But that isn't the only thing weighing on me. I feel like there is a piece of me missing. I have felt this in the past but it hasn't weighed on me as much as it is now. I feel like there is something bigger in this world for me but it is just out of my reach. I don't even know what it is, funny enough. But it's there, and it's calling to me, and I can't reach it. I'm holding myself back and don't know how to change it. Or rather I don't have the faith that if I make the changes I think I need to make, it will pay off and I will thrive instead of falling flat on my face. I was thinking about this today during church and there was a lesson given on living up to our full potential (isn't that how it always works? when we struggle with something, it comes a blaring). We talked about a parable of a man who lived wealthy, had a high social standing, was morally sound, did everything he felt he needed to do to live a good life. But something was missing. When he asked God what he needed to do to find that missing piece, God instructed him to sell all of his belongings and serve the poor. Give up his wealth to follow a path he was meant to lead. This wasn't because his wealth was bad, it was because his focus on obtaining wealth and possessions were keeping him from fulfilling his purpose, selflessly serving others.
I believe with all of my heart that we all have a calling in life, something that we are meant to do while we are here. It's not always apparent but I think it sits in our soul until we are ready to embrace it. I think the talents we are given help us to come closer to understanding our part in this world and what we can do to be an influence for the better. I just wish I could see the bigger picture. I wish I could just have a little glimpse of what I am supposed to be doing, because right now I feel like I'm just trying to make it through the day without breaking down.
And then out of the blue tonight a friend of mine starting talking to me on Facebook and we got to discussing how sometimes it feels like no matter what you do, for every step forward you get thrown two steps back. And sometimes you just have to keep working at it until you finally catch your big break. And then he sends me a song. A beautiful, amazing, and powerful song. I don't know why he decided to share this song with me as we have never shared music before but I strike it up to something in him knowing I needed to be uplifted. And uplifted I am. I still don't know what's missing in my life or how to meet my full potential, but I am feeling a little less hopeless now. And I wanted to share, I hope this touches you as much as it did me.
We Found Love - Lindsey Stirling