Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Its a touchy subject

I hope I don't cause anyone to be offended by this post, that is definitely not my intention. But I feel that what I'm about to write about, albeit a touchy subject, needs to be talked about on occasion. Last night a friend of mine was having a tough night. Yesterday would've been their angel's 5th birthday and no one remembered, no family, no friends (later on I found out that one family member had indeed called later that night, thank goodness). I am soo very grateful that my friend felt comfortable enough to get in contact with me, as it is such a hard experience to go through. The prompting for this post however, is to just put out there a friendly bug in everyone's ear. I know that talking to someone about a loved one who has died is always tough, but for some reason it's almost taboo to talk about miscarriages, stillbirths, or anything that fits that category. I understand, its awkward. But that doesn't change the fact that a life was lost. And it hurts.
I have been sooo very blessed to have a family and friends that I feel have tried to understand what happened and how I feel. It truly has been a blessing and has helped me to get past some very tough days. But not everyone has that kind of support. Or they do, but it just kind of withers away as time passes. This was the case with my dear friend. And it's hard, because even if that child is not around still they are very much apart of the family. There will be moments when the kids and I are playing that there is a feeling of someone missing. Or as I see children that would've been Grayson's age, I wonder what he would've looked like. What his little personality would've been like. I am grateful for the knowledge that I will see him again someday and we will be reunited as a family, but until then it doesn't make those few hard days any easier.
So my whole reasoning for this post? As hard as it is to talk to someone about their loss, its even harder for those that have been through it to bring the topic up even if they really need someone to talk to. I know personally there have been days I just simply needed to vent but it's soo hard to call someone up and be like "Hey! How are you? So I need to talk about my dead baby. You game?" That just isn't a possibility alot of the time. So if you know someone who has lost a child, be patient with them. Never tell them it's time to get over it or move on. A person will never "get over" losing a child (or any loved one for that matter). It's always going to be a pain that sits deep in the heart, and it will surface from time to time. That doesn't mean they haven't moved on with their life, it just means they are missing that little soul that was taken away far too soon. And if your not comfortable talking about it but know they are struggling, just give them a hug. Take them a treat or a flower and just let them know you care. Actions speak MUCH louder than words and most the time, its just nice to have someone remember that sweet little life. Not for matters of sympathy or grief, but simply to honor the life of their loved one. 

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