Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Gratitude and Sadness all mushed together

So there are a couple things I have been thinking about lately. I'm not so good at organizing my thoughts as anyone who's read this probably already knows, so expect some scattered thoughts. Last night as we were eating...I realized how grateful I am to have such a great and loving family. Without them, I know I would be struggling immensely. I know I have a safe haven there and it has given me alot of reassurance.

Between two qoutes, celeb gossip and recently obtaining my patriarchical (sp?) blessing (PB) after not having it for nearly 10 years...I have a different outlook on marriage. On one side, I truly ache for when I have someone to love. I see happy families all around and at times I do wonder who on earth would be crazy enough to be able to put up with me and my crazy boys. But then I see the two qoutes....

Both of these pretty much sum up what I want in a man...and make me realize that I deserve nothing less than that. And I am willing to wait to have those blessings come to me. How does celeb gossip come into to play? I'm sure anyone who keeps up with the news knows the big marriage of Kim K lasted a whole 72 days. It took longer to plan the wedding than the actual marriage actually lasted. This isn't new...there are several celebs out there who have marriages that end as quickly as that one, and sometimes even more quickly. The sacred institute of marriage has been completely bashed apart and destroyed by society. People pretty much assume that they will have 2 or 3 marriages and hopefully it all works out eventually. What happened to sticking it out in hard times and in good times? What happened to working out problems together instead of just getting divorced? It didn't hit me until all of the buzz about that divorce has been flying around. Its sad. Seriously.
The PB made me tells me that in time a boy will take me to the temple. When I am looking, I need to look for someone who has a strong testimony, a love of the church and wants the same end result as me (eternal family). If I am faithful, this will happen. But I need to be prepared for him as well....and thats the part I need to work on. I don't think I'm quite prepared yet. And...I'm willing to wait until I find that person. No matter how envious I get when I see happy couples....I will be remembering that I have a wonderful man waiting for me, I just need to get prepared so that when the time is right, I'll be ready.

Enough of marriage and love. The housing industry is killing me right now. More than ever I see politicans coming out with things that are completely ridiculous, just to boost their ratings. For instance, I posted yesterday about the foreclosure reviews. Fantastic idea and I encourage people to look into it. However after listening to a conference call on the subject...they said the benefit was "having someone take a second look." No compensation has been determined, they aren't prepared for the overload of people who will most likely want to have their accounts looked at, and they are expecting to pay third party sources for the review but want the housing agencies who are starting to shut down for lack of funding take time out to find these people, help with the paperwork, and follow through....yet they won't give us any compensation. At all. So to me, this is just another political program that will not work but is put out so that someone in DC can look good. I really hope I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. This is a program that has good intentions but is being rolled out before its ready. The OCC figured we'd have their backs and be all excited...which we are to a point...but not when it means additional work for us and no outcome or extra pay. That not only makes their program ridiculous, but it makes us seem uneducated. Bad news on all fronts.

My last thought is about the school/work dynamic. I feel like I'm in limbo and I don't like it. I want to know whats going on so that I can plan. Its coming time to register for classes, and if I have to find a full time job and leave school, I don't want to register. However if I delay much longer then I will miss the classes I need if I do end up staying. I feel strongly I need to stay, so thats the route I'm taking for now. But I can't survive on my good somethings got to give. Maybe I'll win the lotto. Or the PCH. I have been entering daily in hopes. :)

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