Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Some Personal Revelations

*This is more religious than I ever am...*

So its been a....thought provoking....week for me. We have a different mix of girls here at work religionwise. One is a Catholic, one got married in the temple but her and her husband feel like the church is a cult, one is inactive and then there is me. We have been having different converstations about religion here (which I know is bad since we are at work...but we don't have the wierd religious/political craziness thank goodness). They had brought up alot of different things that made me question my religious choice a little bit. Like if we are all sealed together...then how are we to have different "mansions" and such considering I'm sealed to my parents...and if the boys get sealed to me then get married and are sealed to their own does that work? And why is it that only "good" mormons get to live in the highest kingdom when there are some truly amazing people out there of different religions? And although actual stuff that happened in the temple was not discussed out of respect, the one who had gone through said that was their deciding factor to stop practicing the religion. She felt extremely uncomfortable and that sealed the deal for her. So all this talk made me start questioning things because it was kind of ringing true.
All weekend I had thought about it and I decided to go to my parents ward instead of my own which was probably smart. I went in to church thinking why is this the true church? How can this be the true church?
The funniest thing happened imagine that.
As I was sitting through church listening to the testimonies and thinking about these questions of mine and I'll admit..being a tad bitter....and the same answer just crept into my head over and over. "Its all going to be taken care of. Your not meant to know some of these answers yet. Trust that it is all taken care of." And all my hostile feelings just kind of disappeared. I felt at peace. I still had my questions...but it was more for clarification now than for proving my point.
Alot of my discomfort was about going to the temple and what happened there. Fear of the unknown I guess you could say. So it was rather humorous to me that when I got home, a temple preperation handbook was sitting on my living room floor. Not sure where I got it or where it was hiding, but it turned up right there. So I read it. Later that night I called mom and asked my questions. She helped clarify some things and made me feel at peace. She took away my concern about going to the temple and helped me to realize some things about myself too.
I think I can honestly say that I am now finally ready to start my journey. I'd felt it was time previous to the work conversation but that had thrown a wrench in my feelings as had some other personal issues. But I feel like the adversary is trying to really work hard on me for some reason and I think he knew I was ready to start my progression...and really didn't want me to. So I'm feeling good about the decision now. When I get settled into my Enoch ward, me and the bishop are going to have a chat. I really hope and pray that he is a good man who is understanding and loving.
I am scared however. I have alot of fear about this whole deal...but also a huge sense of peace and that peace is finally outweighing the fear. I truly feel like its something I need to do in order to progress and I want to be a good example to my boys.
*Deep breath*
So here I go.

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