And the drama continues.....

It was sooooo close to being done. I figured it would be too easy, but I was hoping I was being blessed with a relatively easy legal process with the ex. However...its not happening like that now. He decided to get a lawyer at the last minute and try to start the process back over at square one. He is now disputing things in the decree that are ridiculous. Some I figured he would like the custody rules (follow LDS standards in essence) and having to pay child support. He also disputed paying my mom back for a pretty hefty dental bill that my mom paid on for him. The ridiculous thing? He is disputing letting me change back to my maiden name. Really? Why would you dispute that?

So....we shall see what happens. I am just soooo ready to have this done and over with. We still don't know the details of what exactly he is disputing, but I'll be interested on his reasoning why. We shall see.

Blessings...time to count them

This weekend was not a great one for me....I was pretty whiney for the majority of it. I'm lonely and bored most the weekend and my poor boys keep asking me when I'm going to get married. I did, however, make some very tasty grub. Friday we had the Nacho-rific Stuffed Chicken which I loved but the kids didn't. And Saturday we had Exploding Chicken Taquitos that were a huge hit all around. They were pretty delightful. I took pictures, sent them to my email then deleted them off my phone, only to find that when I got the ability to check my email, my phone sent blank messages to my email. Greeaaattttt. So no pictures of the food. But just trust it was delightful. Anyway... today I'm counting my blessings.....

Great kids who love me
A family who is supportive
A nice place I can afford (with a pool!)
The ability to go to school and finish my education
A job that allows me to go to school and still pays enough to provide for my family
Food on my table and a roof over my head
A (mostly) good running car

I think that's all for now. I hope everyone has a good week!

Anticipation!!

There are some good things in the works.....very good things.....I just found out the news today! If it works out, I will tell you all about it. If it doesn't....I will (sadly) tell you all about it! I had to post cause I'm too excited not to! Have a good weekend!

p.s. looking up a pic on google images for anticipation comes up with wierd things

A revision...and my AHA moment!

So yesterday I was talking about welfare and as I thought about it last night, I was grouping everyone into two categories (the lazy folks and the people using it to better themselves) when in all actuality there is another group that benefits from state help. That is the elderly/disabled/etc folks that are in the best situation they can be in and just need a little extra help. And it makes me sad when I see someone in this category who applies and gets denied because they aren't a family or they do get approved but only for $20 a month in food stamps or something like that. So as an edit, there are things I would change about the system for NOT approving people who are just using, but also things I would change to give those people who ARE in need a chance to get approved.
Anywho. Enough about welfare.

I had an AHA moment at school on Wednesday and wanted to share. I didn't quite understand what Microeconomics was when I started the class, and for those of you who don't know it is the study of how/why an individual or a small group of people make their decisions. My AHA moment came when we were talking about cost. More specifically, sunken cost.

In economics and business decision-making, sunk costs are retrospective (past) costs that have already been incurred and cannot be recovered.   -Wikipedia

So as an example, if you were to buy stock at $100 and 2 years later it's value had dropped to $80, should you buy it? Sell it? Cry cause it lost value? My train of thought was well geez I invested $100 and now I've lost $20. I'd be mad that I lost that money. So then my professor says you CANNOT focus on that $100. It is a sunken cost. My initial reaction was "I can too....I paid that money and I will focus on that $100." But then he made me realize something. That $100 is never truly coming back. Yes that particular stock could increase in value or decrease in value, but that $100 check/cash/card I gave will not be returned to me. So why was I trying to focus on it so much? Instead...the focus needs to be on prospective cost or opportunity cost.

The prospective cost is what is going on, or what will eventually happen.
The opportunity cost is the best alternative foregone, or the sacrifice related to the second best choice.

So what does this all have to do with my AHA moment? I wasn't even thinking about money or stock or finance...I was thinking about my life. Instead of focusing on my sunken costs (past decisions, etc that I cannot take back) I need to start from where I am at and look at the prospective cost and opportunity cost. No more letting those sunken costs get in the way...its time to look at my decisions from right now. Now sometimes its good to look at the sunken costs to keep yourself rational, but it shouldn't have a huge weight on your decision. Your decision should be made based what you want for your future and the risks or sacrifices that will be made in order to get that result.

Reading back, I don't know that this will make any sense to anyone else but it made quite the impression on me. Its just hard to articulate my thoughts sometimes but hopefully you get the point.

Anyway....its FRIDAY! I hope ya'll have a great weekend!

Welfare...



oh i soooooooo agree!

 Working where I work, I see several people come in who use the system. They purposely don't work so that they can qualify for cheaper/no rent, insane amounts of food stamps, cash assistance, etc. They literally keep themselves in a less than perfect situation so that they can, in essence, be lazy. They feel entitled to the help for some reason. On the flip side, I also know people who use the assistance effectively and are only on it until they can better themselves and move to being self sufficient. All programs have ups and downs. So what am I leading to?

I am a single momma. I do make a good wage for around here, but its still far below what is considered poverty level. And...I use the welfare system. We receive food stamps, medicaid for the younger two and child care assistance. Without these resources, I don't think I would make it. For instance, we get $265/mo in foodstamps and I rarely use more than that out of my wages, mostly because I can't afford to. So we eat cheap. I pay for Nate's medical out of my check ($140/mo) and the other two are on medicaid, only because if I were to add them to my insurance it would take $420/mo to cover all three. Which, when you make about $1600/mo net it takes a BIG chunk out of your bill money. The program I am most grateful for is child care. During the summer when all three kids are there, the daycare bill is usually about $1300/mo. For just Ryder during the school year it is $663/mo. See what I'm saying? Now if I were married and had a dual income household, obviously things would be different. I wouldn't need these resources thankfully. But alas...I'm not. So...I use them in order to make sure my kids can have a decent upbringing (not in a cardboard box). Do I feel like I'm using the system? On occasion yes, but I just have to keep in mind that I am doing what I'm doing so that I can better myself and get off welfare.

Now what prompted this post? When your on welfare, you have to report any change in your household immediately. So when I started up school, I turned in my schedule and my new pay stuff since I will be making less money, etc etc etc. And then I got a call. Tyler (the one who needs the medical the most for his surgeries and such) is no longer eligible for medicaid because I make too much money. Which, okay I get that, but my wages went down not up. And then...our food stamps got closed. I still haven't gotten a reason why on that. Could I survive without that stuff? Yeah...its going to be extremely tough and Ty will have to go without insurance until the next open enrollment for benefits here, but we could make it work somehow. The biggest kicker to me?? The state will only cover child care expenses for schooling if your obtaining an Associates Degree. If you decide to further your education, they will not cover the expenses. If you are going to school and not planning on obtaining an Associates Degree (like me) then they will not cover expenses at all.

Now I have a better understanding as to how our social system is set up. Its looking like the gov makes these programs accessable, however if your trying to better yourself so that you can eventually get off the programs, they will just give you a head start and boot you off when you need it the most. I now see (but still don't agree) why people lie to get benefits or don't try to improve their situation so that they can keep recieving them. Will I just bite the bullet and do what I have to in order to survive? Of course. Thats what we always do. But I no longer have faith in the system. I no longer feel like these are programs that are intended to help people better themselves. And more than anything I wish that they would revamp how they run. I am all for getting drug tested before recieving benefits. I also wish they would do something like make the person earn their cash assistance. For instance, to get their check every day they have to either further their education somehow or go volunteer at the food bank. Even better, set up partnerships with local companies who need help doing minor work to get that check. Same goes for unemployment. If you want your unemployment check, you best be either improving your skills and applying for jobs, and if your not then you don't get your check. I've heard all too often people say that they don't bother looking for a job because their unemployment pays more than a regular waged job would.

My point: I'm very frustrated with the fact that going to school and trying to gain an education has thrown my assistance all out of whack. However, I am trying to be grateful for the help I do get. Doesn't make it any less frustrating though.

An inside look on de kimmeh brain....

I've been following a blog called Fighting Off Frumpy and she has inspired me. She is hilarious, I totally suggest you go check her out. Anyway...she has inspired this post. So we are gonna get down and gritty....hold on tight for the ride.

I've never felt like I was skinny. Ever. I've always had some sort of a body issue from as far back as 2nd grade. I remember feeling fat because I was bigger than the other girls. In reality, I really wasn't fat. Thicker that others...yes. But considering I got boobs and started that "girly thing" in 4th grade...I was a bit further along in "blossoming" than other girls. If ya'll know what I mean. When I was looking at some old pictures my mom had dug up of me back in the younger years, I realized that I was retarded. I was not fat. Yes I was alittle bit heavier, but seriously...I played soccer, tennis, softball, basketball...I danced...I wasn't fat.

NOW...

I'm fat. My body looks like a 80 year old lady who has a big ball of dough stuck to her tummy. (And arms. And thighs. And butt.....) It's not a pretty sight. It was hard going from 17 year old body to pregnant body to BOOM old lady body in a matter of 8 months. What caused this? Well the stupid notion that you could eat whatever you wanted and not exercise while prego. And then getting married too young, being a kid having a kid, knowing your new husband didn't really love you but trying to make it work anyway....it threw me into a major depression. I lived far away enough from my family and my friends that I felt like a secluded little girl stuck in a trailer with a newborn and a husband who was never home. I cooked when I was bored. Or ate junk food. My favorite choice of junk food was double stuffed mint oreos. More than once I ate an entire package by myself in one sitting. So that extra 40 lbs that I gained during my pregnancy inched up and up and up until...(sigh this is hard to admit but I need to....) I was over 100 lbs overweight. Seriously. I was perfectly content to stay at home in shorts and a stained T with no makeup on and my hair a hot mess. I loathed going out because I would have to get ready and NOTHING I owned fit. I'd wear my husbands pants and shirts, but even they were tight. And I hated even more having to buy fat clothes. So it was easier to wallow in my own self loathing at home looking horrendous.

As time went on, I would pull myself out of this depression a little and get (at least) dressed for the day. I'd drop 10-15 lbs here and there but I always gained it back. Getting pregnant again luckily only had me gain 20 lbs and some of it slipped off rather easily, but I attribute that to the stress of having a child with issues at birth. And then surgeries, doc appointments, etc. You kinda HAVE to not look like a hot mess for that stuff. But...I was still depressed. This is the time frame that I finally came to terms and realized I was being cheated on. To what extent, I did not know. But I'd found enough evidence that I knew I couldn't ignore it anymore. I felt horrible. I was scared. I went back into an even deeper depression because I knew that leaving this marriage would be difficult and who would want to be with this whale-ish girl I had turned into anyway? Finally...I'd had enough. I found a way out with an opportunity I had been presented with in Oregon and I was done. I went there, lost 30 lbs in the short time I was there and felt fantastic. Until I had to return to real life and deal with the mess I had created at home.

Fast forward past the downward spiral I threw myself into of making not so smart choices and such...and stop at getting pregnant with Ryder. I was scared, embarassed, even more depressed, but he pulled me out of the bad choices I was making and I begin my upward descent. I only gained like 15 lbs with him and lost it rather quickly. but then it shot back up and I was hitting that 100 lbs overly obese high again. And I felt like crap. I was depressed, my life wasn't going how I had hoped....and then I got pregnant with Grayson. My little angel Grayson. That was a huge turning point for me. In his little time with me he made me take a real good look at myself and figure out what I was doing and why I was continually screwing myself over time and time again. He also opened my eyes to the blessings of God. Truly, he was a blessing. A very heartbreaking and sad blessing, but he changed me. I was still depressed but I knew I could pull out of it and I knew that I needed to if I wanted to be able to see him again one day. It took time...but I gained confidence and hope that things could be better. Slowly I realized that I'm a good person. I really am. I started going back to church, making better choices, joined Weight Watchers, and lost 22 lbs.

That brings me to today. I have been going through a slump of wondering why its really worth the hard work and dedication it takes to give back to myself. I felt AMAZING when I was eating healthy and working out, making smart choices and taking time for me instead of focusing 100% on my kids 100% of the time. I deserved a little me time. Everyone does. So why was I having such issues?
Well....reading Rita's story struck a cord. She had hit her low. She knew she was miserable and had absolutely no desire to get her butt off the couch. However she was trying to fight off being that frumpy woman she felt she was turning into. And guess what? She did it. She lost the weight she had packed on...she gave back to herself. She managed it with 3 kids as well and did so with a good sense of humor along the way. It was soooo nice to know that I wasn't the only one who has been going through these feelings of inadequacy and it was also VERY inspiring knowing that she had trudged through and made it! Which means that I just might have a chance of doing that as well!

So here I stand (or sit) to make a commitment. I am going to give to myself. I'm going to do what I can to make my body strong and healthy. It will take little baby steps, but I've already done some of those with Weight Watchers and need to get back on it. I know it works, I just need to have a little faith. And I need to know that I am ok. Because I am. I'm awesome. I just haven't realized that yet. But its time to yank the boot straps and get on it. And when I do mess up...I'm not going to criticize myself any longer. Cause ya know...this is not just a temporary thing. There will be ups and downs....and thats just part of life. But I will forgive myself and move on. So....there ya go. You now know WAY more than you probably ever wanted to about this girl....but I'm hoping that in a year I will be able to revisit this post and say...

"Ya know? I did it. I got past it. And hopefully I inspired someone else along the way to take their life back."

So ya'll I hope you have a great day today...and remember that your awesome. Truly amazing. And don't forget that. :)

P.S. look forward to a riveting future post on my thoughts of the state welfare system....should be a good one!

New recipes

Yesterday was an all around great day. Work went well, school went well, and our evening activities were a blast! On the docket for dinner was tortilla pizzas. We just got a tortilla and added pizza sauce, mozerella cheese and whatever toppings the boys wanted then threw them under the broiler until the cheese melted. It seriously was super delish. I folded mine and made a sort of pizza pocket type of deal but the boys ate theirs like actual pizza.

Mine had mozerella, feta cheese and sausage

After dinner and homework, the boys REALLY wanted to try out the new swim gear we got (yay for Wal-Mart clearance!) so we went down to the pool for awhile until it got chilly. They had a blast and Ry was soo excited his floaties allowed him to go anywhere in the pool instead of just staying on the stairs or holding my hands. The other two LOVED their new goggles/snorkling gear.
We headed back in and I decided to try the Mississippi Mug Pie that we were going to do on Saturday but I forgot about. It is absolutely perfect for those of you with little ones who love to help cook and SOOO quick and easy! The boys made theirs almost all the way by themselves and it was the perfect serving size. Seriously, if you love chocolate, go check out the recipe. And bonus...it was only 7 pts on WW. Well, mine was probably more cause I heaped on the whipped cream but still, not too shabby! In the future though, I am going to use shorter coffee mugs since it really didn't fill up like the picture showed it would. That or I just didn't do it right so the cake didn't set up haha! Either way, it was the perfect amount and very satisfying.

The pic at Hungrygirl.com looks alot more appetizing, but believe me it was to die for!

Tonight is going to be the Nacho-rific Stuffed Chicken. I'm kinda looking forward to it. I also get my new (to me) washer and dryer delivered today. Yay! I can do laundry again! And it was only $376 for both plus delivery and installation. Bonus!
Hope ya'll have a great day!

Weekend Highlights

I was sooo excited for this weekend to come. Probably because I needed a little break to just breath after the hectic week. Saturday I had a disappointing weigh in and made the commitment to get back on track this month. In fact, a friend of mine and I have made a wager to see who can lose 20 lbs the quickest. He is currently deployed however, and a guy....so I think I might lose this challenge. But it is making me want to work harder. (And no....he is not a love interest. He is happily married with 2 kids. We are just friends...I know someone would ask lol) So I'm looking forward to that. So far, so good.
After weigh in we did our shopping and then decided to go swimming. We were only in the water about 20 minutes when Nate started trying REALLY hard not to cry. I swam over and asked what was up, and then saw the wasp in the water and the little prick on his finger. Poor kid had been bit (according to him. I still say stung). So we went home and were bored. I decided to check and see where my bank accounts were standing and to my surprise, my grant money from school had been deposited! That made this girl very happy because now we could go school shopping for the boys. We ended up getting them a couple new outfits plus some church clothes. And then I gave in and got me a cheapo charcoal BBQ and a couple $10 camp chairs for the deck. I brilliantly set up the BBQ all by myself and we commenced with grilling burgers instead of having the chicken that I originially planned on. And after much distress about lighting the friggin coals (for an hour at least)...we got it going and settled down to eat our burgers at 7:30 pm. And they were amazing.

Mmm burgers...yes that is cheese AND pineapple.

Sunday started out rough with me being woke up at like 1:30 - 2:00 by a crowd of people beating the crap out of some kid right outside my bedroom window. After I woke up enough to realize that it wasn't the neighbors or someone's TV, and that it wasn't stopping, I guessed on the dispatch number and called it in. That got me all hyped up so I took a shower and finally fell asleep again at like 3:00. Sunday was also our very first week at our new ward. It was in a new building so we drove up there and I decided to throw my keys and phone in my church bag and just lock my purse in the car. Nate offered to carry the church bag (so I thought) and as I was walking around the car...all doors now locked....I saw Nate empty handed....yeah. He said he decided not to take it and thought I was. UGH. So as anyone who has EVER taken kids to a place where they were supposed to be quiet for any length of time, you can imagine my disdain for wanting to try to tackle church without snacks, books, little toys, and drinks that were all inconvienently locked in my car. But we did it. And it wasn't THAT bad (if by not THAT bad I mean that they kicked and poked and proded each other the ENTIRE meeting and if my car wouldn't have been completely useless, we would've gone home for naps....)
Anyway. The locksmith we use at work came out and saved me after church and only charged me his normal rate instead of the normal weekend emergency rate. It was good.
The rest of the day went peaceful and we just enjoyed each others company. I finished the last book in the series I was reading by Traci Hunter Abramson which is rather depressing. I've really enjoyed all the books and hope she comes out with another one soon.

As an edit: I started this post in the AM but got super busy...so finishing it right now!
I just got out of my first day of classes and I think it will be great! However, I am thinking that I will have to buckle down and get internet since I have one online class and my accounting class is set up so that EVERYTHING is done online. So....sigh. Looks like I'm adding an expense to the budget. I hate that. But its for the greater good I suppose. Now does anyone know of a cheap but efficient internet provider in the Southern Utah region?!

Two posts in one day...I know!!



Hungry Girl Mississippi Mug Pie Yummmmmy!

 So in a movement to start getting back on track with my WW, I've decided that I will pre-plan my dinners....for the entire month. Yep. The whole month. The remainder of August is done and now I'm moving into September. My goal is to see how it goes through September and if I like the whole shabang and it helps things be less chaotic at my house, then I will keep doing it. So expect some always fantastic (hehe) pictures of my food and the recipes that actually turn out good. Most of my recipes are going to be from the Hungry Girl website or the Food Network website since I love both. I love Hungry Girl most though because she figures the WW points out for her recipes so I don't have to. Awesomeness. I've also decided that Saturdays will be my splurge night where the boys and I will make (healthy-ish) treats. Up this weekend is Nacho-rific Stuffed Chicken and a SUPER EASY and LOW POINT Mississippi Mug Pie that only takes like, 5 minutes to make. I think its going to feel good to eat healthy again. I've been slacking big time. So....here goes!

Nerves man...they get to you

I've been a little scatter brained this week, probably from moving then the vaca and now school starting. Its been a blur. A very fun and exciting blur...but there are a whole lot of changes all happening one after another. I always thought I was one who could handle change. I've gone through several changes in my little lifetime and have taken them in stride. But for some reason, the recent changes are getting to me.

Moving was great. We are in a smaller place, yes, but it is much more managable than our monsterous old place and has more amenities. I'm happy with that decision. The job front is still a tad scary since funding is up in the air (which is probably where most of my anxiety lies to be honest) but I'm praying like crazy it will work out. The boys LOVED their first day of school. I was a horrible parent and forgot to take pictures...yeah I know. But I will take them once we do our official school shopping on Monday. Then you can be privvy to their 3rd day...or probably more likely their 4th day of school. Its the thought that counts...right? Right?! Anyway.

The biggest change for me personally is going back to school. I'm ecstatic to be finishing my education, but for some reason the nerves have set in. Maybe it's cause I'm old and going back to school. Or knowing its going to be ALOT of work in addition to raising my kids and work responsibilities. But I keep reminding myself that I am doing this for my kids. I'm doing this so that I can gain the education I need to be able to provide a better life for them. That is what counts.

Another thing that is positive about school is that I will have more socializing opportunities. On pretty much a daily basis my kids let me know that "we wish you would hurry up and get married so that we could have a good dad." They don't quite understand that you can't just walk up to some dude and be like "Hey! My name is Kim and I have three boys who really want a dad who will play with them, read with them, spend time with them, and all that jazz. You up for all that? Cause if so, lets get hitched..." Believe me.....I wish it was that easy. So maybe getting out and meeting people and all that jazz will put a little boost in that side of my life? Maybe.

I've also realized that I need to get back on the WW bandwagon. Even though I haven't gained back more than a pound of my weight lost, the muscle is leaving and fat is replacing it. I can physically see the change. And it sucks. So I need some way to boost my enthusiasm and get back into it. I think going to school will help, and I might use the hour break I get between two of my classes to jog on the track at the University. Since I don't have room for my treadmill and I always worry about jumping around in my apartment since I'm on the 2nd floor, I am having to be more creative. I think I will start up on my WiiFit again though. I did love that and I don't think it causes too much ruckus. Now I just need to get my butt moving.....

On the ex front, the legal paperwork is with the judge at the moment and all he needs to do is sign it. How long does it take to sign exactly? Well...we've been waiting for about 3 or 4 weeks now. But sooner or later it will all be done. Crossing fingers that its the sooner part instead of the later part. I've been kind of shocked about things that have happened during this whole process. From being lied to by the ex, to his fiance's family cornering my family to ask why I'm so horrible and such, to his dad yelling and degrading me, to a great family member coming forward to let me know they saw past his lies (thank you...you have no idea what that meant to me) to another family member who has now called my phone a total of 8 times in the past 3 days. And I'm not going to answer because quite frankly my emotions cannot handle anymore of their bashing on me. The boys are starting to see past it too and when I told them that things were finally cleared for them to go back to seeing their dad on the weekends they both started crying and begged me not to make them go. Then started the compromise thing again of "just make us go one day and then come get us" or "how about we only go for one weekend a month instead of all of them?" It breaks my heart. I guess its a good thing he hasn't tried to take them yet, but it still makes me feel bad. I know that their dad has a good heart, he is just making some bad choices right now that are affecting them and I feel like all of my efforts to make sure they WEREN'T affected by this has gone down the drain. Oh well...the only thing to do now is to just keep praying that everything will work as it is supposed to.

Well....thats all folks. Thanks for listening to my rants and raves and have a good weekend!

Holy Smack!

Hey ya'll! FINALLY we are back....but the whirlwind of life is still rollin' on! Disneyland was amazing. We had such a great time. The house we stayed in was absolutely beautiful. The boys LOVED Disneyland with the favorite rides being Toy Story, Thunder Mountain and Soaring California. And Nemo for Ryder. Church and the beach on Sunday was fun...except for a minor incident of a certain Grandpa losing his way while trying to pick us up....but all was not lost and we got home safely. Albeit 3-4 hours later than we had planned. Tyler had a fantastic birthday...even though he didn't want to wear his Disneyland birthday button. But he did think it was awesome that he got to see fireworks on his birthday.
The trip was memorable and I got to know my family better. I'm happy we went and everything went relatively smoothly all weekend long.
Today Nate and Ty started school. They didn't want me to go with them, so Grandma drove them. And they were too big for her to walk them into class. Of course. Tomorrow they said they will let me walk them in. We shall see.
Monday I start school. I'm anxious. I don't quite know why but I am really nervous to go back. Maybe all the changes that are going on and such all at one time? Probably. I do look forward to it though.
My mind is a little fried still so I will go into detail more about all of the above when things have calmed down alittle. Until then, here are some pics from our big trip. These are just the ones from my phone...I will post the ones from my camera when I can get to a USB cord to upload.
Now....for  PIC OVERLOAD! In no particular order, here we go. :)




Nate and I at our first gas stop




San Clemente beach on Friday




On the Jungle Cruise in Disneyland!




The boys waiting for Autotopia in Disneyland




Tyler burying himself at Huntington Beach on Sunday




Ty and Ry (and Addy in the background) at Huntington Beach




Nate refused to have his pic taken...so heres the other two in Toon Town




Our stop on the way home at the Las Vegas Town Square...this place is seriously awesome. Loved it!



DISNEYLAND!

Today is the day we leave! So I am checking out ya'll. I will be back on Wednesday with lots of pictures and big stories to tell I'm sure! Have a good weekend!

Soooo excited....

Lots of randomness today......

The time is coming closer! It's almost time to leave for Disneyland! The boys and I are almost beside ourselves in excitement. One thing I'm not so excited about is that none of the financial things that I had thought would be working out....have happened. So the extra cushion of money I thought I had is not there. But. Life goes on and we will just have to be kind of cheap on this trip. Which I'm good with. Tonight we are going to go shopping for the trip and pack our bags so that we can leave directly after work TOMORROW! We plan on stopping at the state line for a break and finishing the trip out on Friday. It will be nice to have the break and to spend time with my family.

Its been good to have a swimming pool at our complex. The boys and I have gone twice now and it really is a load of fun. However, I also think its a cesspool of germs. We went swimming last night and voila...this morning two out of the three kids had a runny nose and scratchy throat. I'm hoping that dosing them up with meds helps them recoup in time for Disneyland.

Our new place is working out well. It's smaller, but that means less area for me to clean which I'm good with. I've been trying to find ways to make it more homey....I haven't figured out how yet but hopefully soon. The boys are getting used to it, although they do not like the fact that every time they run and jump, I have to yell at them to stop or they will disturb the neighbors. Thats one thing I'm not fond of when living in an apartment. Elsewise...we all good.

My fiscal fast is going good. No money spent yet. Tonight will be food money, so it doesn't technically count since it was pre-planned. Everything else we have and should be good with. I don't anticipate spending any more money until we get to Cali.

The series I've been reading is great. I thought all the books would be tied around this one girl, but after the initial three books, the rest focus on specific members of the SEALs group. Its pretty good. I'm on book 6 right now and it's pretty intense. However I haven't been able to finish them in a day like I was previously. I fall asleep while reading them at night. Anyway.
So...ya'll...I hope you have a great day and I will leave you with a picture of the boys in heaven the swimming pool.



Edit: I almost forgot....the poop chronicles continue. I have no idea what goes on in Ryders head when he decides if he is going to want to potty for the day or not....but wow. So last night we waiting for dinner. I was reading my book and the boys were watching TV. Ry was naked cause he was getting ready to change into his swim trunks. I don't know what made me look up, but I could tell he was just about to pee. You can see the little drips right before it happens. So I tell him to run fast to the bathroom...and as he is turning around...a little poop ball falls to the ground. Oy!! Had I not caught him, he would've totally pooped all over my floor! Frustrating. Very frustrating. Does anyone want to potty train my child?!

Truly Truly Blessed

This always happens. I whine and get frustrated and then the amazing happens.
I'll start at the semi-beginning.
I have been struggling with some things and finally got down on my knees and pleaded and prayed for some answers. I needed something. That was on Sunday night. Monday morning, I whine and complain at ya'll. Monday after work, my pleading and prayers (an apparently the prayers of many others....I'm truly blessed) were answered. I'll explain more in detail later, but a FANTASTIC and UNBELIEVABLE opportunity has come my way. I can only hope I'm up to snuff so I can take the opportunity and run with it. My faith has been rather shakey of late...and now I don't think I will ever doubt that again. I truly feel like my prayers were answered in one big swoop.
But...along with this awesome blessing, I'm feeling a bit jittery and nervous. If everything pans out, this will result in a BIG change for me and my boys and I'm kind of scared about that. I've never been one to be weary of change, I've welcomed it. But now that I'm getting older, I think I'm ready to settle down a bit. This new opportunity will definitely be a starting point for that, but I'm still nervous. So many things could effect the outcome that it's overwhelming.
So...I will keep praying. And thank you to anyone else who has been saying prayers in my behalf...prayers are being answered.

Sigh

I need some good mojo. If you have any, please spare some and send it my way. I've got some hard decisions coming up and I'm having to plan an exit strategy for something in my life that has needed to come to an end for awhile. The only problem is....I cannot execute the above mentioned exit strategy until the stars align more, which isn't happening. And it's frustrating. I have no idea which way my life is supposed to be headed right now, and that is more frustrating than anything. It sucks. If I at least knew what I was supposed to be doing, then I could have SOME sense of peace. But alas....its not happening. So again...send good mojo and prayers my way. I hate asking...but I kinda need it right now.

In other, more happy news...we had a great weekend full of family, swimming, hot dogs and amazingly yummy teriyaki burgers with grilled pineapple covered in coconut. I'm sad to have to go to work again, but in 4 short days we will be headed to Disneyland and I am SOO excited. I cannot wait. It's going to be hard to come back from that trip as well, however shortly after I will be able to start school which will be nice.

So...even with the stressful, irritating issues going on...I'm trying to think of the positives. Like my awesome family and being able to spend time with them soon enough. That makes me very happy :)

Disneyland, books, and a FISCAL FAST

Disneyland is quickly approaching! This time next Friday I will be on the road. I cannot wait. This trip is bringing lots of excitement for me and of course, lots of stress over the financial aspect (how on earth do they stay in business charging hundreds of dollars just for tickets?! oh yeah...people like me who will dish it out for a moment of happy faces on their kids.....). But I have faith that all will turn out well and we will be okay. Plus it will be nice that as soon as we get back, my paycheck will be here AND my grant money will be here. So..things should be okay. More than anything, I am looking forward to the break from life that this will bring me. I've been desperately needing that break.

Since moving, I have been SUPER antsy at night. I dunno why...just have been. Probably because there isn't much to do at night now that I don't have a monster house to take care of. So...my mom suggested a new series for me to read. The first book, Under Currents by Traci Hunter Abramson, was fantastic. I finished it in one night. Its about an LDS girl who is forced to enter the Witness Protection Program after her boyfriend is shot by some Drug Lords. Trying to adjust to a new life and mourning the death of her father and boyfriend (who died within a month of each other) finds her lonely and miserable in her new life. Then she meets the handsome young man she will soon fall in love with and they have quite the adventure together.
The one I'm reading now is Ripple Effect and it starts with her in yet another new identity, starting over AGAIN. I'm about half way through it and cannot wait to see what happens. It's starting to get to the really good parts. At this moment in the book, she was called to testify against the big drug cartel people, and now she has disappeared and no one can find her (well at least her roommates and boyfriend can't, but they are the only family she has). Should be interesting! I'm hoping to finish the book tonight.

My first fiscal fast is going to start as soon as I get my food shopping done tomorrow. To learn in detail what I'm doing, click here to read how a blogger I follow is going at it. It's similiar to what another friend of mine is doing here. I'm hoping this will help me prepare for Disneyland. The blogger at link 1 found it very invigorating and I'm hoping it has the same effect on me. However, I do like what the blogger in link 2 is doing as well and setting certain "No Spend" days per month. Both are great ideas that I will be trying to incorporate into my crazy little life soon enough.
To explain, the fiscal fast means that I will not spend money at all on anything for a set amount of time, or a set number of days per month. That means the day before, make sure you have gas in the car and adequate food in your cupboards. Then you fast. You don't spend a single dime for that entire amount of time. In my case, its going to start tomorrow (Saturday) and end on Thursday night/Friday (whichever day we end up leaving to Disneyland).

I think thats it....everyone have a great weekend!

The Poop Chronicles continued....

I swear.......this potty training thing is NEVER going to happen ya'll. Nah I shouldn't say that, the pee part is happening. Example: as we were leaving daycare Ry says "I gotta go potty!" I tried to brush it off and tell him to wait, but he was having nothing of it. So he went. And actually did good! He must've been holding it cause he pee'd for like 15 seconds (compared to his normal pee for 1/100000000000th of a second and be done). So I ate my foot and he got a sticker from his daycare teacher. However, at dinner he stood up from the table and gave that look. Any momma who has ever had to potty train a kid knows that look. He was totally pooping. So I jump up from the table and we run into the potty....and he sits there. And bobs his head. I tell him to git-r-done, demonstrate the "pushing" face in hopes that he will push (nope...he just growled a little), do a little potty dance......all of which he finds amusing. None of which actually help our cause. After like 10 years 5 minutes, he finally he hops off and says he's done. No poop.
But I know this kid. In 5 minutes the aroma of poop will fill the house. AFTER he gets off the potty. But I was hungry and so was he so I let him off the potty and off we went to finish dinner.
He proved me wrong. There was no poop aroma after 5 minutes.....It took 15.
Dang potty training.

The New Place

Because I'm still fuming a bit about some situations going on in my life....I think its best to have a picture post today. So...here is the new place. We are almost done packing. I got my room finished up day before yesterday, and the boys rooms are up to be finished tonight. So they are still really messy...especially Nates. :)



Ours in the top left hand corner one....with all the boxes on the balcony. We lucked out because we got the unit with vaulted ceilings which in every other building would'vebeen on the3rd floor. I'm not about to do that again.



This is what you see when you walk in the door...kids playing VMotion hehe :)



This is the other half of the living room...obviously...with kids




The Itty Bitty Tiny kitchen. But its function and works....so I'm happy with it.




Dining room. Probably my favorite room wierdly enough, dunno why.



Boys bathroom




Tyler and Ryders bedroom...still working on getting it unpacked.



Nates room...which has become the dumping grounds for the clothes until we get them completely put away in proper places. Obviously still unpacking in there.





My room...which is about half the size of my last bedroom. But I've made it work.




My bathroom.

As we've been in the new place, I can't help but feel like this was a very good move for us. I know we made the best decision we could've in our situation. I hope things will continue to get better.

In other news, this month is starting with the bang. moving is done, next up on the list is Disneyland NEXT WEEK! I'm soo very excited for that! We will be gone leave on Friday and come home on Tuesday....which makes me sooo excited! However the Friday after we come back the boys start school...and the following Monday I start school. Craziness all around! So I apologize if blogging gets more infrequent...but I will try to keep up with it :)

Poor Ty

So I initially was going to rant and rave about a one liner I recieved yesterday that broke the camels back. Drove me to my wits end. And any other catchy phrase you could think of. However, I'm not going to. I know what I need to do to rectify the situation (get out of it) and am working on doing so. I hope it happens soon, send me good mojo and wish me luck.

However.....

My poor Tyler has had quite the last couple days. Probably 2 weeks ago after a bath Tyler told me he thought he might have cut himself. Sure enough, it looked like a fingernail scratch right above his junk (I can't think of a more delicate way to put it....). He has had a problem keeping his hands out of that region and finally I broke down and, in essence, said "See I told you that if you kept playing with that thing you'd hurt yourself. See?" And left it at that. I thought it had worked because my parenting skills rock. However a week went by and he came up and told me it was really starting to hurt down there. So we checked it out and the cut was gone, however he was really really raw in all the wrong places. So we just tried to keep in clean and dry it hopes it would go away. Well Sunday night they were taking baths and he came out almost in tears. When he unwrapped his towel I almost had a mini flip out. He was raw and crusty and it had spread around the whole area and down his legs. I felt sooo bad for him but didn't know what to do so we called Grandma and set a time to have her look at it on Monday.

Well...come Monday, when he dropped trough for Grandma we noticed some white zit looking things as well that I hadn't noticed the night before. It was time to see the doc. Tyler was a little scared...we had to go to the Instacare seeing as how it was 8 pm when this all went down. He was hoping for the boy doc, but no. It was the girl one that sounds like a mouse. She is really nice....but wow that voice! Anyway....I didn't realize how much anxiety he had until he started asking questions while we waited. Was it going to hurt to have it looked at? Will they give him medicine to feel better? And the best one....."Will they have to cut "it" off??" Poor kid....but when he knew his junk was safe he commenced with the chitter chatter only a 5 yr old boy could come up with. "They are going to cut it off, then put water in it, and then fling the water around out of it" was just one of the many different ways he figured they could solve the problem.

So the doc comes in...he drops trough....and for the first time ever she talked normal. Yes! She actually talked normal. Granted it was only for like a split second to say "Oh my goodness!" before she re-gained her composure, but still. The diagnosis? He had a yeast infection.....that had a staph infection mixed in. Poor kid. We got him the prescriptions and stocked up on Lysol germ killer and went home to bed. This morning, everything is looking MUCH better. Amazing how medication can start working after just one dose. Thank you modern technology. However, no preschool allowed until the puss things clear up. So he gets to go to the Grandparents house today. I hope he gets feeling better soon, there is nothing worse than knowing your poor kid is hurting.

*I was going to attempt a picture without any boy parts showing of course, but I decided not to...so I went to google some pictures of the typical infections....and I almost puked. So sorry...no visual today.

RIP to you, my dear house.....

This was a very VERY long weekend. It consisted of packing, moving, and unpacking............lots of lifting and carrying up stairs................lots of cleaning.......................thank goodness for my awesome Mom (and my Dad for letting her sneak away), for my friends Tyler and Mande, and for a new friend Brent. They were amazing. Seriously. I owe them big time. It was not an easy move. And to say I am sore is a huge understatement. I'm sooo much in pain. But I can bet I probably lost at least 3 lbs this weekend.

This house was a bit of a pinnacle for me. It was my first REAL nice house that I could afford on my own. It was the first house that wasn't an apartment, and the first house that let us spread out in luxurious 3 bedrooms. We had kind neighbors, the kids made good friends, and I have some great memories there. I think this is the first house I've ever lived in that I'm actually going to miss. Leaving there was hard. When I was finishing cleaning last night I kept thinking of all the progress that I had made personally in that house.

One thing I won't miss? The property management company. Ohhhh boy were they bad. They seemed really nice when we first started working with them, but I should've known that something was up when I moved in and I could tell the place wasn't professionally cleaned. It was clean...but in a way that a tenant would do a final clean. From there, I had a maintanence call that didn't do much good, since the guy didn't fix the problem. And had heard through work that they had been having issues with their service guys stealing stuff from homes. And then, there was the house incident.... you can refresh your memory here.

And now. Friday I get told that "Guess what? Someone is going to rent your unit!" Cause I care so much, my lease was up and I was month to month. Then "So when are you going to be out? They want to be in on Monday." Ok, not a prob since I was planning on that anyway (another hint they do not professionally clean their apartments, someone couldn't do it that fast). And then "Now you need to schedule the carpets to be cleaned." Wait what?? They are holding $120 of my deposit for what I assumed was carpet cleaning, since thats what just about EVERYONE does here. Oh no. That is a lease initiatory fee that I apparently get to pay them for the pleasure of renting a unit from them. SERIOUSLY?!

So I just had my final walk through with them and I left the unit cleaner than I found it. Except for a stain up in Nate's room that I couldn't get out of the carpet, a couple light bulbs that I forgot to replace, and like 2 drawers that didn't get wiped out. How much can I bet you that they will take as much as they can possibly take from my deposit? I have bets on not getting a dime back.

NOW..................

Time to count my blessings.............even though downsizing has been extremely hard, it has been worth it. My boys are happy, we are in a pretty nice apartment with a rent I can manage. The group that owns it has an office onsite which makes life easy for service calls and paying rent. We have a play area right outside our door and a pool to play in. And the landlords, well, they are spectaculiar. The whole process was almost too easy, especially for a tax credit place.

This is my breath of fresh air.............and I'm taking deep breaths. As much as I hated leaving my old place, this is a new chapter and will be an amazing one. I'm sure of it. I'm sooo happy to be leasing from a company I can trust, who I know will not try to screw me over. I'm truly blessed.