Thursday, November 29, 2012

I should've knocked on wood.

I sometimes think that the universe thinks it has a sense of humor. I kind of feel like when I finally get one step in the right direction, something happens to knock me three million steps back. I've also decided that it's completely true that issues/problems/hurdles/whatever you choose to call them always come in three. My trifecta has occurred.

1. My legal bill jumped from a remaining balance of $138 to $825. In a matter of 15 days. How does this happen? I have no clue, but I can't exactly complain because they've given me such a huge break over the years on fees. Ugh.

2. The whole getting off Welfare deal which has been a positive....has officially turned into a negative real quick. Daycare bill that I need to pay ASAP is just about $500 and next month will be even more as all three of the boys will be there during the days off from school. And to go along with that.....

3. The big stress. That I should've knocked on wood about with my previous post. As many of you know Tyler was born with a Cleft Lip and Palate. Which means he was born with a giant hole that went from his front gums (he didn't have a roof of his mouth when he was born) clear back down his throat. He's had 5 corrective surgeries so far and the next one was due to happen in a year or so. No biggie. 
Well....BIG. A while back we noticed he had a tooth growing funky in the gap in his gum that was pushing on his fake teeth prosthesis. So he went to the dentist and had the prosthesis taken out but our dentist suggested we see a Specialist. Grandma so wonderfully took Ty to the Specialist yesterday and it turns out that his development is ahead of what was estimated.

His current smile....from the front.

Front the side-ish.....

It's now time for the next surgery and if we wait much longer even more work is going to have to be done to get everything fixed. From what I understand (I got relayed info from Grandma who took him) the gap in his gums is like a sponge and can't hold the teeth in which is why they keep growing in funky. And there is quite a substantial amount of this spongy stuff so it's likely the "fake" bone they can sometimes use for the graft may not work, they may have to take a piece of bone from his hip.

Kind of a cool X-Ray...but you can see on top how he has "popcorn" or "scrambled egg" teeth as the dentist put it. They are just all over the place up in that area.

So on Tuesday we see the Oral Surgeon (I think that's who he is anyway...or another Specialist) to see what will need to be done to get him fixed up much it will cost. That's the kicker. Having no insurance means it's going to get costly.
After talking to my Mom about it, he will need $4000 in orthodontics plus the surgery costs. If they have to take the bone graft from his hip which is looking likely, then that will be more money of course. Based on his other surgeries and Mom's guesstimation....we are probably looking at around $15,000.

The Specialist (Dr Webster, I HIGHLY recommend him!) they went to yesterday was an absolute miracle though. Tyler was there about 1 1/2 hours, had two X-Rays done and I think Mom said that 3 different people took a look at him, so it could've been a very costly appointment but he didn't charge a dime. Even when my mom tried to pay him he still wouldn't take the money. I tell you what, I wish there were more kind souls in this world like him.

But needless to say I was a little stressed out yesterday. There were even a few tears involved. It almost feels like a catch 22. I don't have $15,000 just chilling out in my bank account and my parents have graciously offered to help with the orthodontics, but there is still the surgery cost. I can't not give my son something he desperately needs though. That is not an option. And my Mom keeps kindly pointing out that I can't let this slide or wait much longer (I do appreciate it Mom, I need a push sometimes when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Thank you and keep pushing).

I've looked into some financial help via health/dental insurance options and the regular ones are expensive and who are we kidding the likelihood of them covering a surgery so soon is minimal, but either way I can't afford them at this time. The ones in place for low income folks are closed to new applicants or I make too much money ironically. I am still trying to figure a way to look into the CHIP plan but you have to apply through the state and the app process takes 4-6 weeks according to the website. Which I will still get done for future needs, as this is not just a one time thing, it's a process they will have to monitor as he grows and develops. But it won't help right this second.

So.......If you pray, say a little prayer for us that we can figure this out. If you don't pray, send some positive thoughts and mojo our way. We could use all the help we can get.

Now off to do some more research and find a way to fix my trifecta of problems. There is always a way, just have to have faith that I will be led in the right direction.....right? Right?! Trying to have faith.

*P.S. I have learned a valuable lesson through this....I was soo frustrated about not moving a while back but had I not listened to that little voice in my head telling me it wasn't quite time yet, this would've sunk our little financial boat in the worst way. I am sooo very grateful I went against what I had REALLY wanted to do, otherwise we'd be toast. So remember to listen to that still, small voice ya''s usually right.

And just because it will be neat to see how his facial structure changes with this are the before shots.  Funny note...Mom said the one in the top middle looked like it could be one of the inmate booking page shots...I laughed a little :)

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Day Has Come...

It's no secret that I use state welfare programs. Ry is on Medicaid, I get a little allotment of food stamps and I get child care assistance. And I hate it and am embarrassed by it, but I appreciate it all the same because can tough. And the boost was helpful. Especially on months when my commissions are not huge. Well, starting December 1, that will all be gone except for child care which has been reduced down to a little under half of what my daycare bill is. Merry Christmas me! 

It's a bittersweet moment, I'll tell you what. Half of me is happy because I've loathed having to use welfare, it really kind of bothered me. Okay it bothered me a lot. was really helpful there for awhile during my tight months. And...I look at my budget and pray that I will be able to make it. I'm having my doubts at the moment but this is just added incentive to push my loans through so I get paid I suppose. Commission pay is a scary thing I'll tell you what. But we aren't given obstacles that we can't get past, right? Plus, this is something that I've been trying to do for quite some time so I can officially check it off my goal list.

I think we will be fine, it's just going to be a matter of REALLY tightening up the budget and getting a whole lot of savings stocked up whenever I can. We really don't spend much on food per month and my freezer is stocked with the expensive stuff (meat) so we will be good there. The childcare is a slight bit scarier as the amount I'm paying for that will more than double. And...well...lets just pray no one gets sick or seriously injured until I can afford to pay for health insurance.

But this is what life is all about right? Running into challenges and powering through. I'm starting to see that more and more. So bring it on. Just call me the Little Engine That Could.....I think I can I think I can. 

Or maybe I'll make a trip to the great AZ and buy a Power Ball ticket or ten. $425 million (or whatever it's up to now) would be nice.

Friday, November 23, 2012

And so it begins

Thanksgiving was good this year. The older boys went with their dad and I missed them like crazy of course. But it was offset by going to Venice to eat family dinner there. It was fantastic to see everyone and we had such a great time. We ate in this old schoolhouse over there that they have been cleaning up and it was a perfect setting. And of course, the food was all fabulous. I ate my far share. It was my only meal that day....I was absolutely stuffed. And I'm sure gained 20 lbs. But it was totally worth it.

But now Thanksgiving is over....Black Friday is over....and so it begins. Christmas Season. Well for me anyway...I know stores started like 3 months ago but I refuse until after Thanksgiving is over. Ryder and I moved furniture around and put up the tree today. We are going to be decorating it for family night on Monday after the boys come home. We also Redboxed us a Christmas movie and are currently watching it with hot chocolate.
Christmas is by far my favorite holiday. Not because of Santa and toys and such...or even the awesome moment of seeing my boys' faces on Christmas morning (although that is pretty awesome). It's because it feels like everyone's spirits change, even if it's just a little bit and for a short amount of time. People are more willing to serve it seems during the holidays. They are more caring and loving towards their neighbors. The whole season just seems a little more magical. Or something. I don't know what it is, but I love the feeling.
What else am I looking forward to? The Christmas music. We all know I LOVE music and Christmas music is my tops. There is some truly beautiful Christmas music out there and I fully intend on soaking it all in while I can. In fact I've already gotten my Spotify playlist for work updated with one of my favorite albums, Celtic Women Christmas.

Hope ya'll had a great Thanksgiving and have a great weekend!

Monday, November 19, 2012

Thanksgiving - Give Thanks

via google images

It's that time of year again when we are all reminded to give thanks for the many blessings we have. Granted we should be thankful every single day for the blessings we have been given, but sometimes it's easy to forget. And quite frankly, I need to give a little thanks right now because it's coming to the point where I'm feeling a bit weighed down by things happening here in our little world. And in the spirit of the social media challenges for 30 days of Thanksgiving...I'm going to take that 30 days and smash it all into this little (okay more like novel) post. Here we go, in no particular order.

1. I am thankful for my boys. They cause me stress and grey hairs, but they make every day an adventure and I love being able to share in their lives.
2. I am thankful for my parents. They happily step in when I can't. The saying is true, raising children take a village and I've got the best village in the world.
3. I am thankful for my brothers. They have been great examples to my boys and have shown them unconditional love and play time like I can't give, just because I'm not a guy.
4. I am thankful for my sister. She is truly an old soul in every sense of the word (not agewise...I promise Steph!). So loving and compassionate, not to mention skilled and just all around amazing.
5. I am thankful for my brother-in-law. He has always been kind and caring. He is a great father and a good example to his children.
6. I am thankful for my sister-in-laws. They have both brought amazing qualities into the family and changed us all for the better. I love the days we get to spend time together and look forward to many more.
7. I am thankful for my job. I work at one of the best companies out there (and yes I'm probably biased but it's true). We look out for each other and help each other succeed.
8. I am thankful for my little team at work. My LO is always supportive of me and always wanting to ensure that my family is taken care of. We work well together and push each other to succeed.
9. I am thankful for money. This job has provided well for my family and is only going to get better as time goes on. I couldn't be more thankful, especially in times like these.
10. I am thankful for my knowledge of the gospel. Even though I feel like I'm still wading in unknown territory. I am truly thankful to know that there is a higher being who loves me and looks out for me, even in my moments of weakness.
11. I am thankful for music. Music has been a staple for me in my life. Music carries much emotion for me and brings out things I need to feel when it matters most.
12. I am thankful for the women at church. I have been so very blessed to come to know and love those women. They have such beautiful souls and truly care about the well-being of others.
13. I am thankful for my friend-guy. I haven't talked about him on here but he has been a big part of my life the past few months and deserves a little thanks. He buoys me up, gives me confidence, makes me feel cared about and safe. I enjoy our time together and hope he does too.
14. I am thankful for my house. We are one of the lucky even though it doesn't feel that way most days. But there are more and more people out there who are homeless and have life a whole lot worse than I do.
15. I am thankful for the ability to provide for my family. I've never been without a job which is a miracle in and of itself given the economy these days. And now I have the opportunity for financial freedom.
16. I am thankful for the beauty that surrounds me on a daily basis. I've always taken advantage of how amazing my surroundings are but I truly do live in an beautiful place.
17. I am thankful for modern technology. I have the freedom to work at home if needed, teach my boys new things that otherwise wouldn't be available to them, shop if I want to, and so much more.
18. I am thankful for my friends. I don't have a huge circle of friends, but the ones I do have are near and dear to my heart. I love that we can not talk for ages and just pick up like it was yesterday when we see each other again.
19. I am thankful for my little wreck of a car. As unhappy as I am with it, it gets me safely to and from work every day and carts my family around. I'd be lost without it.
20. I am thankful to the fine military forces. They keep me safe and keep bad guys at bay the best they can. I think we all have them to thank for our safety and freedom. They give all so we can live free.
21. I am thankful for my extended family. We aren't as close as I wish we were, but I always enjoy the time we spend together on holidays, at reunions, or at random when we have a chance to get together.
22. I am thankful for Netflix. As silly as it sounds, its a heck of a lot cheaper than cable and provides just as much entertainment on days that I need the boys to entertain themselves (epic parenting fail 101 I know).
23. I am thankful for my boys' teachers. Nate and Tyler attend a fantastic school where the teachers truly care about each student individually and want them to succeed in school.
24. I am thankful for daycare. Ryder has hands down the very best daycare out there. The teachers there are so kind and loving. They have practically raised Ry and it's no secret that they just absolutely adore him.
25. I am thankful for a working, functioning body. I hate it and wish it would there was a magic fat shrinker but I am more grateful to just simply have a body. Mine has treated me fairly well, even though I haven't returned the favor all that well.
26. I am thankful to live in America. Even though I do feel like we are swiftly on the downfall and will collapse in the near future, I still appreciate the many freedoms that come from living here.
27. I am thankful for my freedom of choice. It kind of goes along with the above, but also just the ability to make my own choices in general. Free will is a powerful tool. I have both used and abused it, but am thankful that I was even able to make that choice for myself.
28. I am thankful for my Grayson. Even though he's not here on earth, I know he's out there looking down on us and guiding us forward. I am thankful I went through everything I went through as it made me stronger as a person but softened my heart.
29. I am thankful for my Patriartical (sp?) Blessing. I came upon it again the other day and have been reading through it. I found great comfort in it's word and motivation to do better with my life so the promises mentioned have a chance to be given to me.
30. Finally.....I am thankful for my readers! You guys! I appreciate the advice given and the friends I've made in my little bloggy world. And I look forward to making more friends as time goes on!

Ok ya'll! What are you thankful for???

Monday, November 12, 2012

Random Bits

I decided I need to quit wallowing in my head and start blogging again. It helps me sort through my thoughts. But nothing deep today, just fun random bits.

*We woke up on Thursday with the flu and by we I mean literally all four of us. Yeah that was a big funfest. Nate came in and laid down with me around 2:30 am because he wasn't feeling well. Around 4:30 am I woke up with the full blown run to the bathroom nastiness.

-Side note - Mine was worse than everyone elses which ended up being both a blessing and a curse....curse because I couldn't so much as sit up without pretty much puking my guts out but blessing because the boys weren't in as rough of shape and could fend for themselves a little bit.

By about 5:30 am Ryder was puking and by 7:00 am Tyler was up and puking. It was one of those moments when it would be nice to have a significant other around here to help care for the kids. They had an epic fail of a parent that day. Obviously I didn't go into work but tried my best to work from home. And as morbid as it was kind of interesting to see the different stages play out between us all. I started feeling better in the afternoon as did Tyler. However Nate and Ryder only got worse before they got better. Thankfully, come Friday we were all feeling well enough to go about our normal routine.

*I had the most beautiful and awe inspiring experience on Friday driving home. It was really gloomy weather and as I was heading home there was one range of mountains that was soooo brightly lit up it looked like someone had stuck a ginormous spotlight in the valley and pointed it at only that one range. They stuck out like a sore thumb in the mix of the rest of the gloomy dark scenery. As I got closer to that spot, the sun poked out from under the clouds but it lit up the area as if that spot light was pointed at the back of my car pushing me home. The colors in the sunbeams were sooooo vivid and the mountains were amazingly beautiful. It was a true natural phenomenon...I've only seen the likes of it in photographs that have been filtered and photoshopped. Made me thankful for living in such a beautiful place.

*Saturday we got invited to go bowling with a friend and it turned out being real fun! The boys had a blast, stayed up too late and not to toot my own horn or anything but I kicked trash.

*Sunday the boys had their primary program. We had a ROUGH morning and ended up being about 20 minutes late for church. Grandpa and Grandma thankfully saved me a seat and the boys got there in time to participate in the program (thank you church organization for structuring the meeting to have announcements and sacrament services before programs). And they did soooo amazing! All three boys said their parts perfectly and sing the songs.I was one proud momma!

*Today I had the day off from work for Veterans Day which pretty much meant that I worked from home, but I didn't have to make the drive to St George! I got a whole lot of catching up done on some work related activities and got my laundry pretty much caught up. I also got to go with my sister in laws to lunch and had such a great time! I don't get to spend much time with them outside of family dinner and I really just enjoyed being able to do so. I have the best family ever.

And thats about it. I have pictures of most of these events listed, but they aren't transferred to my laptop. should follow me on Instagram if you want to see the goods! I have no idea how to tag my name so you can follow but if you have Instagram look up kimmys012185. Thats me. :)

Speaking of Veterans Day....thank you to those who have served, still serve and will serve in our fine military. May we all pay respect today to those who give their lives to keep ours safe.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

And....Obama Wins

So we've been watching the election tonight. I thought it was kind of important for the boys to see how its all happens. As of right now, Obama has been called to win. Sounds like Romney is hoping that because of the close (oh my gosh close) voting in Ohio and Florida he may pull through...but it's not looking great for him.
Can I just say that I am soo happy this election is over. Maybe I just never paid too much attention before, but it seems like this election was much worse than ones in the past.... just absolutely full of negative EVERYTHING back and forth between the two candidates. Even being in a strong Republican state, it's been bad. I can only imagine what the poor swing states have been going through. I've also been shocked at the different affiliations that have come out between my friends from both parties. Republicans I would've guessed to be Democrats and vice versa. It's been interesting to see people's opinions and what they feel is best for this country.
So what was my vote? Romney. And not because I'm a Republican (personally, I consider myself unaffiliated and choose the people I feel would do best for the country, regardless of their affiliation), not because I live in a Republican strong state, or because he is Mormon. There were a few reasons for this.
Romney has proven to be successful in his career which was turning failing businesses around and making them successful. He's become very wealthy doing this. I know there has been some negative light on his income and such but since when was it a bad thing to be successful? I think that is a good thing personally, it proves he knows his stuff. And I think it's safe to say this country is not doing well at the moment, so why not give the guy a chance to fix it? Of course I didn't let this one fact sway my entire decision, but it was the biggest playing card in my decision.
Soooo...that's just my opinion. Yeah, I'm a little bit sad that Romney lost. I do worry about what is going to happen to this country over the next 4 years. I hope that things will get better, but I have a feeling they will just keep on the decline. But I challenge Obama to prove me wrong.

And more than anything just a rant here for a kills me that the electoral vote wins the race and not the popular vote. Kinda makes me wonder what the point of voting is sometimes if the citizen vote isn't important in deciding who will run this country. I know that the number of votes per state determines the electoral vote for that state but did anyone else see the fact that Romney dominated by over a million votes so far in the popular, yet still fell behind in the electoral? Just sayin'.

On a more curious, religious note in regards to the elections....I really want to know the opinion of ya'll who are LDS. A friend of mine posted the following on Facebook:

"The way I have always understood it was that the world would have to become really bad and then a priesthood holder will become president to bring us out of the mess.... I have felt all along that its not bad enough for this to happen right now... Give it another 4 years! Heaven help us for sure! This truly is the last days." MSB

I remember vaguely hearing something like this before during an election while I was in high school, but that was a REAL long time ago. I really am interested in hearing your thoughts though as this has always been a fascinating (and slightly unsettling) subject that I'm trying to understand more fully. So please share? Do you think that's a fairly accurate statement? Or maybe not?

Monday, November 5, 2012

Go with the heart? Or go with the gut?

I have a few issues that I've been really trying to figure out the answer to. Three in particular have taken a whole lot of my brain power and emotional strength to try and figure out, but alas I still cannot come to a decision on any of them. (And I'm not so sure they are good to post for the world to see just yet, but I'll post them later when I figure out what I'm going to do).
When I make my ultimate decision for each issue, they will be fairly life changing to me and to my boys. They are also all intertwined with each other....meaning that the decision I make for one issue will have an effect on the other two issues and so on. Being a person who doesn't generally get emotionally tied to things (on purpose, makes life easier that way) it has been very different and unsettling to realize that I my emotions are pretty strong in regards to all three issues and I am having a really hard time separating what my heart wants and what my brain wants....and to see the bigger picture. 
I've tried praying for guidance, research, asking opinions of people, everything I can think of to help me make the most objective decisions possible but still....I'm stuck. And it really is tiring.

So forgive me for being absent, I'm sure my used to be daily posts have been missed by my millions of readers (cricket cricket...) and I hate to say it but they will probably be sporadic or awhile here on out as I try to get this all figured out. So I hope ya'll are doing well and life is going fantastic. I'm tuning in to you, just haven't had the energy to write my own. Peace out for now, I'll be seeing you soon.