Bah Humbug

I for some reason have not been in the Christmasy mood this year. I've tried. But it hasn't worked. And its sad because this is the first Christmas Ryder has been super excited about and old enough to remember anything about. Nate and Tyler of course are very excited and even more excited they get to spend the time with me instead of their dad which is another reason I should be ecstatic. And I'm happy I get to spend that time with them of course but the holiday itself is just not feelin it for me.
So I'm listening to Christmas music in hopes of a more Christmasy attitude and Breath of Heaven by Amy Grant has come on. The words are getting to me today which is funny because I don't know how many times I've sang that song and haven't thought twice. But these words are striking the heart...

"I am waiting in a silent prayer. I am frightened by the load I bear.

In a world as cold as stone must I walk this path alone?

Be with me now.

Do you wonder as you watch my face if a wiser one should've had my place?

But I offer all I am for the mercy of your plan.

Help me be strong,

Help me be,

Help me."

Amen to that.