Yay!!!!!

 Its a yay type of day because I found out I've been accepted for school! I'm very excited....I just have to get the financial aid out of the way. That is going to be by far the hardest part, because at this point I don't qualify for it since I was put on academic probation when I left. I'm just waiting to hear back from an advisor to set up a meeting and discuss all that fun stuff. The best part...I'm far enough along that I only need to complete 3 classes to finish up my General Education credits and then I can focus on the "advanced standing" classes I need in order to qualify for the Business Program. So...at this point I'm just praying that I can get that financial aid or none of this will be able to happen.

To celebrate last night, the boys and I had a picnic on my parents grass and then went to the GreenShow. It was Italian night!! Not as entertaining as the Irish and Scottish shows that were last year...but thats prob cause I have a fondness for Irish and Scottish stuff. The Italian wasn't bad though.

Nate CRACKED me up. They had some bears and a gorilla they were playing with while we were waiting for the show to start. They were caught in the "grass forest" and they had used twigs to build a fort too. Made me giggle.



The little costumed up pup did ballet through the crowd while the guy standing by him sang "Figaro!" I think they were having music issues that were not part of the show...but they played it off well. Figaro was fun.



This was a cute number that Ry really liked.



There were also funny acts like Scum and Ratsby the comedians and a juggling act that was rather humorous. The boys liked the juggling act alot. The grand finale was juggling bowling balls, and they dropped one on the stage to show it was really a bowling ball, then attempted to juggle the other two between them but when they threw the balls...they floated away because they were really balloons. The boys LOVED that part. But most of the show was in Italian so they lost interest pretty quick during the musical/dance numbers.



No GreenShow is complete without playing on the fountain afterwards.



I love that I can never get them all to look in one place all at the same time. At least Ty got it haha.



I was a really fun night and brought back memories of going when I was a kid with the family. I always loved it. And how much it's changed and evolved over the years from having 2 shows, one for kids and one for adults to one show that was geared for both. Or how there was a "band" that played the music they sang and danced to and now there is a full speaker and sound set up. Tonight is their special 50th Anniversary kick off show, so we might pop back for that just to see if they are doing something special. The boys REALLY want to go see a legit play but I don't know that I'm ready to wrestle them in a play setting. We shall see.

Today...

....is a day of recap and random thoughts.

*Nate learned bike safety at his boy scouts pack meeting last night. He also earned lots of badges and beads. He is getting so big and makes me so proud. His hands are ALMOST as big as mine. His feet are already there. Where does the time go?

*I find out today if I can get into school again. I'm hoping its a yes...and I'm hoping that the financial aid will work out otherwise its going to be a no go anyway.

*My goals for June (the 5/5/30 challenge) are not going well. However...on the sweet front I've limited myself quite a bit. So I'm ok with that. At this weeks weigh in I'll know if I met my 5 lb goal. I highly doubt I'll be able to do a 5k this month but maybe. We shall see when the time comes.

*I'm wondering why I always set myself up goals...but lose thunder and stop working towards them after awhile. I need to figure out a way to reward myself so that I can make sure I finish my goals. Apparently the joy of finishing them alone isn't worth it? I dunno.

*I decided I need to find something I love. Something I really enjoy doing and can focus my time on. I think that would help me immensely and keep me from getting super lonely/depressed at night after kids go to bed. What that may be? I do not know.

*I wish life was easy and that whatever we wanted to do would be open to us. Granted...things wouldn't work so well like that either and chaos would be rampant. But still....

Learning Experiences

I had a bit of an eye opening experience last night (which I don't want to go into right now, maybe another day). It opened my eyes to how evil works and how easily it creeps into our being without warning when our guard is dowm. Also how quickly our sense of peace can get ripped away and how much more intense our feelings can be. I didn't feel a change in myself when the burdens I was carrying for sooo very long were lifted off my shoulders. I felt at peace, of course, but I didn't feel a change in me.
My experience last night showed me how much I had changed. How much I had bettered myself and how I felt equal to those around me finally. I didn't feel like lesser of a person. I was more likely to say a friendly hi and strike up a conversation. I just felt better.
It showed me how quickly that can change when your guard is down and you make mistakes. I have never felt a feeling soo intensely as I did last night when I felt my peace slipping away because I had put my guard down for just a quick second. That's all it took for evil to swoop right in and get cozy. And I've never felt such an urgency to mend the hurt I had just created for myself and get that load off my shoulders.
Right now, I'm not grateful for the experience. But I know in the future I will be. This has taught me the importance of being on guard all the time. Never swaying from what you believe in and definitely never assuming that you can handle matters of your heart and soul on your own.
I really hate that I'm the type of person that has to learn by experience....and it has lead me to choose things that have made my life rough. This is one of those moments that I wish I could've just learned by example and been lead in the right direction without having to experience the hurt and pain that went along with my actions. But...thats how I learn. I will conquer it and get back to my peaceful self. At this point, all I can do is hope that my retarded mistakes and such will help others reading to take a step back and think about their own lives, instead of learning the way I've had to.

Sleepovers, Crazy-ness and Thoughts

This weekend was crazy. We had Nate's friend come over for a sleepover which caused me wierd anxiety for some reason. But I think it turned out okay. Maybe. The kid was different. Either I'm a bad parent or his parents are super over protective. Example: he wouldn't use the open toothpaste because the lid was off and it was "yucky". His parents never let him help cook...my kids were making eggs and waffles Saturday morning. His mom never lets him go to Discovery Park (where we went...pic above) because he will get lost. We didn't get lost. However he did collide and bump into Nate...and it "hurt so bad!!!" but when I wasn't very sympathetic to the cause he quit crying and started playing again. It made me appreciate that my kids are tough but makes me wonder if I need to be more sympathetic? Or not let them be so independent? I dunno.

Sunday was the new church experience. It was wierd. I know I didn't like my old ward previously...but after all was said and done I was starting to feel comfortable there. This new ward? Not so much. I got asked to  teach the 7 year olds in Sunday School and as nervous as I am for this, after going to the regular Sunday  School stuff I am looking forward to it. But nervous because of my next order of business...

My plan.
As all know...I've applied for school. I wrote my letter to the Review Committee and they will be reviewing it on Wednesday. I just got an email saying that the girl in charge will let me know what they decide as soon after they review as possible. So....if all goes well I will be starting school in August. However...this also means a reduction in income since I will obviously have to take time off work to attend class. Since my rent takes up all but $100 of a paycheck currently, I've been looking at downsizing. However...I have no idea what to do. With this new calling to teach and the primary pres telling me she had been praying for months to find someone good so she was soo happy when my name came to her thoughts and on and on....makes me wonder what I am meant to do. Taking care of my kids is obviously going to be first and foremost. But if I get into school I will qualify for $5500 grant per semester which would help the tail end expenses of not working full time...plus the addition of child support. I very well could make it work where I am at. But it would sure be nice to have a cheaper rent payment. On the flip side, if I don't get into school I STILL have the issue of my job ending soon and I know I won't be able to find another job as high paying as mine is. So I will still benefit from having a cheaper rent. However, the place I was looking to move has definite pros and cons.
Pros: The place is full of kids. Our back door walks right out to the playground, and there is a swimming pool and mini gym type thing. All very good emenities. Also, the rent is $140 cheaper, unless we wanted their cable which is only $25 per month so it would be $115 cheaper than where I am at. Not to mention it is literally directly behind my daycare facility, so I would save 15 minutes of morning commute time and 15-20 minutes of evening commute time and however much gas that is per day.
Cons: I'm prideful and spoiled. The place I'm in is rather nice, and its big. Its in a super nice community and we really like it. This new place...still a 3 bedroom but alot smaller. And outdated. And even with the perks and emenities, I feel like crying thinking of living there. There was an upper unit that was a little nicer, but the floors creaked and my kids would disturb the downstairs neighbors. So I'd have to move into the lower unit that is not remodeled. I was soo proud of myself when I was able to move out of the cockroach and mold filled horror zone into the nice, newer shiney place (without mold and cockroaches). I felt like I was finally doing okay and able to give my kids a nice place to live. Now...I feel like I'm digressing. Even though I know its for the better right now.

This sucks. I wish I knew what was the right option for me.

One last thing....
Last night we got home REALLY late but Tyler really wanted to read a scripture so he pulled out my bible and randomly picked a scripture. I really wish I would've paid attention to where it was but I didn't. In essence, it was talking about how the husband should treat the wife with respect and love, the wife should treat the husband with reverence, and they should in essence work together for an eternal future. And if the husband can't cleave unto his wife he should write her a "divorecement" which I thought was interesting. But I was more interested in the beginning part. This was after mom and I were talking about marriage and me being frustrated but feeling like a silly school girl for thinking about what my future wedding may be like. My son for some reason knew I needed to read those particular verses and get the message that I need to be patient for the right person to come along. Just another testimony builder that when we need to hear something....He provides the source if we are willing to listen.

An Awakening of Sorts

I had an awakening yesterday at approximately 3:37 pm. This is the moment that I realized how niave and stupid I have been in regards to my ex-husband. Because he has been in default with the courts, his visitation got taken away. Not by my actions, but by his. And not by me...by the judge. Except that is NOT what he is telling his family. Ohhhhhh no and I learned that the hard way yesterday afternoon. My ex father-in-law (FIL) called to see if it was okay that he take the kids for the weekend. I am not one who will punish them for their sons actions, so I was fine with that but I wanted to make sure it was okay with my boys. So I called daycare and talked to them and they didn't want to go. We are having a sleepover this weekend with friends and they didn't want to cancel. So... I call the ex FIL back and told them that we were busy this weekend but maybe next weekend. He paused...slowly said ok and there was an awkward silence. I felt like they needed to know the rules of the no visitation so I started to explain and I got as far as "his visitation has been revoked..." and I got "NO IT HAS NOT! YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT! YOU NEED TO PULL YOUR BLEEPITY HEAD OUT OF YOUR BLEEPITY BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP AND QUIT LYING!" (caps because he was literally yelling at me). I try to explain I am not the one who took it away, the courts did for non-compliance and was answered with "YOU NEED TO QUIT LYING AND BEING A BLEEPITY BLEEP!" at this point I was trying to explain the situation and I have no idea what he was saying because he was yelling over everything I had to say but there were sure alot of BLEEPITY BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP! word said. And then he hung up on me.

Now. I know that my ex had told the new girlfriends family some major lies about me, because they have stopped my family around town and cornered them about it (oh the joys of living in a small town). I have no idea why I ever thought he wasn't telling his OWN family all these lies as well, but I figured he was trying to treat me with respect. I've been very accomodating. He's been able to see the kids whenever he wants, he hasn't paid a lick of child support in almost 4 years, my family has gone out their way to be respectful of him and his family (which is not the case on with his side of the family) and not once have I said a mean thing about him in front of my kids or to my kids or family. I've gone out of my way to make this whole seperation/divorce process as smooth as possible so the kids didn't get thrown in the middle and get screwed up for life. I've been paying every cent of the legal fees, filing fees, etc not to mention taking care of our kids by myself.

So what does this mean to me? I feel stupid for ever thinking that he would be respectful of me. I feel stupid that I trusted him. I guess more than anything I feel betrayed. Why? I don't know. Our entire marriage was full of lies and him cheating on me numerous times....and for some reason I figured that would change? I still haven't figured out why exactly I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.

What have I learned from this? I'm no longer going to be bending over backwards to make this an easy process. His dad kicked me straight back into reality and although I will still be respectful (I refuse to sink myself to his level) I will no longer be so accomodating and nice. I will not go out of my way for him and I will no longer let things slide (like child support). I'm done. And that goes for his family too. Its a hard lesson of life for me to learn, thats for sure. But I am no longer going to be the nice guy. Respectful? Yes. But no longer nice.

A Day in the Life Of....

So because I want to do something new.....I decided to show you a day in the life of our hecticness (yes thats a word, cause I say so)((and its more boring than anything)). Obviously I don't have a picture for EVERYTHING but I will fill you in on the details that don't have pictures along with them.

First up....I go to work. I spend my 9 hours there (with an hour lunch of course...spent there).



yay for work. woohoo



Upon arriving at work, and after opening shop....I eat my breakfast. Generally a whole wheat english muffin with PB and a banana. On occasion I mix things up and swap a waffle for the english muffin. Exciting I know. And then I work all day...La De Da De Da.



After picking the boys up getting home, I finish getting dinner ready (its been in the crockpot all day mmmmm) and I see this out the kitchen window. So I go see why the boys are quietly  huddled, because thats usually a VERY bad sign that things are about to get messy. But no. They found a GIANT sized cricket that Nate affectionately named "Crick".





And....this is Crick's grave. Ry apparently felt the need to smoosh his hind leg. He was still alive, but twitching something bad. I felt bad for the cricket, so I told the boys to go put him in the parking lot and let him go in peace. They wouldn't have any of it....so they finished the job and buried him. In the neighbors rocks. I was too early at taking pictures to get the gravestone Nate made afterwards. They also moved the body to the front yard rock landscaping. I'm not entirely sure why.



After the sad burial, we had dinner. Dijon chicken with mashed potatoes and corn. The boys actually ate it. For once. And cleaned their plates. A rarity. Nate told me during dinner that when I started WW he thought I was the only one who was going to have to eat healthy. And this sucks. He will be happy when one day he doesn't ever have to eat crockpot food again. Haha!



So after dinner we went outside and played with the neighbors but my phone was charging so I didn't take any pictures. It was pretty fun. And it's nice to get to know my neighbors. And the kids had a blast. Until we came inside and calmed down for bed. Great picture I know. Ty was sleeping on my arm...Nate was playing with a stopwatch in the corner, and Ry was rolling around on the couch for reasons I have no clue about. And then we went to bed.



 So there ya go. A day in the life of this little family. One of the less hectic days I might add. One of these times I'll do this for our hectic days and we shall see how that goes. Might be kinda interesting eh?

*side note on school....I did suck up my pride and get it all taken care of. All I need to do now is write a letter of appeal and apply for financial aid. And then get my classes if I pass review. Woot woot.

2 Reasons I May Want To Re-Think Schooling

So I decided to apply for school yesterday even though I was a bit late for fall semester. But it was asking for previous transcripts (from them) to be sent to them. Which I thought was wierd, so I emailed the admin place to see what I needed to do. Here is the response.

REASON 1 I MAY WANT TO SHOULD RE-THINK SCHOOL:
"There are actually two Kimberly Stubbs in our system, one with academic history and one without. I'm going to assume your the one with history {I'm about 99% sure that I accidentally set up the one without just btw}. The good news is that you won't need to worry about transcripts {phew!}. The bad news is that when you left you were on probation {whoops} and your cumulative GPA is below the required 2.0 {ouch!} so you will have to write a letter of appeal to the Academic Review Committee."

**In my defense...At the time I left it was mid semester and I was getting a divorce. And didn't realize you could do a withdrawl from the semester to save yourself from getting Fs. My bad.

REASON 2 I MAY WANT TO SHOULD RE-THINK SCHOOL:
"Right now your application is still incomplete because you chose a transfer application which tells us you are a transfer student from a 2 yr college {the choices are confusing! Seriously!} so it's looking for transcipts. You have also listed as a non-resident? {no defense there....thats just my own personal tard moment} It looks like you also paid a $65 reg fee with a late fee when you should've only been charged $10 plus $25 late fee. This is becuase you chose the wrong application. I can refund the $30 overpayment. But please... call us so we can help you correct your app."

There you go folks.

What can I bet that as soon as my info got pulled up....the girl helping me was all "Hey guys! You gotta see this! She actually thinks she wants to go back to school? Ha!" And probably a gaffaw or two (or a thousand) ensued. I will give them a call...after my face goes back to a normal shade and I can swallow my pride.

My point: Even I'm a little embarassed by this one.

Losin IT

I think the last couple weeks have been not very inspiring. Or something. I don't know what it is.

I have been going through phases of motivation in my weight loss. Some days I really want to do good and make it, other days I'm just like BLAH I don't care. At this very moment...I have used 40 of my extra 49 points for the week and its only Tuesday. Thats not a good sign, especially when I generally only use 5-10 if that. I haven't felt like walking, or jogging, even though I know it will make me feel amazing if I just do it. I'm starting to get that quitting feeling. But I can't quit and I know I can't quit or I won't be happy. Just hard right now to be motivated.

I'm feeling this way with religion as well. Not that I'm motivated to do anything bad...but my desire to say my prayers every night and morning is gone. My desire to read the scriptures is gone. Being ultra careful with the music and shows I watch are gone. And those things have been pinnacle in me keeping the spirit with me. Its not here with me any longer. Then there are a few guys who have shown interest in me but aren't temple worthy and I can't help but think if thats the best I'm going to get. Should I really let them pass by when maybe it is just the best I'm going to get? I know thats retarded and most people reading would be like "dude get over the guy thing" but Ry needs a dad. He has been wondering more and more why he doesn't have one around and how do you explain that to a 3 year old? Nate and Ty need a positive male influence because they don't have that in their current father. I would like some company as well obviously....but truly my motivations for men are mostly for my kids' sake. Which is also why I've been ultra picky. But wonder if I've been too picky. Blah.

This job situation isn't helping things either. Do I move? Do I go to school? Do I keep applying for jobs I probably won't get? What do I do? Prayers aren't being answered and even when they do get answered (hopefully) how am I going to know if its just me wanting something or if its truly meant to be for me to go that route? Everyone says I'll just know....but how will I just know? I'm not having very much faith right now and I don't know why. I'm stressing out and I don't know what to do.

I'm losing it man....and not in the way I want (my waist).

*I hope that when I'm old I will read back on these and be like "man I really needed to get my life together and stop being a whiney pants." Until then....I continue to be a whiney pants and use this as my place to vent when needs be. I hope ya'll don't mind.

Happy Fathers Day!

Happy Fathers Day (a day late) to all those daddies out there, especially mine who is such a great example and a wonderful Grandpa to my boys. We love you very much.



Tyler trying on Grandpas new headphones. With a chocolate face.




Ry was insistant on riding Ty's bike. Without training wheels. With me pushing him. In a too big helmet.

  After a delish dinner and family time, the boys wanted to go for a walk and I was all for it. So we went to the bridge and started off. I'm pretty shocked at how high the water levels are here. Kinda crazy.



Looking off the bridge.





HUGE puddle under the overpass that the boys made sure to get drenched in.

We walked from the IFA bridge to the Cannery and back. I think it was good exercise for the night. Probably not enough to burn off the ice cream I had eaten after dinner...but still.

Nate hasn't been much for getting pictures lately so this was his surprised look.

Ty insisted on pushing the stroller. Then Ry insisted on pushing Ty in the stroller. It was pretty funny.

It was a nice relaxing evening after a bit of a hectic (not busy....but boys driving momma crazy) type of day. Moments like these make me love my boys.

Dreams

After my heated post yesterday I've done some thinking and some contimplating of my life. And taken into consideration some opinions of others (such as my momma). As she put it best....now is the time when I can actually have a dream. I can have a dream of what I want my life to turn out to be like, and I can go after it. I can have that dream. The hard part? What is my dream?
With my job coming to a close soon, it does make me wonder what I'm going to do with my life after this. I have a couple options that I can see.

1. I can stay in Cedar and keep applying for the higher paying jobs that I qualify for, and most likely won't get but I can pray and pray that I do get something good.
2. I can stay in Cedar and look into going back to school and finishing my degree. If I could qualify for some of the services to help with living expenses and such and carry a part time job.
3. I can move somewhere else where there is more job potential. This is scary to me because I'd be away from family and from my built in support network. But on the other hand, maybe its time for me to put on my big girl pants and venture out on my own. Or I could move where other family is close so that I have support if I need it (hmmm Alaska maybe? The thought has been running through my mind Stephy).

I've been praying about it, but so far no definite answers. I do keep thinking about moving alot but when my momma mentioned school thats been floating around in there too. I have no idea what I want to do. And I have no idea what my dream is.

Help please?

Frustration. All around frustration.

I'm frustrated. Utterly frustrated.

Somehow, HUD feels the need to audit my files when they have also decided that the service I provide is worthless and will no longer fund my job (oh...and the state has made it clear they agree as well. No funding there.) So in essence, my job is ending and it will end most likely right before Christmas (like, November 30). Yet....they do an audit, I make the needed changes, I send the corrected files, and the files that had NOTHING wrong during the last audit now have to be COMLETELY revised because they are incorrect on this re-audit. Can somebody please explain why they even CARE what my files look like when they aren't even going to be funding my position in a couple months? Please?

The government promised to fix the housing situation. It also promised to create jobs. Well...it accomplished the job goal. For minute. But now thousands if not millions of people across the country who rely on that funding for their jobs will be laid off. And the free services are going to be slim pickings from the agencies who do have other funding. So the mod scam folks are going to be LOVING life when the free help is all but gone. Oh and that housing situation? Got made worse by starting programs that nobody qualifies for but not stopping Lenders from telling people to miss payments so they can qualify...and 6, 12, even 24 months down the road those people are now losing their houses because they actually don't qualify and now its too late to fix anything.

My point: Thank you government. I really appreciate you turning a career job into nothing and making it so this single momma has to navigate through the horrendous job hunt during a crashed economy.

Divorced Parenting

Last night I attended the Divorce Education class for divorced parents. I was not very happy about going. Really...we've worked out a decent parenting plan that seems to work okay (for the most part) and taking a class on it seemed ridiculous, but whatever. Did I mention it was supposed to be $35 and jumped to $55? And it was supposed to be from 5:30 - 8:00 and instead went from 6:00 - 9:00? And when I got there the teacher didn't have the keys to the building anyway so we were running like 20 minutes late? Yeah. I wasn't a happy camper.

But.

The first part was actually pretty informative. I really and truly got alot out of it. It helped to understand how kids handled being in two homes. The book was more informative than the teacher unfortunately....since he was an odd duck who kept emphasizing making sure your kids don't get hit by cars. But the book is great. One part I really liked was on Anger. One particular part was the Rules For Anger. You cannot hurt yourself, hurt others, and you cannot destroy things. So what can you do? It gives tips on how to identify the underlying issue of the anger to resolve those feelings, or come up with safe ways to manage the anger.

The other part I sooo wish my ex (who was supposed to be there but didn't go) would've been there for was the whole don't talk bad about your ex spouse in front of your kids, because they are apart of both of you and will feel like your talking bad about them too. I've asked them if their dad says mean things about me and they say yes, as does his new girlfriend. Her more than him. Its kind of sad to me, because I've done what I could to make the relationship go as smoothly as possible so it hurts that he has the audacity to do that. But also helps me see that I'm being entirely too nice to him. Not that I will talk bad or anything, but I'm taking his feelings into consideration when he's not doing the same, when I should be looking out for whats best for my family.
And that child support and money are not tied together, unless the person paying child support isn't paying. If thats the case, they probably shouldn't be seeing the kids.

It was good. I'm kind of happy I went. And a really cute guy sat by me in class which was even better. Although he kept saying he wanted to go have a beer afterwards so he isn't my type of guy. But at least he was cute and proved to help time go by alot quicker.

Weekend Highlights

 This was a good weekend. My ex husband let me know that he didn't want the boys (shocker) so we got to hang out all weekend. It was fantastic. I think we did a whole lot of fun things. The boys....I don't know if they agree but I thought it was anyway. On Saturday they spent the morning with Grandpa and Grandma while I went to Weight Watchers (and lost 3.6 lbs woot woot!) and then I made them clean before we did fun stuff. But then.....

It was off to the lake. Super duper windy but it was still a good time for us. I have no idea why my camera turned the pictures green....but it did. Awesome. After the beach we decided to grab a TikiShak snow cone and cool down. And then it happened. While eating dinner shortly there after....Nate won. He got his way. For MONTHS he's been begging to go to the skate park. It was pretty dead when we drove past so....I agreed. He was delighted.

This is Ry at the park by the skate park. He was having a tough night, since he was soooo tired and worn out from the day. But the swings made him happy.

Nate was seriously elated that he was able to finally go to the skate park. It was soo funny watching him. He is actually pretty good on his bike too. I was kind of surprised. Although next time we will remember to get the helmet from Grandmas house. I was a bit of a paranoid while he was riding.

Sunday we found out that our ward was being dissolved or however the church puts it....so we are now part of a new ward (The Heritage Park) and the boundaries are quite a bit less confusing. We are also in a new stake...the Enoch West Stake I think? Some Enoch Stake. Which means we have Stake Conference next Sunday. So our entire area has been shifted and the members of our ward got seperated into 4 different wards. Rock on. That does mean I don't have to sing in church anymore. And I'm officially released from my piano playing calling. 

And....here is the after product of being at the beach. The boys' backs look just as bad. But....thats how we kick of the summer apparently. It was a good weekend. I hope we get over the burns soon though.

Its Friday Friday Friday....

I am SOOO irritated that I STILL cannot comment on my own blog or anyone elses that is part of the blogsphere. I have no idea whats up but I promise when I get comments and don't answer back I'm not being unappreciative...I just literally cannot comment back. But I love when I get them so please keep it up! :)

Tomorrow is weigh in. This week I've done good. I've only gone over my points for WW once...and it was only 8 points. I've had 2 big (not just a bite) treats that I can remember....a sweet roll to celebrate the events of Wednesday, and a small piece of a tenants birthday cake yesterday. And even with those....I was still under my daily points. I've also jogged/walked at least 1.5 miles every night this week except Sunday and Wednesday (I moved furniture around in my bedroom Wednesday...it counts for something). Lets hope that this week is the week I break 20!

I also need to get over my obsession with cute wedding pictures. Yeah...I feel like I'm pregnant again (I'm not....wooo scared ya for a min huh!) because I was a slight bit obsessive over baby shows, baby pictures, baby everything. I LOVED watching A Baby Story on TLC. But after the baby was here...that all went away. Now....my obsession is with weddings and cute couples. I'm sure it will go away if/when I find my man....but for now....I keep browsing and hoping I find him soon and swooning over super cute and adorable pictures.

I had lunch with my mom, SIL Betsy and a family friend Bonnie yesterday at the Pizza Factory. It was such a great lunch with yummy food and fantastic company. I hope we keep this as a tradition....it sure was good to get out and spend time with them. And the salad was delicious. Absolutely delicious. Had loads of lettuce of course, chicken, croutons, parmeson cheese, bowtie pasta, tomatoes and mushrooms (that I picked off of course) and I had mine with raspberry vinigiarette which was delicious. And of course twisty breadsticks because you cannot go to Pizza Factory and leave without getting one. Thank you to the great company I was able to share my lunch with. It made my day!

And to leave you this fine day...a picture of my child who thinks he has better fashion sense than me (refering to yesterdays post) ((and excuse my semi-dirty house)).



I told him to pose. This is it. Silly boy.



Findings

Finding 1
YoCrunch NONFAT Greek Yogurt is not good. And its not NONFAT. It has 1 gram in it. Shady advertising.

Finding 2
Funny how a child (Ty) helps make dinner, says the whole time how much he just loooooves those kinds of noodles and how we should put seasonings in the meat and he is going to eat sooooo much of it when dinner is ready......
And then when we sit down he eats his chips and leaves the burger pasta alone then says his "food tummy" is full but his "koolaid tummy" is not full so he needs to have another drink of koolaid. And then tries to play let's make a deal when I say no. Then cries. Then throws a fit. And ends up going without koolaid or any other food for the rest of the night.

Finding 3
Apparently I know nothing of style because wearing a tank top that is too small, basketball shorts that are too big, socks that go above the knees and tennis shoes is a rocking combination of clothes for a boy. Shame on me.

Finding 4 The people who go on Americas Got Talent are crazy. And proves anyone can get on TV. Did anyone else see the creepy gnome looking guys singing Vanilla Ice? Or the midget who was stripping for a minute and then played the guitar? Or the guy who jumped from an insanely high balcony into a kiddie pool of water? Or my favorite.....the guy who wore a helmet, safety goggles, and a towel folded up and hooked to his waist by his belt, for his "explosive" tongue depressors that could possibly impail him "Doncha know? Ooooh Yeah."

My Life's Directions

Last night I had 5 years worth of weight lifted off my shoulders, and its a bit personal but those who are close to me will know what I'm talking about. This makes me happy for the future and what I have in store for me. So on with it.....

Gotta get my money situation under control. Not that its out of control, but I have less faith now than I ever did in retaining my job past September. This is obviously very scary to me since I am the only source of income for my kiddos. So....saying prayers and having faith that I will be lead in the right direction there.

Next up...find me good ol' southern gentleman. Or just good ol' man who will also be............

A great father figure for my kids. They need that in their lives since the current father situation is a pretty sad one. So lets also say lots of prayers and have alot of faith that someone fantastic will come along soon.

And of course....this is my next destination with that fantastic gentleman and father figure so that we can be an eternal family. Poor guy...I hope he can put up with my constant dorky side and harassment (I think its the Carlile gene...the sister-in-laws and brother-in-law would probably agree) for the eternities.

And of course....the above mentioned will lead to a romantic swooping kiss like this after all is said and done (at least I can hope for one....) and a Happily Ever After as well.

:)

I almost forgot!!!!

On the big D thats going on right now....the due date for my ex to dispute anything has passed. So if he will take the parenting class coming up next week this will all be said and done. If he doesn't (which is my guess as to what will happen) a hand delivered motion for him to take that class will be given to him and if he STILL doesn't take it (again....most likely) we will ask the judge to grant the big D anyway due to non-compliance. Woohoo! The end is near! Now if only I could get him to pay child support....he's lucky I'm not asking for the last 4 years worth that he has failed to pay. But I'm ready to get it now. And the kids and I would like to have a money-stress-free trip to Disneyland...so hurry and pay it dear ex of mine........

The Little Things

I've had the debate the last little bit about whether or not I should post churchy stuff, because although I assume that my reader pool only includes my family and friends...I think it has reached more people than that the last little bit. But you know what? I realized my religion is part of my life, and since it is starting to become a priority to me....I'm going to write about it. So on to it.

I'm noticing more and more that the little things in life are what count the most. Having FHE makes our nights go better. Listening to better music (right now I have Pandora set for Jars of Clay and all like music) makes my day go by faster and helps me be more efficient in my job. Saying my prayers nightly AND in the morning helps me have better days. Changing the music I listen to, the shows and movies I watch, the books I read, tweaking things slightly.... its all making a big difference. The decision to go gung ho at it and straighten out my life is working. I thought I'd be miserable....but I'm not.
It's funny to me how I'm working harder right now and am more aware of my decisions than I have been in a very long time, and the road is extremely bumpy and rough, yet I'm at peace and I'm happy. Yeah I have my moments of frustration, everyone does. But still. Just proves this was the right decision for me.

Now if I could just find me that man.....  :)

The weekend...in pictures

 This weekend started off a bit sad...since I gained 1.2 lbs at my weigh in. But I half expected it. I had a horrid week. But I have a new energy and motivation to do better, so I will be. After weigh in we went to Grandpa and Grandmas house where they were getting ready to plant a garden. After a trip to get plants and seeds....we got on it.


This is the finished product

Our local troops, the 222nd, has been called up for deployment so the town had a great sendoff for them on Saturday. Anyone who knows me will surely know I was there. :)  It was sad though, seeing the daddy's leaving their kiddos behind and such. A very sombering event, but also made me proud to know them and support them in their efforts.



The troops boarding the plane



 Me and Ry had a pretty quiet night and just hung out at home after that until we both dozed off for the night.

Sunday was a very relaxing day. Church was fantastic. Sunday School was about the signs of the times and that we shouldn't go all psychotic waiting, instead just be prepared and live the best life you can so that when it does happen, you are ready. Relief Society was taught by President McCallister, one of our stake leaders, and fantastic. He taught the 2nd chapter of the new church instruction manuel about the priesthood and the priesthood keys. It was very enlightening and really made me think.

Then came family dinner which was delicious. Mom made Turkey with potatoes, corn on the cob and fruit. It was refreshing. There was ice cream for dessert and I was soo about ready to have some until the fantastic Betsy reminded me that I was on a no sugar thing this month (Thank you!) and we both went without. Much appreciation for helping me stay on track! I'm happy you said something!

It was a beautiful evening so we went outside to chat and of course...the water came out. Here is the rest of the evening in pictures. 



The boys starting to get a little soggy by Uncle Tony





You would think "Awww what a nice brother for washing my car"...until....



You see the two little boys running from behind the front of the car. They were hiding.



When all was said and done...Uncle Tony was 3...boys were 0. They were absolutely soaked.

It was a fun night and a good way to kick off the summer with the family. I am so lucky to have my family so close by. I'm truly blessed.

Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing

I have been asked to sing in church at the end of this month. I've been searching songs....stressing over it for the last week....and I then it all came into place. I have no idea what the theme of church is that day, but this is my song. Its one I love. And one that brings me sooo much comfort, especially right now. And even better....an amazing pianist is accompanying me since my normal amazing accompanist (my mom) will hopefully be sitting with Ry while I sing. Cedarites...its Dale Sessions. If you don't know him...you need to. He plays beautifully. Enjoy. :)

BBQ

So in the year plus that I've lived in my neighborhood, I can count on one hand the number if neighbors I know. So when I got invited to the neighborhood spur of the moment BBQ, I was rather excited. I have wanted to get to know other neighbors, but I'm not very good at making friends I guess. There were only four families there, but we had a great time last night and had some tasty food. Everyone brought their own meat to BBQ and something to share. There were chips, my fruit salad, some watermelon, some baked beans and cookies for dessert. The boys made friends with some neighbor kids and I was able to get to know some of the adults around me. It really was an enjoyable night.

The downfall of the night was finding out that the only family there who has been really great and befriended us is moving up North at the end of the summer. The husband found a job as a teacher up there and they feel its the best move for them. I'm happy for them....but I'm also sad that they are leaving. I really like them and that means I'm going to have to be more outgoing and get to know my other neighbors since we plan on being there for awhile.

I've also heard through the grapevine (I would've heard in church....but we were late as always and missed announcements) that its possible the ward boundaries are going to be changing soon. This is probably good, since I couldn't even tell you what my ward boundaries are. The two rows of houses north of mine are not in my ward, but people who are across the busy street and down 3 blocks by the playing fields are. I kind of think they took all of the communities (there are 4 townhouse communities, 3 other fenced communities, 3 (possibly 5 but I'm not sure) sets of apartments plus the normal street blocks within our current "boundaries" ) and said "Ok you 30 go to this ward and the rest of you go to the other one." And thats fine, just rather confusing. I can see why they do it, I'm guessing so that each ward has a fairly equal number of families. But it creates a pretty confusing boundary line. Oh well...I pray it works out well and I stay in the ward I'm in.

Its Friday! Which means weigh in is tomorrow and I'm nervous. I haven't done well this week. But hopefully by kicking some exercise butt tonight and the morning, I can still come out with a decent weigh in. Crossing fingers. So until Monday....have a good weekend!

It Burns!

Poor Tyler was being a big helper last night...he was helping me make grilled cheese sandwiches. And as he was struggling to open some cheese....he smacked his arm on the griddle. The very HOT griddle that was cooking grilled cheese sandwiches. Poor kid...after some ibprofen, some ice from Grandpa and Grandma, and some ice cream (yeah...that whole no sweets thing is going to start today) he was good. I still feel bad though. Burns aren't fun. This morning he said it only hurt a little. Hopefully it heals fast.

Day 1 of 5/5/30 Challenge

After a bit of a hardcore deep post yesterday...I'm going lighthearted at it today. It is officially Day 1 of my challenge. Time to lay out the goals and see what happens.

Goal 1: Lose a minimum of 5 lbs in the month of June. I'm shooting for 8.2 so I can hit my next Weight Watchers goal before the end of the month. Even more than that would be ideal...but I've learned not to aim too high or I crash.

Goal 2: Run a 5k by June 30. I'm good with official race or unofficial running, I just want to get to that point. Although there are loads of 5ks here during the summer I've realized, so if I see one near my ending time frame...I'll register.

Goal 3: I'm really and truly going to go for 1 month with no sweets. It's going to be hard, but they will be there come July 1st. Granted I'm hoping that by July 1st I won't have such a desire to eat them all.

 So there it is. No looking back. I'm accepting the challenge. I'll be following Weight Watchers and the Couch To 5k training program, starting at week 5 (works out perfectly...because thats pretty much where I'm at anyway).

*Also side note....I'm sorry I haven't been responding to comments. My blogger won't let me comment on my blog or anyone else's right now. So sorry! I appreciate all the comments though, helps me know I'm not writing to dead air :)