Bleh Day

I need to preface this post by saying I am fully aware of how amazing my life truly is. I have been absolutely blessed in sooooo many ways that I almost feel silly being whiny. But........ it's happening anyway.

I am a bit frustrated with a few things lately and I think a big part of it is that I feel a little bit out of control. And I am also fully aware that I have all the power in the world to gain that control back, but that is much easier said than done. There are a few areas I'm struggling with in particular and they all seem to intertwine in one way or another.

I am having a really hard time with our lack of family time. It has been especially hard with Nate being gone to play practice every night, I haven't been able to do our nightly family time very well as we are rushing to get everything done every night. However, it's worth it for now because he absolutely loves being involved and I think it's a great confidence booster for him. Plus, it will be done soon. But it's tough none the less. I wish I could find a better way to balance things and be more structured though....structure has never been a strong point for me.

I am also having a hard time with my health. I will be the first person to admit that I am not naturally a very disciplined person. I've tried to learn that trait, but it hasn't worked as of yet. By the time I get off work, I am so tired that if a meal has more than a handful of ingredients or takes longer than about 45 minutes from start to finish, it's not happening. And exercise? Ha. Once kids are in bed...all I want to do is sit back and relax. I do have everything I need to workout at home but there are several excuses (yep I know they are excuses) as to why I don't. One of the biggest things I need is a push. I won't push myself. I have been looking into a Tonergy program here that happens 3 nights a week, however my downfall to that is I really hate finding a babysitter during those times and I feel guilty taking the time away from my kids plus invading someone elses' schedule. See? It's 100% in my control, yet I don't take control. Thats my frustration.

And there are many more challenges I face....but I can't help to think that a whole lot of these problems could be remedied by one thing......a spouse. I wouldn't have to work so hard to provide for my family if I was married (in my perfect world, we'd be a dual income family). I would have more time with my kids. We'd have a little more flexibility to sign them up to extracurricular activities. I would have more time to actually make healthy meals and I'd have a babysitter while I went to the gym/worked out/whatever. I could take care of myself better.

But alas...it is what it is and there is no easy button. Just got to throw on my big girl panties and figure out how to fix my current situation because no one is going to fix things but me. But some nights I have a mini pity party and pout for a minute (like tonight) then regroup and move on.

On a side note....we are going to see Tyler's doc tomorrow. Please cross fingers for us that I will FINALLY get some of the answers I've been searching for. I'll keep ya'll in the loop.