well, and all of us are doing fantastic. I hope ya'll have a fantastic week and we shall chat soon.

An emotionally exhausting day

Wooooooow what a day it has been. I mentioned in a previous post that the interest rates have risen, which means work has been slow. There have been murmurs at work about what is going to happen and whether people should stay on or look for other jobs. At the beginning of the week we got an email from the President/CEO/Owner guy of our company saying to keep our Wednesday open and be in office at 9:00 am for meetings. Obviously, this kind of made us all wonder what was going on. Well on got there this morning and a good chunk of the processing crew got emails asking them to go to the conference room at 9:30. Those of us who didn't figured we'd missed an email so started going over, but was told we needed to just watch our email for a different meeting time.

Of course, this got us all speculating about what was going on. Around 15 minutes later, we found out. A very large chunk of people have been laid off. People I never in my life would've guessed they would've chosen got laid off. People that in all honesty should've been kept as they were all-star processors. People who are better processors than myself, hands down. I have tried to figure out how the choices were made. Nothing makes sense really when you compare apples to apples on who they kept and who they let go. I am sure they had their reasons and I know it was tough for them all to try and decide, it just makes no sense.

It was one of the most surreal moments I have ever experienced. I was feeling extremely blessed that I had made the cut and was kept on, but was hurting for those that were let go. And what do you do in that moment? You don't want to just sit there and stare, but you don't want them to think your ignoring them. Do you help them clean out their desks? Or do you just leave them be? People were whispering, crying, hugging.....some where laughing and trying to keep a good attitude. For some it was a blessing, for others it was a very sad day. At our afternoon meeting, we went over how the company would proceed. I think what they did was extremely dramatic, but it makes sense with the rate of growth we had. I think it was just too much, too fast. I don't know.

I have no idea why I was kept, other than I (thankfully!!) have an amazing bossman/loan officer who has my back. But it has been an eye opener. I have gotten too comfortable and quite honestly a little lazy. This experience has shown me my faults and helped me to realize that I need to make some changes in order to exceed the standards I have set for myself, and the standards that will be expected from here on out company-wide. This experience has given me a renewed sense of purpose and a desire to be better than the day before, even if it means sucking up my insecurities and faking it 'til I make it with the things I struggle with.

So with that, it is time to relax and rejuvenate. It's time to enjoy my long holiday weekend and start fresh with a renewed sense of purpose on Monday. So enjoy the weekend....have a fantastic Independence Day and we will chat again soon.

Tylers Surgery

On Monday Tyler had his surgery, as you all know from my last posts. He did really well. We ended up taking Grandpa along with us and I was grateful he went. I find that I try hard to be independent and do everything myself, but it was nice to have him there to sit with Tyler so I could eat. I always feel bad eating in front of him after surgeries because he can't eat like normal, and this time was no exception. It was nice to have someone to ride with as well to and from so I could look after Tyler a little better. Anywho, we drove up on Sunday after family dinner and stayed at the Plaza Hotel in Salt Lake City. It was a pretty nice hotel, and our room was nice. Tyler's surgery was scheduled for 11:45 am but the doc was delayed so they didn't take Ty back until around 1:00 pm. He was also only supposed to be in surgery for about 1 1/2 hours, but I didn't end up getting to see him in post-op until around 4:00 pm and even then we had to wait for a room, and didn't get into the room until around 5:30-6:00 pm. Tyler was pretty groggy and not feeling great when he got out, but re-couped pretty quickly. He ended up being a rock star and crossing the big milestones (walking, peeing on his own, eating/drinking) really quickly, enough that we were able to get discharged much earlier than planned.
He also had a blast during his stay. Our nurses/techs were all fantastic and made him feel extra special. Our night nurses were the favorites I think though. The tech we had (Mike) was Tyler's favorite. He would come in and watch us play video games, tease Ty about walking too much and just all around having a good time with Tyler.
We got home Tuesday afternoon and have been hanging around home ever since. It's been a blessing to be able to work from home and help Tyler rest. The kids at his summer camp made him a sweet card that they all signed and everyone has given him extra attention which he's absolutely loved. Wednesday he was pretty swollen and miserable, same with yesterday. But today he has been doing awesome. He hasn't had to have the normal doses of Lortab or Motrin that he had to have the previous days and has taken his antibiotic much better. I'm happy to see him recovering soo quickly. He still has a way to go though and that's proving to be rough. He won't be able to eat normal food for about a month, we've got to stick to soft stuff which he isn't fond of since there isn't much he likes. And after that we can't do anything crunchy or tough that requires a lot of biting or tearing, just softer things like noodles and bread. We also have to limit his movements so he can't wrestle and play like normal. But all in all, he is doing pretty good and being a trooper through it all. I'm proud of him for everything he's accomplished and how willing he is to go through the motions of meds, swishing (he can't brush his teeth, so we have to swish with medicated mouthwash) and getting his walking in. His brothers are also being good troopers for the most part, making sure he doesn't get bumped too much and keeping him safe. I'm proud of them all.
So to end....some pictures of our adventures :)

The view from our hotel room, very pretty. We were right next to temple square and the capitol building.

Our pretty hotel room

Tyler was showing his guns in his awesome hospital jammies before his surgery. Mr tough guy. :)

When we finally got to the hospital room after surgery, waving for a picture

He spent the vast majority of our time in the hospital playing video games. While we were waiting to be discharged he challenged Grandpa to a Motocross race. 

His hip dressings after surgery. I'm curious to see what it looks like under the strips. The doc says those should fall off any day now and he has dissolving stitches in which is pretty awesome. 

The poor kid's face was sooooooo swollen. This picture doesn't do justice to just how swollen he was. Luckily, the swelling has gone down. And it is fascinating how the swollen parts get all shiny. Sooo weird.

This is how he's spent the majority of his home time, playing Lego Star Wars. At least he's resting, even though I'm getting pretty tired of the "BOOMP BOOMP BOOMP" of the little guns and light sabers.

Pictures!

What better way to update a blog than with pictures right? Ohhhh yeah. Here's what we've been doing....

We played a rousing game of Tootsie Roll Black Jack at Family dinner. I got 21.  Ohhhhh yeah.

We made it to the beach for the first time of the summer. And all got scorched. I no longer trust spray on sunscreen.

Ry graduated preschool. This is with his teacher Ms Jill. I love that place, they treat us very well.

Ry and I went to Discovery Park on a weekend the boys were gone. He loved taking a ride on the turtle and petting his head.

For Grandma Day, Ry got new shoes. This pic cracks me up because of his cute little chicken legs that look so tiny compared to his clothes and shoes :)

Grandma took the boys to St George to play in the Splash Pad at Town Square. I was lucky enough to leave work early and join them. Sooo much fun!

Tyler set up shop and was servicing the vehicles in the house. I love it :)

The older boys are absolutely loving summer camp and we are all sad it's going to be over in a week. This has been an awesome experience for all of us and we will definitely be doing summer camp again next year. We are also getting ready for Tyler's surgery on Monday. I keep stressing that I will make all these plans to be off of work and scheduling a hotel for the night before only to have the date changed, but I figure it is a good sign that the registration desk called me today and got him pre-registered. Now I just have to wait for the nurse to give me a call with surgery instructions and I can stop stressing.

Is it bad to say I am excited this is finally happening? Not because Ty will have to go through a surgery, but because this moment has been on hold for six months now and I've been worried we are going to miss our window to get this surgery done. So I am super thankful the time has come and Ty will get the surgery he needs.

On the Weight Watchers front, I have lost 8 lbs total so far. I've had good weeks and a few bad ones, but I'm feeling better and a little more healthy. I still have negative inner talk that it won't work or that no matter how much I lose I will still look the same and be unhappy. But I'm pushing through it and working my way towards a happier me. It's worth it in the long run to be healthy for my kiddos and myself. I didn't make it to my 10% goal last time around, so that is going to be my first huge milestone. Just got to keep telling myself it will all work out and be okay. I always say that positive self talk is the key to feeling better, so I guess I need to practice what I preach huh! Hopefully next time I update I can say I've reached my 5% goal. And after that my 10% maybe even hit 15%, 20% and 25% this go around!

Work is slow right now. I still have a few loans I'm working on but rates jumped up which means I slow down and that is frustrating. I have goals that I want to accomplish and the slowness is not helping. I'm still good money-wise, just not making as much as I'd hoped I would. Crossing fingers rates drop again so that we can get more loans going and I can accomplish more goals. The plus side is that this is the perfect time for Tyler's surgery. Being slow means it's easier to work from his hospital room as I won't be swamped, so maybe it's happening for a reason. For me anyway.

Well I think that's all for now. Have a good rest of the week ya'll!

Music Love

In my random music listenings, I found another that I love and wanted to share. This song is awesome anyway, but it is made even more beautiful by The Piano Guys. So without further ado.....

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri - covered by The Piano Guys. Love it.

May is FINALLY done

Holy geez was anyone else's May absolutely insane? I know mine was. My calendar wall hasn't ever been as full as it was in May. Two of the biggest things that happened were the parents leaving to Alaska and our trip to Salt Lake (Alaska is on our to-do list within the next year or so Steph, so be prepared!).

So here is how it all played out. I think I mentioned before that I was pretty dang frustrated with the lack on communication between myself, the Orthodontist and the Surgeon for Tyler. So at the last Ortho appointment our doc said he didn't feel Tyler was ready for surgery, he wanted to do more spacing work. However surgery is scheduled. So I decided to see the surgeon so we could find out if he felt Tyler was ready for surgery. The soonest appointment was on the 29th. So I took it.

Well, that is the week the parents booked the Alaska trip. Which means I was on my own in regards to taking care of the boys. And that week was about the craziest week in all of May. That was the boys' first week out of school, Memorial Day was Monday, Tuesday was Scouts (which we missed, I had to actually go to work), Wednesday was our Salt Lake trip, Thursday we had dentist appointments and play practice and Saturday was Weight Watchers. I can honestly say I didn't realize how much my parents do to help me until I was left to my own devices. Mom and Dad, thank you very much for your help. We all missed you both very much. I really don't know if I could do this without you. It really does take a village to raise a family when your a single parent. It definitely makes me think twice about moving to St George until I'm a little more prepared.

So the Salt Lake trip was insanely long but actually kind of fun. I was not looking forward to the 10+ hours in the car with the boys but we had a blast. And they were good company up until around an hour away from getting home. I was impressed. We left early Wednesday morning and made it to Salt Lake about half an hour before the appointment started, so we wandered around Primary Children's. We actually ended up getting in to see the doc early and was in and out before our appointment was actually supposed to start. I was impressed. That NEVER happens in that office. We usually wait an hour to get in for 10 minutes to see the doc. So we decided to try to find the Gateway but, alas, this is where I got lost. I couldn't find it to save my life. We finally gave up and drove until we found Smashburger (dang that place is good but holy cow, lots  AND LOTS of points on Weight Watchers). After that we headed to Cabelas to see the "sharks" since Ry couldn't stop talking about them and spent a good two hours in that place. It was actually kinda fun.
During that mix, I was trying to get a loan closed out from a distance AND while we were driving on the freeway, someone hit our car and speed off. Another testament as to why I couldn't live up there, too much traffic and crazy drivers. So it was a fun trip. We all had fun and slept real good that night.

Oh...and as for Tyler's surgery. The surgeon says we are ready so his surgery is here in a few weeks. This time only me and Ty will be going up there and it will be for a couple days, not just one. Hoorah. We are both a little nervous but happy to finally get it over and done with.

So that was May. June we have lots of birthdays, Summer Camp, Scouts day camps, play practices, more dentist appointments and Tyler's surgery. It's going to be a long month! How's your summer so far? Any fun plans?