I have come to a bit of a debocle (?) as a parent. Nate got in trouble at school yesterday and I am not sure how to handle it. I don't want to get too overkill if it truly was just one of those dumb things boys will do, but I don't want to downplay it if there is something serious lying underneath. This brings me to some thoughts. I've never thought that parenting was entirely difficult. It can be stressful yes, irritating yes, awesome most definitely. But I've never thought of it as hard until now. I think because I was soo young when I had kids, my lack of knowledge has hindered me in being a parent. I don't know quite how to help my kids know what is right and wrong. I'm not sure how to teach them how they need to behave. I don't know how to ensure they have the proper morals and values and such that they need to survive in this horribly sad world. I make my way through this day by day and just try my hardest, but I really feel like I've done a disservice to them. I know most parents feel this way at some point in their parenting lives, but it is soo hard to know what to do when things like what happened with Nate...happen.
I think I've finally grown up enough to realize that I need to change how I do things and quit acting like a teenager. Albeit I'm doing much better than I used to, but there is still some improvements that need to be made.
I wish I could feel better about the mothering side of things too. There is a difference. The parent makes sure the kids know right from wrong, get their 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day, checks homework, disciplines when needed, makes sure chores get done and the house is in a livable state. The mother snuggles, kisses hurt elbows and knees, cheers at soccer games, sings and dances to silly songs, scratches backs and reads stories all night long. At the moment I feel like I'm lacking in both areas.
But....this has been a good experience for me I think. I really need to reassess what I'm doing and grow up. Thats the long and short of it, I need to grow up. I'm not a kid anymore. And I can't be just their friend. I am their parent and their mother, and that means we are going to have fights and I am goin to have to put my foot down. There will be tears from both me and them I'm sure, but it has to be done for them to learn the lessons they need to learn to be successful in life. I want them to be able to be regarded as gentlemen. Kind, sincere, honest, trustworthy, moral, ethical, all that kind of stuff.
So here is a new fork in the road. I need to choose which way I'm going to go and I quit making excuses for why I can't get there. I just need to do it.