The Horrors of Society (Fashionwise...Anyway)

I have to tell you....as every year passes I think the fashion industry gets worse and worse. And I'm not talkin the actual fashion statements (even though those are pretty horrible too). I'm talking about how the "average" girl is now a size 2 when it comes to fashion. Seriously? It's ridiculous. And I know that anyone who is not in the fashion industry already knows this....but as I was reading another blog I follow (she was equally as horrified as me) I came upon this photo. The photographer describes Angelika the "street model" as this:

"I loved that she's a bigger, curvier girl than most of the other bloggers who you see in the press and tend to represent the genre. The subtle thing she achieves so successfully in these two looks {there was another photo of her as well) is to compliment the sturdy but beautiful shape of her legs with an equally strong shoe."

Really?! Granted...it's nice to see someone who's not completely skin and bones being photographed, but she is FAR from big and curvy. There was a massive stream of comments about how he should've described her as "normal" instead of "big and curvy" and he defended himself by stating that curves are not relative to size. And he's got a point there. You can have curves at any size. His other defense was that he isn't going to categorize someone as normal because he isn't the one to set the standard of who is normal and who is not. Or what a normal size is? And again....he has a point. I will give him that. I don't think he was trying to be offensive by any means. As someone who grew up in the fashion world, as I gather from his history, she would be considered big. and curvy. So I have no qualms with him....but I do have a problem with society in general and unfortunately his statement just proves a point.

People like him and others out there set the standard on what the world should think is beautiful and fashionable... and have a very warped point of view. The average woman in America is size 14. Which...well...thats kind of a scary fact too. Just merely because that means America is getting more and more unhealthy and at more risk for diabetes, diseases and such (since usually carrying more weight increases your chance of getting them). And I have no room to talk because I'm in that percentile. Granted I'm working on being healthier finally, but still. I know my self esteem as been extremely low, like rock bottom, my entire life because I have never fit in the standard of what the world thinks is beautiful. I still struggle with that to this day.

So my point? Society sucks. Instead of basing someones beauty off of only their looks, I wish we could focus on seeing inside their souls. I'm a firm believer that regardless of a person's outer appearance, having a good heart and soul makes them beautiful (or handsome) and radiates that beauty outward. Yes...it sounds a bit x-files-ish. But I believe that with all my heart and no fashion magazine or strange little fashion designer guy is going to make me ever believe otherwise.

Is It Ever Gonna End??

Since I've lived by myself, I have a growing anxiety that comes along constantly, and its usually at night while I'm laying in bed trying to go to sleep. Last night, I was in that 'I'm awake but still vividly dreaming' phase whilst having said anxiety. I think I've mentioned it before, but I have fear and anxiety about someone breaking into my house while we are sleeping. And every time its a different scenerio. What brought on these thoughts? Wierd banging noises that were probably from my neighbors but sounded like they were right downstairs. Yay neighbors.

The scenerio of tonights fantastic attack included the bad guy breaking the glass back door and coming up to my room. He had a knife this time and kept asking me if anyone else was in the house. I wouldn't answer so he started threatening me with his knife. I ran through a couple options. I could either tell him yes I have kids here, but I don't want to invoke him hurting the boys. I could say there are no other adults here, and leave it at that. I could just outright deny anyone else being here, but then what if the boys woke up? And he had a response to all of them. Mostly the responses were to the effect of "don't lie to me, I saw the pictures of your kids downstairs." and "I will go find out for myself."

From here it also played into a couple scenerios.

One...Nate wakes up at the commotion and I tell him to grab the other two and run to the neighbors house. He asks which neighbor and I tell him 41. Then when he starts chasing down the kids I tackle him and become a bloody mess while they run to the neighbors but at least I tackle the guy down so he can't hurt them. Then wierdly have the thought pop into my mind to have Nate tell the nieghbors sorry for waking them up, even though I know they would do what they could to help regardless of the time of night. They are super nice and selfless people.

Next one...my mind sifted through all the things I could grab to get him away, like my lamp or a curling iron. Then hit him in the head and go get the boys and run to the neighbors, but no one answers the door and he chases after us.

Another one...the bad guy starts for the boys' bedrooms and I knock him out of the way, grab Nate and hide in Ty and Ryder's room. Then quickly realize that was a stupid idea because now we have no way to get out and he will probably come kill us all.

And another...he heads for the boys' rooms and is all set to kill them all and I try my best to jump in the way of the knife, and tell for Nate to get the other two out of the house and to the neighbors for help.

And the last one...he comes at me while I'm in bed and I try my best to dial 911 on my phone without him knowing and hope that the cops don't think its a prank call. And then dream that they come by just to see, and when no one answers they go away. I consider rolling under the bed then realize he will just have me trapped until I decide to come out and get stabbed. Then I consider all sorts of moves to hurt him and get him out of the way, but worry I'm not strong enough to do the kind of damage I'd have to do to have time to gather the boys and get out. And figure if I wasn't strong enough, that would just make him mad and he'd just kill me, then I couldn't do anything to protect the boys.

The moral of the story? This is why I think I'm attracted to military men. I know they could protect me and the boys if we were in harms way. It really makes me want to go take some self defense classes. It also makes me want to get a gun and stow it by my bed (even though I don't think that is safe at all to have one that is not put out of kids' reach). And finally...it makes me want to put a heavy blunt object of some sort by my bed (safer than a gun!) that I would be able to defend myself with. What exactly? I'm not sure.

One more reason I wish the universe and I would align so a hubby could come my way.

Blessings

After work last night the boys were extremely hyper and needing to get energy out, and it was finally a nice enough night to go take walk. We were planning on going up the canyon when mom called and asked if we wanted to go along with her up the canyon. Great minds must think alike. We went late enough that it was nearing sunset and absolutely gorgeous, as you can see. And even better, it didn't even feel like exercise. When I got home I was gearing up to walk the treadmill and realized that I had already exercised. It was an enjoyable evening. And the boys were definitely tuckered out. We went home and went right to bed...and by the time I got out of the shower they were all snoozing contently in their beds.

And I swear it wasn't all creepy stalkerish...but I was watching them sleep and realized how big they have gotten. After showers last night I was putting lotion on their feet and realized Nate's feet are almost as big as mine (and made me realize I really do need to buy him new socks. I thought he was just wanting them because he wants new everything all the time. My bad.). His hands are almost as big as mine as well. Not to mention he reaches my shoulders now (not saying much since I'm practically a midget, but still). When did he get so big? I can remember cradling him as a little bitty baby and him snuggling up on my chest at nights when he couldn't sleep. Or having him lay on my lap as he got older and watch TV. Now he is growing into a strong young man. More than once I've leaned in to give him good night kisses and I've gotten a fat lip because he likes to swat my kisses away, and accidentally swats me instead. He doesn't realize his own strength I don't think. The time goes by quickly. That realization hasn't come with Ty or Ryder yet but I imagine its only a matter of time.

WW frustration...and YoYos.

My weigh in on Saturday was not so good. I was hoping and praying that I would kick my short term goal out of the water this week, and didn't even come close. I only lost 0.8 lbs. Yes its still a loss, but frustrating. And I know exactly why I didn't have a good weigh in. I had a blizzard at work, and a meatball sub during the week, and KFC...and didn't exercise every night...I can count the reasons it was no good. This week, started out bad with not eating enough food, or fruits and veggies, and downing a blizzard on Saturday. But Sunday I got off on the right track. Had healthy food all day, and a very tasty dinner of pork, couscous, asparagus and a peach/watermelon/cucumber salad with feta and white wine vinegar. It was a light and refreshing meal. Very tasty. See the picture below. Kudos to mom for helping me and Betsy out by making low point WW friendly meals. :)

So this week....I shoot for a good week. I've got my entire menu planned out and prepared. I've got my fruits and veggies prepared. I even made a yummy breakfast casserole for breakfasts. And I've stocked up on 2 point pudding cups for those times I need a sweet kick. I also have the goal of exercising every night.

The WW meeting this week was fantastic....focusing on going back to the weeks you were doing great and bringing something back from that. I totally plan on doing so and not letting myself slide anymore. As a weekly tally (and for prosperity) however, I will state I am down 12.2 lbs since I started this journey. Only 1.8 lbs to go and I make my first mini goal...and if I get it this week then that means I completed my first goal of losing 14 lbs by the end of March. My awesome leader Jolene figured that my weekly average was about 2.4 lbs, and that made me feel better.

But....this is the first healthy eating type deal that I have actually lost...and stayed on for more than a week. Previous 'diets' I couldn't last on. I think WW is different because you have to be accountable. You can't pretend to have a good week and have a good weigh in too. Thats the difference between those yoyo diets and ww in my opinion. And thats why its a good plan for me.

So here is to a good week.

Thoughts and Heartache

Do you ever have an all of a sudden heartache? Or how certain things recall lots of memories? For me it's music and smells. More so the music right now. I am listening to the Hallelujiah song from Shrek (except its the version from the HUGS video). I love this song. But it recalls memories. I'm not sure how they got tied to this particular song, but they did. And its not an actual sadness per say, just a fleeting heartache (yes I'm sure its not a heart attack). Its hard to explain.

It makes me think of my friend Evan, who passed on recently. He was in such a huge amount of pain, and I didn't even realize it. It makes me sad that I soo judgemental and figured he was fine, just needing attention. It is a regret I will have for a very long time. I still think of him often. And thats wierd to me, because its not normally how I handle deaths, but I also think other things have changed me a bit. It also makes me think of the 2 other people that I knew who have died since then. I wasn't close to them by any means, but its just an odd thing when 3 people you know die in a matter of like, a month.

And then of course, it makes me think of Grayson. My sweet Grayson. He was a true miracle. I don't know if I'll ever be the same me as I was before he touched my life. And I don't know that I want to be. I also don't know that anyone else would notice a change in me, but its something inside that got touched, tweaked a little bit. Even as I sit here I go back to when he was born and the events that happened there after. I see my family there with me, my dad and brother giving a blessing to him. Funny how when I think back, thats the first thing that pops in my head. My family....and that blessing. I don't think its sporatic.

The boys will just stand there and look at his picture. It makes me wonder what they are thinking.

After Evans funeral we went to the graveside and as we were getting back in the car, Nate asked me if while we were there we could ask the people at the cemetary to get Grayson a spot too.

Heartache. And wishing things could be different.

But its fleeting and it will go away. So maybe this kind of thing just happens to remind us that we need to be grateful for those who have touched our lives, either alive or passed on. And to remind us to give free hugs every once in awhile, or just take a second out of our day to make sure those we care about are doing okay.

So to leave today...the lyrics of a song I will always love, Go Rest Ye High On That Mountain of which was sung at Evans funeral.

"I know your life on earth was troubled and only you could know the pain. You weren't afraid to face the devil, you were no stranger to pain. Oh how we cried the day you left us and gathered around your grave to grieve. Wish I could see the angels faces when they hear your sweet voice sing. Go rest high on that mountain, cause son, your work on Earth is done. Go to Heaven a shoutin your love for the Father and the Son"

Free Hugs!

I saw this video on another blog and it touched my heart. Our world is a scary, chaotic place right now. In general, people can be selfish and cruel. There is alot of pain and suffering, and people intentionally hurting others. But in all this pain and suffering, all this heartache, there are good souls. Those who try to make the world a better place. Maybe thats why this is so touching. It is soo nice to know there are people who really do care about their brothers and sisters in the world. Who want to make someone smile. I know there are alot of really good people out there. So this makes me happy. I hope it brightens your day too.

I would like one husband please.....

I was thinking about arranged marriages last night. I kinda wish that I lived across the seas in a place where arranged marriages still exist. You don't have to do the dating thing, you have someone who is all set in life, can take care of you and their divorce rate is really low. Since from what I understand its culturally unacceptable to get divorced. I could be wrong on that one but I think I'm right. One of my friends went through an arranged marriage a little over a year ago and it seems to be working fantastically. (Isn't she stunningly gorgeous?!) I know there are some downsides...you hear of the horror stories of the husbands beating the wives, or burning them, that kind of thing. But I trust my parents and am pretty positive they would screen the gentlemen very well before choosing one for me. I'd just like to make the request that he be dashingly handsome, have a good sense of humor, and be honest and loyal. And already have some sort of a career in mind, either working towards it or already in it. Thats always a plus. I imagine there would be the downside of possibly loving someone else and then being forced to marry another. Or being totally and completely annoyed by the person you are mated with. But thats where the parents screening comes in. I would hope that if my parents were looking for a compatible mate for me, they would take into account my personality and find someone who would match me well.

But...alas....here I am. Hopefully someday I may find my mate. The perfect match. If that still exists. I'm starting to wonder. Maybe the higher up folks in charge of love are waiting for more things to start lining up in my life. Or they are planning on dangling love just out of my reach as a cruel joke. I haven't quite decided yet. I suppose only time will tell eh?

The Weekly Tallies

Last week was an OK week I think. And its time to do my tally stuff.

Saturday morning I wieghed in at WW and amazingly lost 2 lbs! That means I have officially passed my first 10 lbs lost (I got my 10 lb ribbon woot woot!) and my grand total amount lost is 11.4 lbs! I'm only 2.6 lbs away from my first mini goal of 14 lbs lost. I'm excited! I just might kick that mini goal before the the end of March. I'm going to work real hard this week to hopefully kick it out this week. Although today I forgot all of my food on the counter. BUT I luckily have stockpiled alittle bit at work too so I should be good until I can run and get stuff on lunch.

I've also limited my spending since payday. I took out $40 cash to spend and I'm still working on spending it all. Its nice to be on a budget actually. That $200 that I put in my Disneyland fund is socked away still and I haven't even been a little tempted to use it. So my spendless is doing good so far as well. Last week was a good week for goals. This week I'm hoping to make it an even better week. I have a couple things I want to get accomplished. I know is SNOWING right now but generally today is the first day of spring. Which means I'm going to start on my spring cleaning and repairs of the home. No major repairs don't worry...I'd call in the experts for that. But I do need to snake a couple drains and work on getting some stains out of the carpet upstairs. And change my filters. And replace a couple light bulbs. And DE-JUNK! I'm hoping to complete these things by the end of the month and I think thats obtainable. I shall keep you updated on how its going.

Its Friday!!!

I am soo excited for it to be Friday. After a whole ton of stress at work yesterday, today should be a good and productive day. I will be at the Home and Garden Expo/Show thing tonight and tomorrow all day and am looking forward to promoting my program. I was also asked to conduct a little mini seminar both days, and I'm a bit nervous about that but I think it will be okay. I've written the outline for it and am just working on what to put on my table today.
I'm also excited for my weigh in tomorrow, to see if I've lost any weight. I'm hoping for at least a pound so I can pass up my 10 lbs lost mark but I would be soo happy if I managed to surpass my 14 lb goal. I don't think I'll have that good of a week, but I am crossing fingers. I have done better at eating all my fruits and veggies servings and not eating snacks...and exercising, so I just might make it.
So today all in all is projected to be a great day. And even better, the weekend is here. That makes me all the more excited. Have a good day all!

Thoughts of the Day

- I do not see the fun and excitement in Twitter. A friend of mine has been bugging me to sign up forever, so I finally did, and yeah. I'm just really not getting why its so big and fabulous for me to use. I think I'll stick to facebook. Its much easier.

- I was happy to read a friends post today about comparing herself to the world and not ever living up to worldly standards. I'd link up to it but again, I'm blog-illiterate and have no idea how to do that. Not that I would wish it on anyone, but its nice to know I'm not alone in the world in feeling not up to the worlds standards of what I "should" be. But as she points out, that is NOT whats important. What is important is knowing we are daughters of Heavenly Father and he made us just the way we are for a reason, and more importantly....he is not finished with us yet. Thats what matters most.

- In my planning for Disneyland I have set myself 2 goals. First goal, save $1000 by August. Second goal, is a personal one that I will disclose at a later date. The money goal, however, might need to be revised which will be easier after child support starts rolling in (come on....legal stuff. lets get a move on!) and this is because I was looking at ticket prices...and about died. for a 2 day hopper pass for kids 3 - 9 it was like $150! So JUST tickets alone for all 4 of us would be almost $650 (the adult passes were like $180 or somethin). Ouch is all I can say. So that and gas to drive there would take the entire thousand. Yeah....no bueno.

Spend Less, WW, and other random stuff

I keep forgetting that I am going to tally my spending at the end of the week. So last week the only spending I did was $40ish on food and that was all. It was kinda nice. This week, I've paid a filing fee to my attorney ($310), bought diapers and misc household needs ($77), helped buy lunch and a gift for my bosses birthday ($21) and gas for the truck ($90 cough cough). So all in all, not too shabby, except for gas.
Since yesterday was payday, I pulled $40 in cash that I'm hoping to last me for two weeks, and it should since I don't have any major purchases and don't plan on going out to eat. That will allow me to set $200 in savings this paycheck.


I have a goal in mind as well. This summer, we want to go to Disneyland. And I think its an obtainable goal. The boys have never been on a real vacation before so I'm rather excited. Disneyland is a good motivator for both my WW and my spending goals. I just need to set an amount for both weight I want to lose and money I want to save.


And...it is so worth mentioning....last night for the first time in 8 years I attempted running on the treadmill. And it felt AMAZING! I did a 20 minute "power" session of warming up, then alternating every couple minutes between running and walking. Well, jogging and walking. I'm not quite up to full on run yet. I've heard that this way of exercising burns more calories because you are raising your heart rate then dropping it over and over, and "confusing" your body or whatever. Thats what a personal trainer once told me when I was a Golds Gym fanatic. But anyway, I was shocked that I was able to run on the treadmill. I am feeling empowered now. And I can't wait to do it again tonight!


On another note, the audit for my program was yesterday and all in all we did fantastic! I am soo excited that we didn't get any significant hits against us and everythat that was mentioned were things we are already doing now (they were auditing files that were before I started). This makes me feel good about what I'm doing and helps me know where I need to improve. It was fantastic.


On the final note, Congress is looking to pass budget cuts as everyone knows, and part of those budget cuts include housing counseling funding. Which is my job. Which means unless the state does another set of grants, there will be no more job for me. This is a little scary to me. I do have some other things in the works just in case my job here doesn't work out, but I'm not counting anything as secure until I know whats going on. Congress just extended their budgets for 3 more weeks, but hopefully then they will pass the budget proposal so I know whether or not to prepare to move on to another job. Lots of prayers are being said by me as of late, thats for sure. But I have faith that I will be taken care of. He has never let me down in the past and I know that He is watching over us now.

Renewed Hope...for now

I have a renewed hope for my WW now. Last week was tough. I had several mental breakdowns, and some physical eating breakdowns. But come Saturday weigh in, I had lost another 3 lbs! This of course makes me happy because I am now only 0.6 lbs away from my first 10 lbs lost, and only 4.6 lbs from my first short term goal! I am very excited. And it makes me want to do better this week. I've made sure to prepare myself and I think I'll be okay. I'm shootin for a 5 lb loss again. Knock out two goals in one shot. I'd be fantastic with that, and I really think I could do it. I've done it the first week, I can do it again.

A New View On The Singles Scene

I've obviously been on the singles scene for awhile, but never really participated in the dances and stuff that come along with it until recently when one of my friends has asked me to come to some LDS Singles dances with her. My first thought is to run away fast. But she swears that they are super fun. So my first time going was awkward. There were maybe 4 guys there and like 8 girls. We left and went to a movie. On Friday, I figured I'd give it another shot. there were more like 10 guys there this time, and about an equal amount of girls. I was asked to dance 3 times, twice by the same guy. The first time, was a guy named Bruce who was very nice. He was probably 45 yrs old, a bit short, balding, and kinda stinky given his 'job'. For a living, he takes care of his brother who has cerebral palsy and is also getting bored with his math degree so he is going back to school for an english degree but strictly for literature purposes. No education. He is the one that asked me to dance twice. He was nice. And I give him props for taking care of his brother, it takes a special type of person to do that. Second guy was Doug. He was a very tall, rather awkward dude who was wearing a plaid golf shirt and high water khakis. Probably in his 30s. All I know about him is that he is from So Cali and lived here for awhile, then moved to St George. He wasn't too much of a conversationalist.

These experiences do not give me hope for future relationships. The single scene in Cedar is lacking something. Like....fun single activities, people, etc. I hear the St George scene is way more entertaining. I might have to try one of their dances and see how it goes. They also have speed dating. That could be entertaining. We shall see. I do have a plethra of single guy friends, but anyone who knows me knows that I make better friends with guys than girls, so who knows if those will lead anywhere. My luck, they won't. I don't know that I'm good relationship material anyway. I have high expectations now and apparently they are old school expectations like...ya know...trust, honesty, loyalty, respect, that kinda thing. So for now, I forge on.

Thoughts of the Day

- Last night was hard night. I was having issues and was ready to give up on my WW completely. I quit writing down what I was eating and luckily I didn't binge on anything, but I didn't exercise, and I ate a peanut butter bar. And scooped a second helping of mac and cheese. Bah. This has been a rough week. I'm pretty positive that I will have a bad weigh in tomorrow. Maybe not, but with the week I've had, I'm pretty sure. I haven't surpassed my extra points (I did count up the points for last night this morning, wasn't as bad as I thought) but I haven't exercised as much and haven't eaten the best quality of food that I could've. I'm hoping for a re-newed sense of motivation or whatever else I may need. I know I can do this, and I want to lose weight. I'm just frustrated and not seeing results I want which is my own fault. Hopefully I get the motivation boost I need at tomorrow's morning.
- I am happy for the weekend. I need a break and a good relaxing weekend to re-amp myself for next week. And to do better at planning ahead for WW. I will stick to having a good week. I need to for my own well being. I refuse to let myself rebel against...well...myself. I'm trying to get myself out of this funk, so this weekend will be good for that.
-My legal stuff is finally in process! Paperwork has been filed so I am very happy about that. It makes me feel good to know that this will all be done soon. Hopefully. I pray that he doesn't fight anything and we can just get it done.
-On a cheery note, we found the missing hampster Bob, ALIVE! He was chillin in Nates closet. We are all very relieved that he is alive :)

Bah. 'Nuff Said.

Just a beginning FYI- this post is going to be a bit crazy. And venty. Jus' so ya know.

This week was going to be a good week. I was going to eat good every day, not go over my daily points, and exercise every day. I was going to beat that 1 pound lost outta the water and try to get another 5 lb loss this week.

So far? I am defeating myself. I don't understand why my internal concious/subconcious wants me to lose. I fight with myself internally everytime I attempt a lifestyle change for the better. On this one, I'm wierdly a little afraid of losing weight. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I have to actually admit I'm fat now? Even though I don't feel fat? Maybe because I want to be able to eat what I want and not gain, but instead lose? I don't know. But its an internal conflict all the same and its trying my patience this week.

It has not been that stellar week I was hoping for. Both Monday and Tuesday I have gone over my points due to high fat, high calorie treats like DQ ice cream, donuts, and Lins PB bars. Blasted things that taste so good but I have no will power over. And I know I have extra points, but I feel that by using them too much I'm not setting myself up to lose the optimum amount of weight that I could lose. Not to mention I have loads of daily points, so there is no reason I shouldn't be able to fit my normal daily food intake into those points. Bah. I'm frustrated. My willpower is down to 0. I want desperately to have a good week, but I'm rebelling against myself.

Am I just a looney bin and the only one who ever tries to rebel against themselves?

Good Manners Gone

There is a really good book that my kids read, The Berenstain Bears Forget Their Manners. Momma Bear gets soooo frustrated by the lack of manners in the home, and the fact that nobody listens to her {consider me Momma Bear in my house}. So she compiles a chart for the family. It goes something like this:
Name-calling ~ cleaning the cellar
Fighting ~ dusting the downstairs
No please and thank yous ~ cleaning toys
And etc etc etc
Brother and Sister Bear decide to "outsmart" Momma Bear and be overly nice to each other thinking that Momma Bear will hate it and drop the rules. Instead, Momma Bear loves it and after a little time goes by, Brother and Sister Bear fall back into their normal good manners attitudes. Papa Bear has issues though and ends up doing most of the housework, but since there isn't a Papa Bear in my household, I won't dwell on that part of the story.

So how does this relate to me? My boys have forgotten their manners. And anyone who reads this will be thinking I'm crazy, because my boys behave splendidly everywhere they go...unless they are with me. With me....they have lost their manners. Nate is getting good, he realizes that its not fun to get yelled at so he listens for the most part. He just cries if he doesn't get his way at times. Tyler...well he doesn't listen at all. Doesn't want to help. Doesn't like to do much. And when he gets in trouble, he lays down and laughs. Ryder, just screams. Loud, blood curling screams. Fantastic.
So just call me Momma Bear, I am making a new chart. If they misbehave, they will get to do a chore. No warning, no yelling, no explaination. Once the deed is done, the consequence follows. I hope it works. I need to get control of my house again. I'm not sure what happened to make it slide, but I need to regain some sanity. Wish us luck!

Its A NEW Week

The weekend brought on some rather interesting experiences. It started with the ex deciding not to take the boys but not letting me know until later on. Don't get me wrong, I love having them stay with me but would've appreciated more planning time for dinner and such. Friday we had a movie night. I did good with snackage for the most part, but did eat a few gummie frogs. And a leftover slice of pizza. That blasted pizza. {I cleaned out my fridge Saturday and got rid of all temptations like pizza}

At weigh in, I found that I had lost 1 solid pound. Which....hooray for the pound lost, but also disappointing given the previous weeks awesome numbers. So this week I'm striving to do better. Saturday night we had stuffed turkey burgers and squash fries that were delicious. This weeks menu includes some halibut, delicious chicken dishes, and a pork dish I've been wanting to try. It feel good to cook healthy meals for my family. So this weeks goal is to focus on healthy food instead of junk food.

Do you ever have those experiences that aren't necessarily life altering, but kinda fall under that category? Sunday was my day of a not so much but kind of life altering moment. The boys and I went to church and after a bit of a stress moment for Nate about going to a new primary class, and Ryder for having to go at all instead of staying with momma, Everyone was good to go and I was off to class. The story was that of Christ eating at Simon the Pharisee's home. While there, a woman found him, anointed his feet and wept for forgiveness. We compared the character traits of each person (Simon vs the woman) and were told to think of ways we can improve and be better people. It was a great and motivating lesson. The life altering part was the second block on communication. The first section was communicating spouse to spouse, then parent to parent, then parents to children. The first two sections showed me how wrongly things were handled in my marriage and that I need to re-think what I'm looking for is a second marriage.

The third section was the life altering moment. I realized that I completely block off the communication line between my kids and myself. The way I go about talking to them wouldn't make them feel comfortable talking to me about day to day things, non-the-less hard topics that will be coming up soon. I have thought hard about this and will be re-thinking how I approach my parenting. Now is the time that families need to be stronger than they ever have in the past, and even though I'm doing it alone, I need to make sure mine is just as strong if not stronger. Its time to step out of old ways, crack the shell, and start manning up to the important task that I've been given raising these strong, blessed souls that have come to me.

The Day of Reckoning. Kinda.

Yay is Friday! But that also means its time to tally up how I'm doing on my goals. I thought I was doing fantastic, until I actually tallied up my spending. Then I was a tad disappointed in myself.
So for my spend less amounts, This week totaled $141.98.
Sigh. Granted that includes $80 for gas (still choking and gagging) but that gas lasts two weeks so there ya go. The rest was diapers and wipes, odds and ends for cleaning, and my horrid pizza experience. Again....sigh.
This week has taught me a good lesson though (I'm learning lots of good lessons this week) that because I'm not keeping track of every little thing daily, I'm tending to spend more. So my goal for this upcoming week is to track everything. May not mention it on the blog, but I will be tracking. This will be a good exercise in self control for me I think.
For my weight loss, I won't know until tomorrow. but I will give that tallying result on Monday. Its kind of funny, because I really am looking forward to weighing in to see if I've lost anything.
Oh and on that note, my lunch went well yesterday. We went to DeDe's and had a magnificant Grilled Chicken Salad with honey mustard dressing. I even took a picture because that was a work of art. I'll have to post it later though since I left my phone at home today. But it was beautiful none the less.
Anyway...this weekend is going to be full of cleaning, laundry, menu planning, and food shopping for me...I hope everyone else has a great weekend too!
And...Happy Birthday to my fantastic sis-in-law Betsy on Sunday! :)

Oh What A Day

Yesterday was going amazing....I was busy, ate oodles of fruits and veggies, and by the time I got home I had 31 points left for the day! Usually I have like 18-20. And that was with fulfilling my dairy needs for the day, my fruit/veggie servings for the day, and having a filling breakfast and lunch. So what do I do?



Get pizza.





This was my mindframe. I had forgotten it was early out and was running late to get Tyler, so I didn't have time to go home on lunch and start a meal for dinner. I knew we would be hungry, and not wanting to wait for an hour for me to cook food which leads to breakdowns with the boys. And since I had 31 points left, I figured it would be a good pizza night. My favorite pizza ever, stuffed crust hawaiian, actually has a shockingly low point value for being a piece of pizza. But what do I do?
Not eat slow.
Devour pizza.
I ate over my alotted 31 points.
Ugh.
Luckily I have another alotted amount of points I can use as "extras" for the week, but I was really trying to stick to my goal of staying within my daily point values.



But it was a good lesson learned for me.....pizza is my weakness. Yes, with WW you can eat stuff like pizza if you can stick to one or two slices. Sadly, I could not. And I didn't have any fruits or veggies prepared to go with it, or any water to go with it. So point being, next time (a LONG time down the road) that I feel strong enough to order a pizza, I need be sure I am prepared with my other 0 point fillers, and not eat directly from the box. Plate that baby up and throw the rest in the fridge. That or invite someone over for dinner so I don't scarf it down.

But today is a new day. So far I'm doing well. I am a little concerned about a lunch meeting I have set up today, I'm hoping we go somewhere that I can figure out something that will be good to eat and healthy, without looking like a nutjob tallying points at the table.
Crossing fingers!

Bah! The Frustration! -then some positive

This is a venting post to say the least. Well the first part. So just beware of that now. But I'm going to try to make it short and (bitter)sweet.
- I am going to a training in Cheyenne, WY in April. Yay for that. The frustration? Delta does not fly to Cheyenne. The only company that I use is Delta, because its the only company that flies out of Cedar, and for the most part St George. So looking into tickets, I will either have to fly out of St George or Cedar, switch planes in Salt Lake, fly to Denver, then switch planes again (and flight companies) to get to Cheyenne. The trip? 9 hours long. It takes 8 hours to drive there. So I'm having to try to be creative, and its not working. Bah.
- My program is being audited and of the 14 case files they are requesting, a grand total of 1 is mine. There are 2 group files that are mine as well. So technically, 3 out of 14 cases are mine. My issue, I get the feeling they are just trying to find something to catch us on. They are requesting wierd files of programs that we no longer offer. The client list I sent over mysteriously got added to by the auditor to include these said wierd files. This should be an interesting audit. And very time consuming. And frustrating.

Ok happy stuff. So far this week, I have been doing good on making meals and exercising. Last night we had ham and cheese crepes that were super tasty. They were made with whole wheat flour, egg beaters, soy milk and a little cinnamon. Inside, ham and fat free shredded cheese. Delightful I tell you. Nate ate 5, Tyler ate 3, and Ryder had 1 1/2. And...they didn't even know they were eating them the healthy way.
Also, I have improved on my treadmill walking. Previously, I could finish a mile in 30 minutes (1 minute warm up and 2 minute cool down included). Last night, I finished 1.25 miles in 30 minutes (same warm up time).
And...
Have you ever heard of the shake weight? The commerical that shows the girls looking like they are having seizures while shaking a dumbbell? The one that claims that just shaking that thing for 6 minutes a day will get rid of relief society arms?



K let me just tell you....I couldn't last 2 minutes doing it. That thing is a workout! I dare you to try it. Borrow one, buy one, whatever it may be...holy cow! Try it...I dare ya!

March 1

Its officially March 1. I cannot believe how quickly the time is speeding by. I've decided to set forth goals every month that I want to accomplish. So here is how it rolls.



Goal 1: Add $100 in savings by the end of the month
Goal 2: My short term goal for WW is to lose 14 lbs, so I'm trying to knock that out this month. I only got 8.6 more lbs to go!
Goal 3: Walk on the treadmill every night for at least 30 minutes
Goal 4: No eating out (for dinner) month! I want to be able to say I cooked a meal for dinner every night this month.

I think those are managable goals. They all kind of coincide with each other as well. Funny how that works....
So yesterday my cousin gave me a delicious meal idea for coke pork chops. And even better, the entire meal (meat, rice and veggies) was only 12 points. I could've even trimmed the points down more had I used whole grain rice and different veggies that didn't have point values. It was super tasty and the boys joined the clean plate club for the first time in a VERY long time. So here it is...

1 c ketchup
1 c bbq sauce
6 oz coke
4 pork chops
Throw em all in the crock pot and cook on high for 4-5 hrs or until tender. Prep time, 5 minutes.
I love rice so I paired mine with rice and veggies but I'm sure it would be good with whatever you eat chops with. I can bet money the sauce combo would be delightful on chicken as well, it is just a really rich and hearty sauce.