Nate Late Birthday

Nate had his very first friend birthday party yesterday and it went over pretty well I think. I was disorganized as always but things seemed enjoyable for everyone involved. Nate invited Trae and Gabe from next door to Grandpa and Grandma as well as his cousins here in town and Grandma. I was running late so everyone met us out at the bowling alley and we started bowling. I think everyone had a good time and after we were done, we went to my house to eat pizza and cake.
Nate also got a hampster named Bob for his christmas/birthday and is so very excited about him. He takes such good care of him and we all love him. Every night we have to say good night and incorporate him into our bedtime routine.
Anyway...still haven't figured out how to get pictures from my phone to my computer. I'll post pictures when I do.

Love...

Are we to love only those who deserve our love? Ye have heard that it hath been said thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you love thy enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Heavenly Father, which art in heaven.

-Matthew 5:43-45

I don't know my scriptures well enough to have any idea if this is from LDS doctrine or not, but I saw it and loved it. Its a theory I need to take into my own life. Definitely thought provoking eh?

On a new kick

I have had some interesting thought provoking experiences the last probably two weeks. Its causing me to think.

My brothers stuff and all that was involved with that,

a conversation with the ex,

watching Eat Pray Love,

the whole Christmas season and seeing the sparse gifts under the tree,

and going to see True Grit with dad.

These have all brought on some interesting thoughts and some new found motivation for change. And I really don't like setting resolutions for New Years because they rarely come true. But it just so happens this motivation comes at this time of year. Anyway...what I hope to achieve in the coming months (not News Years resolutions...just goals):

-Put a couple dollars away every paycheck and truly start saving
-My dang eating healthier goal (I was doing good then got hindered by the holidays. Starting fresh now)
-Getting set right with my life
-Becoming more involved (not is a psycho way) with whats going on in my family
-Learning the concepts of the movie Eat Pray Love (I need to learn pretty much everything she learned on her trek I'm just not sure how. I'm sure it will come with these other goals and time)
- Get this dang divorce stuff finally handled and kids protected

I have already seen some improvements with some of my issues and feel I'm on a new path thats much better than where I was.

And every time I think I can't do it...I have visions of the unbathed monsterously huge white trash lady sitting on the front porch of a horribly run down house, smoking with beer in hand, watching 20 horribly dirty and unhealthy looking offspring run around the yard with the most recent boyfriend who also has smoke and beer in hand (I pass this household on my way home almost every day) and how I soooooo do not want to be like that ever.

So it gives me inspiration to trudge on and accomplish my goals for a better me and a better life or my kiddos.

And I can appreciate how far I've come from a year ago...

but life is all about change and I need to embrace that.

Things are constantly changing.

So am I.

Thought of the day

All of us at times might wish we lived in a more tranquil world, but we don't. And if our times are difficult and perplexing, so they are challenging and filled with opportunity.

-Robert Kennedy

Tis The Season

This was an enjoyable Christmas I think. On Friday, the boys and I ate eggs and toast for breakfast (rare...we usually eat cereal) and decorated Nate's cake. Then Uncle Scotty took Nate shopping for his birthday present. That was fun of course. The boys played a little while longer until it was time to go to the annual Carlile Christmas Eve Dinner. The company was fantastic...the food was super tasty and it was nice being able to just be.

The Christmas Brownie brought jammies to all the kids as well.

On the way home, Nate let me know that this was the best birthday ever.

I'm glad.

The boys were happy on Christmas morning with what Santa brought them (Santa was a slight bit nervous about the presents this year) and even happier to get all the goods at Grandma and Grandpas house. Nate and Ty went with their dad in the afternoon to do Christmas there. Ryder puked like 12 times and had just about as many diaper changes.

Poor kid didn't feel well. He finally went to sleep and we were going to go to the movie but the siblings one by one dropped out...so me and Dad went to True Grit. That was a great movie. I'd recommend it to everyone. When I got back, Ry was awake with Grandma and ready to go home.

After cleaning up the house a bit (more like cleaning a place to sit down haha) me and Ryder snuggled up on the couch and fell asleep watching Eat Pray Love (another movie I highly suggest).

It was a good holiday.

I took alot of pictures on my phone but have no idea how to get them from my phone to here so....such is life. Hopefully I'll figure it out soon so I can post soon.

I hope you all had a great and filling Christmas Season!

Merry Christmas!

I know I'm probably not going to be getting on here during the next like...5 days....I just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I feel very blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people and I wish you all the best!

Santas Real!

A couple weeks ago we wrote letters to Santa and dropped them in the box at Lins. And then didn't think twice about it.

Well last night we got home and checked the mail and guess what was in there?
Santa Letters!

The boys were soooo excited that

a. they got mail and

b. they got mail from Santa!

You could tell for the most part they were form letters but they were all different and they mentioned some of the things the boys had asked for so it was great. They thought they were just the bees knees. It made me a little bit more excited about this whole Christmas thing.

So thank you to whomever is Santas helpers writing back to those kids...its soo worth it to see the joy it brought to my little boys.

Countdown to Christmas

The boys are counting the days. Its officially 4 days, 18 hours, 23 minutes and 44...43...42 seconds to Christmas. Just kidding I have no idea how long it is other than the day part. Their presents have started to roll in at work and I'm starting to feel it more and more. The weather is definitely helping since its cold and blustery (I kinda like cold and blustery). So today is a day to remember blessings.

-Blessed to be able to afford to live. Although its tight, and its not fantastically awesome to be poor...I do have enough to cover my bills and I'm grateful for that.
-Blessed to have a nice roof over my head. Its nice not having to watch the boys stomp and smash cockroaches...even if it does come with a higher rent tag.
-Blessed to have a car. Which I'm tryin to see the positives with right now since I'm pretty much just praying it lasts until taxes come back so I can buy a new one. Its a race against the clock. But at least I have a way of getting around.
-Blessed that I have a plan in place for me. I may not know what it is...but every time I start to doubt it I get a swift kick in the butt telling me just to have faith and things will work out. Also a swift kick saying to take care of business so it can work out. But all the same...I know he's there and loves me.

Bah Humbug

I for some reason have not been in the Christmasy mood this year. I've tried. But it hasn't worked. And its sad because this is the first Christmas Ryder has been super excited about and old enough to remember anything about. Nate and Tyler of course are very excited and even more excited they get to spend the time with me instead of their dad which is another reason I should be ecstatic. And I'm happy I get to spend that time with them of course but the holiday itself is just not feelin it for me.
So I'm listening to Christmas music in hopes of a more Christmasy attitude and Breath of Heaven by Amy Grant has come on. The words are getting to me today which is funny because I don't know how many times I've sang that song and haven't thought twice. But these words are striking the heart...

"I am waiting in a silent prayer. I am frightened by the load I bear.

In a world as cold as stone must I walk this path alone?

Be with me now.

Do you wonder as you watch my face if a wiser one should've had my place?

But I offer all I am for the mercy of your plan.

Help me be strong,

Help me be,

Help me."

Amen to that.

A Manly Man

I have decided I need a man. And not just any man. A manly man. He's got to be respectful, honest, trustworthy, romantic, kind, funny, good with kids (with good daddy potential of course), good to me, has a job, has a car, etc, etc, etc....the list is long. Which is probably why I haven't found anyone concrete yet. But I don't really want to settle. I did that once and ended up with the dude whos now quasi-married to a witch. Literally....she's a witch who practices witchcraft.

Yeah.

Not going to go down that path again.

But I'm starting to get more and more lonely as time passes.

And I had a realization today.

I think I have a tendancy to hold on to things because I have a fear of letting go. Not because I really like the subject matter, but because I'm not sure what I'd do without it and I've had it so long that it would feel wierd NOT to have it in my life.

I'm working on changing that too.

I think this new year is going to lead to some interesting changes and experiences for me. Hopefully good things will come out of it.

Oh How I Love My Kids

I have never claimed to be a good parent...if fact my kids trotted all through Lins yesterday chanting "Momma is mean....we have a mean momma". Yup I'm a mean momma. But its okay. Its good for them.

And my recent feat is bribing the boys to clean. I haven't had very much energy this last week so I told them if they helped me clean the house including their rooms and bathrooms they could have a treat. And I also knew I wouldn't be up for making dinner or going out again, so we stopped at Lins on the way home.

I told the boys they could choose a good ol' kids TV dinner or a lunchable or something for dinner then choose a treat but they couldn't eat it unless they helped clean, and if they didn't help clean I got to eat it.

So we pick out the dinner stuff and then I let them choose their treats. Ry decided on M&Ms, Tyler decided on Gummy Bears and my dear little Nate was indecisive. First he wanted Swedish Fish, but not the multi-colored, and they didn't have a little bag of "normal" ones so he decided on a giant super sized candy bar that I kiboshed real quick. I told him he had to hurry and he was semi-eyeing some of this

which makes me laugh cause he doesn't even like cotton candy. He then tried his best negotiation tactics and told me he would look at the candy bar selection up front while we were waiting to check out and that if he didn't want anything he would run back and get cotton candy. Images of candy crashing and shelves falling over came to my head. So once again had to kibosh his dream of wandering a big store alone and climbing 10 ft up the shelves to get cotton candy that was on the highest hook.

He told me he was okay with just choosing something from the front and as soon as we got there...he took a short 100000th of a second glance and decided on cotton candy. Too late. We were in line and people behind us. So then came the tantrum.

"But I WANT the cotton candy. I DON'T want anything there." I said too bad choose something here or get nothing at all...and unloaded my groceries. He throws more of a fit. I say more too bad. Finally the cashier is waiting and I tell him choose something now or forever hold your peace. Well....I almost had to drag a teary-eyed boy out the store because life was just not fair! And momma is mean! And he wanted cotton candy! Not stupid gum that he chose!

Oh well. It is what it is. Life went on. He got his gum. And after cleaning not another word was even mentioned about the cotton candy.

Yay I love being a momma sometimes. :)

Sigh...

I realized yesterday....that I am no longer as computer savvy as I had once thought. Thats what I get for attempting to be all jedi-awesome when it came to computers. Mine has crashed a couple times at work and once we got the okay to bill to our grant...I got a new computer. Its nice. I like it and I appreciate that we have the ability to do so. But I have issues. Its all the new stuff....and for like two hours yesterday I had no idea where my email was going. My inbox was open...emails popping up on my alerts....but they were hiding.

Seriously...no where to be found.

So I finally broke down and called the computer place begging for help. The guy linked up to my PC through Teamview and in about 2 seconds showed me where my emails were at. The inbox for this new email was just in a different spot.

DUR!

I also went to write up a draft letter in the new Word. And when I went to print...there was no "file" option. No print icon. Nothing to make it easy. Took me probably 20 minutes to figure out how to print the document.

Really?!

So...I'm eating my humble pie. I am not the hottie tottie computer savvy chicky-dee I once thought. I'm getting old and times...well...they are a changin'. Sigh.

But life goes on. And so will I. I'm sure I'll adapt and regain my former jedi status....and then eat more humble pie when things update again.

Thus a world of constant change.

I'll Tell You What

I have learned alot these last couple days. I need to share my gratitude. So here are my thoughts today.

-My brother is amazing. He has taught me alot about his character and about things I need to start doing in my own life before a tragedy occurs to knock some sense into me. Its been an eye opening experience for sure. He's handled things soo differently than I probably would've and it makes me want to do better.

-My family. I say it often but I couldn't ask for a better family. I really couldn't. To see everyone so supportive of each other has been amazing. Prayers and miracles are flying everywhere and I if there was ever a time that I doubted the power of prayer that has been completely abolished. They do get answered and miracles do happen.

-My work and clients. The amount of support I and my family have recieved from them has been amazing. I am soo grateful to work in such a supportive place and to work with such great people. I truly feel blessed.

-My ward. I know. I used to really not like going and would dodge out. But with this new bishopric things have changed immensely. They have opened their arms to me and made me feel welcome, something I haven't had since I moved there.

-My kids. I have realized that as much as I love my kids I haven't been making them a priority, and that is going to change. There are some big things that are going to be put in play to protect them and make sure that their interests are met and not just the selfish interests of the other party involved. No more being a pushover. It's time to stretch out the claws. Phew this is going to be a hard experience but it needs to be done.

I have no idea if anyone even pays attention to these posts but I've heard that more people than I realize follow what goes on with my little family. So I thank you all for the kindness and support I've been given through my ups and downs and am grateful to you all too.

Have a great day!

An Eventful Week

This last week has definitely been eventful. Very eventful. The trip to DC was fun. The classes were not what I expected and were not my favorite of all the classes I've ever taken, but it was still a good experience. Monday night we decided to hire a driver to take us around to the monuments. That was such a fun time and our driver was great. His name was Rudy. And we must have been memorable cause we saw him the next day and he honked his horn at us. The rest of the week kind of whizzed by. Wednesday we went to the reception at the hotel which was nice. I had a stalker girl there that we kept having to dodge. But it was okay. Thursday we took the free shuttle to Union Station and had such a good time there. The food was cheap and good and the stores were fun to look at. Friday everyone left and I was alone so I just stayed in my room.
Then I came home to the family issues going on and that has taken a little bit of time to sink in. But I just want both parties involved to know that I love you both. I'm not one to take sides and I will love and support both of you and your family and do what I can to make this whole transitition process alot easier. There have been several miracles and blessings answered this weekend personally and for the family and I attribute it to this experience so as hard as it is for everyone, we are all being blessed for it as well.

Small Blessings

I am going to be rather busy today so I am not going to write alot but I just wanted to express my gratitude for small blessings. Today...it goes to my daycare. They have been absolutely wonderful to my boys and to me just as they are. But they go above and beyond constantly. Yesterday, I got a statement from them because the state had not been paying for Nate to be there the small amount of time he is there. It wasn't much comparatively speaking...$167 for the month of November and December, but they also gave me all sorts of discounts and such which dropped it to that. It would've been much more. So today I was talking to Ms B and she said not to pay that right now because she wants to talk to the state and see whats up. She doesn't want to put me in a financial bind right before Christmas. This is a small blessing because even though that really isn't a whole lot compared to what I would be paying without state help, its quite a big chunk out of my take home pay. So there is blessing number 1.
Second blessing from them...she asked me if it would be okay for her to submit my name to her church for a Christmas basket. She said she didn't by any means want me to think she assumed I was too poor for Christmas or anything, but she knows I'm a single mom and am trying to make it on my own and really wanted to help. And since our daycare is in the church, the congretation really loves those little kids and really try to intertwine themselves when they can. I wanted to cry. This is such a blessing and will help out immensely considering we are tight on money right now.
I never really realize how much people care and how much people truly think about us and our situation. I feel very blessed and appreciative...and hope I can give back somehow as well.
On a different note, since today is Friday and I will be gone all next week I do not know if I will be posting. I may...but if not...I hope everyone has a great week next week and I'll talk to you all soon!

Its December!

So yesterdays post was a lil...well...down in the dumps I think. I actually had a really good day...I just needed to get some things off my chest.

Anyway on to happier things today!

I cannot believe its already December! This year has flown by. As a trainer of mine would say...just wave your hand back and go "phoosh!" and thats how quick it has been.

It is kind of funny to think of last year compared to this year. Last year I felt like I was totally down in that poor white trash girl mode and was just trying to claw my way out to a better situation.

This year...I'm still kinda there but have stretched above the white trash line...so I'm officially just a poor white girl. Woot Woot! Hehe.

I really am just grateful to have so many blessings. I have a nice home, a great job, awesome kids, a wonderful family, sweet friends... I've met some awesome people and built some good, lasting friendships and ya know...what more could I ask for (besides a million dollars)? I have been blessed and I am truly grateful.

Here are best wishes for a great December, Happy Holidays, and a great New Year!

Reality Check (and venting/apology/humble pie post...and its long sorry)

I just got to say...I am soo tired of seeing people use the system. Whether it be lazy folks or illegals or just straight up moochers...Bah! Really?!

This may sound strange coming from me considering I myself recieve government help. I get state paid childcare, medicaid and food stamps. And I'm grateful the help is there....but I'm not proud of the fact I need to use these resources. But without them, I would be starving and homeless.

Literally.

For example, to put all the boys on my insurance would cut down my take home pay by a couple hundred/month. As it stands, if I had to pay my daycare out of pocket it would leave me with $100 a month for everything else in my life...so if we go off of my homeless scenerio and take a couple hundred out for insurance, I wouldn't be able to even pay my entire daycare bill. So yeah. And...with all those other pieces into play...we would obviously have no food and would starve.

So I am grateful these resources are here for people who truly need them and wouldn't survive without them.

But.

I get soo frustrated when I see or hear of people using the system. They feel entitled to recieve the assistance instead of humbled at the fact they have to even apply. And they are the reason that people using these resources get a bad name. I mean really?

Reality check folks!

On this same note, here is my reality check. Due to happenings in my life in the last year or so I have gotten some huge reality checks of my own that are not always positive. So here goes.

I really and truly hope nobody has the opinion that I am a moocher or entitled to anything. And I know a couple people that probably do and it breaks my heart.

So here are my feelings in a nutshell (its a big nut...).

I do not feel entitled to get help. I do not like to ask for help in pretty much any situation because I don't want to seem like a moocher or inadequate (which I am fully aware is retarded in certain situations and it has been detrimental to me sadly).

But I really do try to be an honest person in every situation. I know that sometimes the way I react to things can make it appear otherwise but I don't show my emotions well and I will put on a happy face before I show anyone I feel bad or am mad. Thats just how I am. If I mess something up...I'm not going to be overly dramatic about it. I say shoot sorry, give a smile, and try not to let it affect my day too much. And then lose a ton of sleep that night because I can't stop thinking about it and can't stop racking my brain to find ways to make the situation better. I wish I was different. I'd love to be more outgoing and be more outward with my feelings and I've tried, but it hasn't worked.

I just feel like a retard and I'm sure I look like a retard when I do try. So I'm truly sorry to anyone who has been offended by me or have gotten the impression that I don't care. I do very much. I just don't show it well.

Also, I am forgetful. Very forgetful.

If I was supposed to do something but have lots and lots on my plate as it is, I most likely will forget. I have sticky notes everywhere in my office and reminders that pop up on my calender. At home I stick everything on the fridge so I remember when stuff is and have alerts on my phone to remind me.

This one makes me feel the worst by far due to the not wanting to be a moocher...but I'm horrible at remembering to pay people back. I get busy with kids and life and honestly forget to grab money. (I'm the same way with my bills...before I had a budget system set up I would constantly forget what bills to pay when). I know its horrible and it makes me look bad and I hate that...but its true. And that is why I really try to stay self sufficient and pay for stuff as it comes along, but I don't always have that luxury. So please...don't just assume I'm a moocher who doesn't want to pay back. I honestly forget and it doesn't hurt my feelings to be reminded, I'd prefer it so that I can remain honest in my dealings.

So why am I saying all this stuff? Well here it is. I have made alot of mistakes in my life. I have hurt people throughout my life that care about me and I feel horrid about it. I would hope that I've improved and progressed since those days (I feel like I have to a degree)...but I know I have some annoying character traits that alot of people misunderstand and I totally see why they would, because I would misunderstand if I didn't know what was going on in my own head. So I'm clarifying just merely because I have eaten a bite of humble pie and hope people will understand my thought processes as well. And I hope it doesn't come off as me being self centered or self righteous...

I just want people to know that I do care. I really do care.

I really try to be a good person but I know that I suck at showing that and I can come off as careless. And I apologize. I'm eating my slice of humble pie and I hope anyone that has ever been offended by me or hurt by me can eventually accept my apology.

Thoughts

There are a couple thoughts rolling around my head today.

First thought of the day....Booking last minute flights can be hazardous to your health. Not really...but I booked a flight to a meeting in Salt Lake that was supposed to be today...and it got cancelled this morning. I'm just happy I came into work to receive the notifications before I headed to the airport.

Second thought of the day....I just glanced at a picture of my boys and thought. "Wow I have amazing kids. I love them soo much."

Third thought of the day....I am going to miss my kids like crazy while in DC next week. I'm grateful for the opportunities to advance my knowledge and training and I will always welcome them as they come. I will miss my kids like crazy though and will look forward to having a peaceful Christmas with them after I get back.

Fourth thought of the day....I really am looking forward to going to DC next week. As much as I will miss my kids and as mentioned before I will be missing them like crazy and wishing I could've afforded to take them... I am looking forward to building up the relationships with my co-workers, gaining new friendships, gaining new knowledge to further my effectiveness in my job, and just being able to experience new things and new places in the Countries capital. It should be a memorable trip.

Gratitude

The talks and lessons in church on Sunday all focused on gratitude, which was no surprise given the holiday. But the relief society lesson was the one that really got me listening. The teacher was talking about being grateful for all that you have of course, which is part of gratitude. But she also mentioned something that got to me.
Be grateful for things that you have instead of focusing on things that you don't have. Which we all know is standard, but instead of saying "Oh I hate doing laundry it never seems to get all the way done" Say instead "I am soo grateful to have these clothes to clean, because it means that I am surrounded by people who love me and care about me" or instead of "I hate exercising, its such a pain" try saying "I am grateful to have a body that allows me to move and function, and I'm grateful I have the ability to keep it strong!"
In the teachers case, she had been struggling with her husband constantly being gone due to work. She had been particularly mad about it one day when she visited some family. Her grandmother had lost her grandfather 8 years ago and it was an eye opener to her because even though her husband is gone alot, she can still call him or text him and know that he will be home soon. In her grandmothers case, she has no way to physically contact him. That experience humbled her quite a bit.
So I'm going to try it. When negative thoughts creep in my mind, I'm going to turn it around and make it positive and see what kinda happy spot I can move into.

Oy!

Its Monday again...thats for sure. I hope everyone had a good holiday weekend...I know I did! I honestly wasn't expecting much of anything. I really enjoy my family time so because it was an off year, I really wasn't planning on having the warm gushy Thanksgiving feeling. No offense mom and dad...I enjoy spending time with you. But Thanksgiving never seems to be the same without the whole family.
Except for this year.
This Thanksgiving was soo peaceful. Me and Ryder hung out with Carol, one of the tenants at work, for a while in the morning then met up with Mom and Dad, and a family from the ward at The Garden House. That food was DELICIOUS! It was just a really nice experience and one that I hope to repeat in the future. Afterwards, me and Ry went back to work and hung out with the tenants at their Thanksgiving Dinner. It was really a good time, very comfortable and peaceful.
The whole weekend really ended up being great. Betsy helped me order my first Christmas Cards ever...and I got alot of cleaning done.
So I learned my lesson...Thanksgiving is just about being thankful for all that you have, not just the gathering of family or lots of food.

Family Pictures!

I'm rather excited about these....my boys are not little boys anymore! They are turning into handsome young men! I'm not thrilled about me looking kinda retarded in the family picture but it all good hah! Thanks to Abbey Kyhl at www.abbeykyhl.com who took them...she did a fantastic job!

Thanksgiving

Since Thanksgiving is tomorrow...I figured I'd better dedicate a blog to it. This year's Thanksgiving is going to be a bit scattered with the family splitting up to in-laws houses and such and the boys are going with their dad. The tenants at work invited me to their dinner so me and Ry are headed there then off to eat out with my parents after. Should be a fairly good day I think.
So on with the show.
I am thankful for my family. I know I say it alot, but I feel soo blessed to have such a great family. We are supportive and loving of each other and I know any one of thems got my back. And I got theirs too. Its soo nice to know theres a safe spot to fall if needed, a listening ear, good advice givers, all that jazz. I love you all.
I am also thankful for my boys. They are such a blessing. Some days are better than others and some days I wonder what it would be like to have my life go in a different direction. But when it comes down to it, I like my life. Yes I've had trials and such but they have made me such a stronger person and I truly wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for the opposition I've faced.
I am thankful for my job. In this economy I'm grateful to have a job...but even more grateful to have a job I love. I look forward to coming to work everyday which is not something many people can say these days. It's hard when I have to give reality checks to people but its worth it to be able to help those truly in need.
So Happy Thanksgiving to all and I hope ya'll have a great Thanksgiving day!

Hello World

I realized I haven't blogged in like....7 days. Mostly because of my Dallas trip and partly because I was super busy. So on with the show!

*Dallas was good. I learned a LOT of awesome things that I'm bringing back and revamping my program with to make it alot better.
-While in Dallas, I was actually not the normal out and about girl I am at trainings, but the new counselor A and I went out to the Galleria Mall one of the nights and it was a blast! There was a dude dressed like Santa waving cars in and in the mall there was a ginormous 4 story tree. Under it was the ice skating rink and it was amazing to see! It made me more excited for Christmas. While at the mall, A introduced me to Sephora. Wow I love that store. And then we got introduced to some guy at Macys doing free makeup "makeovers" when I got done I kind of looked like a cartoon character...and my eye brows...well...Ryder could have done a better job filling them in. So we headed back to Sephora and I re-applied my face again. After that we browsed some little shops and ate at a cute little french bistro type place.
-The place we were staying (The Fairmont Inn) was only about a quarter mile away from the Grassy Knoll where JFK was shot, and the book repositorium (sp?) which was kind of an awe moment to think that we drove down the street where he was shot and was soo close to that place. I'm not a history buff by any means, but it was kind of cool to see.
-Also, while in Dallas, I missed my kids insanely. The other trainings I've missed them but haven't focused on it too much. This trip...I was really wishing they were there. Didn't help that seeing all these cool things made me want to show the boys.

*I'm really starting to look forward to the DC trip. Yet another trip I really wished I could take the boys to, because there are soooo many things there they would love. We've been talking about it in the office though and there are soo many cool places we are planning on visiting. Its going to be a long, fun, but sad (cause I'll miss the boys) week.

*I am soo excited for Christmas to be coming. I cannot wait. And this year I get the boys for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I got a bit irritated at D and his ridiculous behavior so....I told him straight up this is when I'm taking them so too bad if you had other plans. So that makes me happy.

Anyway...I think thats all for now. I hope everyone is doing well and hope ya'll have a good rest of the week!

Dallas Here I Come

I'm leavin...on a jet plane...dunno when I'll be back again....
Yes I do. I'll be back Friday. Hehe.
Today I leave for Dallas. I'm excited to go to this training because I will be attending a loss mitigation negotiation class...where I will learn how to negotiate better. This is a trait I do not possess at the moment. So big bad Lenders...after this training...here I come! Watch out for the soon to be queen of negotiation! I hope. So anyway...in good ol' Dallas style....ya'll have a good day now! :)

This Week

This week is going to be a semi-busy week. Because I leave for Dallas tomorrow afternoon...I have SOO much to do to catch up for the week. Its gonna be a tad bit crazy. But I love it cause that makes time go by quick. I've also been contimplating my life and I will tell you this, our Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. One reason I wanted to move to the Enoch home is because I wanted a fresh start in a new ward with a bishop I'd feel comfortable with. So that was the main reason I was rather disappointed that I didn't get in to one of those (besides owning a house obviously). Well on Sunday, we got to church and I almost thought the ward times had changed because I didn't recognize anyone on the stand. We got had gotten a new bishopric! And the new Relief Society President is amazing. Her newest rule is that no sister sits alone. We need to unite as a Relief Society and be like a family. After going to church, I truly feel like all things happen for a reason. I was meant to stay where I'm at and Heavenly Father made the rest happen for me. I feel soo blessed, beyond belief and feel my prayers were answered. So theres my testimony to that today...He's there and he listens. Things just have to happen in their own time.
Now its off to work for me...have a great day all!

Gettin Crafty!

SO when we moved I got rid of ALOT of stuff. Including our Christmas stockings I just realized. But have you priced those things lately? Holy cow! The cheapest one was $8 for an ugly blah sock! The cute (and highest priced ones) were $25! I was amazed! So I decided to get crafty. We went to JoAnns and I let the boys pick out their own fabric...and by the way our "mantle" i.e. stair rail is going to be VERY colorful...and I am making our own this year. I'm actually kind of excited and I think they are going to turn out kinda cute. Colorful and not very christmasy...allbeit...but cute all the same. I'm hoping I'll get them done this weekend so I'll post pics when I do.

And yes...I'm thinking about Christmas early this year. We already have our tree up and everything. But this is mostly because I am going to be gone next week and gone the first week of December. Figured we'd start early. :)

Have a good weekend everyone!!

An Affidavit To My Ah HA!

So I have had a realization this morning.

If you want energy....in addition to eating healthy....

You need to SLEEP!

I went to bed at midnight last night and boy am I feelin' it today. I forgot the little fact that I had gone to bed between 10-11 the two days I've had energy.

Guess this is a learning experience! Time to quit pretending to be a night hawk teenager and actually go to bed! So there ya go.

Healthy Eating + Sleep = ENERGY!

Tonight....early bedtime.

As an add on...tomorrow is Veterans Day and I have the day off. Woot woot! So I just want to say that I am soo thankful for all the veterans who write that blank check out for their lives....all to defend my rights and freedoms. And to keep up safe. I honor and respect all veterans, from all eras and all walks of life.

Thank you.

Ah HA!

I had my Ah Ha moment yesterday.

Many people probably already know this little gem that I discovered, in fact, I even knew it. But I had just forgotten.

I ate fairly healthy (besides those really yummy peanut butter things mom made) all day long and as consequence....

I had LOADS of energy!

So much energy that I got more than half of my laundry done (only 4 more loads of clothes, and 4 beds worth of sheets to go!), got the kitchen and the living room tidied up, got both the boys' bedrooms and my bedroom clean.

Versus the normal "I'm soo exhausted from work I just wanna sit here and do nothing" that usually happens.

And...I woke up early this morning (not even trying to) and was able to get me (actually doing my hair and makeup) and Ryder ready and all the boys were ready by like 7:15. Which means we had a spare 15 minutes to just kick back and chill until we had to go.

So there is definitely something good about this eating healthy deal I've started. I kinda like it. I feel amazing and I definitely feel like I finally put on my big girl pants and kicked myself into gear.

Yay!!!

The Weekends and Thoughts

On Saturday me and Ryder went to Grandpa and Grandmas house to clear out the garden. We were hoping to get it all done in the morning before they got home from cleaning the church, but it didn't happen. Thats hard work! We got the corn cleared out and put in Grandpas truck by about 1 pm then went in for lunch. After lunch, finished up the tomatoes and tried to get the beans out. But the beans kicked my butt. I babied out...I know I shouldn't have. But I did.

Sunday I definitely felt the effects of hard work. I apparently need to do a bit more hard labor so my body doesn't hate me as much the next day. Or two days after. But it didn't stop me from re-arranging my living room so that when we get our tree we can put it up in the corner.

Which got me excited for Christmas! I can't believe Christmas is next month! I love Christmas and everything that has to do with Christmas. It's such an awesome time of year!! And I'm thinking as soon as I can get a tree I will be doing so. Our other one was filled with cockroaches when we moved, so I had to ditch it. But the per diem from the Dallas trip next week and the DC trip a couple weeks after should catch us up financially and set us up Christmas-wise. I'm pretty excited I do gotta say. I'm hoping to actually decorate this year too. So happy Monday everyone and have a good week!

Impressed...and Humbled!

So as I'm logging into my systems today, a headline came up on my RS Newsfeed that caught my eye. A Canadian elderly couple won the lottery of about 11.3 Million Dollars...and gave the vast majority of it away! "What you've never had, you never miss." said the wife, Violet.

How true are those words!

Whats amazing to me is that she has cancer and is undergoing chemo. But even with this expensive fact, they only kept about 2% "for a rainy day" and gave the rest of it away. They took care of their family first, then donated the rest to two pages worth of donors they had decided on including local fire and police departments, cemetaries, Red Cross, the center that was doing her chemo, and several other places.

Wow...I am soo happy there are people in this world that still care about others and prefer to share their wealth rather than keep it all to themselves. Especially where the wife has cancer! And could definitely use the money to pay for it!

I don't know that I would be so generous. I know I'd cut in my family and pay back my parents for all the help they've given me over the years. There are a couple other places I know I'd make a contribution to, but all in all I'd be keeping and investing that money. Which is kinda sad really. That is why the article humbled me so much I think. Others selfless acts have a huge influence...maybe I need to quit being so selfish and find ways to help and serve more. And not just monetarily, but with simple acts of service too.
So thank you to the Large family of Canada...you are a great example and definitely have humbled my heart!

Off Week

I've been having a bit of an off week...so because of that its time to list things that I am happy for so I can balance out my negative energy. Cause its getting kinda troublesome. So here goes.

1. I'm happy that I have such loving parents. I wouldn't make it in this 'lil world of mine without them.
2. I'm happy I have a job, and one that pays pretty good.
3. I'm happy that I have good co-workers who support me and are there for me for even the littlest things.
4. I'm happy I have 3 awesome little boys, even though they have been a bit mischevious the last week.
5. I'm happy for my great clients who are always willing to do what I need to help them progress.
6. I'm happy for the church, it gives me a sense of comfort when I need it most.
7. I'm happy my kids have such great teachers in school, and go to such a good daycare.

So thats it for the day. Hopefully the day will improve and things will get back to normal soon.

Halloween

(grandma got a picture of Ry in his actual Woody costume....he was pretty cute. minus the tantrums)

I just realized today I didn't post a single thing about Halloween. Slacker. Yes. But its mostly because we had an uneventful holiday. Nate and Tyler were with their dad in Parowan so we didn't get to spend any of the holiday with them. Ryder...well he was ornery. We went to the sheep parade and he LOVED it...but wanted to follow the sheep around all day.

First tantrum.

Then was hungry, so we went to Dennys with Will. He was really hungry and the food was NOT being brought fast enough for his liking, so along came.....

Tantrum number two.

We headed home after that...and he fell asleep thankfully. Until we got home.

Tantrum three....

for having to take a nap. Which he didn't end up doing. So when 4:30 rolled around we were going to go to the 2nd ward carnival thing. Except Ry was boycotting his costume.

Insert tantrum four here.

Finally talked him into wearing Tylers costume and went to work for some of the tenants to see...which they loved. But he was tired. And wouldn't say trick or treat.

Tantrum five.

We did make it to the church to eat what was left of some good chili, which Ry didn't want to eat and then tried to go downstairs to the "carnival" booths...where he kicked and screamed cause he didn't want to be there.

Tantrum six.

So I gave up. I remembered that I had forgotten candy so we stopped by the store on the way home (which I was grateful I'd remembered since the kids came a knockin and cleared out the entire candy stash) and he was out cold...like a light. And stayed that way the rest of the night.

So...Halloween was rather uneventful for us. Hopefully next year will prove to be a slight bit better...with less tantrums.

De Biggest Losa!

As mentioned yesterday, the family pictures were a bit of an eye opener for me. It made me realize just how much chub I have aquired over the last year. And longer...but mainly over the last year.

Wow.

So my new goal is to stop being like

THIS

And be more like

THIS

So today is not going to be day 1 like I thought, but its going to be my prep day for day 1 tomorrow. Mostly because I was going to start getting some food ready for today last night...but fell asleep really early. (Although I am still eating healthy today... just not all the recommended foods)

So today...my friends...is a new day.

What I'm planning on starting tomorrow is the 6 Week Body Makeover by Michael Thurmond. It is a great program thats not really a diet. Thats what I love about it. So a run down of the program. Because I am a Type A body (I took a cool little quiz to figure that out) I will be needing to eat more lean meats like chicken, turkey, fish, etc and lots of veggies. Lots of fruit as well, but the ones with less sugar like grapefruit, berries, etc. And I got to eat 3 meals a day with 2 or 3 snacks as well, just in better portions. So I'm gonna be eating like a mad man which will be a new experience for me since I usually don't eat all day then chow when I get home.

(its blurry...and not me...sorry...but this is what ya do)

Then after blueprinting my body, I designed a workout plan to work the parts of my body that I want to trim down. Its a really cool process all in all. I kind of had fun blueprinting my body and deciding what I want to change. The workouts consist of muscle training (done with tension bands) and cardio (which can be as easy as taking a walk). All are easy exercises to do so I know I won't flake out and give up.

And maybe...I'll be a success story like this lady. Although I don't have 385 lbs to lose thankfully...but its a bit inspiring to see someone with so much fat to lose, actually lose it. I don't have excuses anymore. So here we go. On to a new journey for me. And I'm kinda excited about it. :)

Double Posting!

Its a two in one whammy today...woot woot! But as mentioned in my previous post today...I am feeling a bit whale-ish and its getting to me. So I'm going to be semi-tracking my journey to be more mermaid-ish than whale-ish here. I was considering starting another blog, but I know I won't keep up with it. So....ya'll get to hear all about my up days and down days...mixed with with the normal jazz that goes on in my day. So I'm going to try to make tomorrow day 1. I will intro the program I'm using tomorrow and hopefully tracking things publicly will get my butt moving and keep me in line. So anyway...here goes it!

Family Pictures

We had family pictures taken last weekend and it was such a good time! I got the proofs today and I think they are soo cute! I can't wait to get the pictures back. I am not...however...happy with our family pictures. And this has nothing to do with the photographer or the pictures...it has to do with me. You never realize how much weight you gain till you have pictures taken. This is the butt kicking I needed to start my diet plan. Holy wow. I'm hoping by next picture time...I will not look like a beached whale. And some may say "aww don't be so hard on yourself!" but yeah...its time to be hard on myself.
Anyway...the boys looked awesome so did the rest of the family! I can't wait to get the actual pictures back so we can get holiday cards done maybe this year. I'll post as soon as we do get them done.

Bowling

We've been doing some fun stuff this week...and last night was bowling and pizza! We had a blast! The kids actually did really good (with the help of bumpers and the ramp) and I got 2 strikes! But thats the best I did...after that I lost horribly hehe. But its all good. I didn't think to take lots of pictures...but I did get one. Ryder was kind of ornery because he didn't like the fact he had to share. But what do you do. Anyway...it was fun all the same! :) This weekend should be fun filled so I will post pics Monday!

De Carved Punkin

Spoooooooky!

Here are our finished products with the pumkins. Nates is the biggest one...Tylers is the one in the middle with star ears...Ryders is the one at the end with a star and an airplane (yes its an airplane...my carving skills are awesome! hehe)

I think they look pretty cute and are now part of our front porch. I haven't decorated for Halloween so this works for decorations in my book.

The boys have also finally decided on costumes. It just took 10 years for them to decide and 5 stores later....

Nate is going to be a black ninja (he wanted snake eyes but I'm not about to pay $20 for a costume. I'm cheap)

Tyler is going to be...a mad scientist. No a ninja. No a clown...finally he decided on...a cowboy

Ryder was going to be a dog...but once Tyler made up his mind he REALLY wanted to be a cowboy too but there was only one cowboy costume....so he settled for Woody. and now won't take the hat off ever.

I hope I get to have the boys at least for a little while this Halloween, I still need to talk to D about it. Crossing fingers!

Thoughts for the day

My thoughts for the day...

I am feeling more at peace with my decision to not take the home. It is still very bittersweet, especially when the people who are most likely going to be taking the house instead of me came in yesterday. So I'm still a bit sad...but its the best decision.

I'm grateful for my family. Everyone has been soo supportive of me and the boys. I am very grateful to have a family who cares about each other and will do anything they can to love and support each other. I'm truly blessed.

I'm overloaded at work. I'm happy that our new counselor started this week because its going to be really good to have some help. And she seems really nice and willing to help out with anything we need, so I'm happy shes here and I think it will work out well.

My trips to Dallas and Washington DC are coming up pretty quick, and I'm rather excited to go traveling again. I enjoy my trainings and the extra per diem money is going to help out quite a bit right now.

I'm starting my 6 week body makeover plan next week and am rather excited about it. A friend of mine started last week and has already lost 13 pounds just by eating foods that speed up her metabolism. She hasn't even started working out as much as the plan advises. I'm hoping I'll have good success with it as well. My only issue with it will be eating as much as the plan calls for. I'm horrible at eating while at work. So we shall see how it goes. But I love this diet because you eat 6 meals a day (little ones of course) and exercise of course. No diet pills, no quick loss promises, just healthy food and exercise. I was on it when I got married and lost about 20 pounds, but quit doing it. So I know it works...just need to stick with it.

Hopefully today is a better day and things buck up a little bit. I'm still in the downish phase from the house...but it will all work out. This just wasn't the time I suppose. Hopefully better things are coming soon. Anyway...Have a good day ya'll!

Carving pumpkins and corn maze

We have had such a good time the last couple days, its been a very nice stress reliever for me! Last week the boys picked out some pumpkins at Scott and Betsy's and on Sunday we decided to carve them. It was quite the feat to do but we all had a great time! Nate and Tyler dug right in and got messy...but Ryder wasn't too fond of the gooey stuff inside the pumpkins. He did however try diggin stuff out with a spoon after most of it was out. I didn't even think to get the after shot of the pumpkins, I'll have to post some later. Yesterday we went with Dad, Mom, Valena and Melissa to the Staheli farm for the corn maze and they had an old school carnival type deal set up as well. It was really cool! We got lost in the corn mazes, then the boys rode the train that was being pulled by a tractor and we watched some baby pigs racing! I tried to get a picture of the pigs...but those are fast little dudes. None of the pictures turned out. After that we petted the animals for awhile and played on the swings. We were all getting pretty hungry so we ended the night at In & Out Burger. Mmmmm! So in no particular order (literally....they downloaded out of order haha!) here are the pictures from the last two days!

Here are the boys riding the tractor train. I was amazed Ryder actually went and didnt scream!

This slide was fast! They zoomed down it!

I actually got a picture of Ryder digging into his pumpkin

This one is really dark...but after the corn mazes we played on some giant hay bales until the tractor came back to pick us up

A good shot of the boys all carving their pumpkins

The boys playing on the hay bales at the corn maze

I hate tough decisions (venting post)

And this decision is the toughest I've made in a LONG time.

Do I stay where I am at

or

Do I take the new house

The reason this is a tough decision is because I have wanted to own my own home for SO long. Like as in YEARS and I don't have very good credit. Nor do I make a whole lot of money. So doing it on my own is kind of not an option right now. So when this opportunity came up for the new house through work, I jumped all over it. Now...its all coming to pieces. ERA won't let me break my lease. They have been trying to find someone to take the lease, but no luck yet. And I have to make the decision today. My thoughts are running about like this.

Taking the new house....

PROS:
-I would have my OWN home

-Stability for me and the kids

-Neighbors that I know I'd get along with and be friends with

-An AWESOME deal on the house

-Having great note holders (my work of course)

CONS:

-Added utilities (water/sewer/garbage)

-Double my gas expenses for the car

-Money would be even tighter than it already is

-Having to figure out what to do with the old place

-Possibly having to be evicted from old place since theres no other way to break the lease

-Having homeownership expenses like needing lawnmower, washer, dryer, etc

Staying in my old house....

PROS:

-Not worrying about extra expenses and gas money

-Won't have to wake up earlier to get to work on time

-Kids have lots of friends here

-Won't have to worry about extra payments or deposits and such

-I'll actually get my deposit back

-Kids won't have to start over again

-I got a washer and dryer (its a big thing...believe me!)

CONS:
-I'm still renting

-I don't have any friends there (after 8 months there I know 2 neighbors)

-My ward is horrible which is slowing my progression in that aspect since I don't feel comfortable with my bishop

-The kids really want their own space...one to call their home and that place isn't it

-They were also SOOO excited to move, its heartbreaking that they are going to be disappointed

So what do I do. Thats the big question and I have to decide today. The keys for the new houses are being handed out today. So I have to know. In my heart I really want the new house. In my head...I know its smarter to stay where I'm at. Deep down I have a feeling I should stay where I'm at.

I don't know.

Grrrrr

I am soo irritated right now. I just spoke with my property management group and they will not break the lease where I am at now. The only way I can get out of that lease is to have someone take it over. So until someone takes over the lease, I am required to pay rent there. So in essence...I will be responsible for $700 rent there until my lease is up in January...plus my $650 house payment.
Now I realize I signed a legal document (the lease) and that I should be accountable for that. I guessed I would've hoped that they would appreciate the fact that I'm improving my living situation (they are a real estate company too....geez!) not to mention the fact that here at the office we have been very nice to them, we have worked with them, heck we didn't take legal action (which we very well could've) for some things that happened between them and us.
I don't know....I guess I shouldn't expect them to break a lease. As mom puts it...what makes me feel entitled to have them break a lease? I just have never had anything like this happen before. Most landlords are flexible and will work with people. I've yet to deal with a landlord that has not been. I guess there is a first time to everything.
Soo....its time for some decisions I guess. We will see what happens.

Good Examples

Do NOT be like this guy....bad example...very bad! Blehhhhhhhhhhhh

So there is a person who I met a while back just in passing, a friend of friends (And no this is not some life altering moment of meeting the right dude or whatever). I don't know him to well but every time I have run into him he has been so polite. He also stands up for what he believes and he will kindly let people know when they are going to far with something. Like, for example, if someone is badmouthing someone else he will tell them to stop. He will freely give compliments and truly means them when he does. He truly cares about the well being of his family and friends. He is also an old fashioned gentleman. The kind that opens doors for girls and offers to pay for everything and such.
The reason I bring this person up is because it got me thinking about my own boys. I have really tried to instill the gentleman thing in them and they have good examples all around them constantly. But they also have bad examples around them alot and I just hope the good outweighs the bad. They are pretty polite I think...usually they use please and thank you and excuse me and they are usually fairly helpful. They have also recently been standing up for their beliefs. This horrid neighbor girl goes to the play park and swears up a storm, using words a sailor would blush hearing. For the last 3 days when she is out there, the boys tell her to stop saying those words and when she doesn't they come inside instead of playing. That makes me one proud momma right there.
So anyway, I just want to make a shout out to my friend and all those other gents out there who really strive to be respectful and gentlemanly. You are awesome examples to my kids and are truly gems in this rough and tumble world. Sweet people like that are few and far between unfortunately but I'm happy to know that there are still a couple good guys in the world today. :)

Busy Busy Busy

The next two months are going to be busy busy busy I decided. I'll be moving at the end of the month plus Halloween, the new counselor and I just got approved for scholarships in Texas the middle of November, although I really don't wanna go the full week so I'm hoping I can just accept the scholarship for the 2 day class only instead of the normal 5. Then its Thanksgiving, then off to DC we go the beginning of December for a week. Then Nates Birthday, then Christmas...then its a NEW YEAR! 2010 has sped by at lightening speed.

It has been a crazy year thats for sure but its also been a strengthening year for me...and the final steps to my stabalization plan are in the works. Which makes me even more happy.

Step 1- Good, stable job. Check.

Step 2- Safe place to live with no cockroaches. Check.

Step 3- Buy a house. Check.

Step 4- Get my life straightened out. Work in progess.

Step 5- Lose Some CHUB! Also a work in progress

(found my 6 week body makeover from like 4 years ago, I lost like 20 pounds the first round then fear of acknowledging my chub set in so I stopped. I've come to terms with my chub now so its time for it to find a new home :)

Step 6- Find a true gentleman. Yeah...prospects but no check yet.

So...I'm doing okay I'm half way to completing my plan. And I can't expect it all to happen in a year..or two. I know it will take time. But I feel good about the last year. There has been some (ok quite a bit of) turbulance along the way thats for sure...but things really are improving. I feel like I am not the same person I was 3 years ago, or 2 years, or even last year. I feel like I'm truly progressing which is what life is all about right? So hooray for new experiences and for life finally starting to turn around and go well for me and my little family.

My Kids Are The Best

I've decided lately that I have some pretty humorous kids. They kinda make me laugh so here are the reasons why.
1. Ryder is starting to copy EVERYTHNG that EVERYONE says. Its kinda cute...except when he picks up naughty stuff. Like him and his brothers downstairs this morning singing "stupid stupid stupid" But he also says cute stuff, like delissshhhhus (delicious) and when we are reading books he likes to point to characters and say "whas dat guy?" And if I get it wrong...he says "Nooooo its ____". But he does it with every character on every page. Sometimes...we have like ten "whas dat guy? and dat guy? and dat guy?"
2. Tyler makes me laugh a bit. This morning he put on a pair of Ryders pants (that fit him actually) and said "How do I look momma?" I had to tell him to change considering they were capris and I didn't think that would go over well at school. So he comes back with "But they are MY size...they said like 5T. Thats my size. Not Ryders size" (they are 2T....yeah).
3. Nate is rather excited to move. He was the corporal of the packing team this morning or something... they decided to start packing our food. After I told them the food is the last thing we pack. And as I come downstairs he says "I told Tyler not to...I told him we had to do something else first (as he has 2 cans of spaghettios in his hand ready to put them in the box).

These are probably not humorous to anyone but me....but I sure think its funny and they make me smile. :)

Yay for the weekend!

This weekend could not have come soon enough. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster the last couple days and I'm not sure why. Lack of sleep maybe? Or nervousness over the house deal? Stress at work? Probably all the combined reasons. All I know...is that I'm ready for my weekend. Gonna do some hardcore cleaning and packing this weekend and hopefully get everything packed up but the essentials we are using. Thats my plan. We'll see if it happens.
Although stress will come first of course. Working on our quarterly billing towards are grants...and I messed up the grant previously so I'm extra nervous this time because I'm at the emotional breaking point right now and I really am tired of messing stuff up. This is the only job I've ever had where I mess up on things. I don't know if its me...how I'm trained...I don't know. Its frustrating though and leaves me second guessing everything I do.
So here is to Friday...you will bring me loads of stress today my dear Friday, but hopefully you will end with relaxation and peace.

Random Conclusions

So I've decided a couple things.

Firstly, I'm kind of lazy. Which brings me to my next point that for some reason when I'm getting ready to move...I let my house cleaning go a little. I don't know why I do this...but for some reason I do. Which is actually harder for me in the end because I have to clean doubly as much later on. But I am actually looking forward to packing...I just need to find some boxes first. My soon to be new neighbor is gonna try to hook me up with those. Thats good.

Secondly, I'm rather excited for payday tomorrow. And thats humorous considering I'm not gonna have very much spare money left after paying bills and paying for some of this moving stuff. But I will have enough for a $0.99 chicken nugget from Wendys which I have been craving for like 2 weeks but haven't really had the money to get plus I've really been trying to not eat out as often. Been doing pretty good too. Instead we just eat unhealthy food at home :)

Thirdly, my kids rock. They are sweet, hilarious and mischievious boys who make me smile alot. This time it was Tyler who has made me smile this week. When we drive past the cemetery (which is like 3 or 4 times a day in our commuting) he always asks "Mom don't you wish we had a grave for Grayson?" I say yeah and he says "Yeah me too. One of these days right?" He is such a sweetheart. Granted after that him and Ryder are screaming at each other or he's kicking Nates seat to annoy him.

Lastly, I love the show Raising Hope. I watched it for the first time on Tuesday and its crazy funny! I really kind of hope I'm not like the mom on that show...seriously crazy but not aware of my craziness. But it was also kind of insightful. The mom was going crazy over family pictures making them dress up in really funky themes (like 50s poodle skirts and skiers in the middle of Cali) to try and make them look like the perfect happy family. But their best picture through all the years was taken by a traffic violation camera, and it was the best family picture because it had caught them all in a happy spot. No stress or anything, just singing "Whack-a-doo" with each other in their old beat up truck. Reminds me that I need to quit stressing about being "perfect" and just enjoy the time I got with my family :)

Some Personal Revelations

*This is more religious than I ever am...*

So its been a....thought provoking....week for me. We have a different mix of girls here at work religionwise. One is a Catholic, one got married in the temple but her and her husband feel like the church is a cult, one is inactive and then there is me. We have been having different converstations about religion here (which I know is bad since we are at work...but we don't have the wierd religious/political craziness thank goodness). They had brought up alot of different things that made me question my religious choice a little bit. Like if we are all sealed together...then how are we to have different "mansions" and such considering I'm sealed to my parents...and if the boys get sealed to me then get married and are sealed to their own families...how does that work? And why is it that only "good" mormons get to live in the highest kingdom when there are some truly amazing people out there of different religions? And although actual stuff that happened in the temple was not discussed out of respect, the one who had gone through said that was their deciding factor to stop practicing the religion. She felt extremely uncomfortable and that sealed the deal for her. So all this talk made me start questioning things because it was kind of ringing true.
All weekend I had thought about it and I decided to go to my parents ward instead of my own which was probably smart. I went in to church thinking why is this the true church? How can this be the true church?
The funniest thing happened imagine that.
As I was sitting through church listening to the testimonies and thinking about these questions of mine and I'll admit..being a tad bitter....and the same answer just crept into my head over and over. "Its all going to be taken care of. Your not meant to know some of these answers yet. Trust that it is all taken care of." And all my hostile feelings just kind of disappeared. I felt at peace. I still had my questions...but it was more for clarification now than for proving my point.
Alot of my discomfort was about going to the temple and what happened there. Fear of the unknown I guess you could say. So it was rather humorous to me that when I got home, a temple preperation handbook was sitting on my living room floor. Not sure where I got it or where it was hiding, but it turned up right there. So I read it. Later that night I called mom and asked my questions. She helped clarify some things and made me feel at peace. She took away my concern about going to the temple and helped me to realize some things about myself too.
I think I can honestly say that I am now finally ready to start my journey. I'd felt it was time previous to the work conversation but that had thrown a wrench in my feelings as had some other personal issues. But I feel like the adversary is trying to really work hard on me for some reason and I think he knew I was ready to start my progression...and really didn't want me to. So I'm feeling good about the decision now. When I get settled into my Enoch ward, me and the bishop are going to have a chat. I really hope and pray that he is a good man who is understanding and loving.
I am scared however. I have alot of fear about this whole deal...but also a huge sense of peace and that peace is finally outweighing the fear. I truly feel like its something I need to do in order to progress and I want to be a good example to my boys.
*Deep breath*
So here I go.

Frustrations...

This is going to be a boring post about my job so just a forewarning. If you follow the news pretty well you will know that on Friday, Bank of America announced that they would be halting foreclosures in all 50 states and more Lenders are looking at following suit. This is mostly due to a HUGE number of files being caught without appropriate signatures, files being put together sloppy, underwriters and negotiators not reading stuff before they sign it, and the list goes on and on. This has caused a HUGE number of people to lose their homes to auctions that probably should've have.
I've experienced this first hand with my clients.
And its sad.
Frustrating.
Irritating.
Unfair to all those who spent almost a year (and in a lot of cases more time than that) out of their lives doing their due dilligence to the Lender only to have them come back at the last minute (literally in most cases) and say whoops...sorry you don't qualify. Your house is being set on the auction block in a couple hours. So it wasn't too big of a shocker when this came to be.
As positive as this move seems to be...its also rather scary. Yes it gives us a little more time to process modifications and such (which I have a feeling will be delayed anyway cause of this all) but....they are not halting the foreclosure process. Just the auction sales. Which means more and more houses are nearing the end of the foreclosure period and when the moratorum is up...there will be thousands upon thousands of houses that are due to be sold. And my bet is...they will be. I'm guessing its going to be a mass posting of auction notices and no postponements. And its sad. I'm just hoping that this move will benefit my clients as well as anyone else trying to get assistance before everything blows up.
So I'm happy that someone is finally stepping in and saying hey...your screwing up and need to fix the problem now. I'm very grateful for that because the issue did need to be addressed and honestly, I don't know how else they would've addressed it. I would've rathered them put the entire foreclosure process on hold... but I know that would've been too hard.
I don't however look forward to whats going to happen after this is all said and done.

What a sad time we are living in. Very sad.

House Pictures Continued

So here are some more pictures...I know overload but these will probably be it until we move in then I will be probably getting even more haha! So here we go!






This is a picture of the ribbon cutting. Holding the ribbon is Steve somethin from Enoch I think and H. Kelly from Utah Housing Corp is bolding the bow. Ashley (my new neighbor) was top pic and got to cut the ribbon. The guy in the blue shirt is Mr Peacock from American Express (the investor for the homes) then me, then Heidi another tenant, then Justin from SMJ Construction was behind me. This is the model of home I had my heart set on...but didn't get. BUT...I'm happy with what I got...its growing on me :)

For my sister...this is the back yard looking at our patio...obviously. There isn't a ton by way of landscaping other than the rocks and grass but its all good. I'll take more pictures later on. There is however a HUGE field of grass between my house and the one next to me. That will be nice.

This is the view from the back patio. At first we were kinda irritated that they didn't sod the entire backyard, but now I'm rather happy because I can plant a garden if I want or trees or flowers or get woodchip and a swingset...yeah. The property line ends at the top of the little slope. We will most likely be getting fences in as well, it was under debate but Mr Peacock asked at the ribbon cutting what kind of fences we would like to have. I think thats a good sign.

And finally....the finished and completed (including landscaping) picture of my house. Yup thats my baby :) I plan on adding some flowers and stuff to it next season possibly but we will see. So anyway...here it be!