Its December!

So yesterdays post was a lil...well...down in the dumps I think. I actually had a really good day...I just needed to get some things off my chest.

Anyway on to happier things today!

I cannot believe its already December! This year has flown by. As a trainer of mine would say...just wave your hand back and go "phoosh!" and thats how quick it has been.

It is kind of funny to think of last year compared to this year. Last year I felt like I was totally down in that poor white trash girl mode and was just trying to claw my way out to a better situation.

This year...I'm still kinda there but have stretched above the white trash line...so I'm officially just a poor white girl. Woot Woot! Hehe.

I really am just grateful to have so many blessings. I have a nice home, a great job, awesome kids, a wonderful family, sweet friends... I've met some awesome people and built some good, lasting friendships and ya know...what more could I ask for (besides a million dollars)? I have been blessed and I am truly grateful.

Here are best wishes for a great December, Happy Holidays, and a great New Year!

Reality Check (and venting/apology/humble pie post...and its long sorry)

I just got to say...I am soo tired of seeing people use the system. Whether it be lazy folks or illegals or just straight up moochers...Bah! Really?!

This may sound strange coming from me considering I myself recieve government help. I get state paid childcare, medicaid and food stamps. And I'm grateful the help is there....but I'm not proud of the fact I need to use these resources. But without them, I would be starving and homeless.

Literally.

For example, to put all the boys on my insurance would cut down my take home pay by a couple hundred/month. As it stands, if I had to pay my daycare out of pocket it would leave me with $100 a month for everything else in my life...so if we go off of my homeless scenerio and take a couple hundred out for insurance, I wouldn't be able to even pay my entire daycare bill. So yeah. And...with all those other pieces into play...we would obviously have no food and would starve.

So I am grateful these resources are here for people who truly need them and wouldn't survive without them.

But.

I get soo frustrated when I see or hear of people using the system. They feel entitled to recieve the assistance instead of humbled at the fact they have to even apply. And they are the reason that people using these resources get a bad name. I mean really?

Reality check folks!

On this same note, here is my reality check. Due to happenings in my life in the last year or so I have gotten some huge reality checks of my own that are not always positive. So here goes.

I really and truly hope nobody has the opinion that I am a moocher or entitled to anything. And I know a couple people that probably do and it breaks my heart.

So here are my feelings in a nutshell (its a big nut...).

I do not feel entitled to get help. I do not like to ask for help in pretty much any situation because I don't want to seem like a moocher or inadequate (which I am fully aware is retarded in certain situations and it has been detrimental to me sadly).

But I really do try to be an honest person in every situation. I know that sometimes the way I react to things can make it appear otherwise but I don't show my emotions well and I will put on a happy face before I show anyone I feel bad or am mad. Thats just how I am. If I mess something up...I'm not going to be overly dramatic about it. I say shoot sorry, give a smile, and try not to let it affect my day too much. And then lose a ton of sleep that night because I can't stop thinking about it and can't stop racking my brain to find ways to make the situation better. I wish I was different. I'd love to be more outgoing and be more outward with my feelings and I've tried, but it hasn't worked.

I just feel like a retard and I'm sure I look like a retard when I do try. So I'm truly sorry to anyone who has been offended by me or have gotten the impression that I don't care. I do very much. I just don't show it well.

Also, I am forgetful. Very forgetful.

If I was supposed to do something but have lots and lots on my plate as it is, I most likely will forget. I have sticky notes everywhere in my office and reminders that pop up on my calender. At home I stick everything on the fridge so I remember when stuff is and have alerts on my phone to remind me.

This one makes me feel the worst by far due to the not wanting to be a moocher...but I'm horrible at remembering to pay people back. I get busy with kids and life and honestly forget to grab money. (I'm the same way with my bills...before I had a budget system set up I would constantly forget what bills to pay when). I know its horrible and it makes me look bad and I hate that...but its true. And that is why I really try to stay self sufficient and pay for stuff as it comes along, but I don't always have that luxury. So please...don't just assume I'm a moocher who doesn't want to pay back. I honestly forget and it doesn't hurt my feelings to be reminded, I'd prefer it so that I can remain honest in my dealings.

So why am I saying all this stuff? Well here it is. I have made alot of mistakes in my life. I have hurt people throughout my life that care about me and I feel horrid about it. I would hope that I've improved and progressed since those days (I feel like I have to a degree)...but I know I have some annoying character traits that alot of people misunderstand and I totally see why they would, because I would misunderstand if I didn't know what was going on in my own head. So I'm clarifying just merely because I have eaten a bite of humble pie and hope people will understand my thought processes as well. And I hope it doesn't come off as me being self centered or self righteous...

I just want people to know that I do care. I really do care.

I really try to be a good person but I know that I suck at showing that and I can come off as careless. And I apologize. I'm eating my slice of humble pie and I hope anyone that has ever been offended by me or hurt by me can eventually accept my apology.

Thoughts

There are a couple thoughts rolling around my head today.

First thought of the day....Booking last minute flights can be hazardous to your health. Not really...but I booked a flight to a meeting in Salt Lake that was supposed to be today...and it got cancelled this morning. I'm just happy I came into work to receive the notifications before I headed to the airport.

Second thought of the day....I just glanced at a picture of my boys and thought. "Wow I have amazing kids. I love them soo much."

Third thought of the day....I am going to miss my kids like crazy while in DC next week. I'm grateful for the opportunities to advance my knowledge and training and I will always welcome them as they come. I will miss my kids like crazy though and will look forward to having a peaceful Christmas with them after I get back.

Fourth thought of the day....I really am looking forward to going to DC next week. As much as I will miss my kids and as mentioned before I will be missing them like crazy and wishing I could've afforded to take them... I am looking forward to building up the relationships with my co-workers, gaining new friendships, gaining new knowledge to further my effectiveness in my job, and just being able to experience new things and new places in the Countries capital. It should be a memorable trip.

Gratitude

The talks and lessons in church on Sunday all focused on gratitude, which was no surprise given the holiday. But the relief society lesson was the one that really got me listening. The teacher was talking about being grateful for all that you have of course, which is part of gratitude. But she also mentioned something that got to me.
Be grateful for things that you have instead of focusing on things that you don't have. Which we all know is standard, but instead of saying "Oh I hate doing laundry it never seems to get all the way done" Say instead "I am soo grateful to have these clothes to clean, because it means that I am surrounded by people who love me and care about me" or instead of "I hate exercising, its such a pain" try saying "I am grateful to have a body that allows me to move and function, and I'm grateful I have the ability to keep it strong!"
In the teachers case, she had been struggling with her husband constantly being gone due to work. She had been particularly mad about it one day when she visited some family. Her grandmother had lost her grandfather 8 years ago and it was an eye opener to her because even though her husband is gone alot, she can still call him or text him and know that he will be home soon. In her grandmothers case, she has no way to physically contact him. That experience humbled her quite a bit.
So I'm going to try it. When negative thoughts creep in my mind, I'm going to turn it around and make it positive and see what kinda happy spot I can move into.

Oy!

Its Monday again...thats for sure. I hope everyone had a good holiday weekend...I know I did! I honestly wasn't expecting much of anything. I really enjoy my family time so because it was an off year, I really wasn't planning on having the warm gushy Thanksgiving feeling. No offense mom and dad...I enjoy spending time with you. But Thanksgiving never seems to be the same without the whole family.
Except for this year.
This Thanksgiving was soo peaceful. Me and Ryder hung out with Carol, one of the tenants at work, for a while in the morning then met up with Mom and Dad, and a family from the ward at The Garden House. That food was DELICIOUS! It was just a really nice experience and one that I hope to repeat in the future. Afterwards, me and Ry went back to work and hung out with the tenants at their Thanksgiving Dinner. It was really a good time, very comfortable and peaceful.
The whole weekend really ended up being great. Betsy helped me order my first Christmas Cards ever...and I got alot of cleaning done.
So I learned my lesson...Thanksgiving is just about being thankful for all that you have, not just the gathering of family or lots of food.

Family Pictures!

I'm rather excited about these....my boys are not little boys anymore! They are turning into handsome young men! I'm not thrilled about me looking kinda retarded in the family picture but it all good hah! Thanks to Abbey Kyhl at www.abbeykyhl.com who took them...she did a fantastic job!

Thanksgiving

Since Thanksgiving is tomorrow...I figured I'd better dedicate a blog to it. This year's Thanksgiving is going to be a bit scattered with the family splitting up to in-laws houses and such and the boys are going with their dad. The tenants at work invited me to their dinner so me and Ry are headed there then off to eat out with my parents after. Should be a fairly good day I think.
So on with the show.
I am thankful for my family. I know I say it alot, but I feel soo blessed to have such a great family. We are supportive and loving of each other and I know any one of thems got my back. And I got theirs too. Its soo nice to know theres a safe spot to fall if needed, a listening ear, good advice givers, all that jazz. I love you all.
I am also thankful for my boys. They are such a blessing. Some days are better than others and some days I wonder what it would be like to have my life go in a different direction. But when it comes down to it, I like my life. Yes I've had trials and such but they have made me such a stronger person and I truly wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for the opposition I've faced.
I am thankful for my job. In this economy I'm grateful to have a job...but even more grateful to have a job I love. I look forward to coming to work everyday which is not something many people can say these days. It's hard when I have to give reality checks to people but its worth it to be able to help those truly in need.
So Happy Thanksgiving to all and I hope ya'll have a great Thanksgiving day!

Hello World

I realized I haven't blogged in like....7 days. Mostly because of my Dallas trip and partly because I was super busy. So on with the show!

*Dallas was good. I learned a LOT of awesome things that I'm bringing back and revamping my program with to make it alot better.
-While in Dallas, I was actually not the normal out and about girl I am at trainings, but the new counselor A and I went out to the Galleria Mall one of the nights and it was a blast! There was a dude dressed like Santa waving cars in and in the mall there was a ginormous 4 story tree. Under it was the ice skating rink and it was amazing to see! It made me more excited for Christmas. While at the mall, A introduced me to Sephora. Wow I love that store. And then we got introduced to some guy at Macys doing free makeup "makeovers" when I got done I kind of looked like a cartoon character...and my eye brows...well...Ryder could have done a better job filling them in. So we headed back to Sephora and I re-applied my face again. After that we browsed some little shops and ate at a cute little french bistro type place.
-The place we were staying (The Fairmont Inn) was only about a quarter mile away from the Grassy Knoll where JFK was shot, and the book repositorium (sp?) which was kind of an awe moment to think that we drove down the street where he was shot and was soo close to that place. I'm not a history buff by any means, but it was kind of cool to see.
-Also, while in Dallas, I missed my kids insanely. The other trainings I've missed them but haven't focused on it too much. This trip...I was really wishing they were there. Didn't help that seeing all these cool things made me want to show the boys.

*I'm really starting to look forward to the DC trip. Yet another trip I really wished I could take the boys to, because there are soooo many things there they would love. We've been talking about it in the office though and there are soo many cool places we are planning on visiting. Its going to be a long, fun, but sad (cause I'll miss the boys) week.

*I am soo excited for Christmas to be coming. I cannot wait. And this year I get the boys for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I got a bit irritated at D and his ridiculous behavior so....I told him straight up this is when I'm taking them so too bad if you had other plans. So that makes me happy.

Anyway...I think thats all for now. I hope everyone is doing well and hope ya'll have a good rest of the week!

Dallas Here I Come

I'm leavin...on a jet plane...dunno when I'll be back again....
Yes I do. I'll be back Friday. Hehe.
Today I leave for Dallas. I'm excited to go to this training because I will be attending a loss mitigation negotiation class...where I will learn how to negotiate better. This is a trait I do not possess at the moment. So big bad Lenders...after this training...here I come! Watch out for the soon to be queen of negotiation! I hope. So anyway...in good ol' Dallas style....ya'll have a good day now! :)

This Week

This week is going to be a semi-busy week. Because I leave for Dallas tomorrow afternoon...I have SOO much to do to catch up for the week. Its gonna be a tad bit crazy. But I love it cause that makes time go by quick. I've also been contimplating my life and I will tell you this, our Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. One reason I wanted to move to the Enoch home is because I wanted a fresh start in a new ward with a bishop I'd feel comfortable with. So that was the main reason I was rather disappointed that I didn't get in to one of those (besides owning a house obviously). Well on Sunday, we got to church and I almost thought the ward times had changed because I didn't recognize anyone on the stand. We got had gotten a new bishopric! And the new Relief Society President is amazing. Her newest rule is that no sister sits alone. We need to unite as a Relief Society and be like a family. After going to church, I truly feel like all things happen for a reason. I was meant to stay where I'm at and Heavenly Father made the rest happen for me. I feel soo blessed, beyond belief and feel my prayers were answered. So theres my testimony to that today...He's there and he listens. Things just have to happen in their own time.
Now its off to work for me...have a great day all!