Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Bah. 'Nuff Said.

Just a beginning FYI- this post is going to be a bit crazy. And venty. Jus' so ya know.
This week was going to be a good week. I was going to eat good every day, not go over my daily points, and exercise every day. I was going to beat that 1 pound lost outta the water and try to get another 5 lb loss this week.
So far? I am defeating myself. I don't understand why my internal concious/subconcious wants me to lose. I fight with myself internally everytime I attempt a lifestyle change for the better. On this one, I'm wierdly a little afraid of losing weight. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I have to actually admit I'm fat now? Even though I don't feel fat? Maybe because I want to be able to eat what I want and not gain, but instead lose? I don't know. But its an internal conflict all the same and its trying my patience this week.
It has not been that stellar week I was hoping for. Both Monday and Tuesday I have gone over my points due to high fat, high calorie treats like DQ ice cream, donuts, and Lins PB bars. Blasted things that taste so good but I have no will power over. And I know I have extra points, but I feel that by using them too much I'm not setting myself up to lose the optimum amount of weight that I could lose. Not to mention I have loads of daily points, so there is no reason I shouldn't be able to fit my normal daily food intake into those points. Bah. I'm frustrated. My willpower is down to 0. I want desperately to have a good week, but I'm rebelling against myself.
Am I just a looney bin and the only one who ever tries to rebel against themselves?

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