Monday, May 9, 2011

Some people...

...need to not judge so quickly. I found the blog of a friend of a friend (does that make sense?) from high school and figured I'd read up for a minute to see what she had been up to. Bad idea. There was on post that was about adoption. A recent couple she knew had experienced heartbreak when the mom of the baby they were adopting backed out at the very last second. And yes...I agree...very heartbreaking! She made a plea to her readers to make sure that single females knew there was an option of a loving family who could give these children a loving home. All fine and dandy...until...."two parents can make a better life for a child than almost any single parent can. Sure, there are celebrities that do it, but they have wheelbarrows of money...." then later on in the post "The stats on children raised my single parents are pretty grim."

So does that mean my kids are going to be better off living with their dad and his fiancee who worships the devil? Who leave their (10) kids by themselves to go drink or participate in wierd drum lines? Who encourage lying, stealing, manipulating, belittling or hurting others to get what you want in life? I mean that technically is a two parent household and all. And what about those parents who try to be friends instead of parents? Who buy alcohol, drugs, or pornography for their kids and even particpate? Call me crazy...but I think my kids are better off in my household as a single parent than being in either of those situations.

Am I a perfect parent? Not at all. Do I make lots of mistakes? Most definitely. Do I wish the universe would hurry up and align so that my Prince Charming could be in our lives? YES! Do I also believe that once Mr Prince Charming arrives, being a parent will be much easier? DEFINITELY! But I would much rather be a single parent than be in a household where my husband didn't respect me (or my kids), love me (or my kids), or treat me (or my kids) how I want my boys to treat their future spouses/kids. I try my hardest to teach my kids good morals and values...empathy, honesty, respect, loyalty, charity, kindess....we have family nights and work on scout projects together. We go to church, say our prayers every night, read our scriptures (prob not as frequently as we should...but still) and do what we can do live good lives. Not to mention I have a fantastic support system within my family. My boys (and I) know that we have a safe spot to fall where our family will pick us up, dust us off, and help us on our way.

And yes...I agree there are single parents out there that are 100% part of those "grim stats" becuase I see them every day at my job. Those who feel entitled to mooch off the government and child support. Who are too lazy to get a job or make an effort at being parents. Those who abuse or neglect their children. Or who just don't care at all. Who are working, contributing members of society but leave their kids to their own resources/to fend for themselves. I've seen it...I've had friends who have come from those types of families... and I agree those are the ones I see on the bookings more often than not. have freedom of opinion and I'm not going to try to sway opinions. But my plea is not to make assumptions until you know the whole story. And yes...this next part will sound judgemental...but its people with this very opinion that caused me to be inactive from the church soo long. Until you have walked into a new ward with kids and no could never know. The stares are bad...but then you have the whispers, and rumors, and sitting alone every Sunday because no one wants to sit by some heathen  adulterer! And you may think that is extreme...but honestly. Thats how it feels. I've been in numerous wards in my lifetime, and even in the most loving ones that I've adored this happened. Once that stigma has been takes a VERY LONG TIME to unstick it. It has been over a year in my new ward and still, I can count on one hand the number of people who willingly sit by me or talk to me. But I've come to the understanding that I am there for the Lord and not friends. That is what gets me through the Sundays. Doesn't make it hurt any less though. So please just be cautious before you pass judgement. This has definitely made me look at what I'm doing a bit closer. Hopefully it improves me for the (less judgemental) better.

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