Monday, April 29, 2013

Control Freak

So I few weekends ago I had a complete emotional breakdown. I'm not sure I can point to one specific thing that caused it really, I just straight up broke down. I hauled the boys to the parents house and tried to keep it  together in hopes a break from them would help. Well it didn't, within a matter of minutes I lost it sobbing. I never cry, nonetheless throw down a giant sobfest. I'm pretty sure I kind of startled her a little but she was nice enough to just give me a hug and let me cry.
So that experience led me to re-evaluate some things. I know I'm feeling in limbo about my location. When to move, where to move, what will be best in the long run for my family and my finances. I'm feeling out of whack about my physical's only getting worse by the day. I'm worried about Ry and school, I don't know that he's prepared and don't know what to do to help him. I'm worried about Nate and the friends he's hanging out at school. I'm worried about Ty and his surgery, his constant fits, the lying, and the insecurities he has. I hate our limited time with each other, I feel out of sync as a parent. I'm worried about this dang apartment, since I'm pretty sure that massive leaking roof issue from winter screwed with the electrical work and that can't be safe. I don't think it's good to hear buzzing coming from the switches when lights are on....and so much more. So slowly I'm trying to figure out what to do to remedy these things.
I remember back when my life was completely out of whack and was trying to figure out how to replicate what I was doing when I turned things around. I started going back to church...which I'm doing now so that's checked off the list. We started doing things as a family more...which I'm trying to do now so that's a work in progress. The one thing out of sync is that I was doing Weight Watchers at the time. I was in control of my body and feeling fantastic. I've heard numerous times before that if you get your body under control, everything else seems to fall into place. So that is the missing link I think. I need to get in control of my body. So, I've joined Weight Watchers again. Saturday was my first weigh in. This is my first week. So far, so good. I have been trying to contain my excitement as I don't want to get my hopes up, but then I realize that the excitement is a key part of success. I have to believe this will help my change things and get back in control or it won't work, I know myself well enough to know I'll give up if I don't have hope.
Weight Watchers will become a regular part of the blog again. And a regular part of my life again. I am truly excited to see how this not only changes my physical side, but my whole self as well. I'm hoping this will spur off getting control of my life and surroundings a little better. Here's to hoping and crossing fingers.

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