Monday, December 10, 2012


I've been contemplating the recent events of my life today and have started to feel a surreal amount of peace. I am not sure why, but my guess would be it is from the thoughts and prayers that I have been saying and that my loved ones have been saying for me (thank you!). But I have realized a few things as well that I had lost sight of and I want to put in writing so that when I'm feeling down and weak I can come back and read what I'm about to write.

I know, without a doubt, that I will be okay.

I know financially, that even though I'm feeling an insane amount of stress over how I'm going to make everything work, I will find a way. A way will be provided for me. As I look back through my life, even when I've had financial hardships in the past and there have been a lot of them, there has always been a way provided to me. We have never truly been without. We have struggled, yes. But never truly been without. And this will be no different. We may struggle, yes. But we will not be without.

I know that the stress and chaos with Ty will work out fine. I know that he will be okay. I know that I will be given the knowledge I need to get him, myself and the rest of our little family through this. I know he will be taken care of by some of the best docs in the country and he will come out ahead of the game. And, I know this will all come with patience and an open heart on my part.

I know that there is someone out there who will be perfect for me. I know the loneliness I'm feeling right now will not be a forever deal. And I know I need to wait patiently and prepare myself to accept the person in my life who is meant to be there. I know that love is not something that just happens, it is something that is grown and nurtured together until something beautiful comes to be...and then is grown and nurtured some more to stay beautiful. I know that the person for me will want to be here and will not run from his feelings. He will want to nurture them with me. He will want to work with me to create a safe place for the both of us, somewhere that we know we can be ourselves, we can be vulnerable and we will know that even though it's inevitable that we will hurt each other, we will find a way to move on together and will love each other even more for facing our trials together, hand in hand...side by side.

I know that I have a greater calling while I'm here in this life than I can see. I know that I am meant to do amazing and wonderful things, but that I cannot do them in my current state. I know that I need to rise above my hurdles and seek out the knowledge I will need to accomplish what I am meant to accomplish here on earth, the steps have been given to me I just need to follow them. And I know that I can succeed. I know I am meant to succeed so that I can find the peace that I desperately long for and so that I can be a light to those around me, showing them that no matter the trial, they too can find peace in their hearts.

Our pain will help us know true joy. Our trials will help us grow strong. And I know....beyond a doubt.....that I am loved. I am blessed. I am protected and watched over. I know without a doubt that my boys are loved, blessed and protected as well. There is no denying that we have someone watching over us. He has held us in our darkest hours. He has offered a hand to help us rise above. He has given us the strength and courage to face the world head on. And he will continue to do so until the end.

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