Tylers First Day

Today is Tylers first day of Kindergarten and he was only semi-excited. Once we got there he kind of got in the groove of things and started to perk up a bit. We shall see how the day goes!

I...is a tough one!

I is a super tough word to come up with something I'm thankful for. I'm sure after the fact I'll be like...OH! Shoulda done that word! But for now......I google. :) And came up with dream moods dictionary. So the word for the day is.....Imprisonment! Sounds wierd I know haha! But its actually rather interesting. I've had a reoccuring dream for the last couple years that I am in another country chillin out and then I transition to being in the military (not sure how that happens...). Its war time and I get chased by the bad guys into this huge warehouse with tons of windows and I can't get out. Theres always a HUGE lake outside and big windows in the front of the warehouse. I know for some reason that the bad guys are going to blow up the warehouse and try to kill us. My team looks for every possible way to escape, but all sides are covered by bad guys. I try to sweet talk the bad guys (not sure how they hear me since theres a window and all...) saying I got kids at home, they would be sad to lose their momma...that sort of thing. I almost have them convinced when another bad guy bombs the place. And.....BOOM! ..... then I wake up. Very wierd dream. But according to the dream moods dictionary:

To dream that you are imprisoned, suggests that you are feeling trapped or unable to move beyond a certain point. Perhaps your outdated beliefs or old ways of thinking are preventing you from moving forward.

Interesting. I have in the last couple years felt a bit trapped in my surroundings. And I know that I can move beyond where I am right now...but something keeps holding me back. Not sure what or why. So...maybe these dream reading people ARE on to something. Who knows. I find it rather interesting...so heres to a good day...and better dreams tonight!

H is for Heroes!

I'm excited for todays letter, H. H is for heroes. Now there are alot of heroes in this world. I have tons of perosnal heroes and there are many national heroes. But the heroes I'm focusing on today are the military heroes. I love the military. I may love them too much. I possibly have an addiction. :) But all the same, I respect them and what they do. The reason being.... is because I'm a wimp. I rather enjoy my freedom. My ability to walk down the street without getting killed; being able to let the boys go outside to play without the fear of them getting killed or kidnapped or whatever (granted there are some sick puppies in the world who do that anyway...but I live in a pretty safe and secure neighborhood).

So I was super excited when the opportunity came to be able to write letters or send care packages to soldiers across the way. I chose 3 groups to write to, and the boys got busy coloring pictures to send. Although we haven't had the money to get together care packages and such for all three, we have sent off the letters and pictures in hopes that it brightens someones day.

So. Take time today to include those brave military heroes in your prayers. They have left their family and friends, given up many of the basic living necessities (like showers, comfy beds and good food!) and are risking their lives daily to make sure America stays free and safe. And give an even greater thanks to those who have died for you. They gave the greatest sacrifice anyone could give. Life.

G is for Grants

Today is soo appropriately the day for G. And G is for Grants! As you probably all know, my wages here at the Housing Authority are solely paid for my grants that we apply for and are awarded. We secured the grant from the Utah Housing Coalition and as of yesterday at 5:05 pm...we submitted the application for our HUD grant. This probably seems nominal to most, but that grant took me and H at least a week of working on. It ended up being something like 120 pages plus another 30 pages of supporting documents. It was a BUGGER! So when we finally got it submitted (a day early too by the way!) we were both jumping for joy that it was done! The next challenge is if we actually are awarded the grant. We won't know that for awhile unfortunately. But it was a HUGE confidence booster to me when I worked my butt off to do a good job, and H told me she was very impressed. That is a huge compliment to me and made me feel like my hard work was for something good! As a reward, today we are going to find a training to go to and post for the job that will be helping me out. I'm rather excited. I love going to trainings and this will be my last one for the year. Yay! :)

F is for Feisty

So today is the letter F. And the reason I chose Feisty is becuase in the last like, 2 months, I've been called feisty at least 20 times. Am I really feisty?
According to dictionary.com (and yes...i did look up the word ha!):

feist-y
- adjective
1. Full of animation, energy, or courage; spirited; spunky; plucky (really?)
2. Ill-tempered; pugnacious
3. Troublesome; difficult

So...I would hope that I'm the first definition, albiet I have no idea what plucky has to do with anything? Sadly, I know I've been definition 2 at some point, and probably definition 3 more often than not. But given the people who called me feisty...i'd bet (and hope!) they were meaning spunky. Or plucky. :)

E is for the Easy Button!

So today is made possible by the letter E...for the Easy Button! You know the one...from Staples. I wish I had an Easy Button. Right now I'm working on a grant application at work. Which is a double edged sword because I enjoy working on it but....I'm neglecting clients...and that makes them mad (which...come on...I'm happy to help but I'm free! Geez! Give me a break!). But I have to get the grant done cause thats what funds my program. Easy button! Make it all easy! Let me push you and have the grant app finished...my clients happy...modifications or liquidation options magically approved...come ooooooon Easy Button! I don't think it worked. Dang it.
I also wish I had an Easy Button for parenting! Tyler is fake crying (which sounds more like a "my mom is beating on me and being mean" scream) because he doesn't wanna go to bed...Ryder is happy and content in his own bed until I leave the room then he follows suit...and Nate just sitting in his room playing and making lots of noise to keep the other two awake....time to press the Easy Button! They are all magically asleep and I can get the house cleaned (oooooo unless I could press the Easy Button for that too!) and go to bed! Woohoo! Yeah right.
The only other thing I think I could use the Easy Button for is money. Which I think everyone could use...but it would sure be nice to press a button and have a bill paid...or diapers bought...or food bought...or the gas tank constantly full instead of constantly empty. I wouldn't ask the Easy Button for millions of dollars, just enough to get things taken care of and have a smidge of breathing room left over.
But...life isn't easy. Dang it. And there isn't going to be an easy button...as much as I sooo wish there was! It reminds me of that one movie with Adam Sandler. Click? I think? Where he can fast forward through time by the press of a button. Sure it would be nice to be able to do that...but wow there are alot of great things that would be missed! But thats what life is all about! I'm soo grateful that we live in a country where I can make my own choices, deal with the consequences, and grow from the experiences. I have to remind myself that not all people have that freedom. So...I guess I can live without the Easy Button...but I still think it would be awesome to have one!

Our Fun Night...and D!

We had the funnest night last night. It had been a very very hard ending to my day at work so we were at Grandmas and Grandpas so I could vent. We didn't get home to eat until around 7, so I knew there wasn't going to be much time to play. Well, we got done eating and were about to sit down and watch cartoons when Tyler asked me to play football. I really didn't want to, I was exhausted, but I said sure. Well...it ended up being the funnest time I think I've had in a long time! We had two mini nerf footballs and Tyler would throw one at me, then Nate would go way back and throw it at me too (He has a really really good arm...QB in the making I think!) and Ryder would Chase to get one while I got the other. We had a really fun time! By the end, it was tackle momma so she can throw the football at us while we run away....and then I was done for the night. And it was past bedtime. I'm really looking forward to playing again! Also last night, Nate lost that front tooth thats been dangling for like 4 weeks now. He was rather excited. And so was Tyler. And thats when our tooth fairy conversation occured...which also made my night. I love my kids...they rock!
And now to the ABCs....todays letter is....D! D is for Decisions!
I've had alot of decisions to make recently...and some are rather exciting! I've had to make decisions about work, the boys, money issues....some stuff not so fun. But my latest decision I've had to make is related to my housing! As most of you know, we live in a cute little townhouse right now that I love. It has a yard out front and patio in back, lots of fun neighbor kids for the boys to play with (including some that go to their daycare) and plenty of room for us to stretch. My only problem with it is...that we are renting. Which isn't horrible, but I've wanted to own for a LONG time. Well...my chance is here I think! We are building some low income homes in Enoch that are adorable (i had pictures on my phone that i was going to send, but i erased them...sorry!) and the other day my boss asked why I didn't apply for one! I didn't know I could! But it was a bit of a decision. I hate moving and really don't look forward to moving again (they would be done in December) and we just barely got new friends and became accustomed to our community where we are at. But...the neighborhood these homes are in is a nice one and it would be a long term deal. So...after lots of thinking and pros and cons... my application is in. They are single family 4 bedroom 2 bath homes with 2 car garage, and will have full landscaping. They are $650/mo and are CROWN (credit-to-own) houses. You live in them for a 15 yr compliance period then buy at a very discounted rate with all sorts of incentives. If you decide you don't wanna buy, you can move out and seek other housing, but the person whos in the house at the 15 yr period gets first choice to buy. It's just like your owning a home, since you pay all utilities, can paint or do what you want to it (within reason) the only thing is that the Housing Authority holds the note. There are only 5 houses available and lots of applications in, so a board is going to be put together and will decide who of the the applicants will live the the houses. Its not a sure thing yet...but I'm crossing my fingers that I'm chosen! So thats our good news today!

C!

And today is...letter C - for...Commitment.
And why do I choose commitment for today? Because I think it's important. I think in every relationship we have...there has to be commitment. And I'm not talkin just about lovey dovey relationships, cause I don't got that at the moment. But in everything. I have to be committed to being a good parent or my kids could fail in life. I have to commit to my clients, or they will lose their homes. I have to commit to my work, or I'll get fired. I have to commit to my family, or they won't know how much I love and appreciate them. Commitment to religion...which doesn't seem like too big of a deal (and I've been slacking on hardcore) but really...its your eternal salvation we are talking about here. And I need to teach the kids commitment to school otherwise they won't get as far in life as they could have. And of course...I'd LOVE to be committed to a knight in shining armour someday. Hopefully soon. Hopefully REAL soon before I go crazy. But I know I gotta do some things on my part before thats going to happen. So see? Commitment is a big deal. And I appreciate those who have been commited to me and my kids. We have appreciated it greatly, even though we aren't the best at showing it. So today, think about your commitments. Think about if your really...and truly...following through on those commitments and where you can improve. Life is all about improvement. Thats how we seek our ideal selves, even though we know we can't be perfect just yet. :)

B is for Back to School

My letter today is B for Back to school.
I am soo excited to have Nate and Tyler both going to school this year. Nate started yesterday and he had a great day...I'm hoping today is the same. Tyler won't start until the 31st but he is soooo very excited! I love that they are soo excited to learn and go to school and feel blessed that they are little smarty pants, because they really are. Both are above average in their learning process and I totally have Valena from daycare to thank for Nate and Bright Starz daycare to thank for Tyler. I know I wasn't a huge part in it anyway! Anyway... back to work...stressful day. But I hope you all have a great day and my C post won't get posted till Monday.

The Pressure is ON!!

So...mom told me the other day that my sister Steph checks the blogs every day to see whats going on with us...and I am HORRIBLE and writing every day. So the pressure is ON! I am going to try to get on and say whats going on every morning (unless ya know...work gets in the way...or I get hit by a bus on the way to work or something). To follow route of my SIL Betsy..I'm gonna start my ABCs. That way I'll have something to post. So I'm gonna start the challenge! :)
So today.....is A.
A - is for Appreciating.
I have truly appreciated all of my friends and especially my family for always being here for me. Tough times or good times...I know I can rely on them. I know I always have a safe place to fall and someone to call when I'm super happy about something (even if its small and kind of retarded to everyone but me).
To my parents... they have always been a lending hand...watching the kids in a pinch, lending a hand when I need it, straightening up my house while I was gone to a meeting (I LOVED that!), lending money when I'm too tight even if it was very much protested, just being there for me when I don't wanna be home alone...the things they do are countless.
To Tony and Valena...Tony will always find a way to make me laugh. He is a jokester and I know I can always count on him for anything. Valena is awesome...since I first met her shes always tried to include me in activities and do what she can to help. From hanging out with me while her and Tony were dating to teaching me how to drive a stick shift to including my kids in her awesome daycare. I love that she is part of this family!
To Scott and Betsy...I'm so thankful for Scott and the good example he is to the boys. They LOVE going on quick trips to get a soda or candy with him and going to see him at the fire station. I love that he honors his priesthood and was able to be in the circle to bless Grayson with his name and blessing. That meant more to me than I think he will ever know. I tear up now just thinking about it. Betsy has always been there for me too. I've loved the dynamic she brings to our family and that she is soo organized. I really envy and appreciate how strong of a person she is and how she has always been there for me no matter what.
To Steph and Les...even though they are far away, Steph never misses a birthday call (even on Graysons birthday which was a HUGE deal to me...you will never know how much I appreciated that Steph). I love that she is soo resourceful and has such a deep understanding of Heavenly Father and his plan for us. She has given me advice and shared her testimony with me more than once and it has helped me out in alot of situations. Les I haven't been around a ton but he is a good dad and every time I've been around him he has laughed and joked with me even though he's rather quiet normally. I appreciate that he is a good husband and father and is such a good example for us.
So to my family....I love you so much and I want you all to know how much I truly do appreciate each and every one of you. I would not be where I am today without every single one of you.

Another Tyler Birthday

So we had a little mini celebration on Monday as well for Tylers birthday, but it was a bit disfunctional. Whats new with my planning though hah! We were supposed to eat around 6 and then go birthday present shopping, but it didn't didn't work so well. Papa Murphys was insanely busy and we didn't get to grandmas until 6:15 then had to cook 2 pizzas. So I told Ty he could go shopping with grandma while the pizzas cooked thinking it wouldn't take very long to shop. Yeah...I forget this is a shopping trip with Mr. Indecisive. But more on that in a minute.
While we were waiting, Betsy and cute lil Jack came over in hopes of some supper and seeing Tyler. Jack was a bit sleepy but boy did I get him smiling! I was soo excited! Its the first time Jack has smiled for me and he was full of them. I even got a chuckle! I was one proud aunt. He's a doll and I just love him to death. That made my day!
Well at around 7 Jack was getting a bit more sleepy so him and Betsy left (without dinner...sorry!) and Ty was still not home from shopping yet. I felt bad we didn't get to eat while they were there and thats when grandma called to say Tyler STILL hadn't picked out a toy but they were going to be on their way soon.
7:30 rolled around and we had to start eating. Ryder had almost eaten all the "meatballs" and pepperoni off the pizza so we decided to start without them and shortly after they showed up.
After eating the pizza...Tyler was SOO excited about this new present. He brought it in and it was an RC micromachine monster truck! I haven't seen a micromachine since I was knee high to a grasshopper. He absolutely LOVES it and played with it all night long.
So that was our fun and exciting day yesterday. Tonight we have back to school night and I get to meet Nates teacher. I'm a bit excited. We will see how it goes!

Tylers Birthday

So Sunday was Tylers birthday, and he was soooo excited all week long for the day to finally come. Him and Nate decided they didn't want to stay at their dads house for the weekend (yay!) so on Saturday we went to the lake/beach to partially celebrate the birthday. They had a blast! We went with Valena, Lissy and Addy and had soo much fun! We were all soo exhausted when we got home though we decided to have a movie night. We watched Avatar and the kids fell asleep on the couch.

Sunday was a lazy day...but we did go to grandmas for dinner. Tyler had chosen to have hotdogs and hamburgers and wanted cookies and mini cupcakes in lieu of an actual cake. We had alot of fun at dinner and had some good conversations as well, and Tyler does love the shirts that T & Vgave. :)

Today, we are going to do some last minute school shopping and birthday present shopping and that is the part Tyler is the most excited about. He is sooooo excited to go to school this year. He can't wait! Anyway...sorry there aren't a ton of pictures but I thought the one I got of Tyler was pretty cute :)

Sooo Happy!!

I FINALLY found this beautiful song I've been looking for....FOR AGES! Its from the movie Lovely Bones and its gorgeous! Its by Brian Eno who does amazing ambient songs and this one is my favorite by far. Its called simply 5m4 and I'm trying to figure out how to get it from youtube to a playlist...but havent been successful yet. So if anyone is computer smart and knows how...let me know! I tried to find it on playlist.com but it was a no go. I'm gonna try to get it as a playlist for this blog. Its very short...but sooo sweet! :)

**P.S. the youtube vid is now at the bottom of my blog :)

More Thinking...Yes I Do This Far Too Often

This last weekend has been one that has invoked alot of thought on my part. I'm not going to be specific on what those are out of respect to the people involved, but there has been alot of thought about Grayson. I know I try to downplay my feelings and make everyone think I'm okay, but I also think that it has been a disservice to me at times. It tends to make me not manage my feelings well and that was proved this weekend alittle bit. Feelings of remorse, guilt and even jealousy popped up for my decisions with Grayson. I don't feel like I handled that situation well at all, and I know people will say "Well it was a tough time and you did the best given the circumstances..." but I didn't. I was soo worried about being a burden on others that I didn't give my little guy the respect he deserved. I'm very sad about that and have a whole lot of guilt over it. I know there isn't much I can do now about it, but it doesn't change things. The feeling I didn't expect to pop up was jealousy. I am not jealous of that type situation by any means, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I think I'm more jealous of the fact that some people are more put together in a time of crisis than I could ever be. They have been able to make decisions (which are decisions you would never want to be faced with) that I pushed down quite a bit so that no one knew I was hurting and of course, the whole burden thing. I don't know why I'm so concerned with being a burden but it really is kind of a driving force in alot of my decisions.
In addition to all that, another experience has made me really think about myself, my health, my family, and what is stopping me from being the person I want to be. Health is precious and I take it for granted. Not that I'm the healthiest person ever cause I know I'm not, but all in all I haven't had too many issues that weren't managable. It also makes me appreciate my family much more, especially my parents, for being there in my tough times and in the good times. My parents have saved my butt more times than I can count in soo many different ways. I don't like the thought of either of them not being around. But out of all these kind of sad and negative feelings, I've found a greater appreciation for the things that I have. An awesome family, caring friends, amazing kids, a good job (even though I complain sometimes, I really do love what I do) and a Heavenly Father who I forget about sometimes but still loves me all the same and does things to remind me he's there. Life will even out eventually I think. Its bound to. Until then, I guess the only thing we can do is keep trudging along and hope for the best. At least thats what I'm going to try to do.