Now on to my post.
I just want to clarify my views on love and relationships. I thought about this last night even before I got all the feedback, but the feedback also spurred my thought process even more. I am not jaded enough to think that having a loving relationship means 100% mushy stuff all the time. Relationships take work. A whole lot of work.
I have several great examples of relationships in my family and with my friends. The most significant relationship that I have been witness to is my parents.
 |
| You can't tell me they aren't in love |
Growing up, I never saw my parents fight. Not once. Any disagreements they may have had they saved for when they were not in front of us kids. I did, however, see my dad sneak a kiss to my mom in the kitchen or catch them in a hug. And even better, when I would walk past there were many times they would grab me up and partake in a giant 3 way bear hug. I loved it. Sure they have their disagreements. They each do things that drive the other one crazy, but that doesn't make them love each other any less. Even now, after 30 some odd years of marriage (sorry Mom and Dad I can't remember how many exactly) I have seen their relationship grow stronger, not fall apart like so many these days. My Dad is respectful and supportive of my Mom. My Mom is respectful and supportive of my Dad. They work as a team to conquer the daily challenges and do what they can to boost each other up, not tear each other down.I have been asked if my bar is set too high. Mostly by men who have tried to pursue me. And ya know, it's not. It has taken me a long time, but I am slowly realizing that I am a good person. I am special and I am a daughter of God, who loves me despite my faults and lifts me up when I'm down. I try to better myself every day. Does that always happen? No. But when I go to bed at night, I make the commitment to try again tomorrow and pray for guidance and support in doing so. I work hard to support my family and I try my very hardest to create a loving and supportive environment for my boys. And does that always happen? Nope. But again I go to bed at night and commit to be better, praying for the strength to carry on and stay strong.
That being said, I have learned that your quality of life is effected by the quality of people you choose to have in your life. So am I setting my bar too high? No. My boys will learn by example and if I want them to treat the women in their lives with love and respect, then I better be waiting for a man who can treat me with love and respect. If I want them to see what it means to treat your wife as a queen, then I better find a man who makes that a priority in his life. If I want my boys to see how a woman should treat a man, then I better be in a place where I can treat my husband as the head of the family, giving him the respect and support needed to fulfill that role. If I want my boys to learn how to deal with issues that may arise in their future relationships, then I better find a man who is willing to work with me as a team to resolve problems.
When I got married the first time, the man who married us had a very good piece of advice. Never, ever go to bed without telling your spouse that you love him/her and never go to bed mad. No fight is ever more important than your love for one another. And I agree 10000%. But in order for that to work, both people in the relationship need to have the mutual love and respect to do so. I truly believe that a relationship is what you make of it. So will I wait for the guy who is perfect for me? Most definitely. And if I don't find him in this life, I know that he will be waiting for me in the next, I just need to make sure that I am ready to receive him in my life.
Ok...that is that. Again I really REALLY appreciate all the feedback that I got from my last post. Truly. I do not get offended if your opinions aren't the same as mine, in fact hearing new opinions helps one to be able to form their own and adjust as needed. I love that you all are willing to share your advice/opinions/etc with me. Thank you for your love and support, it really does mean the world to me!
I'd rather have a man treat me like an equal, than a queen. Real love is a partnership, where both partners give and receive an equal amount of love, support and respect. You can't expect to be placed on a pedestal if you also want to be respected as a person.
ReplyDeleteHey anon. I appreciate your comment, thank you. I don't think I was clear however on what I mean by the queen thing. My husband will most definitely be put on a pedestal by me. He will be my one and only, my King (so to speak). As such, I would hope he would treat me as his Queen. That in no way means that either party is "less" than the other. I mentioned more than once that working together and team work is key to a successful relationship and I stand by that. But there is no reason that you can't love, support or respect each other because you think the world of each other, I can only imagine it would only make things stronger.
ReplyDeleteGood for you Kim. I think you have your head (and your heart) in the right place. And one day Mr. Perfect will come along for you and you will have all those things. And I'm proud of you for not just running off with the first guy that comes your way. I know you've worked hard to be where you are and I'm so proud of you. If you ever want to get away and visit somewhere different... you're always welcome to come see us. I'm afraid the Cedar boys may not be worth your time. And thank you for the reminder about what makes a great and lasting relationship. My parents fought all the time. Jarrod and I fight a lot, and most the time with kids around. I know we shouldn't, but it happens. It's what I know. My mom is a good person, but sometimes I wish I had better examples growing up! :) Keep it up. Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough. Sounds like someone is jealous that you won't take them because you're too good for them and they know that. :)
ReplyDeleteI would love to come see you guys! I haven't ever been there and have always wanted to hit up that part of the country. I wish I had the confidence to move, but I lean on my family for support so much that I think we would really struggle if we moved right now. It is something I've considered though. But I figure I will put it in God's hands and whatever his will is, I will do. :)
ReplyDeleteOh...and I think you guys are great parents. I see it all the time in the pictures of your adorable kiddos. Life is one big work in progress I figure, just try our best and we will be okay right?
Thanks, we really try. And really, that's all you can do, right?! :)
ReplyDeleteI don't think you'd need to move... at least right away. But maybe just visiting somewhere different will allow you the opportunity to meet him, then you can work out the logistics later. And who knows... maybe he will end up moving there. You just never know what Heavenly Father has in store, but you gotta keep your mind open to all options. :) Keep your head up Girly! Love ya!