I am finding with this economics class I'm taking it forces me to open my eyes and take a good look at how I behave. A common trait among most people in society is that we fall into patterns. In general, people are over-confident. Not in the way you would think, but in decision making. If something is failing, most people have a hard time looking objectively at the situation and trying to figure out why they failed because "it wasn't my fault! it was his fault!" (as my professor says). So instead of breaking down the situation and figuring out how things went wrong so that in the future it doesn't happen again, people tend to repeat over and over that failed mistake or something like unto it so that they don't have to take responsibility. No one likes being wrong, its just human nature. And thats true. How many times have I been irritated at something and I'm soo mad at someone else but really, I need to be looking at my share of the responsibility as well and what I can do to change it in the future.
So in looking at my own life, I need to make some changes. With school, work and trying to be a mom all happening in one shot PLUS all the outside stuff going on (a.k.a the divorce stress, losing weight, relationships or lack there of in my case, etc) how am I going to not fail? I'm really good at getting organized and structured, but not so good at following through on what I set up. So last night I really sat down and wrote out my thoughts and a plan because if I don't get something going, being overwhelmed is going to make me shut down in all areas and fail.
Now, I have a plan. My focus for the next 4 months is going to be very guided. At work, I will not focus on school matters. At school, I will not focus on work matters. At home, I will give my boys the time they need and reserve the time after they go to bed to do my homework. But its got to be planned. I have set up a To Do list every day (at least for the next week or so to start) and I will work on accomplishing these tasks every day. I'm going to be more involved in what my kids are doing in school by sitting down with them each night and going through their backpack and doing homework/reading. We are going to sit down each night at the table for dinner and talk about our day. Bedtime routines will not be crowded out by me trying to do 20 things at once. I've laid it all out so I know what I need to get done each day and I think that it will truly help me not repeat the mistakes I made last time I attempted school, and will make it so that I don't fall back into bad habits to deal with stress and anxiety. I've worked too hard to turn my life around, I can't afford to fall back into old tendancies. And I'm going to quit focusing on the dang relationship aspect. Its weighing me down and I know I just need to have faith that when the time is right, things will fall into place.
Heres to hoping that this will all work!