Best Proposal Ever

When I first got married the proposal went something like this.....

"So....I guess since your pregnant we should get married."

Let's just say that the second time over I really hope that it will be something special...unforgettable. Like.....this:

Hey a girl can dream....right?  :)

Pic Challenge almost done!

Ry and LJ at the "beach"

We are one day away from the pic challenge being done! Crazy to think this month is flying by so quickly. This picture was actually taken on Monday but I love it. And thanks to Instagram it has an awesome filter that makes it look even better. I am grateful for my family, they help me in soo many ways. They listen when I need to talk and seem to know when I need company.

On the moving front, I have been feeling more and more strongly that it is going to be the right thing to do. It's not that far away and it's an opportunity to make more money and better our situation. I'm actually kind of excited about it now instead of nervous. I still have time to decide so there is no rush, however I think it will be what ends up happening. I need to talk to the boys about it still. Tyler and Ry both seem excited but I know Nate might have a hard time with it as he loves going to South for school and has lots of good friends there. I'm going to have to pray hard about that one.

And...I think thats about it right now. It has been a very pleasant day today and I am going to cuddle up under a blanket and watch Dear John now so I can dream about having a guy like my movie star crush Channing Tatem (Ryder would appreciate that as well, since he told me again today that he can't find his dad so I better find him soon. I'm working on it buddy....being patient for the right one to come along). Good night all.

Mormon Messages (late)

After some unnecessary drama ensued from my last post, there were several not nice things I wanted to say to this particular person. However, after much thought I've realized that the only thing that needs to really be said is an apology to the people that have to deal with the drama aftermath. I really am sorry and I just want you to know how much I have appreciated your kindness through this all. It has meant the world to me, more than you know. And with that, a late Mormon Message that reminded me to always seek for a higher road.

On another note, Ry and I have been missing brothers SOO much it hurts but we have tried to have fun and keep our minds off of it until they get home. He has quite the little personality and has been so fun to talk to. Tonight I put him to bed but had the feeling I needed to go lay down with him and I am happy I did. We had such a fun discussion that involved sharks in Alaska, riding trains in Alaska, seeing bears in Alaska, riding a plane to Alaska, and many more topics that included Alaska (thanks Grandma for mentioning taking him to visit Alaska, he really wants to jump on a plane tomorrow). We also discussed the fun times we will have at the Aquatic Center tomorrow with Betsy and LJ, how much he loves that his new penguin can swim (just like in Alaska) and what kind of neat things Nate may bring home from Alaska. At one point I pretended to go to sleep so he would as well, and he would poke my forehead and whisper "Momma...momma....momma! Open up your eyes momma!" until I did. It made me smile. He is such an adorable boy, I love him with all my heart.

Happy Memorial Day

Snowcone at SnowMania

This has been quite the hard week this week having only Ryder. Don't get me wrong, I love him to pieces but it's just not the same as having three run around. Ugh. And just found out that Tyler wants to stay in Parowan until next weekend which, I kind of have to wonder if that was really his decision or not. He didn't want to go period, then he only wanted to go a few days and now he wants to be gone all week. Doesn't feel right. I'll just have to check in with him every day or two and make sure he is okay.
On to other things...today has been rough. Ry and I have been stir crazy. We visited with Betsy and LJ For awhile, went to the lake with them for awhile, then came home and went swimming for awhile. After we went to Discovery Park for a long while then came home and ate dinner. Now we are watching movies. We haven't done this much in one day for a long time but we just didn't want to be inside. Brothers being gone has been extremely hard on Ryder as well. He goes to sleep crying because he misses them so much. It's going to be a long week.

Today is Memorial Day, and as such I just feel I need to pay respect to those who have served and still are serving this country. Truly, I can't say thank you enough to suffice at all.

via MARS Spec Ops.
Yes...it's a real picture. And yes, they both died for us.

pic challenge

Today has been a different type of day. Ty was with us in the morning but his Grandparents came to get him around noontime....so its been me and Ry. We got a lot of cleaning done, he got himself a haircut, and we got our shopping done. Now we are watching movies and eating pizza and cookies. Cause that will help my chunkeh problem. But it is worth it. Pics below.

the girl was adorable that cut his hair, she thought he was the cutest kid ever

Thats...oh...probably...3 in worth on my butt.

Have a happy weekend!

Pic Challenge (another cheater post)

I didn't technically take the pictures...but I LOVE them! Nate left with Grandpa and Grandma today to head to Alaska. He was soooo excited for the trip. But apparently he was also a bit nervous about the flight. Was it worry over turbulence? Or not landing? Nope....he was worried what the pilot would do if there was a tornado. Oh I love my kid. He is definitely a worrying type, but his worries are a bit humorous sometimes (Am I a bad mom for saying that? Well they are...haha). So here is today's trip via Grandma being nice and sending me pic updates.

Eating a giant shake at Smashburger. Mmmm Smashburger

At the Las Vegas airport

On the plane! He doesn't look the least bit worried....

Walking up the tarmac with Grandpa in Long Beach, CA

Letting the iPod charge playing the iPod at the LB Airport....love the 4 hr layover

I look forward to seeing what other adventures he embarks on throughout the next week! They will be getting into Alaska rather late (like midnight) so I hope he's okay and can get some sleep for the fun day ahead of them tomorrow. I already miss him like crazy but I'm excited he gets to have a fun adventure!

I also have a pretty big decision that I might need to make in the near future. Still don't know if it is a for sure thing, the details are being worked out, but it will definitely involve some heavy praying (pray for me pleeeeassee?) as it would involve moving. The opportunity will be a wonderful one if it comes to be, but as the night goes on I get more and more nervous to leave my safe little haven here. I rely on my support network pretty heavily, so not having my family readily available to visit with would be kind of tough. Granted, we would be a 45 minute drive away so it's not horrible, but things definitely would not be as convenient as now. I guess we shall see what happens. It might be good for me to have to learn how to build relationships with others better....or learn to rely on others besides my family for help. And there is definitely a bigger demographic of single people there. I guess we will see what happens.
More on that later if it becomes a possibility.

Pic Challenge

I'm cheating a little today because technically I didn't take this picture but I did take a picture of the picture.....

Me in Alaska a VERY long time ago...like 10 or 11 years ago
{wow i feel old}

I am grateful today that my parents were kind enough to invite Nate to go with them for a visit to my wonderful sister and her family in Alaska. He embarks on the epic adventure tomorrow and is sooo excited. At the moment he can't sleep because he is having a hard time deciding what all to take and seeing how much he can jam into his bag. Its a small bag, he's not getting much further than the essentials and a lovey. We are also charging the iPod so he has something to play on the airplane and he has pinky promised me he will be ultra careful with my camera if I let him take it.
I have got to say, next week is going to be a fairly quiet and lonely week. Nate will be gone until Saturday, Ty is going to be going to his other grandparents house sometime (still TBD) so its just going to be Ry and I for a lot of the week. It will be nice when things are back to normal.

In other news.....Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition is coming back woot woot! I love that show, gives me some insane motivation. If someone who is twice my size can lose weight the normal way, so can I. Sorry random tangent but the commercial just came on :)

Pic Challenge

I am grateful today to be a Momma. I can't think of a better calling in life. My boys drive me absolutely crazy, make me want to pull my hair out and get yelled at a whole lot......but they also make me smile and laugh, make me want to kiss them all over their cute faces and give them giant bear hugs. My days would not be near as happy without them around.

Ry and I

Ryder and I found these crazy looking bugs on our patio yesterday.



our crane fly

I initially thought they were giant mesquitos, but on closer glance they are really something called Crane Flies. Absolutely harmless, won't bite...but very crazy looking.

via google images - to better emphasize their size

I've never seen them around Cedar before, so I have no idea where they came from but they definitely scare you a little when all of a sudden there are 3 on your balcony.


Mormon Messages Monday

Tonight we watched this video for FHE. It seemed only fitting that we are working on being more Christ centered in our home, and the boys desperately need could use a reminder every once in awhile like this one. Anyway...on with the show. Fulfilling Your Duty to God.

Pic Challenge

Its kinda crazy to think that this month is almost over. Its been a very rollercoaster-ish ride. I've had really high points...and really low points. But it's been a good month over all.
This is the last week of school for the boys and Nate embarks on his trip to Alaska on Friday (which he is soo excited about he almost can't sleep at night). Tyler, Ry and I have some plans for the weekend and Ty might go visit his grandparents if he is feeling up for it. Last I checked he only wanted to go a couple days but we shall see. Its been hard on Ry and myself letting him go but it is what it is.

Today's pic challenge was given to me courtesy of Ryders daycare teacher. Its pretty hilarous.

Ryder is the "princess"

When I asked him about it, he told me he was a pretty princess and Cruzer was a clown. After this picture they switched it up and Ry was the clown instead. Either way....pretty darn funny if I do say so myself.

I know how it feels (brutally honest)

I know how it feels to avoid looking in the mirror because what is staring back is disgusting.

I know how it feels to avoid shopping because its embarassing having to go into the big girl section.

I know how it feels to sit in the dark, late at night, stuffing your face with whatever you can find because you hate how you look and that will somehow magically fix things. In your head anyway.

I know how it feels to crash and feel like nothing will ever change how you are.

I know how it feels to use rubber bands to hook your pants together because they no longer button up

I know how it feels to lift up your arm and realize, almost out of the blue, that your arm flap is almost as big as your head.

I know how it feels to look in the mirror and not even recognize the person looking back.
I know how it feels to cry so hard it makes you sick because you know your fat and feel like its a hopeless cause.

I know how it feels to feel worthless.

I know how it feels to walk in a room and feel like everyone is staring at you not because you look great, but because you are fat.

I know how it feels to wish that people could say something more than "You have such a pretty face."

I know how it feels to buy clothes on a whim that look huge thinking they will fit, then going home and realizing they are actually too small.

I know how it feels to have to lift up fat rolls to bath properly.

I know how it feels to avoid getting photos taken because it's too embarassing to see how fat you've gotten.

I know how it feels to feel like all the hard work you put into losing the weight doesn't seem to make a difference.

I know how it feels to wish soo badly that you could fit in with the pretty girls.

I know how it feels to sit next to a skinny person and be uncomfortable the entire time because you realize it would take two of them to make up one of you.

I know how it feels to see sooo many cute styles that you know you will never be able to wear.

I know how it feels to be afraid of the end result of losing weight (loose skin, stretch marks, all around hideous things)

I know how it feels to be soo very alone because you completely isolate yourself just knowing that no one will like you because your fat.

I know how it feels to avoid carnival rides because the one time you did go on one, the carny looked at you with pity and the others around stifled laughs as the seat tipped a little.

I know how it feels to avoid movie theatres because the seats were just tight enough to be uncomfortable.

I know how it feels to feel your fat jiggling every time you walk (or worse, go up stairs).

I know how it feels to wear spandex every day because otherwise you know that clothes would look even worse on you if fat was hanging out everywhere.

I know how it feels to get tired of healthy food and realize that unhealthy food is a whole lot easier to make/prepare/eat.

BUT

I also know how it feels when you step on the scale and you have lost weight.

And how it feels when people start saying how great you look.

And how guys start noticing you again.

And how you look in the reflection and realize that your looking slimmer in your clothes.

And how you can actually look in the mirror and smile, realizing that you are beautiful.

And how you get excited to exercise because it feels soo good afterwards.

And how wonderful it is to be able to run, for the first time ever, without getting winded right away.

And how much confidence is boosted because you realize your accomplishing your goals.

And how you start to love youself, no matter what.

And how you have a sudden burst of confidence and sit by the pretty girls, who are actually very nice and not judgemental at all.

And how you feel soo good when you look in your shopping cart and its full of beautiful, healthy foods instead of junk.

And how your kids tell you how very proud of you they are.



Whats the point of all this? I'm really struggling right now....and I need to remember what it's like to be in the second group. And...on the off chance someone else feels these feelings sometimes, I want them to know that they aren't alone or crazy like I feel sometimes. And....I hope that sometime in the near future my second list will be longer than the first. I'll let you know when that time comes.

Eclipse

Today was the Solar Eclipse (as if you didn't already know) and I didn't think we'd be able to see it as we weren't able to find glasses anywhere. However my brother saved the day and had a few pairs to spare, so we were able to spend the evening chilling in the front yard and watching the eclipse go on while eating popcorn and such. Apparently, the absolute primo spot to watch it was only about 15 miles away from where we lived, but instead of fighting the 30,000 people that were supposed to be there we decided to stick to the yard. And it paid off.

The fam testing out the glasses

This picture totally reminds me of a cult classic or children of the corn or something. hilarious!

I tried to take a picture but it obviously didn't work out too well. I then tried through the glasses but just got a bright blob.

It was a great night and I'm happy my boys could experience the awesomeness of nature at it's best.

Pic challenge

We have had a rather uneventful weekend. We were going to do a whole lot, but then I ended up getting sick (my own fault, OD'ed on donuts and had a tummy ache) so we spent most the weekend indoors. But we had fun anyway.

Ry and cousin J on the motorcycles

I promised Ry that we could go on to the carnival, so off we went. We lucked out that Grandma was babysitting cousin J as well, so they came along. I was a little disappointed in the fact that the rides were all 3 tickets so our 20 tickets didn't last long AND that they charged ME for holding on to the kids on the merry-go-round. I wasn't riding for kicks....there weren't seatbelts on the horses. But it was a fundraiser for the Search and Rescue so the money was worth it. Ry and I then had a horrible movie night (we first got Muppets but it wouldn't work so we returned it and got Tin Tin and it skipped the whole movie) but we had chocolate milk and donuts so that made up for it. Until today when my body decided that it didn't like unhealthy food in high doses and I was sick all morning. Ry had a blast though, he hung out with me on my bed and watched cartoons on netflix...and got in brothers room to play with the giant bear.

the $1 yard sale bear...anyone know how to wash a giant bear?

Ryder has also been feeling a little left out that brothers have a mass of legos and they generally don't let him play with them, so he's been saving his allowance and finally had enough to get his very own Lego. He is sooooo proud of that Lego.



firefighter ATV lego just built woohoo

So all in all it was a good weekend all around. Ry was happy to get his Lego and I was happy to get my house clean and laundry done while still having fun and being with the cutest kid ever. I do indeed have handsome little misters now don't I?
And now it's time for bed. Happy weekend all!

No Challenge

I slacked today and didn't have a picture to share. It was a fairly busy day, and I came across a little  stress in the financial area. Having two jobs and trying to work out bills on 4 paychecks has been interesting. I'm used to paying my rent on one check and the rest of my bills on the other. Especially when unexpected bills pop up like a daycare bill that I wasn't expecting in the least that took every penny of my free money just about. I really was freaking out on how I was going to pay for it, but then decided to take a chance and say a little prayer...and I had a sudden lightbulb moment that worked it out. However, it also made me realize I have to re-work my entire budget and bill paying schedule. I kind of felt like 4 paychecks made me feel a little richer, until I realized that I'm making around $3 less per hour (which equals a whole lot of money per month lost) which also means I will not have the cushion I was comfortably relying on each month. This too shall pass as I move up in positions, but until then I have realized I need to move back to the super strict budget. Which was kind of depressing as there were some oils I learned about tonight at a DoTerra class that I really want to try but I will have to save up and get them later. And Nate needs new shoes. And I still have to fill up the car with gas. And somewhere in there I need to pay my tithing, which I slacked on this check becuase I just didn't see how I could afford it without making my account go overdrawn.
So after all this rambling...the fact that I'm trying to get at is...sometimes life is hard. And stressful. And I hate that I have to do this all on my own sometimes. It would be nice to have a second (or I guess third since I'm already working two jobs) income to work with. To have someone to watch kids without me feeling guilty while I get away for a minute. Or just some support to know its all going to end and get better.
But this too shall pass. Someday I may have that extra support I would so love to have, but maybe I won't. And thats okay. We will be okay. Because all of this will pass and things will get better. They always do. Just need to remember that more often and let it bouy me up when times are down.

Pic a Day Challenge

I had a good laugh today at work. Part of my job is going through all the details and completing information where I can. Part of THAT job is trying to determine how to vest a borrower (what a person is considered on title i.e. an unmarried man, a veteran, a married woman, etc). As I was going through the list today I found a gem of a vesting that I'm sure is never ever used anymore, but made me giggle.
If I ever buy a house and I am not married, I totally want to be vested as "A Spinster" hehehe. I decided others don't find it as hilarious as I am, as I ran the idea past a title friend of mine and he just rolled his eyes at me. But I got a good laugh so ha. :)
Oh and if your a guy and want to buy a house...there is the option for "A Bachelor"....just throwing that out there!

Pic a Day Challenge

Today, I am thankful for my job and my manager. First the job. I am grateful to even have a job period with the state of the economy right now, but I am doubly blessed in that I absolutely LOVE what I do! Not many people these days can say that they look forward to going to work every day.

I am even more grateful for my manager. He is amazing. More than once he has told me that he there is absolutely nothing in the office that is more important than family, that I need to finish school if for nothing else to gain the confidence and sense of accomplishment that comes with obtaining that degree, and he encourages personal growth as well as growth in the company (as we speak he is setting me up for promotion and pay raises). There are big things in store for me in the future, all thanks to him. Not to mention I really feel like our personalities jive well, which is soo important when working in a small place. I feel comfortable talking to him about anything (ok not girly stuff but you know what I mean) and I always feel like my opinion matters to him. I truly think the world of him.

Ok enough rambling. Everyone having a good week? I am so far. Yay happy times!

May Challenge Catch Up

I need to do a little catch up! I wasn't on the internets for a whole 3 days almost. So here we go.


I am grateful for the fun summer activities that are about to commence, such as snow cones! I love snow cones. Especially when we get them with the family. Its the best activity I can think of. Albeit not the healthiest, but still yummy all the same. It's worth the extra sugary calories.

The Tiki Shack!

I am grateful that I FINALLY had the energy and drive to clean out the boys' drawers. They were overflowing with clothes that weren't worn anymore/too small so Ry and I sent a couple bags full to donation while Nate and Ty were at Fathers and Sons campout with their Grandpa.


The donate pile

Hard to believe it, but I'm actually grateful for my treadmill. I haven't touched it for awhile but tonight I joined the Iron County Weight Loss Challenge and I plan on kicking everyone's trash and winning the pot of money using this bad boy. I lost the most weight when I was running, so I will start that up again. Tonight, finished Week 1 Day 1 of the C25K program.

De treadmill

And last but most definitely not least, as a tribute to Mother's Day, I am grateful for my Mom. She has put up with a whole lot from me throughout the years, since I was just a wee grasshopper in all actuality. She will listen as I rant and rave about the latest things that are bothering me, doesn't think I'm wierd when I randomly call or text her out of nowhere about really random things, and is quick to reassure me when I'm feeling down. She takes on my boys every day after school and teaches them fun things that they will remember for a very long time. They love her very much, as do I.

The handholding chain with Grandma

Mormon Message Monday

When I decided to change my life around, I realized quickly that there were many times that I would find myself standing alone. I would have to learn to adjust to loneliness. I don't like feeling alone, but it comes with the territory sometimes ya know? And it's worth it in the end, but in the interim it kind of sucks.

So for Mormon Message Monday....Dare to Stand Alone.

Puttin my foot in my mouth. A lot. (and pic challenge)

I have realized that I put my foot in my mouth quite a bit. Like a whole lot. I think it's because I get anxious or nervous or something. I dunno. For example, recently I was talking to some friends and acquaintances. We were talking about a Zumba place in town that one of the people works at and she mentioned that a kid I went to high school with (who is also in our ward) went there. If I would've said what I meant, it would've came out like-
"I think that is great, he has been talking to me about exercising more and I think it's great that he went up there with his friends. And that group of friends is hilarious so I can only imagine how funny that was to see."
{as an fyi, this particular person who went to Zumba is my friend now as well and we have been trying to motivate each other to exercise}
Instead, it came out something like -
"Thats awesome, I bet that was funny. Cause he's not a little guy and thats great that he went up there. Cause he's not right?"
And it sounded like I was making fun of his weight. At least in my mind it did. And I have absolutely zero room to talk in that department so I felt like a real big jerk for having it come out that way. I have no idea how they took it, but eesh.
I do that at work too. I'll send an email to my boss then forget I sent it or try to make small talk and I repeat pretty much everything I said in the email. Or I'll be talking to the girl who's training me and open my big mouth way more than I need to and say ridiculous things.
Today as Ry and I were driving to Grandma's house, all of a sudden out of the back of the car I hear "Frickin' A! Frickin' A!" Which is what I say when I get road rage. Luckily it wasn't a cuss word but still, thats almost as bad. Wonderful parenting award of the day right there.
And tonight, Ryder headbutted my chin so hard it left a wierd bruise/bump thing and he had already been whiney so it completely set me off and he got yelled at. And then Ty got yelled at. And then all the boys got yelled at. And then we had to have a huge snuggle/read books session so that they knew they were okay and I loved them. And then they went to bed. Oy. I think my lack of sleep is catching up to me too. Early bedtimes for us all tonight and hopefully that helps.
Anyway...thats something I'm going to work on...being more thoughtful when I speak.

The boys

So today I have a couple things to be grateful for. My patient and loving kids who can always tell when I'm having a stressful day and give me big hugs. And tell me they love me.
And secondly grateful for the beautiful weather we have been having that allows us to not have to be stuck inside with cabin fever. It makes me think that summertime may actually be on the way which makes me really happy.

And now I'm going to bed in an effort to take off the edge....happy day ya'll...the weekend is upon us!

Pic a Day Challenge

Herbalife!

Today I am thankful for Herbalife and the friends I'm making through the program. I have lost 6 lbs so far and 8ish inches. Tomorrow I weigh and measure again, and I'm not sure whats going to happen because I've had a rough week but we will see. I look at myself and get frustrated, but then remember that I have everything I need to succeed I just need to give it time. And learn patience. Patience is a good thing.
Tonight I went to the first session of Family Fit Night that is being put on by the Herbalife crew here in town. It was a great hour long workout that gave me confidence seeing as how the only thing I couldn't finish was the planks. I hate planks. But I will be better. Every week is a different activity and it's free to the public, even if your not on Herbalife. It's just a way for families to get together and get moving. I love the people there and my boys loved going. It was good. I feel good. It feels good to exercise. It gives me motivation to keep on going.
So...my blessing today is Herbalife. I know if I stick with it I will succeed. Go Herbalife!

May Challenge

And that about sums it up today. Happy Birthday Grayson, I sure miss you a lot.

Mormon Messages Monday

This message has been particularly comforting today. Until We Meet Again. It really doesn't need much of an intro, but just know that it has provided some much needed comfort to me.

Picture a day blessings

Ryders plant from daycare

Why do I have a pic of a cup with greens? Because as I get ready for my day tomorrow, I have to remember how grateful I am to have such a wonderful daycare. Truly, my kids wouldn't be as smart and fulfilled if I were trying to do it all on my own. Their teachers have raved about how smart and ahead of the game my boys are and I know without a doubt that I had nothing to do with that, it was the focus that daycare has always given on education. Not to mention they have taken care of myself and my kids by secret gifts to each of the boys, food baskets during the holidays....just so much that they didn't have to do but wanted to because they care. I love them, every single one, and can never express my thanks enough for their generosity.

On to Sunday. Church was lovely. The testimonies of the ward members are always interesting but sometimes very helpful to me. We spent the hour in the foyer since there was 2 baptism confirmations and a baby blessing so even though we were right on time, there was no room. But it worked out okay. I sat by friend again in Sunday School and no, there was no Angry Bird music this Sunday thankfully. I think we did have an enjoyable time however. Friend is very kind and has a way of boosting my confidence. I appreciate that a ton. I kind of look forward to seeing how this friendship works out. Lunch is on the docket this week as well and I look forward to it.

Well I hope you all have a lovely week and remember your blessings! Xo

May Challenge, Fun Saturday

My home

Today I have to say I am thankful for my home. We may live in the ghetto surrounded by classic examples of trailer trash, but we also have some of the most awesome and amazing neighbors one could ask for, who we appreciate having so near to us. There are some kids that really make me mad here, but my boys have managed to make friends with a few that are really nice people and that makes me happy. So even though I look forward to buying my own home someday and leaving this place....I am grateful for the small blessings we have been given for living here.

Today started out a bit blah. I've been ornery today, but it's been for a good cause. And it got better when we went to the park with my SIL and the adorable J. I am really grateful my boys get to spend so much time with them and I always have a good time of course. Our park time was fun. The tire swing was a hit. See below.

And...

We had a great time. And now its relaxation and some more We Bought A Zoo. I love this movie so very much. I look forward to Sunday as always, my weekly boost. And I'm sure it will be wonderful. Have a happy Sunday ya'll!

20 Seconds

Sometimes all you need is   twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery and I promise you, something great will come of it.

-We Bought A Zoo

Picture-a-Day 2

Boys watching Chipwrecked

My absolute favorite part of the weekend is when we have movie nights. I love relaxing with my boys. That is why they are my featured picture of the day....I cannot express how much I love them and am grateful to have them in my life. They make the days sooo much better and even when they make me want to pull my hair out, its usually about 10 seconds later that they make me want to scoop them up in a giant hug. There is a reason I call them my loves. They really are.
On the docket for tonight....Pizza with Chipwrecked and We Bought A Zoo. This is called Heaven on Earth I believe.
In other news...I love my job. Seriously. I can't think of a more perfect place for me. My manager and I had a sit down today and planned out the future of my employment at the company. I know I have mentioned it before but it was reaffirmed today that he is awesome. He encouraged getting myself set for promotion and also strongly suggested I finish school. And also reminded me that he believes family is more important than the office, so I need to be sure I'm taking care of them before anything else.
Did I mention that place is perfect for me? I think I finally found my career and I plan on staying there as long as he as need for me, which I hope is a very long time.
Ok off to have a relaxing weekend. And I hope you all do the same!
XO

May Challenge and Online Dating

Pretty flower in parents backyard

As a kid I loved these flowers. I remember my bestie and I would try to suck "honey" out of them. I'm happy that they weren't secretly poisonous, or if they were we didn't ingest enough venom to kill us. I'm pretty sure we had them mixed up for Honeysuckles which actually have sweetness inside but it's all good. So this is my picture of the day. Brings back good childhood memories.

I was reading a blog of another girl who talked about online dating today. It reminded me of how many people ask me if I've tried online dating before or if I am currently online dating. And...I have. But nothing ever came of it and let me show you the reasons why.

{Lines from various online profiles}

I also will only date Republicans/Conservatives/Constitutionalists/Libertarians.
BTW: I do not find Tattoos or weird piercings attractive.

Moms love me and children wanna be me. I'm ticklish, haha. Everyday is my lucky day. I'm more fun than a barrel of monkeys. I’m a stellar hugger and a world class cuddler. I'm a HUGE nerd, but I didn't make the chess team because of my height. My nail painting skills are legendary. Giggling babies make me smile. Oreos and dr pepper should have their own food group.

Country Boy lookin fer a lil Philly.

Interests: Magneto-hydrodynamic propulsion, Quarter-wave resonant Tesla coils, collecting very small pretty rocks, Drawing naked pictures... you name it.

Like if u take a shower/ bath everyday.

I hope i aint trippn bt alot of females look betta to me wen im high,bt they still look gudd wen i aint,i just wish wen i come down they stay in (high definition)!!!!!

I AM SO MAGNIFICENT!
in need of a womens .........................

THURSDAY EVENING, At 4:50pm walk to Linn Area Credit Union, Iowa Wireless, Wal-Mart, Walk back home, Put stuff away, My blood sugar was 110, Had Sub Sandwich from Subway for Supper, Watched Wheel of Fortune on channel 7 KWWL, NBC on Mediacom,Turn off the window air, Open the patio door, Watched The Cannonball Run on the dvd player, Watching "TNA" Impact Wrestling on channel 59 SPIKE on Mediacom, Close the patio door because it's raining, Turn Window Air back on.

And these are the mild ones. There are SOOO many that are X-rated and unshareable on my blog. So that is why my online dating stint lasted a whole ten seconds. That and boys feel the need to say hello by calling one pet names, and that drives me crazy {I am not your honey, gorgeous, baby, cutie, doll, sweetie, hotness, or anything else you can come up with}. Don't get me wrong, I love pet names. But you gotta earn them.

May Challenge

I've decided that I need to be more grateful for all the blessings in my life, and I am going to make a May Challenge out of it (kinda). I'm going to make a challenge to pay more attention to my surroundings. So this month is going to be Picture a Day month. I will take a picture of something every day that I am grateful for/pay more attention to than normal/whatever appeases me really. As long as it gets me to be more aware of my surroundings and how grateful I am for my blessings.
I need a gratitude month this month....in a bad way. So that is what it's going to be.

Cali Taco Salad (thanks Ross and Kristi cousins for introducing this yummy dish to our fam!)

Today...I am grateful I have the money and resources to be able to feed my family. We are not starving and that is more than I can say for so many families these days who go without meals on a regular basis.

Yesterday was obviously the first of the month, and I didn't have a picture, so I am going to post my very favorite scene from a very excellent movie that distracted my mind last night when I was having a hard time. This is the snow scene from A Little Princess. Song is Kindle My Heart. I love both the scene and the song emmensely. And I am grateful that this movie popped up on my Netflix and I was able to watch it.

Every Year Gets Harder {Grayson Post}

via Greg Olsen

I'm sitting here with so much on my mind and I have no idea how to put any of it into words without losing it. How do you put this into words without sounding like a big baby? Or feeling ridiculous for not "getting over it" already. So this will probably not make sense to anyone but myself, but this is my place to brain dump and get my feelings out so that is that.
You would think that 3 years later this would be easier, but instead it seems that it gets harder. How is that? Isn't time supposed to heal wounds...not make them worse? It is starting to get harder and harder to see kids that would be Grayson's age. It's hard to feel like something is missing from your heart. From your family. From your home. What does he look like? Is he talking and walking? Is he fiesty or shy? Does he like to snuggle up at night like his brothers? Who is taking care of my baby? Does he have anyone there to take care of him? To protect him?
It was so long ago and we have nothing for him really, it almost seems like he wasn't real. Maybe I'm afraid of losing him or his memory. Maybe thats why its so hard, I am wanting so badly to make sure he is remembered. But I don't have much for him. No body, no record of birth or death, nothing. Just a few pictures and his memory. But that should be enough shouldn't it?
I'm not sure how to not let it get harder. All of the things that other mothers who'd lost children were describing at that time, I am feeling now. I don't understand it. I probably never will. All I know is that I miss my baby more than ever and I want him here with me now. But I can't have him. I will never have him in this life. He is gone. And even though this life is just a brief period of time in the big picture, it seems like forever right at this very moment. I want my baby. I want my Grayson.