Sunday, August 2, 2009

1 of 2 things.....

When God leads you to a cliff, trust him fully and let go.
Only one of two things will happen...
He will catch you when you fall, or He will teach you how to fly.

Ryder is sleeping, the house is quiet...and kinda messy (I should be cleaning not writing this but oh well)...I'm listenin to my new favorite song She Is Love...and I get this email (thank you Steph for sending it). It tells a sweet story of a wealthy woman who takes care of a homeless man, who in previous years had taken care of her when she had nothing. The story was good, but what got me was the qoute...when God leads you to a cliff, trust him fully and let go. How many times have I hit that cliff? Oh wow more than I can even count.
I've made some stupid choices in my life that did lead me right to the edge. I've felt utterly alone, and like no one understood. But as I was thinking back on my life, I realized the second part of the qoute is true as well; 'He will catch you when you fall, or teach you how to fly.' I have fallen..and hard. But I was helped up and dusted off everytime.
So this brings me to my life at present. I hate my apartment, I hate my job, money is too tight, and the list goes on and on. I could whine and gripe all day. And why? because I'm not doing my part. I am too scared of falling. I don't want to hit rock bottom again...even though I'm already headed there if something doesn't change. But I'm afraid of change. Notice anything similiar? Fear. Fear of pain, fear of hurt, fear of stress, fear of soo many different things that could all go away if I could just let go and jump...and have a little faith. I keep making excuses of why things aren't my fault, why I can't change things around, and it took a good friend of mine to give me a little slap of reality.
He literally told me to quit whining and making excuses. If I want a new job...look for one and actually apply. If I want a new place, call around and get budgeting to see what I really can afford. If I want a better education....get one. Do what it takes. And he's right...I didn't have any excuses anymore when I was done talking to him. And whats the worst that will happen? I fall...and land right back where I am right now.

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