Last night we had enrichment and it was definitely worth going to. After we ate some yummy spinach lasanga John Ault was the guest speaker, and it was kind of an open forum on things we had questions about. Alot of people wrote down questions for him to research and answer of trials they were going through and how to get past them. Most of the talk was focused on the first topic, which was wondering how to love and support wayward children. Although I didn't think I would get much out of it, it was really helpful.
John spoke alot about how we need to realize that our lives have been planned out, there is a path that is in place for us, and for our children. Even though we make mistakes, Jesus died for us. He had perfect empathy for us. When he died, he was able to say that he was one of us...he was Kim Stubbs...for a brief time when he had to live all of the mistakes I've made and will make. That is a really big thought provoker for me. Also that if we stay in tuned to the Holy Ghost, there are times we will be provided with that same type of empathy to a degree if it is needed to understand someone else's situation. This also goes along with dealing with our own children.
He discussed for quite a bit how alot of time we will try to change people, maybe not even realizing it, but try to do it without getting dirty ourselves so to speak. But there are times when we have to step in and suffer right along with them, and have true genuine love for them, like Christ did for us when he died on the cross. There is a bigger picture that we can't fully see, and it causes us to want things to be the way we want them, when in fact they are going the direction they need to according to our master plan. So because of that we try to take the easy way out, the way thats least 'dirty' for us. But thats just not how its supposed to go sometimes, we need to be able to have non-hypocritical love, again true genuine love for ourselves, or for the person that we are concerned about, and have faith that things will work out how they are meant to work out.
Another big thing he talked about was how to really guide our children thru victim empathy. There were three main keys that can lead to this kind of empathy. The first is being able to state what they are feeling, thinking, or doing. So for example, say "You FELT you wanted that toy because you really like playing with it, even though your brother had it first." This helps the child feel like you understand why they did what they did. The second is getting them to understand how the other person felt, the one they had wronged. This could be done by stating a sentence such as "How did it feel when your friend took your favorite toy when you weren't done with it?" That helps them to be able to see things from the other persons side, and realize that it made them feel bad. The third was asking "How did it feel when you did that?" This can help them get in touch with why they did it, and that maybe it didn't feel very good. Such as, "How did it feel when you stole that toy from him? Did you feel happy, sad, mad?"
Through that all though, it is needed to follow through with what you say, and make sure if you make a mistake to acknowledge that as well. I really liked the qoute John said while talking about this. He said "Once you have had to step into the ring to battle, you have already lost, even if you win the fight." I thought that was great because it's true. When you fight and argue it just leads to the other person getting hurt or feeling less of a person, or if your on the other end of it you end up hurt as well.
There was much more he spoke of and some personal experiences he shared that were very enlightening to me as well, and I really learned alot about myself as well as what I can do to be a better mother. It also made me think of ways that I can do better for myself and my family, to create an all around better environment. I really appreciated all of the things that were taught that night and the spirit that was felt because of it.