Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Spend Less Day 14 and Sad Days

Yesterday was quite the day. Explainations later. We were running late enough that we didn't have the chance for breakfast so after dropping Ty and Ry off at daycare me and Nate stopped into KB for a quick bite. $7.39 for that. The happy exciting part of my day was going to Weight Watchers and finally joining woohoo! I opted for the 11 week package and a food calculator, ended up being $129.00 for that but not counted towards my spending since I had the money set aside from my taxes to pay for it. I also got paid {woot woot!} and was planning a shopping trip but by the time the boys were ready to go from Grandmas it was 6:30 and too late to go shopping. We stopped at Subway and grabbed some sandwiches. $20.00ish there. I really hate that I'm eating out so much the last week, but I haven't had the chance to go food shopping so my fridge is pretty bare. I am making that a priority today though and planned my menus and made my list last night.

Total Amount Spent: $27.39
Amount left: $318.16

I had a very thought invoking night last night. My good friend, Evan, was part of a standoff type deal with police. He had posted "Goodbye" on his facebook page and that was it. Because of his serious depression issues this obviously spurred alot of commotion. He was barricaded by the courthouse by the police and SWAT and in his car with a rifle. After 4 hours I believe...he shot himself in the side/stomach. After a very long emergency surgery, there was nothing left to do. He died.

When I saw his Goodbye post, the first thought was "geez Evan just talk to somebody instead of trying to get attention" and I now feel like crap for thinking that. My first instinct when someone says that is that they need attention. They are trying to get attention and wouldn't really do it. I'll tell you what. My thinking is going to change from this moment on. I can't stop thinking how if I would've been a better friend maybe this wouldn't have happened. All the times he said he really needed someone and no one was there, I should've stepped up. I think me as well as most his friends were in the mindset of the boy who cried wolf...he had done this soo many times that he would get over it and it this would pass. It was just an attention getter when it really was him needing a friend, needing some help. Needing something. He has now spurred a change of thought for me. No matter the circumstances, when someone says things like that they need SOMETHING. Even if they may not kill themselves....they have a need. To just let it slide off the shoulder is wrong and I won't be doing that again.
So to Evan, you have touched my life. I know you had been going through a hard time and I apologize for not being there for you more. You had a hard life and I know you felt kind of out of place because of your lifestyle choices, but there were several who loved you dearly regardless. I am truly sorry you couldn't find the peace you were seeking in this life.

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